Is She or isn't She...a Domme

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looking4myqueenb -> Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 1:32:15 PM)
Recently I answered a personnels listing on a vanilla dating site by a woman whose screen name suggested to me that she might be a dominant woman. We met for coffee. She arrived wearing all black and we got along very well. During our 2 hours together I asked her about how she came by the screen name. She said she came by it while in Austrailia and then said, with no questioning from me, that she wasn't into S+M. She asked me what I thought the name meant and I just said it was provacative. During the rest of our time together it became clear she had "been around" but nothing suggestive of being dominant in any way. She mentioned that she had a page on myspace.When I got home I went to her myspace page. Everything on the personality page suggested her being "normal." Then I went to her blog. There was an entry that described what in her mind would be the ideal night. It began with her stating she was definitely not vanilla when it came to sex and that if you love her you will do anything she wants. She goes on to decribe her ideal night: It begins with her going to a french restaurant with her young male slave. After dinner they go to a party where her slave strips and dons a collar and she sttaches a leach. She then leads him around to service her female friends and even some males. Then in front of everyone she spanks his butt flaming red, slips on her strapon and screws his ass until he begs her to never stop. Finally they go home to bed together her slave sexually unfulfilled but knowing his Mistress will always be there for him. My questions are: Why did she explicitly say to me at our meeting, without any prompting from me, that she wasn't into S+M? I'll be seeing her soon, should I mention that I read her blog or just be mum and go with the flow? And lastly do you think her blog entry is just fantasy or an adaptaion of reality? Any other comments are welcome. Is she or isn't she? Thanks in Advance

Lynnxz -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 1:37:01 PM)
Maybe she's not interested in you as a BDSM partner. Just because you think she may be into it, doesn't make you entitled to spankings. I would bring up the blog, tell her you liked it or whatnot.

AAkasha -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 1:37:09 PM)
She might be telling men she isn't into S&M so they don't get fixated on it and stop treating her like a woman. A lot of kinky women get objectified constantly so it's easier to start a relationship vanilla and then let it progress to S&M at her own pace. Or, she might be lying. Or it's not her page. You just have to ask her. But don't come across as mr. "I really thought you were dominant and that's why I wanted to date, not because I like you as a woman, so let me know if you are dominant now so I can cut my losses" - that would be bad. Akasha

UmbraDomina -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 1:37:18 PM)
why don't you ask her, it would seem she would be a much better judge of what she is or is not then anyone on this board.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 1:55:18 PM)
What everyone else said, plus she might have meant that she is not into the beating and sadism stuff...

LadyPact -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 3:36:16 PM)
I'd like to agree with what the others have posted, especially LadyH. She might very well be a Dominant who isn't especially interested in the sadism or masochism part of the lifestyle. I would mention the blog and compliment her on it. I wouldn't suggest drilling her for an answer for a question that she's already given you. However, I might have a concern or two if it did turn out that, once you mentioned the blog, she did change her answer to the original question. To Me, that would mean that she gave you a dishonest answer the first time around. Not the best way to begin establishing a new relationship.

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 3:41:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha She might be telling men she isn't into S&M so they don't get fixated on it and stop treating her like a woman. A lot of kinky women get objectified constantly so it's easier to start a relationship vanilla and then let it progress to S&M at her own pace. snip weeps oh god, so frigging true...how quickly the evening goes from "wow, you have such a fascinating range of intellectual pursuits..." to "so...you tie up woman and do stuff to them? can I watch??"

E2Sweet -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 3:56:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: UmbraDomina why don't you ask her, it would seem she would be a much better judge of what she is or is not then anyone on this board. Exactly what I was going to add... ...and L4MQ, if it was me instead of you, I'd tell her I read her blog and then proceed to threaten to bite her for lying to me... [:)] Sometimes you just have to put your foot down with these dominant types... [;)]

Kizanth -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 3:59:30 PM)
E2Sweet - that's darned cute. ;)

LadyPact -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 4:06:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: E2Sweet ...and L4MQ, if it was me instead of you, I'd tell her I read her blog and then proceed to threaten to bite her for lying to me... [:)] Sometimes you just have to put your foot down with these dominant types... [;)] Just remember. Some of us bite back.

Nikolette -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 4:13:10 PM)
quote: My questions are: Why did she explicitly say to me at our meeting, without any prompting from me, that she wasn't into S+M? I'll be seeing her soon, should I mention that I read her blog or just be mum and go with the flow? And lastly do you think her blog entry is just fantasy or an adaptaion of reality? Any other comments are welcome. Is she or isn't she? You should say: "I read your blog.... the one where you were talking about a slave? And I remembered you said you weren't into S+M, so I was wondering what you meant by that?" Be very open and honest about your feelings and perceptions so she can verify them and explain herself better. She might have just wanted to seem vanilla in the meeting, and thus mentioned her myspace and hoped you looked and her blog and bring it up again after seeing her true feelings revealed. OR maybe she just likes kinky sex everyone once in a while and doesn't know anything about BDSM and how there is a spectrum of experience and ways of living in the "lifestyle". Perhaps if you talked to her about the wide variety of interpretations within BDSM and different ways to live within the lifestyle she'd feel open to explore it. Not necessarily with you, but maybe? Most importantly: Only she knows for sure. So you have to ask her about it.

