RE: "Just lower your standards"

RE: "Just lower your standards" (Full Version)

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Icarys -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:43:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth I'm going a little out of it lately. I can't seem to find anyone who's interested in the sorts of things I am, with me. However, I have found: * 4 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and in committed non-poly relationships. * 7 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and into some of the same things I am, and kinky, and UTTERLY NOT INTERESTED EW EW EW. * 20 or so people who are into the same things I am, and kinky, but I do not find them attractive. * 5 people who are exactly the body type and skills that I want, and kinky, but not at ALL interested in the sort of things that I am. * who knows how many hundreds of people who aren't into the skills that I want or kinky. * who knows how many hundreds of people who I am not interested in for any reason. Many people have given me the advice to "lower my standards". However, I'm not sure which of my standards I'm supposed to be lowering, here, or even how to go about that 'lowering' process. If they mean "find more people attractive", I'm not sure how to do that - I'm attracted to what I'm attracted to. If they mean "find more common kinks and skills and turn-ons", I'm not sure how to do that - my turn-ons are my turn-ons. If they mean "settle for something that you aren't attracted to or doesn't satisfy your kinks just so you can get your dick wet", then fuck them. What is meant by 'lower your standards' and how do you even do that? Maybe he is trying to put people off. I couldn't imagine someone trying to attract a mate that way. Is that really all your looking for or is that some wall your putting up?

lostkitten2 -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:43:19 PM)
I think men should wear more peacock feathers, so we can tell who is fun and fancy free.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:44:48 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC Have you tried asking them? I know how you came off in your profile so I can't say anything more than that about who you are. Again, we are but strangers in your life, you know yourself. I actually have tried asking the people that get what I want how they do it. Most of their answers are variations of "why the hell would I tell you?".

Icarys -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:45:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys I don't know about deserve but you get sometimes what you put out. I've read your posts in the past and you come off as an intelligent person but your profile has way more kink than anything about you personally. Yeah; mostly because I care more about the kink right now than about myself personally. What am I supposed to do? Show off my intelligence like a peacock's tail-feathers? Preen and pontificate to attract people that will find my brain sexy? I can have conversations with people any time. I can have deep communions of minds with people without fucking them. Those needs are being met. I can't enjoy sex without my particular aesthetics - I've gone from 'kink' well into full-blown fetish. There's a few people who would enjoy sex with me, and I like them and am more than willing to give myself an erection and attempt to please them sexually if that's what they want from me. And a bunch of people think I should "lower my standards" so that I can be pleased, too. But I don't know how. Lol No man. I just mean put a little more effort into telling people who you are.

daddysprop247 -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:45:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC Then I suggest you rethink more than your lack of desire to have a meaningful relationship. I have. That's what led me to the conclusion that I can't deal with a 'meaningful relationship' right now. ...and that is really the crux of your problem. because of your particular interests and desires, and the things that you need and require of a submissive, it will be mighty difficult to find someone who is willing to be that for you without the security of a meaningful committed relationship. it would be a bit like me doing the things i do for my Master and living the life that i do, without being his property or even his committed submissive. it would just make little sense. what higher purpose or meaning would it all have? personally, though they may seem extreme to some, i see nothing wrong with your particular stated interests. i would gladly lose 20 lbs (becoming anorexic by medical standards), maximize my flexibility, retain a youthful appearance, etc...for my Master. but in the name of kink? i'm just not that kinky.

Aynne88 -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:46:29 PM)
Judging by the two lovely and intelligent women flanking you I would say Sir Knight your standards are excellent! Thanks for the smile.[:)] quote: ORIGINAL: KnightofMists quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 DING DING DING we have a winner.[:D] WOOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOO.... what did I win? mmmmmmmm maybe a night of fun with an attractive woman like ummm YOU... and no my standards are not too high!!!! and I am not lowering them either. ps... lets not talk about them being realistic or not

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:47:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Maybe he is trying to put people off. I couldn't imagine someone trying to attract a mate that way. Is that really all your looking for or is that some wall your putting up? Then what are preferrable methods of mate-attraction that don't involve exposing myself to emotional vulnerability, or exposing other people to my jagged emotional damage?

