domination by older men...

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bluexaura -> domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:19:42 PM)
this is copied and pasted from another board i'm on and they recommeneded i go to a place like this. it's pretty much just a situation that i'm trying to deal with while maintaining my everyday life, and has also taught me a lot about myself. thanks for reading. "probobly gonna be really long and rambly and fucked up, buuut... when i was in middle school, boys always made fun of me for being ugly, so i guess, because of that, i've always kinda been intimidated by guys my age (20 now) ... and, i guess because of a combination of those self-esteem issues and just... general cynicism as far as love and relationships, i'm pretty "liberal" with my body - i've had sex with 8 guys in the past three years, not even knowing some of their last names. i know most people think really lowly of that kind of stuff, think it's not right, but it's what works for me, i suppose. through those encounters, i learned that i'm really submissive. like, to the point where my ex-boyfriend asked me to try being more dominant in bed and i just couldn't, i was so not into it. i've had guys spank me, pull my hair, choke me, bite me, hold my head down during oral sex (though one of my friends said she thought guys only did that because they didn't think the girl was doing it right - shit!), etc and i LOVE it. also, maybe because of the issues i have with guys my age, i only really get turned on by older guys, like 30s, 40s, though 6/8 of the guys i've slept with were only a few years older than me. but a recent encounter just kinda... i guess showed me something i kinda didn't want to see. i was fucking this guy i work with, mark. (he's married. i know how wrong that is, i know i shouldn't have done it and i'm not going to do that again, not with him or anyone else, though it's gonna be so hard to break it off with him) another guy from our work, brian, was at his house while this was happening, to watch out for mark's wife. while brian was there, mark was demanding that i walk around naked, fondling me in front of brian, etc. mark and i are having sex and he tells me to tell brian that i'm okay with him watching us fuck, which i wasn't, but mark starts yelling at me, while he's fucking me, to tell brian it's okay. i say it is, brian and i start having sex with me ontop and mark's standing right in front of us. he asks me if he can hit me and i was kinda taken aback but i said okay. he just kinda smacked me lightly across my face and said pretends like he was joking "oh, why would you want me to do that to you?" or something okay, so that all happened, shit went around my work (courtesy of mark, who then told me that he had no idea how the rumors started, and i found out from someone else that he was the one saying shit but honestly cannot call him on it - part of it's fear and part of it is honestly not wanting to lose his attention, i think) and i know that i cannot keep doing this, though i still want to but i won't. i shouldn't have in the first place, but i can't do anything about that now. it's almost like... mark is just so aggressive and disrespectful and manipulative and that's everything i know i should hate in someone i slept with but it's just exactly what i crave - thinking about how he talked to me and all that turns me on so much and i just want that so i know i'm gonna incur the most hate by having sex with a married guy (two, actually, since brian's married, too but i just have an actual emotional... thing with mark that makes it so hard for me to swear off sex with him) but i'm trying to exercise some will power for the first time in my life and not ever have sex with mark or any other married guy ever again ... i just know that my feelings and my turn-ons are not safe and don't know how easy they will be to control and i can't really talk about this with ANYONE i'm close with irl so i guess i just needed to get it out"

tweedydaddy -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:26:31 PM)
You are right, perfectly correct and honest, it was rambly. Your point was?

goodpet -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:30:21 PM)
OK, so now you've gotten it all out.. now what? It does not matter what I say.. It does not matter what anyone else on here says.. What matters is what your ethics and morals says.. and what you are going to do with your feelings.. Take time to reflect, think about things.. try to look at things from different points of views.. take some time.. make a plan and move forward in life.. regardless what others say or think.. you make a plan and move on in life.. You WILL make wrong decisions in life and mistakes.. but keep going back to your ethics and act on them.. what ever they are. If you have questions about what to do.. try this.. "Do the next right thing" At any moment in time all we have is just that, that moment.. so do the right thing for that moment.. and keep doing that. ~ann

mztresn0w -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:32:08 PM)
*I hope you feel better. I find it sad rambling story. But that is just what I think.*

Raechard -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:34:20 PM)
Next Week don't miss the episode where Mark and Brian invite the rest of the office home for a gangbang.

