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the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:22:15 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		please, what do you do when your owner suddenly stops, without word, warning or any sort of expaination, wanting to be your owner?.  what do you do when you feel so deeply bonded with Him, you just cant manage?.  as far as i can see you need to get better but how is this done when it seems just impossible?

Do many Dominants help in some way for their subs/slaves to get better if they are finding release so difficult to cope with and how?... or is it pretty common place for them to be just left and somehow try to pick the pieces up alone?

How can a sub get better when the loss feels so bad ahe feels like needs a doctor... but she knows a doc wont understand... and has no one else to turn to for support

thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:24:16 PM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		what exactly has stopped? has there been an official release? and was this is a 24/7 live-in M/s situation?

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:26:00 PM   
phoenixrising43


Posts: 51
Joined: 6/11/2008
Status: offline 		Well...if it is that bad...there are counselors out there to talk with.  If you feel you have to go that route, just schedule an appointment.  I am sure they have heard it all before, so don't be afraid to talk to them.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:29:48 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		there was no collar nor contract but He verbally said i was His.  visits about once a week for 18months or so... one day He said He didnt want control of me anymore, the Dominace stopped,  He just turned vanilla really... no explaination... i asked why but He just says that He doesnt know what i am talking about

(in reply to daddysprop247)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:32:38 PM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		You do the very same thing you would do if your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend suddenly decides that they no longer wish to be your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.

If it is so bad that you feel you need a doctor, the phone book is full of doctors that can help. However, depending on how much information you wish to share and what the results may be of sharing too much information, you may want to use the term "boyfriend" instead of "owner".

_____________________________

Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:34:00 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		you cry, you take it a day at a time, eventually you realize you are better off without him, and you move on.

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:36:25 PM   
impishlilhellcat


Posts: 4379
Joined: 3/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

please, what do you do when your owner suddenly stops, without word, warning or any sort of expaination, wanting to be your owner?.  what do you do when you feel so deeply bonded with Him, you just cant manage?.  as far as i can see you need to get better but how is this done when it seems just impossible?

Do many Dominants help in some way for their subs/slaves to get better if they are finding release so difficult to cope with and how?... or is it pretty common place for them to be just left and somehow try to pick the pieces up alone?

How can a sub get better when the loss feels so bad ahe feels like needs a doctor... but she knows a doc wont understand... and has no one else to turn to for support

thanks


You do what you do anytime any relationship stops suddenly... You find good friends and you..

1. Talk about it or
2. Cry till you can't cry anymore
3. You get activities, hobbies, interests, or pets that keep you busy
4. You begin to date again after a little bit of time or look again
5. Eventually it all begins to fade and become a thing of the past and it becomes just another lesson learned.

_____________________________

Anyone who says they have only one life to live must not know how to read a book - Unknown

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:41:00 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		When I had the guts to put up a new profile after being
dumped
duped
left an option
never spoken too
ignored
and my spirit crushed to the point of waht I considered no return...
I already had a therapist.  Lucky, wasnt I.
She helped me through it cause my self esteem was totally shattered to the 4 winds.
6 months later, believe it or not, she helped me put together a new profile.

Because it was on alt and members can respond to bloggers,  When Sir started to respond to my blog and people he knew responded, vouching for him.....  I had asked the same question as you.
 
My exdom is...well a prick ...leaving me hang as he did.
Sir has had several subs, all ended amicably and he helped all of them move on without demanding anything from them.  He still keeps contact with him if they call him.  Only one he has nothing to do with.... he made it perfectly clear her recreational drugs was a boundary for him.
 
I know that if something were to stop our journey, he would help me cope and it would not be a sudden thing, without discussion or explanation.
 
It's the integrity of the man.     

(in reply to phoenixrising43)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:42:34 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		thats just the problem... a doc/councillor will i am sure say talking about your relationship and what happened a good form of therapy...You yourself said maybe should say boyfriend.  what do i sit there and talk about? how he used internal enslavement, hypnosis,  etc etc and got you so hooked now you are like a drug addict on withdraw?  cant really sit there and say nothing or theres no point in going.  i cant really say i miss the game darts down the pub on a weds night with him

(in reply to SoulPiercer)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 12:59:02 PM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline 		Actually, what I said was depending on how much information you wish to share and what the results may be of sharing too much information, you may want to use the term "boyfriend" instead of "owner".
 