E2Sweet -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 4:30:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Just remember. Some of us bite back. ...all part of the plan...[;)]

slaveboyforyou -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 4:58:06 PM)
Of course there is a distinct possibility, that you're making this entire story up. It sounds like a bad letter to Penthouse.

LadyPact -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 5:12:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: E2Sweet quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact Just remember. Some of us bite back. ...all part of the plan...[;)] Two things, dear. First, I do have a biting fetish, so be careful on the path you tread. Second, with My head the way it is at the moment, feeling rather sadistic in such a lovely way, be grateful you're a ways off. There's more than one sub on these boards who have worn My teeth marks. As always, said in a loving manner....... From your Dear Lady Pact

undergroundsea -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 5:24:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: looking4myqueenb My questions are: Why did she explicitly say to me at our meeting, without any prompting from me, that she wasn't into S+M? I'll be seeing her soon, should I mention that I read her blog or just be mum and go with the flow? And lastly do you think her blog entry is just fantasy or an adaptaion of reality? Any other comments are welcome. Is she or isn't she? Why did she say she is not into SM? There are several possibilities: 1. She has been asked the question before by vanilla persons and is not sure whether you are vanilla or not, and did not want to reveal that part of her, or really is not into it. 2. She might be a domme and thought it might be fun to pull your leg (for example, if I am having a conversation with a vanilla woman and she confesses she likes SM, and I just nod and listen without saying anything and then at a later time show her a flogger and say, so you mean you like this kind of stuff ;-) ). 3. Are there pictures or other information on the myspace profile that confirm you have the right profile? If she is using a name that is suggestive of BDSM, could it be that someone else who is indeed a domme has that name on myspace? 4. She might be vanilla and the blog could be an inside joke with her friends because of comments she has received about how her name has SM hints. I would nonchalantly tell her that you saw her myspace page and enjoyed the blogs. I would then see how she responds. I would not explicitly say that you are seeing a discrepancy between what she told you before and what is on her blog page in a way that asks one what she has to say for herself (doing so might make for an awkward moment). It is not unusual for some people to hide their BDSM interest. You might also throw in hints that you enjoy BDSM before this conversation. If you have a myspace page that hints or indicates your BDSM interest, you could send her an email on myspace just to say hello and that you enjoyed reading her profile. Australia, huh? LikesBoysDownUnder? ;-) One of my first profiles used to state that I like it down under and clarified that I had never been to Australia. Cheers, Sea

looking4myqueenb -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/23/2008 6:59:42 PM)
Thank you all for the responses. You guys make many good suggestions.A few points: Yeah, she may not beinterested in "playing with me. That remains to be played out :-). It's definitely her myspace page. I know this because other entries in her blog jive with what we talked about. Biting her might be a last resort, but an option nonetheless :-) Aakasha, your point is well taken about being objectified. LadyLupine, talking Shakespere while being tied up is one of my biggest kinks! Slaveboyfor you, I thought it was rather good letter to Penthouse...just kidding.

BiteGirl -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/24/2008 1:51:02 AM)
Ah, those Kinky Aussies... [:D]

Sylverdawn -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/24/2008 5:47:53 AM)
Could be that she plays with the fantasy of control but is not into it day to day.. I know people like that who titilate with the idea of ropes, and slaves and chains but realize that they will never act on it.. so.. ask her but dont be disappointed with the answer.

Darkcast -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/24/2008 6:57:49 AM)
I'm gonna be unlike the rest of you. Just go with the flow and see where it leads. Then somewhere down the road possibly bring it up. Trust me if you just had your first meeting/date/whatever and she said that and gave you her myspace. If you bring it up immediately at the second meeting/date/whatever it's gonna come off kinda creepy. Just go with the flow and sometime down the road just bring it up casually. Let her get to know you first.

chamberqueen -> RE: Is She or isn't She...a Domme (9/24/2008 8:14:19 AM)
Her picture of the "ideal night" may be simply a fantasy. Her saying that she isn't into S+M may meant that she doesn't do it in real life though she has fantasized about it. Wearing black does not necessarily signify being in the lifestyle. Since she told you that she had a MySpace account she knew that you would have the possibility of looking her up. I agree - you could easily compliment her on her blog and let her know (with no pressure) how it made you feel to read those words. The you can gauge her reaction to that. Perhaps it is a fantasy she would like to live out.

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