lusciouslips19 -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:39:37 PM)
If you want to continue to enjoy sex with multiple partners this is fine. However, I recommend you by the book The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton http://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Infinite-Sexual-Possibilities/dp/1890159018

ResidentSadist -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:40:54 PM)
What in the world does any of that have to do with "domination by older men"? Should have been called The Sexploits of an Office Slut.

scarlethiney -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:46:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bluexaura this is copied and pasted from another board i'm on and they recommeneded i go to a place like this. it's pretty much just a situation that i'm trying to deal with while maintaining my everyday life, and has also taught me a lot about myself. thanks for reading. "probobly gonna be really long and rambly and fucked up, buuut... when i was in middle school, boys always made fun of me for being ugly, so i guess, because of that, i've always kinda been intimidated by guys my age (20 now) ... and, i guess because of a combination of those self-esteem issues and just... general cynicism as far as love and relationships, i'm pretty "liberal" with my body - i've had sex with 8 guys in the past three years, not even knowing some of their last names. i know most people think really lowly of that kind of stuff, think it's not right, but it's what works for me, i suppose. through those encounters, i learned that i'm really submissive. like, to the point where my ex-boyfriend asked me to try being more dominant in bed and i just couldn't, i was so not into it. i've had guys spank me, pull my hair, choke me, bite me, hold my head down during oral sex (though one of my friends said she thought guys only did that because they didn't think the girl was doing it right - shit!), etc and i LOVE it. also, maybe because of the issues i have with guys my age, i only really get turned on by older guys, like 30s, 40s, though 6/8 of the guys i've slept with were only a few years older than me. but a recent encounter just kinda... i guess showed me something i kinda didn't want to see. i was fucking this guy i work with, mark. (he's married. i know how wrong that is, i know i shouldn't have done it and i'm not going to do that again, not with him or anyone else, though it's gonna be so hard to break it off with him) another guy from our work, brian, was at his house while this was happening, to watch out for mark's wife. while brian was there, mark was demanding that i walk around naked, fondling me in front of brian, etc. mark and i are having sex and he tells me to tell brian that i'm okay with him watching us fuck, which i wasn't, but mark starts yelling at me, while he's fucking me, to tell brian it's okay. i say it is, brian and i start having sex with me ontop and mark's standing right in front of us. he asks me if he can hit me and i was kinda taken aback but i said okay. he just kinda smacked me lightly across my face and said pretends like he was joking "oh, why would you want me to do that to you?" or something okay, so that all happened, shit went around my work (courtesy of mark, who then told me that he had no idea how the rumors started, and i found out from someone else that he was the one saying shit but honestly cannot call him on it - part of it's fear and part of it is honestly not wanting to lose his attention, i think) and i know that i cannot keep doing this, though i still want to but i won't. i shouldn't have in the first place, but i can't do anything about that now. it's almost like... mark is just so aggressive and disrespectful and manipulative and that's everything i know i should hate in someone i slept with but it's just exactly what i crave - thinking about how he talked to me and all that turns me on so much and i just want that so i know i'm gonna incur the most hate by having sex with a married guy (two, actually, since brian's married, too but i just have an actual emotional... thing with mark that makes it so hard for me to swear off sex with him) but i'm trying to exercise some will power for the first time in my life and not ever have sex with mark or any other married guy ever again ... i just know that my feelings and my turn-ons are not safe and don't know how easy they will be to control and i can't really talk about this with ANYONE i'm close with irl so i guess i just needed to get it out" I don't know if your honestly submissive but I do know you need help..............counseling would be a good start. I don't honestly think you'll listen to any advice put here because you "need" to give people a reason to think badly of you and to degrade you because you think so badly of yourself. I have the highest hope for you that you will get counseling, you will one day realize beauty isn't about looks but about integrity, kindness, caring and self-sacrifice. Those are beautiful qualities to have. If you sincerely want advice: Quit this job and get away from this situation. Get some counseling. Make an unbreakable rule for the future. Have too much integrity to sleep with married people and understand exactly who your hurting when you do. scarlet

stella41b -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:57:34 PM)
Has this got something to do with Republicans by any chance, or am I in the wrong section or wrong thread? Just asking..

