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RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 10:12:27 AM   
ladyw0lf


Posts: 3
Joined: 8/18/2008
Status: offline 		I understand their are exceptions to every rule and in this life their are no set rules but the ones you make for your self and whats right for your relationship. but going out on a limb i think most will agree with the following guide lines:

~ The Dominants Creed ~
* Above all else a Dom cherishes Their submissive, in the knowledge that the gift the submissive gives Them is the greatest gift of all.

* A Dom is demanding and takes full advantage of the power given to Them, but knows how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift.

* A Dom is in control of Them self first and foremost, so that They may control others.

* As a stern and demanding Dom, They can cause Their submissive to cry real tears.

* As the consummate lover, They will then kiss the tears away, without stepping out of character.

* In times of trouble, a Dom will leave the roles behind, to be a supportive friend and partner, never
forgetting that this is still a loving relationship between two caring individuals.

* A Dom is quick to understand the differences between fantasy and reality.

* A Dom would never ask a submissive to put Them before their career, or family,
just to satisfy Their own pleasure.

* To win a submissive's mind, body, spirit, soul, and love, a Dom knows They must
first win their trust.

* A Dom will show Their submissive humor, kindness, and warmth.

* A Dom must always show them that Their guidance and tutoring is deserving of their attention, that this is a person they can learn from, and that they can trust Their direction.

* A Dom is romantic enough to be protective and chivalrous. When called upon, They
will fight for Their submissive's honor.

* A Dom proves to their submissive that They are someone they can lean on, and depend on.

* When it comes time to teach Their submissive their lessons of obedience, They are a strong and unyielding professor.

* A Dom will accept no flaw. Nothing less than perfection from Their student.

* Never does a Dom use discipline without a good reason. When they do punish Their submissive, it is always with a knowledgeable and careful hand.

* A Dom is always open to communication and discussion; always ready to hear Their
submissive's wants and needs.

* A Dom is patient; taking time to learn Their submissives's limits, and knowing that as
their trust of Them grows, so will they.

* A Dom never has to demand ritual behavior from Their submissive. Their submissive
responds to Them out of the want of pleasing them. Compliance comes from the wanting
to please, not the fear of punishment.

* A Dom understands the fragile nature of mind and body and never violates the trust given to Them.

* A Dom is secure enough to laugh at Them self and the absurdities of life. Open minded
enough to learn new things. Strong enough to grow.

* A Dom's tools are mind, body, spirit, soul, and love.

* A Dom understands that E/each partner gains most from pleasuring the O/other.

* And B/both of T/them know that love and trust are the only bindings that truly hold.

 

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 10:19:09 AM   
newone11


Posts: 75
Joined: 6/8/2008
Status: offline 		Here's $.02 from a relative newcomer--

We are in a similar situation.  We live 2 hours apart, he works every other weekend and we both have stressful jobs.  On top that we also work in the same field on oppisate sides of the aisle.  This last part was a concern for me in the beginning as I will not allow anyone to interfere with my represenation of clients (personal and professional ethics).  He was very quick to clarify that he would never ask for control/influence over my work.

As for whether a submissive should be anything?  We are who we are.  Myself, I'm in criminal defense.  The very job description means that I must have the ability to be zealous in my defense of clients and aggressive when required.  This includes with other side and, unfortunately, sometimes with clients too.  Outside of work is where I get to be my submissive self.  And I'm ok with that because I am who I am.

Do I love my job?  Absolutely.  Would I quit if he asked?  Absolutely.  Is that a practical option? