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Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 5:56:02 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		So i have been with my master for a short time. 2 and a half months. Its really a wonderful relationship. We are very much in love. We had along courtship where he did not penetrate me for quite a number of weeks. Intimacy and love goes together for him. He wanted to show me how special i was. I dont doubt his feelings. I know he cums when he masterbates. But so far he has never cum for me. he gives me many orgasms. I think he equates it with being in control. He says its not that big a deal and he eventually will. It is a big deal to me. I want his cum.

Is this common for a Master to equate cumming with losing control?

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 5:56:33 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's not uncommon. If you were a male sub, you'd be pretty much eliminated from 99% of the doms out there to even mention your own orgasm and presume you'd be sexual.  Females are much more expected to be sexual and sexually serving in the hetero Ds world.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 9/21/2008 5:57:36 PM >

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 5:58:43 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, but what does a Masters cum or forfeture of it mean to him? Shouldnt he be wanting me to wear it or drink it or something?

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:01:38 PM   
thegirlincharge


Posts: 68
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Status: offline 		Have you ask him?

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:04:58 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		yes. In the beginning he said it was a trust issue. he wasnt ready yet. Later he said he completely trusts me but he likes being a gentleman. He also has said recently that its a bigger deal to me than it is to him. he said he enjoys the mental orgasm and being able to share afterward without falling asleep. But everytime we are together I say, "can I have your cum today?"

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:05:15 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
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I had a vanilla lover like that, he insisted he simply loved to fuck women and didn’t need to cum.  At first it was “whoo-hoo, party time for ME!!” but after awhile; right or wrong, it made me feel inadequate somehow.    

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:07:25 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Could be a number of reasons...

Men get stigmatized so much as dogs who only want sex that some men go out of their way to not have sex initially to prove they are different.

The male sex drive is kind of the male Achille's heel and control of the sex life, in normal heterosexual relationships, is usually in the reins of the woman. Some guys will deny themselves orgasms in order to prove that woman don't have that influence over them. I won't go as far as to go celibate for an extended period of time, but I usually try and least make a point to make it clear that my sexuality isn't something automatically given to a female simply because I'm a guy.

He might get off more on the feelings of control and power that he gets from getting off you that his own orgasm might fall second to that.

< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/21/2008 6:08:53 PM >

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:07:48 PM   
VivaciousSub


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From: Tampa, FL
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

 
I had a vanilla lover like that, he insisted he simply loved to fuck women and didn’t need to cum.  At first it was “whoo-hoo, party time for ME!!” but after awhile; right or wrong, it made me feel inadequate somehow.    


I had one of those too. Additionally, he wasn't vocal at all in bed. I understand that not everyone is, and that I'm louder than many, but to me it felt like I wasn't pleasing enough to him. We discussed it of course, but not a fun way to feel.


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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:08:18 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

 
I had a vanilla lover like that, he insisted he simply loved to fuck women and didn’t need to cum.  At first it was “whoo-hoo, party time for ME!!” but after awhile; right or wrong, it made me feel inadequate somehow.    


Well, I have told him my ego needs it. But maybe a sub should not be entitled to ego? i cant help it. i have a bit of one.

_____________________________

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Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:12:37 PM   
DDQuest


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Very well put, Rabbit.

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:13:48 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Could be a number of reasons...

Men get stigmatized so much as dogs who only want sex that some men go out of their way to not have sex initially to prove they are different.

The male sex drive is kind of the male Achille's heel and control of the sex life, in normal heterosexual relationships, is usually in the reins of the woman. Some guys will deny themselves orgasms in order to prove that woman don't have that influence over them. I won't go as far as to go celibate for an extended period of time, but I usually try and least make a point to make it clear that my sexuality isn't something automatically given to a female simply because I'm a guy.

He might get off more on the feelings of control and power that he gets from getting off you that his own orgasm might fall second to that.


Well, yes. You must know him! he did everything to set himself apart from the rest and show me he was not one of those other guys. He was so courtly. Swept me off my feet. I do think the power and control is something he revels in.

I was actually really upset about it initially. But i decided to let it go as I cant control him. So there is nothing left to do but live with it. Its my choice whether I am upset or not.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:17:38 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I was actually really upset about it initially. But i decided to let it go as I cant control him.


Well, maybe that's the conclucsion he wanted you to come to first. I'm not there so I can only speculate.

He said "trust issues". When a guy says that, it says to me that he might be shy or uncomfortable with allowing someone he doesn't have a degree of rapport with to see him orgasm. It's an intimate and private moment where a guy is completely out of control and surrendering to the pleasure.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

(in reply to lusciouslips19)
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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:20:23 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I was actually really upset about it initially. But i decided to let it go as I cant control him.


Well, maybe that's the conclucsion he wanted you to come to first. I'm not there so I can only speculate.