VivaciousSub -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 4:58:49 PM)
Let's forget about Exploits of An Office Slut And Other Drama for a second - during the commercial break, of course - and boil this down a bit, shall we? OP - I am a submissive, and I also prefer older men. I was also made fun of in school from elementary through HS for being ugly (which speaks to them, not to me). That's where our similarities end. It sounds like you have a serious self-control problem. That's two married men you've slept with and you're claiming that your feelings for Mark keep you from making good choices. Bzzzzzt! YOU are keeping you from making good choices. I suggest you get yourself to someone and talk to them so you can figure out what choices are good for you and that honor you. Aside from that, why on earth would you want to have anything to do with someone that blabs your stuff all over your office, cheats on his wife, gets another married man to stand lookout so he can cheat with impunity, drags the other married man in - which speaks to married man No. 2's character as well, blah blah blah etc. This has nothing to do with domination/submission, at least in a healthy way that honors both people's decisions. This guy sounds like a classic loser with zero character.

catize -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 5:41:18 PM)
**Warning: Arm-chair Psychology ahead** Is your problem A. how many people you’ve had sex with, B. their marital status, C. office gossip D. unsure if you are a submissive E. None of the above The correct answer is……..E. Your problem is that you don’t feel good about what you are doing. If it’s not working for you, get some help to figure out how to fix it.

laura2161 -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 6:24:26 PM)
quote: mark is just so aggressive and disrespectful and manipulative and that's everything i know i should hate in someone i slept with but it's just exactly what i crave - thinking about how he talked to me and all that turns me on so much and i just want that so i know i'm gonna incur the most hate by having sex with a married guy (two, actually, since brian's married, too but i just have an actual emotional... thing with mark that makes it so hard for me to swear off sex with him) but i'm trying to exercise some will power for the first time in my life and not ever have sex with mark or any other married guy ever again ... i just know that my feelings and my turn-ons are not safe and don't know how easy they will be to control Well, You are correct. You're going to get lambasted here for fucking around with married men. What I focused in on was what I quoted from you above. That you feel that your turn-on's and feelings are not safe. Not neccessarily true. Quite a few people crave to be degraded and humiliated. It is their kink. Their turn on. If that's what gets you off then go for it. It's not the fact that your turn-ons arent safe, it is the fact that you are having office affairs with men who cant/wont keep their mouths shut, and honestly honey there are plenty of men out there that can fulfill your kinks and desires, so I would strongly suggest staying away from the office guys. You could end up losing your job if word gets back to your boss. As a side note, there also is nothing wrong with having three way sex if thats what you want, again just be smarter in your choices.

DesFIP -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 6:43:38 PM)
Find a new job. Don't have sex with coworkers. Find someone who will do this stuff with you safely. In this case asking you ahead of time if you're okay with other men watching, with being hit, etc etc. Discuss it ahead of time. Figure out what you do and don't like. If because of having body image problems you would feel worse if the guy called you ugly, then make sure they know not to do this. If they do it anyway, then stop having sex right then and there. Nobody has the right to break your limits. But for the next six months, just read a lot and figure out what you do and don't want. And get some help for your self esteem issues, because until you decide you are worth more than this, these kinds of lowlifes are the only types you will be with. Look up ACOA and go to meetings. It's a self help group, a dollar towards coffee is all the cost. Just sit in the back and listen, you don't have to talk, just take it in and think about what strikes you and why in relation to your own life.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 7:16:09 PM)
I make no judgments about you or your situation, but feel led to point out this: quote: ORIGINAL: bluexaura i've had sex with 8 guys in the past three years, not even knowing some of their last names. i know most people think really lowly of that kind of stuff, think it's not right, but it's what works for me, i suppose. If this was REALLY working for you, you 1) wouldn't care what others thought, 2) wouldn't feel the need to testify to us that it works for you and 3) you'd really truly know it worked for you rather than just saying, "I suppose it works for me." Being in these kinds of relationships isn't about giving in to some 'bad' desires or behaviors in your life. It's about finding relationship dynamics that fulfill you. Master Fire