KnightofMists -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:51:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aynne88 Thanks for the smile.[:)] Your welcome... and good luck to your Master and yourself... not easy to make a long-distance relationship work... I am sure you are looking forward to be with him..... ps... as unrealistic as that may sound g

Icarys -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:51:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Maybe he is trying to put people off. I couldn't imagine someone trying to attract a mate that way. Is that really all your looking for or is that some wall your putting up? Then what are preferrable methods of mate-attraction that don't involve exposing myself to emotional vulnerability, or exposing other people to my jagged emotional damage? Why would you be opposed to exposing your emotional vulnerability? If your that damaged, maybe you should take a little break to get your head right?

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:51:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 ...and that is really the crux of your problem. because of your particular interests and desires, and the things that you need and require of a submissive, it will be mighty difficult to find someone who is willing to be that for you without the security of a meaningful committed relationship. it would be a bit like me doing the things i do for my Master and living the life that i do, without being his property or even his committed submissive. it would just make little sense. what higher purpose or meaning would it all have? personally, though they may seem extreme to some, i see nothing wrong with your particular stated interests. i would gladly lose 20 lbs (becoming anorexic by medical standards), maximize my flexibility, retain a youthful appearance, etc...for my Master. but in the name of kink? i'm just not that kinky. Perhaps, then, I'm coming across as completely wrong. I WANT property. I WANT committed submissives. I just don't want property that has to be paid for with "twue wuv". I don't want committed submissives that want to get married and have hundreds of my babies. I don't want people who want a "deep communion of souls". I want people who want to be owned, and used, and turned into works of art. I want people who want to be turned into a testament to my power and creativity. I'm just sick of all that "you're The One" crap. I want committed, mutually beneficial relationships based around having fun and doing stuff that don't get into all of that "If he really loved me, he'd X" bullshit, or worse - the "if I really loved him, I'd X. (months later) Wow, X really hurts! Damn him for making me think I loved him enough to do X!".

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:53:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Why would you be opposed to exposing your emotional vulnerability? If your that damaged, maybe you should take a little break to get your head right? How many years will that take? I've taken an 8-month break already, and I'm going to go psychotic if I don't do something pretty with girls (by my definition) soon.

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:54:23 PM)
Then that is that, don't 'change'; I agree with those who say you don't have to. But you must also embrace and love your kink (since you seem to also suggest that your ‘vanilla’ self is somehow ‘lesser’. The alternate view is to say 'control your kink, you are letting your fetish control you', something I think few would find attractive in a person. quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys I don't know about deserve but you get sometimes what you put out. I've read your posts in the past and you come off as an intelligent person but your profile has way more kink than anything about you personally. Yeah; mostly because I care more about the kink right now than about myself personally. What am I supposed to do? Show off my intelligence like a peacock's tail-feathers? Preen and pontificate to attract people that will find my brain sexy? I can have conversations with people any time. I can have deep communions of minds with people without fucking them. Those needs are being met. I can't enjoy sex without my particular aesthetics - I've gone from 'kink' well into full-blown fetish. There's a few people who would enjoy sex with me, and I like them and am more than willing to give myself an erection and attempt to please them sexually if that's what they want from me. And a bunch of people think I should "lower my standards" so that I can be pleased, too. But I don't know how.

Icarys -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:56:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Why would you be opposed to exposing your emotional vulnerability? If your that damaged, maybe you should take a little break to get your head right? How many years will that take? I've taken an 8-month break already, and I'm going to go psychotic if I don't do something pretty with girls (by my definition) soon. You have a way with words lol. I'm looking for that communion of souls and have pretty much my entire life. I've only had it once. It takes as long as it takes.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:57:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC Then that is that, don't 'change'; I agree with those who say you don't have to. But you must also embrace and love your kink (since you seem to also suggest that your ‘vanilla’ self is somehow ‘lesser’. The alternate view is to say 'control your kink, you are letting your fetish control you', something I think few would find attractive in a person. No offense, but I've been getting kinda beaten to death by two sides of this argument. "You need to be more passionate about your kink!" (adjust) "Woah! You're letting your kink control you!" (adjust) "Man, you need to be more passionate about your kink!" (adjust) "Man, you're WAY too intense about this stuff!" (adjust) "Man, you were awesome when you were passionate about this! Where'd that go?" ...