He said "trust issues". When a guy says that, it says to me that he might be shy or uncomfortable with allowing someone he doesn't have a degree of rapport with to see him orgasm. It's an intimate and private moment where a guy is completely out of control and surrendering to the pleasure.


Hes told me he loves me. I believe that shows a repore. We get on very well. He tells me how lucky he is to have me.

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to MadRabbit)
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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:22:51 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		 
I don’t believe anyone lacks ego (although some might disagree).  It’s a tough one because at least in my case, I have trouble separating my femininity and desirability from giving a man his orgasm.    So I understand your dilemma but unfortunately have no helpful advice on how to deal with it.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:31:24 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19


quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19
I was actually really upset about it initially. But i decided to let it go as I cant control him.


Well, maybe that's the conclucsion he wanted you to come to first. I'm not there so I can only speculate.

He said "trust issues". When a guy says that, it says to me that he might be shy or uncomfortable with allowing someone he doesn't have a degree of rapport with to see him orgasm. It's an intimate and private moment where a guy is completely out of control and surrendering to the pleasure.


Hes told me he loves me. I believe that shows a repore. We get on very well. He tells me how lucky he is to have me.


Don't know what to tell you without talking to him.

I can easily seeing a male dominant having reservations over orgasming. Hell, I have reservations over orgasming.

We're men. We have egos. We posture. We don't like to show weakness. Mix the element of being "dominant" into the equation where the appearance of being out of control is a sign of weakness....

On top of all that, to be frankly honest, nothing is more indirectly frowned upon then the male orgasm, because we're constantly told that's all we want is to use women and get off that it leads to this kind of subconcious guilt trip among the guys who really do care about women.

Folk wisdom tells you not to try and sleep with a woman on the first night, because she will think that's all you want and it will lead to problem. Women create shit like the "three date rule" in order to protect themselves against such men. They bitch and moan constantly on message boards like these about fake dominants and wannabes who just want to fuck them. Male orgasms are, from what I have seen, indirectly frowned upon at BDSM play parties. Female dominants/male submissive relationships, as LA mentioned, focus hugely on denying the male orgasm, because of that association of that's what he wants.
 
We get bombarded from every direction with this kind of stuff, so it's not that hard, in my eyes, for a good guy who really does care to make that connection in the back of his mind between "getting off" and "triggering a nuclear explosion and destroying Japan".

Edited to Add : I went through it myself for awhile where I had to kind of tell myself that just because I want to stick it in her ass on the second night doesn't mean I am a bad guy and don't care about her. It just means....I'm a guy.
 



< Message edited by MadRabbit -- 9/21/2008 6:33:35 PM >

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:41:53 PM   
DomDolf


Posts: 363
Joined: 7/11/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

He might get off more on the feelings of control and power that he gets from getting off you that his own orgasm might fall second to that.



I often don't want to cum and this is my reason. I assume you meant getting her off.

It is not something where I go into the session thinking I will not. It is 100% psychological and many factors come to play in whether I will climax physically or not. Too many for me to define clearly. However, if someone is acting greedy for it she will almost certainly not get it.

Dolf

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:47:50 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
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From: Austin Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

Yes, but what does a Masters cum or forfeture of it mean to him? Shouldnt he be wanting me to wear it or drink it or something?


Why would he necessarily want you to drink or wear it just by virtue of being your Master?

99% of the time I am the one cumming because he actually gets off knowing he can get me off but that doesn't conflict with is dominant nature. For him it really is mental control over my physical self, it works for us.

For others it works to have the dominant do it the other way. Or a mix of ways. Because there is no set way for everyone.


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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:48:32 PM   
MadRabbit


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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf

However, if someone is acting greedy for it she will almost certainly not get it.



Well, of course, that's just the greatest power high of all.

_____________________________

Advice for New Dominants
The Unpolitically Correct Lifestyle Definitions

Obama is NOT the Messiah! He's just a VERY NAUGHTY BOY

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:49:36 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomDolf

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

He might get off more on the feelings of control and power that he gets from getting off you that his own orgasm might fall second to that.



I often don't want to cum and this is my reason. I assume you meant getting her off.

It is not something where I go into the session thinking I will not. It is 100% psychological and many factors come to play in whether I will climax physically or not. Too many for me to define clearly. However, if someone is acting greedy for it she will almost certainly not get it.

Dolf



I understand what you say. But are you talking about a play partner acting greedy? What about someone you are in love with and vice versa? Would you still consider it being greedy?

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

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RE: Masters who wont cum - 9/21/2008 6:53:47 PM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		There can be many reasons here are a FEW, but ask him:

For some men, there is the way they get conditioned to cum they need certain stimulus and maybe that can only be achieved by his hand or a certain type of porn or fantasies that he does not want to have with you (there can be very dark places in minds and it's best to not go there with someone you love even in the mind).

He does not trust you to not get knocked up.

He needs your ass to cum, and may feel you are not ready for anal.

The list goes on and on, really ask him.

Mike


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