bipolarber -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 7:41:25 PM)
I grew up, moved to a larger city, and kinda went "hog wild" for a bit. Not unlike the exploits you are bringing up here, OP, but as you can imagine a bi male on his own for the first time would. You make mistakes, and you end up building up a set of "personal rules," based on the stuff that bites you in the ass. Mine are: 1) don't fuck around with married folk unless I've met their spouse, and they say it's fine. 2) NEVER with co-workers at any job I need to hang onto. 3) Always protect myself, and my partners as best I can. 4) The "campground rule" applies. Leave the people/places you stay with better, or at least as good as when you found them. It sounds like you've been using sex to cover for something missing in your life. Maybe you should try to figure out what that something is before you, or some of the people around you, get hurt?

Jeptha -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 9:00:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laura2161 .... Quite a few people crave to be degraded and humiliated. It is their kink. Their turn on. If that's what gets you off then go for it. It's not the fact that your turn-ons arent safe, it is the fact that you are having office affairs with men who cant/wont keep their mouths shut, and honestly honey there are plenty of men out there that can fulfill your kinks and desires, so I would strongly suggest staying away from the office guys. You could end up losing your job if word gets back to your boss. As a side note, there also is nothing wrong with having three way sex if thats what you want, again just be smarter in your choices. Exactly what Laura2161 said. What you're describing is not such a very rare kink, and it is possible to find safe and sane partners to share it with, but it requires a little diligence on your part to find them and get to know them a little to be sure that they are what they claim to be. The paradox is that you can find partners that really are concerned with your well-being and capable of watching out for you, and yet really get off on humiliation scenes with you. I've done humiliation scenes with my partner and afterwards felt intense gratitude and affection towards them for being my partner and allowing me to go there, and following me there. Maybe what I'm stating is obvious, but possibly it's not so obvious if you've never experienced it, or really read up on that sort of thing much. Anyway, good luck.

DustinFaust -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 9:21:48 PM)
Wow man

DMFParadox -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 9:32:26 PM)
You're lucky honestly that you've been introduced to your desires so completely, and that you recognize them. (There might be other factors, and you've possibly been making false associations with heat/humiliation; but assuming that's not the case and that you've got good self awareness, that's lucky to have.) Don't hate Mark, but don't stick around--if not for your sake, then for the wife's. Change jobs and find someone outside of your work that can be discreet. Think of your long-term goals. Do you want kids? A high-powered professional career? Travel? To be locked in a cage and used as an animal for the rest of your life? Whatever your long-term goals are, make sure that they and your current situation are on track, or change tracks. Mark doesn't sound like the best father in the world to me, and his wife precludes the rest of those options including the cage thing; this is probably only a temporary fling, darlin'. Enjoy it, but cut him off when it's time to go. Edit: Did somebody mention a paradox? quote: Jeptha: The paradox is that you can find partners that really are concerned with your well-being and capable of watching out for you, and yet really get off on humiliation scenes with you. Too right, bro.

lally3 -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 9:33:02 PM)
DustinFaust is right, you are lucky that youve worked yourself out a little and you now have a direction to go in. so, suck it in, move on, leave mark well behind and start your new journey finding someone who can kink your kinks for you. and oh, stop beating yourself up and stop using the 'school bullies' as an excuse to screw around, all youre doing is allowing them to hurt you still, why would you do that. grow some pride hun and enjoy yourself.

lally3 -> RE: domination by older men... (9/27/2008 9:42:36 PM)
just as an after thought. when i was about 16 this horrible guy put it around that id be the last person he'd sleep with, cos i was soooo gross. it really hurt me, made me feel really bad about myself and i started needing to get reassurance from guys that i wasnt so ugly. you know what, turned out that horrible guy really fancied me and was just being a jerk about it - point being, sometimes people are horrible cos theyre jealous, fancy you, envy you, hate you cos they want you. i bumped into an old school friend a while back and we got talking. she said there was a school reunion and i should come along, i said, nah, i never felt like anyone wanted to be my friend. she said, jeeze! we all thought you were so cool, we just didnt know what to talk to you about. sometimes we get it all wrong - so why not turn all of that on its head, chances are they fancied you big time and gave you a hard time because of it. kids can be freaky, stupid and cruel. its gone move on.

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