There are "kink friendly" doctors/counsellors that you can talk to. You just have to find them. In the event that you can't find one, you have to decide how much information you're willing to share. If you feel sharing all of the information (internal enslavement, hynposis) is the only way you'll get better, you should do that.

_____________________________

Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 1:00:14 PM   
serisa


Posts: 219
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline 		Thank You

(in reply to SoulPiercer)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 1:14:29 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		You interview a potential therapist and ask what his/her experience/knowledge of alternative sexuality encompasses. You ask if they have any problems dealing with clients involved in power relationships. If they say they are knowledgable and have no biases, then you have a first session.

Should they actually be filled with biases against this, you stand up, tell them you will report them for unethical behavior for lying to you and you call someone else. But most are aware of this, and will  not have any problems. Those that aren't comfortable will likely tell you this on the phone when you ask. They may even be able to suggest someone else in the field who would be a better fit.

Beyond that, it isn't that special. Your road is not that harder than a 75 year old woman who is suddenly widowed after having her husband there, taking charge of everything for 50some years.

You make a list of stuff you like to do that he didn't like, and then you start doing the stuff on that list as often as possible. Chick flicks and tissues. Chocolate brownies for dinner. Day spa. Spend day with girlfriends. Volunteer; Big Sister, soup kitchen, babies born addicted abandoned by their mothers, children with cancer, nursing home to talk to some of those widows.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 1:14:39 PM   
sblady


Posts: 433
Joined: 9/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SoulPiercer

You do the very same thing you would do if your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend suddenly decides that they no longer wish to be your husband/wife/boyfriend/girlfriend.

If it is so bad that you feel you need a doctor, the phone book is full of doctors that can help. However, depending on how much information you wish to share and what the results may be of sharing too much information, you may want to use the term "boyfriend" instead of "owner".


Very good counsel...nothing to add, so I'll just second SoulPiercer's response (hope you don't mind). 

_____________________________

Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values. Dalai Lama





(in reply to SoulPiercer)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 1:20:01 PM   
RapierFugue


Posts: 4740
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: London, England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

thats just the problem... a doc/councillor will i am sure say talking about your relationship and what happened a good form of therapy...You yourself said maybe should say boyfriend.  what do i sit there and talk about? how he used internal enslavement, hypnosis,  etc etc and got you so hooked now you are like a drug addict on withdraw?  cant really sit there and say nothing or theres no point in going.  i cant really say i miss the game darts down the pub on a weds night with him


As others have said, it’s much like the end of any relationship, except he’s more in your head than with standard b/f type affairs … take time for you, take time to grieve, and reach out to the people who care about you.
 
Time does heal most things, thankfully, or we’d all be emotional basket cases by now.
 
It will get better.  Promise.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 2:28:08 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: serisa

please, what do you do when your owner suddenly stops, without word, warning or any sort of expaination, wanting to be your owner?.  what do you do when you feel so deeply bonded with Him, you just cant manage?.  as far as i can see you need to get better but how is this done when it seems just impossible?

Do many Dominants help in some way for their subs/slaves to get better if they are finding release so difficult to cope with and how?... or is it pretty common place for them to be just left and somehow try to pick the pieces up alone?

How can a sub get better when the loss feels so bad ahe feels like needs a doctor... but she knows a doc wont understand... and has no one else to turn to for support

thanks


The answer is as varied as there people and dynamics and sadly there is no one cure all. However this problem is not just lifestyle related but happens in other relationships where one party just wakes up in the morning or after a normal dinner at home and suddenly realises that he or she doesn't want to be there any more. It may have nothing to do with the other party in any way. it may just be that one person has been growing away from a partner and has just ralised it.

