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SthrnCom4t -> RE: Appreciating male bottoms/finding what you want (10/11/2008 12:33:23 PM)
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I think 'bottoms' have their place, just as submissives and slaves do. They are the compliments to Tops, Dominants, and Masters/Mistresses.
As a switch with a predominately FemDom side, I realize there a variety of dynamics, which can be needs within a single individual. Trying to explain who we are, at any given time, can take a great deal of thought and personal insight. I'm poly for just that reason, and have a high degree of admiration for those who have also taken a long hard look at who they are, and are honoring each part of themselves.
I take what people tell me about themselves, and then I analyze their actions. Do the two match up? I don't believe people lie on purpose, but I do think that sometimes we don't know ourselves as well as we think we do. We also react, or are inspired to present, different sides of ourselves, to different people. Each relationship is unique.
I've played with bottoms before, and it was downright HOT! They can be great to play with, as long as the expectations on both sides are on the same page. The bottoms I've known had a certain checklist of activities they wanted to engage in, but beyond that, they weren't really into service. Once I realized the difference, and our expectations were aligned, the playtime was dynamite.
For me, power exchange is rooted very deeply into my being. "Playing" with a bottom does not engage my deep emotional side, although the energy exchange can be powerful at the time. Having my boy's submission, during playtime, and throughout the day when casual observers would notice nothing unusual, engages me on a much deeper, long-lasting, sustainable level.
Each of us need to be true to ourselves!
For those of you who have been disappointed by others......
My advice, worth about 2 cents on a good day <grin>, is to take a personal inventory of what you want, and do this over time. Realize that your wants and desires may change, not just over months, but even day by day. Give yourself permission to want variety. When you can define what you seek (bottom, sub, slave, one of each?), cast out that line (post that ad) and see what bounty the pond (Universe) will bless you with.
Make your own judgements about the people that respond, and see if their actions and words match. If they don't, look deeper, and ask more questions. Take a test drive, or several test drives....refrain from 'buying' until you're sure you're getting what you really want. You are responsible for your own feelings. You are responsibile for getting your needs met. Choose to engage with someone who meets your needs, because those actions also meet his/hers needs. Don't be afraid to say, 'this isn't working out'. No one has to be 'at fault'. Compatability, of lack thereof , is just that.
If you are honest with yourself, and with others, and are open to many different types of opportunities, your life will be rewarded beyond measure. (personal experience)
Blessings to all,
Nikki
<Honorably served by Otterssim>
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