Revealing Profiles? (Full Version)

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truesub4u -> Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 9:07:12 AM)

Sitting here last night, taking a break from my work. I went profile hoping. Just looking around at what different people where looking for. And this question/poll are for the ones that still seek. Not the ones that have found. Though all thoughts are most welcomed in this.

The thing that I found slightly odd. Was the amount of Dominate Men, that were in search to "help" sub/slaves females seek out their most inner desires. But yet on the sub/slave flip side of the coin i seen not any sub/slave females seeking to "help" FULLFILL any Male Dominate's desires.

I found this strangely odd. As the profiles I read, (including my own) how we seek out to fullfill our desires, but never state the need nor desire, to fullfill anothers wants, needs, desires. The profles, though some very well written, appeared to be self centered.

Though I know when putting together a profile, one needs to let others know what it is they do seek. But they tend to show only THEIR needs or desires. Not allowing room for anothers possible needs or desires.

They all showed what we all wanted. And for most, nothing of what one will give in return. Yes some showed they would give sexual pleasures to each. And a few showed that they seeked 24/7 real time.

But so few seek to bond with the one they seek out. Correction, i did read 2 that sought out Marrriage. But not all seek marriage. We all seek different desires.

But what I understand, (and is making me change my profile as well). Is why we don't also reveal not only what we seek, but what we wish to give in return.

I know from reading other post in the forum, and i have to agree, some post so little in profiles that it makes skipping it so much easier. And some I did run across were so long winded, but yet still stated nothing.

Lord I myself have gotten long Winded. So here's the Main Quetion at hand I guess.

Why is it, we all announce for the most part what we seek, but state nothing about what we may give in return to the one that seeks us out?









perverseangelic -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 9:13:22 AM)

I think that in profiles like this, the best way to introduce one's self is by stating what one is, and what one is seeking.

That is, I think that it's the fastest and most efficient way to find partners that match. I prefer profiles that are clear about their expectations and desires -without- coming accross as a laundry list of activities that "you will do to me."

For example, I would be drawn to a profile that gave a good outline of what the person writing it was like. Actuallly, I'd be attracted toa person that had a profile like mine (the second half at least, the first half of mine is something else right now.)

I think that in some ways stating what the writer is looking for is a way of stating what they have to offer, while undertsanding that both parties are looking for fuffillment. "I enjoy providing domestic service." Could be read as selfish as opposed to "I will do any household chore you ask of me." But I'd honestly respond more positivly to the first statement.

Personal preference in writing style, maybe?


(Good question, OP>)



truesub4u -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 9:19:04 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

I think that in some ways stating what the writer is looking for is a way of stating what they have to offer, while undertsanding that both parties are looking for fuffillment. "I enjoy providing domestic service." Could be read as selfish as opposed to "I will do any household chore you ask of me." But I'd honestly respond more positivly to the first statement.

Personal preference in writing style, maybe?


(Good question, OP>)



Well right off the bat, that makes it more understanding to me. Thank you.
Now when i read a profile, i'll understand even more of what i read.



Aileen68 -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 9:26:46 AM)

I'm guilty. My profile is 100% of what I want. To me, anyone that can give that to me will be, in return, getting their wants and desires fulfilled. They become the yang to my ying. I desire to be bound. Some dominants desire to bind. Together we are both satisfied. And so on and so on.



IrishMist -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 10:19:01 AM)

Much the same here. My profile states what I AM looking for...and in having my desires met, I will be fulfilling what another is seeking.



sub4hire -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 10:44:11 AM)

If I were looking for someone and having prior experience these type of sites didn't work for me. I think I would make my profile as incomplete as possible. That way from the very beginning there would have to be communication open.
Of course it would take me more time to find what I was seeking but I would have a better handle on the person I sought.

Questions are a good thing.

Anyway, that would be my explanation. Of course it is not the one so many will give.



KatyLied -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 10:45:53 AM)

My profile is a little bit about me, and a lot about what I am looking for. But I'm not really looking right now. But people can't read the first line of a profile. But that's an entirely different thread, eh?



Marquise -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 10:52:13 AM)

I do not know.

Maybe it is just me, but by stating what we give as well (or mostly by subs what they would provide to the owner), we attract a lot of these fakes around.

For example, when a sub writes he wants to be controlled financially as well, tons of fake "money-dommes" appear and try to rip him off. Which means betrayed trust and lost property.

Also if a dom writes that a dom provides accommodation to the right slave, a lot of freeloaders tries it. (Trust me, my friend has this experience.)
So we first state what we need. If the person is ok with our needs, then we talk what we can do in return and while we talk about it, we learn more about each other. In a way, time to time, it spares time and frustration.

