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Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 5:58:51 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		My question comes from reading another thread and got me wondering, what part of you cannot be control by the dominant? Also what part would you not want to control in your submissive/slave life? Does a collar mean giving up rights to participate in voting, having a religious or spiritual belief and so on? What would make a  submissive or slave choose to do so? Why would a Dominant need that? Why would something so great to one's heart be seen as the ultiminate way to express complete surrender?  
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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 6:20:19 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		If you don't want these things to be controlled, find someone who doesn't want to control them. Then, it's a non-issue.

Master Fire


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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 6:37:00 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		i personally would not nor could not choose for these things to be control. Just trying to understand why some would. It has perplexed me and looking to understand it.

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 7:26:31 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		My apologies to anyone that i might have offended by my post. It was not my intention, nor is it for me to know why a person does this or that. Sometimes something will touch me deep inside and i tend to react to it, which i did in this case.
blessings,

oceanwynds

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 7:33:31 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds
Why would something so great to one's heart be seen as the ultiminate way to express complete surrender?

It seems to me you have answered your own question?
Perhaps for some, it is simply an expression that someone will give "even that" to another, although the "even that" may vary from person to person.

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 7:39:18 PM   
cravesdom


Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		I could never give myself to a man who wanted to change my beliefs. I have been in relationships where most of the decisions were made by my Master, but he never expected me to give up my belief in God or my right to vote for whomever I should choose to vote for. He also never interfered in my job or in who I chose to be friends with. Those are all things that would make me think very hard about whether the relationship was the right choice for me.

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 7:43:00 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		I have no interest in micromanaging Fox. He can vote as he likes, as long as he doesnt tell me for whom nor try and influence me either way beforehand. Afterwards, its fair game.
I also have no interest in changing his religious views, nor his sexuality. I would never ask him to give up friends or family for me. These things are not a threat to my control, so I see no reason to use them as a demonstration of it.
Some people enjoy that sort of control, and more power to them. Personally one of the draws to Fox as a slave was that I did not have to control every waking moment for him. I trust him to make good decisions on his own.

DV

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 7:43:50 PM   
servantheart


Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds

My question comes from reading another thread and got me wondering, what part of you cannot be control by the dominant? Also what part would you not want to control in your submissive/slave life? Does a collar mean giving up rights to participate in voting, having a religious or spiritual belief and so on? What would make a  submissive or slave choose to do so? Why would a Dominant need that? Why would something so great to one's heart be seen as the ultiminate way to express complete surrender?  


Ultimately, no part of me can be controlled by my Sir.  I choose to give up that control and it is a choice I gladly make.  As to the other stuff, I do not believe that being a submissive or collared slave automatically means the loss of certain rights, unless it is something that is agreed upon in advance and the sub/slave wishes to surrender these things.  My own opinion is that some Dominants need it as validation of His/Her power and control over their property.
 
I agree with MasterFireMaam.  If it bothers one to give these things up, it's best to choose a partner who doesn't demand that. 

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 7:45:47 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		The reality though is what we see as a hard thing to surrender to another might not be for others, and what we would surrender to some would find difficult. As i said, i do apologize for starting this post. It is not for me to judge another on what is right for them. Many things i surrendered too others would be appauled as well.

Wish i could take this post away, but it did teach me a very powerful lesson.

oceanwynds

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 9:03:47 PM   
sistermargaret


Posts: 101
Joined: 8/8/2008
Status: offline 		First of all the post is quite thought provoking. Stop beating yourself up ... let US do it :)  
Like Billy Jole said, it's a matter of trust. i trust Master to never force upon me that which would dim my light and love of life. Given that, i am able to give to Him what He demands. Giving Him control over my soul has caused such a chain reaction thru my whole life. EVERYTHING is different now, and so much better. So, based on O/our history so far i feel confident in an M/s future with this man.
i don't have my collar yet, i'm still shopping for it. i know what i want but i can't find it. i will. i'll walk by a window or display case and it will jump up and down yelling 'Here I am!!!!!!" like a puppy at the pet store.
The thing that we all do, hopefully, is play. It's called play. A submissive agrees to play the Dominant's game, fairly and with trust.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xx53c_6h-W4
 
sm
 
All it takes is absolute surrender 

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 9:05:58 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline 		 I have a collar, and it means the exact same things it mean before I had my collar, except I get pretty jewelery. The limits your dom puts on you depends on your dom, I can't imagine Ex stepping in on something like voting or religion. However, to me, it means submitting to his wishes, even if that means going to church or voting.

Some might seek this because it means full control, the same way you seek a dom to control you in whatever ways you enjoy being controlled. The feelings of submission and obediance that come from not wearing panties would also come from obeying your dominant in other, more life-altering ways.

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 9:19:30 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If you don't want these things to be controlled, find someone who doesn't want to control them. Then, it's a non-issue.

Master Fire



That's the bottom line really. A collar means only what the people attached to that specific collar agreed it means.

As for the whys - for some people the issues that you bring up don't mean a great deal, or even nothing. It is simply something else to hand over. The disbelief that you express regarding these issues could also be expressed at the control of a submissive's/slave's clothing or other loss of self-expression.