MadRabbit -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:57:28 PM)
Instead of having a checklist, how about....just waiting until you find someone who intrigues you and stirs something up inside of you that inspires you to want to get to know them and then take them out for dinner? Then after that, continue to see them until you don't want to see them anymore. THEN when you get to a point when you start to feel a desire to have them be part of your life, then start talking about a commitment. Whatever happened to that? The problem with a shopping list and the laser focus search for the one perfect person is that you miss out on the enjoyable experiences of a whole assortment of unique people who might not be what you think is ideal at first glance, but could prove differently with time. Or you might find out you don't want to be with them, but hey you still had those unique experiences they brought into your life so is the time invested really wasted? Even the shitty experiences bring hard knocks and lessons that allow us to learn something more about ourselves, people, and life so even they have some redeemable value.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:58:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC Then that is that, don't 'change'; I agree with those who say you don't have to. But you must also embrace and love your kink (since you seem to also suggest that your ‘vanilla’ self is somehow ‘lesser’. The alternate view is to say 'control your kink, you are letting your fetish control you', something I think few would find attractive in a person. Also - it is not my intent, at all, to imply that my 'vanilla' self is somehow 'lesser'. Can you explain how I'm doing that? because if I'm giving off that impression, I really need to stop, and I'd appreciate some feedback on how to do so.

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 2:58:54 PM)
You are in a prison of your own making and, frankly, come off as deserving of that prison. quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Why would you be opposed to exposing your emotional vulnerability? If your that damaged, maybe you should take a little break to get your head right? How many years will that take? I've taken an 8-month break already, and I'm going to go psychotic if I don't do something pretty with girls (by my definition) soon.

Ialdabaoth -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 3:05:01 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MadRabbit Instead of having a checklist, how about....just waiting until you find someone who intrigues you and stirs something up inside of you that inspires you to want to get to know them and then take them out for dinner? Because right now I need interaction, and am incapable of trusting people with the game you're describing. quote: Then after that, continue to see them until you don't want to see them anymore. Because the moment I don't want to see them anymore, I'm some evil vicious person who "tricked them" into "liking me" and am persona non grata for everyone who talks to them. quote: THEN when you get to a point when you start to feel a desire to have them be part of your life, then start talking about a commitment. That would be awesome if most of the people that I take out to dinner didn't start pushing about commitment after two dates. Look. I'm an intense person. I connect with people VERY quickly. And people have this weird tendency to either latch desperately onto that, or get utterly creeped out by it. And neither of these reactions are serving me well right now, but I can't just turn down the intensity. Believe me, I've tried. So I kinda want to be up-front about what I want. I wish there was a better way than the "shopping list" to do that, but I'm not clever enough to find one. quote: The problem with a shopping list and the laser focus search for the one perfect person is that you miss out on the enjoyable experiences of a whole assortment of unique people who might not be what you think is ideal at first glance, but could prove differently with time. I do this all the time. I take people out to coffee, I chat, we talk about philosophy and quantum mechanics and their families and the funny thing that happened to them yesterday and how the economic crisis could lead to a better future if people just embraced transhumanism. It's awesome. But it has nothing to do with getting laid, and I don't want it to.

Icarys -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 3:05:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC You are in a prison of your own making and, frankly, come off as deserving of that prison. quote: ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth quote: ORIGINAL: Icarys Why would you be opposed to exposing your emotional vulnerability? If your that damaged, maybe you should take a little break to get your head right? How many years will that take? I've taken an 8-month break already, and I'm going to go psychotic if I don't do something pretty with girls (by my definition) soon. I wouldn't say deserving to me that implies blame and it's not really helpful to blame. To the OP I would say your gonna have to figure it out on your own. Your into what i might describe as an extreme end of a BDSM road, so just like all extremes your kinda out there with a smaller amount of people. So your choices are somewhat limited by your own hand. Your choice..Nothing wrong with it if that's what you really want. I'm also an extremist of sorts so i can relate.It isn't an easy road but well worth it in my book.

Venatrix -> RE: "Just lower your standards" (9/21/2008 3:05:40 PM)
It sounds like you want the female to provide everything and you will provide little or nothing in return. If she has that much to offer, she'll have her pick of men, and would, most likely, have little incentive to submit to someone who isn't offering much to her. So, you're back to square one: either wait or adjust your standards, or, better still, adjust your attitude. If you can't figure out how to do it, a bunch of strangers is unlikely to be able to tell you how.

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