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ORIGINAL: bluexaura

this is copied and pasted from another board i'm on and they recommeneded i go to a place like this. it's pretty much just a situation that i'm trying to deal with while maintaining my everyday life, and has also taught me a lot about myself. thanks for reading.

"probobly gonna be really long and rambly and fucked up, buuut...

when i was in middle school, boys always made fun of me for being ugly, so i guess, because of that, i've always kinda been intimidated by guys my age (20 now) ... and, i guess because of a combination of those self-esteem issues and just... general cynicism as far as love and relationships, i'm pretty "liberal" with my body - i've had sex with 8 guys in the past three years, not even knowing some of their last names. i know most people think really lowly of that kind of stuff, think it's not right, but it's what works for me, i suppose.

through those encounters, i learned that i'm really submissive. like, to the point where my ex-boyfriend asked me to try being more dominant in bed and i just couldn't, i was so not into it. i've had guys spank me, pull my hair, choke me, bite me, hold my head down during oral sex (though one of my friends said she thought guys only did that because they didn't think the girl was doing it right - shit!), etc and i LOVE it. also, maybe because of the issues i have with guys my age, i only really get turned on by older guys, like 30s, 40s, though 6/8 of the guys i've slept with were only a few years older than me.

but a recent encounter just kinda... i guess showed me something i kinda didn't want to see. i was fucking this guy i work with, mark. (he's married. i know how wrong that is, i know i shouldn't have done it and i'm not going to do that again, not with him or anyone else, though it's gonna be so hard to break it off with him) another guy from our work, brian, was at his house while this was happening, to watch out for mark's wife. while brian was there, mark was demanding that i walk around naked, fondling me in front of brian, etc. mark and i are having sex and he tells me to tell brian that i'm okay with him watching us fuck, which i wasn't, but mark starts yelling at me, while he's fucking me, to tell brian it's okay. i say it is, brian and i start having sex with me ontop and mark's standing right in front of us. he asks me if he can hit me and i was kinda taken aback but i said okay. he just kinda smacked me lightly across my face and said pretends like he was joking "oh, why would you want me to do that to you?" or something

okay, so that all happened, shit went around my work (courtesy of mark, who then told me that he had no idea how the rumors started, and i found out from someone else that he was the one saying shit but honestly cannot call him on it - part of it's fear and part of it is honestly not wanting to lose his attention, i think) and i know that i cannot keep doing this, though i still want to but i won't. i shouldn't have in the first place, but i can't do anything about that now.
it's almost like... mark is just so aggressive and disrespectful and manipulative and that's everything i know i should hate in someone i slept with but it's just exactly what i crave - thinking about how he talked to me and all that turns me on so much and i just want that

so i know i'm gonna incur the most hate by having sex with a married guy (two, actually, since brian's married, too but i just have an actual emotional... thing with mark that makes it so hard for me to swear off sex with him) but i'm trying to exercise some will power for the first time in my life and not ever have sex with mark or any other married guy ever again ... i just know that my feelings and my turn-ons are not safe and don't know how easy they will be to control and i can't really talk about this with ANYONE i'm close with irl so i guess i just needed to get it out"

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

What in the world does any of that have to do with "domination by older men"?  Should have been called The Sexploits of an Office Slut. 

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ORIGINAL: ResidentSadist

LOL mist...  this thread cracks me up. 

I imagine having so many self esteem issues that you have no self control sexually will only lead to chaos in more places than the “sexploits at the office”. 

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ORIGINAL: lally3

just as an after thought.

when i was about 16 this horrible guy put it around that id be the last person he'd sleep with, cos i was soooo gross.  it really hurt me, made me feel really bad about myself and i started needing to get reassurance from guys that i wasnt so ugly.

you know what, turned out that horrible guy really fancied me and was just being a jerk about it - point being, sometimes people are horrible cos theyre jealous, fancy you, envy you, hate you cos they want you.

i bumped into an old school friend a while back and we got talking. she said there was a school reunion and i should come along, i said, nah, i never felt like anyone wanted to be my friend.  she said, jeeze! we all thought you were so cool, we just didnt know what to talk to you about.

sometimes we get it all wrong - so why not turn all of that on its head, chances are they fancied you big time and gave you a hard time because of it.  kids can be freaky, stupid and cruel.  its gone move on.

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ORIGINAL: lally3 kids can be freaky, stupid and cruel. its gone move on.

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ORIGINAL: CelticPrince

blue,

so what does this ramble have to do with older Doms?

CP