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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 9:21:57 PM   
sistermargaret


Posts: 101
Joined: 8/8/2008
Status: offline 		i like this one too, lol.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6T7H6wpewQM&feature=related

sm
 
All it takes is absolute surrender

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/26/2008 10:51:58 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds
Also what part would you not want to control in your submissive/slave life?

There is a subtle difference between exerting active control of every aspect and exerting to have an influence over every aspect. As a caretaker and mentor, I would expect to be involved in every pertinent aspect...and that the desire and trust in offering it would be there.

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds
Does a collar mean giving up rights to participate in voting, having a religious or spiritual belief and so on?

A collar means only what each individual ascribes to it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds
What would make a  submissive or slave choose to do so?

Emotional trust. Intellectual trust. Physical trust.

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds
Why would a Dominant need that?

Why do any of us feel the need for anything?

quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds
Why would something so great to one's heart be seen as the ultiminate way to express complete surrender?  

Well, just to take your words at face value: complete surrender wouldn't really be complete if there were limits, would it?

If we're talking about the concept of spirituality, for instance...I personally wouldn't appreciate anything else (metaphysical conjecture or not) superseding our relationship (My dominance, her submission) on a priority list.



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I know they're all insane
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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/27/2008 1:58:24 AM   
littlemisssnarf


Posts: 85
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: oceanwynds
Does a collar mean giving up rights to participate in voting, having a religious or spiritual belief and so on?


It may mean giving up the right to vote or being ordered to vote as Master does - however a belief is a belief, it is not tangible - you can't touch it or maneouvre it..... you can only change it in time - and even then only with conditioning - we may do our best to work at changing beliefs and even state that we have (often enough that perhaps we start to believe it) - but deep down and truly it is the concious kidding the subconcious....

Ultimately that ingrained "thing" is probably always going to be there - however i can supress my beliefs to a degree - accept that they differ

< Message edited by littlemisssnarf -- 9/27/2008 2:01:13 AM >

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/27/2008 2:24:52 AM   
FABLEVIS


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/4/2008
Status: offline 		It does not change anything in my mind...
It only shows that i am proud to belong to someone..
and i am proud to be onwed by my mistress...
fablevis     x x x

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/27/2008 3:39:26 AM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		MasterFireMaam said it best ... compatability is about finding someone who wants to exert about as much control as you're generally willing to give. So if those things are on your no go list, find someone for whom they are on His no go list too!

It's true that what some find easy to surrender, others find difficult. Some say they will never surrender financial control ... whereas after 3 years of 24/7, i did surrender that to Master and am totally at ease with that. What was hardest for me was to surrender musical control! In all my years, i have been the leader of every musical group i've been part of ... so to surrender control of that to Master was a really hard thing to do. However, once i did ... We work so well as a duo! i'd probably find it much easier if He told me who to vote for ... but then, We're on the same political side anyways LOL!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/27/2008 4:26:45 AM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		for me personally, being collared isnt micromanagement, its being held loosely and having someone be in control when i *cant*.  i have days when literally i cant decide what to wear...and TheEngineer laughingly pulls something out for me to put on, or simply says "stay naked till i get home". 

at the same time, he encourages me to speak my mind (respectfully) and keep HIM reminded when he forgets things (like changing his address when we moved although i did remind him lol).  we have a relationship that works for *us*, not for anyone else.

oh and voting?  we have a strict policy of never discussing politics less than an hour before bedtime or there is a possibility of NO one getting laid. 

kitten

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/27/2008 5:06:24 AM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		Being collared has many meanings for people.  What it does come down to is what we as a person is comfortable with. i am comfortable in not being collared. Voting is such an important freedom of mine and has such a rich history of not being a freedom for many in our country over the years, that the concept of a Dom taking that right away just threw me. Yet, it really is not a new thing, seen many vanilla marriages where one spouse would vote as the other spouse wanted for a variety of reasons.

Have a blessed day
oceanwynds

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RE: Collar means to do what? - 9/27/2008 6:20:50 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		A collar is a symbol.  In itself it does not change a relationship, though the relationship often grows after it is received.  Many consider it to be similar to a wedding band or engagement ring in a vanilla relationship.  The commitment is already there between the partners.

Some subs feel the need to turn over every single decision to their Dom.  They get fulfillment from that.  Most do not go that far.  My Master had me register to vote (since I am new to the area and needed a new vote registration) but He did not tell me who to vote for.  Accepting the collar did not mean that I was no longer to think or to feel my own emotions.  He knows that there are things intrinsic to me that I could not give up - such as praying.  He would never think of taking that away from me. 

As others have pointed out, a collar means slightly different things in different relationships.  For many it is an outward sign of the bond that the two people have together.  It is something tangible that I can touch when I am alone, and to remind me that He is always with me even when we are not together.  It is a reminder that our journey is ongoing and that I don't need to worry about Him becoming bored with me and simply walking away.  I would serve Him with as much zeal without the collar, but having it reminds me that He takes pride in His ownership of me.  I was more excited about receiving a collar than when I was vanilla and received a diamond ring.  I have found this lifestyle relationship to be much more intense and fulfilling than any other relationship I have ever had.  Accepting it did not mean to me giving up more rights, but being fully accepted and treasured.


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