Ideally, the person who wants to leave will have the intesxtinal fortitude to try to explain and to help his or her partner move on either by direct involvement or indirectly via help programs. It doesn't matter what the cause or how it happens, the end of a relationship hurts like hell and you are going to spend time blaiming yourself, your partner and the whole world. This is normal and part of the grieving process needed for you to understand. I have a num ber of friends whose method of support nd helkping was to try to get me drunk and keep me that way for a month after three of my marriages broke up. Strangely, I wasn't grieving for the break-up but for the bloody disgustingly large fortune the bitches cost me

< Message edited by IronBear -- 9/21/2008 2:45:17 PM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 2:41:43 PM   
bluefireroses


Posts: 37
Joined: 8/22/2008
Status: offline 		It is hard whenever any relationship you value suddenly ends. The best thing is usually honoring the emotions you feel, allow yourself to feel them. Usually a day, or week. After that, start doing things to distract yourself. Remove things from your home that were His, or remind you of Him. Begin going out with friends, find new places you haven't yet been.

Talking to a counselor might help as well. If you have friends in the lifestyle, talking to them might ease your decisions in what to tell (or not tell) the counselor.

(in reply to IronBear)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 3:30:53 PM   
dementdsuby


Posts: 12
Joined: 9/20/2008
Status: offline 		Therapy is good, and they have heard everything before.  The relationship is privliged - so they won't be talking about you.  But - many of us have been down this road before - and while online is not a lovely as being there in person, we are certainly willing to lend a (virtual)shoulder for you to lean on.

It takes time. 

(in reply to serisa)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 3:44:49 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		As hard as it sounds, you just deal with the loss and hopefully keep some of the good memories intact.  I don't know if it is a male thing, but they just seem to be able to cut ties, leave and in their heads you have moved on as easily.  My x sees me as the sort who lives in the moment, moving on to others with the same ease that he has inside him.  He thinks I have gone on, gotten stronger, and will be not only successful in my new choice, but that I will be as happy as he finds his new life.  I am not sure if it is wishful thinking as much as it is denial of having hurt me.
What do you do?  Pick up the pieces, gather your strength, and live day to day.  It does get easier.  I can breathe now.
Kyst

(in reply to dementdsuby)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 3:58:33 PM   
sujuguete


Posts: 263
Joined: 7/3/2008
From: DC metro area
Status: offline 		You can Google "Kink Aware Professionals" and go to their website.  You may be able to find a therapist near you that way.

_____________________________

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For this reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything." ~ Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: the end of ownership - 9/21/2008 4:05:48 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
What do you do?  Pick up the pieces, gather your strength, and live day to day.  It does get easier.  I can breathe now.
Kyst


I will echo this.  After 4  years of being conditioned to be mentally dependent on him, I was let go, although I did understand why.  I immediately began taking control of my life back.  I had a choice - to crumble or to be determined to move forward.  You have that choice, too.   Neither option is easy, but what will be best for you?  It's been just shy of 2 months since my release and I still grieve, I still cry, I still feel anger, I still feel gratitude.  It takes a long time to make sense of all the emotions that swirl around, and I'm still processing that.  I have been spending time with another dominant, which has actually added some confusion as well as distraction, and I'll be hypocritical and say I don't recommend this (unless you can do so openly and honestly and with eyes open).

Sometimes you have to just get yourself through the next 5 minutes.  Remember to breathe.  When you're having trouble breathing, call a close friend who will help you get through it.  I was (am) fortunate enough to have a dear friend I could call when the next 5 minutes seemed too hard to deal with.  When the shock of it all subsides, breathing will be easier.  Meanwhile, you own yourself now.  Try to make decisions for yourself that are in your best interest.  It's really easy to fall into bad habits in times of extreme stress.  I started smoking again, in fact.  The temptation to binge (both food and alcohol) was huge, but I nixed that after a couple of days.  I didn't learn as much as I did the last four years to throw it all away now...and the same concept applies to you, too.  You still have the strength you experienced within the relationship - - you just have to find it within you.

_____________________________

Live Simply. Love Generously. Care Deeply. Speak Kindly.



(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 20
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