But on the other hand, I really like when I see a profile of slave who is saying what he is prepared to do for his owner and that he serves for the need to serve and does not state "you will have to do this, that and especially that to me after i submit". ;)



sub4hire -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 10:58:38 AM)

quote:

But people can't read the first line of a profile. But that's an entirely different thread, eh?


Maybe they see your chest and can't control themselves?



afmvdp -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 11:14:13 AM)

I would believe that for many in terms of potential submissives or slaves would really not have much need for posting what it is that they are willing to give as to me that would put the wrong spin on the relation from the get go.

Upon accepting a dominant force into your life, you are then subjecting yourself to their will and their desires, thereby what you are willing to give is whatever is asked of you.

To me that is why it makes far more sense for them to keep their posted desires and their hard limits then it leaves the array for giving wide open.

Besides even beyond the D/s relationship idealism, there is the simple fact that until you are with someone it is impossible to determine what your chemistry or passion would lead you into doing. What you would be willing to give to A you might never give to B, and what you give readilly to B you would of never even thought twice about with A.

It's simple physical and mental boundaries that cannot be predetermined before the fact and put out there as sort of a blanket statement.



ExistentialSteel -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 11:19:42 AM)

I find it far more insightful to read someone's journal. Profiles are static whereas a journal provides views of the person in various situations. None of us are one sided. I often receive comments about something I enter or attrack an admirer now and then from something I write. LIkewise I will follow other's journals and come to feel as if I know them personally.



happypervert -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 12:02:14 PM)

quote:

Was the amount of Dominate Men, that were in search to "help" sub/slaves females seek out their most inner desires. But yet on the sub/slave flip side of the coin i seen not any sub/slave females seeking to "help" FULLFILL any Male Dominate's desires.

But if you look at submissive female profiles you will see plenty that are looking for a dominant who will lead them on some journey of exploration so they will discover themselves and those innermost desires they aren't even aware of yet. That's the market those guys are targeting.

It just strikes me as a lot of rubbish from both sides. Those subs are looking for DomMerlin who can read their minds and magically know exactly what they want and then deliver, and these guys claim to have such mystical powers. It's is one thing to say what you want, but I just roll my eyes when they desire someone with paranormal powers just as I imagine the gals here on planet earth do when they see a guy who claims to have them. Oh well, I suppose such folks can pair up and enjoy themselves in la la land, and perhaps if the submissives believe that bs they can even convince themselves they are experiencing what that want. Maybe that makes it real.



slavejali -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 12:29:04 PM)

i sold myself to Master by telling him what i could offer him. He sold himself to me by telling me what he could offer me.

I offered him stuff like: A proven track record of previous bdsm experience. A proven track record of living in and enjoying a Master/slave relationship. A good positive attitude about life. A non-moody nature. Various skills that would benefit us both inside and outside the home. An ability to live with him where ever he so chose. No ties. A similar philosophy on life to his. A desire for stability and making roots. The skills and tools needed to support his dreams (one of them was to create a martial arts school) which subsequently we have accomplished). Loyalty no matter what. Common interests.

Basically im saying i guess, that profiles could work both ways, by either giving out a list of your wants, or by giving out a list of what you can offer..both would lead to someone being attracted to you for compatability reasons.



IrishMist -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 12:36:52 PM)

quote:

But if you look at submissive female profiles you will see plenty that are looking for a dominant who will lead them on some journey of exploration so they will discover themselves and those innermost desires they aren't even aware of yet. That's the market those guys are targeting.


Hmm, well, since my profile clearly falls into this category lol...

While yes, mine does state that I am searching for someone who can help me to discover all that is within me, at the same time, I do not go into detail about what I have already learned. I know where I stand at this point, and am looking for one who would take me further. Now, I also make it very clear in my profile that despite my 'intense curiosity', I am in no way stupid. I ask alot of questions, questions that I expect to be answered, and I base my opinions on those answers. On the same side though, anyone who I converse with, I would expect to ask questions also. If they did not, I would hear those 'instant warning signals' go off. I do not blindly seek just anyone, because just 'anyone' will not do.

Gads, I lost myself somewhere in there :(



truesub4u -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 1:33:20 PM)

Thank you all for for your responses. I've read the ones that are here and i agree with all of them to some extent.

Giving out too much spoils the fun of the getting to know each other.

And also can lead to the wrong ones seeking you out.

