Marc2b
Posts: 6660
Joined: 8/7/2006
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On number sixteen:
"He would argue with a signpost."
I would add: "and lose."
Others I have actually heard (or uttered myself) during my days working for a cab company:
"I’ve never see anyone put so much diligence and creativity into slacking off."
"Fails to grasp the concept that this is not a charity."
"She’s only got two brain cells... and they’re struggling to connect."
"When they came up with the stereotype of the dumb blonde... she was the one they were looking at."
I’d tell him it’s time to seek greener pastures but I’m not sure if he could even find his way out of the office."
"They are brother and sister – and I have a sneaking suspicion that their parents are as well."
Note: the following are recreations (and pretty damned good ones if I do say so myself) of actual reports I wrote. I swear to God that I am not making this stuff up. I swear to God I’m not!
"[John Doe] has an unerring ability to hit non-moving objects. Trees, telephone poles, sides of buildings. The only moving object he has come close to hitting was a troop of Girl Scouts who, fortunately, were all very fast on their feet."
Apparently [John Doe] failed to see the large, neon orange, Bridge Closed/Detour sign when he made the turn onto Hartland Road as well as another such sign a few hundred yards farther down. Nor did he see the third sign on the barrier blocking the closed span until the last second. He swerved out of the way but was going too fast to avoid driving into the Erie Canal. Fortunately the ice held so he made several attempts to drive up the embankment but it proved to be futile so he decided to drive the length on the canal back to town. It was while passing through Gasport that he was flagged down by a curious police officer and a tow truck was called.
Based upon an interview with [John Doe], interviews with witnesses and the official police report, here is what happened: [John Doe], his shift having come to an end, pulled into a gas station to gas up. For reasons he says he cannot recall, he wanted to get into the trunk but found the trunk frozen shut due, apparently, to the extreme cold (-10 degrees) of the day. He attempted to free the trunk by pouring gasoline along the seams in the belief that this would melt the ice holding the trunk closed. When this didn’t work he concluded that the problem was in the lock and decided that heating the trunk key with his lighter would do the trick. Unfortunately he did not step away from the trunk when he flicked his Bic. Upon realizing that he had set the back end of the cab on fire (a process that took between thirty seconds and two minutes according to witnesses) he concluded that the proper course of action was to snuff the fire out by driving the back end of the cab into a snow bank. He got into the cab and proceeded to do this, making three or four attempts before realizing that his actions were fanning the flames. When the fire had spread into the back seat he gave up, parked the cab, and quickly exited. Unfortunately he parked the cab next to the gas pump. Calamity was avoided when a man used his pick-up truck, which had a snow plow in front, to push the burning cab to a safer distance. Given this incident, the recent "canal driving" incident, as well as the Girl Scout incident, I’m dumbfounded as to why you are even bothering to ask my opinion on wether or not [John Doe] should be let go.
< Message edited by Marc2b -- 9/23/2008 8:12:32 PM >
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Do you know what the most awesome thing about being an Atheist is? You're not required to hate anybody!
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