I know see profiles more differantly when i'm just in the mood to read them now.



fldrkhorse -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 2:45:45 PM)

Very interesting question. I too, being new to CollarMe, have read profiles and also find a common them among submissives. There is alot of, "I wont's and I'm not's." Some profiles, and certainly not that of the reader, come across somewhat negative and very aggressive. I wouldn't think it an issue because single women want men to know, for example, if they're married move on. But I find it curious many of the profiles, or before I'm corrected the ones I've read, seem to follow this pattern. If what I'm reading is correct, we want to share our gifts with potentials, our talents, who we are, and what personality we best mesh with.



gothslavetrainer -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 2:48:52 PM)

my opinion about profiles are 2 fold. one a woman should have the decency to reply to a respectfull letter instead of hiding behind the exuse they recieve so many replies.
another is i read in laughter the amount of young dominents or so called dommes at 18 years and 24 years old (age is only example),,,,,,,, slaves at 18 and 24 years old for example what a joke. i wish there was a section they had to fill out for them to explain what they interpritate their true meaning of the word and how they gained this incredible experiance so young out of puberty.
my opinion of setting out profiles would be have another sub section for subs/slaves who are collared so i have no need to switch online to collar me and read the majority who have in big letters 'I AM COLLARED' PLEASE DO NOT WRITE OR CONTACT ME ! lets have a section for the lonely collared subs and slaves seperate so when they are bored they can talk among them selfs. this way masters etc who seek do not have to read their crap .
does any body else agree or do a toech a sore nerve ladies ?



AbstractSavant -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 2:57:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gothslavetrainer

my opinion about profiles are 2 fold. one a woman should have the decency to reply to a respectfull letter instead of hiding behind the exuse they recieve so many replies.
another is i read in laughter the amount of young dominents or so called dommes at 18 years and 24 years old (age is only example),,,,,,,, slaves at 18 and 24 years old for example what a joke. i wish there was a section they had to fill out for them to explain what they interpritate their true meaning of the word and how they gained this incredible experiance so young out of puberty.
my opinion of setting out profiles would be have another sub section for subs/slaves who are collared so i have no need to switch online to collar me and read the majority who have in big letters 'I AM COLLARED' PLEASE DO NOT WRITE OR CONTACT ME ! lets have a section for the lonely collared subs and slaves seperate so when they are bored they can talk among them selfs. this way masters etc who seek do not have to read their crap .
does any body else agree or do a toech a sore nerve ladies ?


How trite.



truesub4u -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 3:14:03 PM)

Well that would just cut down on my reading then.... lol

I would have to go to different areas...

But at least.. not see to NO BBW.. is someone easier on the eyes.. because looking at me.. I"M NOT A MODEL.. lol.. i'm not starving.. i'm not skin and bones.. (though don't get me wrong ladies.. others are happy that way)... and others prefer that.... And I don't expect this to become a Weight discussion either... LOL

But to a point you are right.. to have a section.. to go to.. to see what you really are into.. and what's available... is a nice thought.


The age thing... I can't go there.. because i was a young sub.. very young... younger than the ages you stated... now i am an older.. and still feeling like a newbie.. finding what worked for one.. does not work.. for others... and so there for.. being retrained.. in many areas.. each time i have agreed to meet.. and enjoy.. "play time"

But yes, to make sure that one is open with the fact.. I AM MARRIED.. it's nice to know right off the bat.. where one would be standing. Married men and women, have needs.. desires... that are not filled at home... If they stray.. that's their doing. As long as everyones up front about it.. feelings getting hurt... got no one to blame.. you went in knowing that one was married. If you went looking for love. You went to wrong place to begin with. IF the person was up front to begin with.. like in their profile!

So many read differently as well. Words are harder to express on profiles, paper. Than to hear the person who speaks then. So that they know how their words sound. How they sound when they speak them.

OMG There's an Idea.... VOICE PROFILES!.... LOL





RiotGirl -> RE: Revealing Profiles? (12/2/2005 6:06:17 PM)

quote:

I would believe that for many in terms of potential submissives or slaves would really not have much need for posting what it is that they are willing to give as to me that would put the wrong spin on the relation from the get go.

Upon accepting a dominant force into your life, you are then subjecting yourself to their will and their desires, thereby what you are willing to give is whatever is asked of you.

To me that is why it makes far more sense for them to keep their posted desires and their hard limits then it leaves the array for giving wide open.

Besides even beyond the D/s relationship idealism, there is the simple fact that until you are with someone it is impossible to determine what your chemistry or passion would lead you into doing. What you would be willing to give to A you might never give to B, and what you give readilly to B you would of never even thought twice about with A.

It's simple physical and mental boundaries that cannot be predetermined before the fact and put out there as sort of a blanket statement.


that is very well stated, like your words always are. When i read the OP i thought she made a very good point. Ya know, i still think it wouldnt be a bad idea on what you are "able" to give. Talents, area of expertise, <grins> a LIST of your abilities! But AF, i think you make a very good point and an awesome explanation as to why.



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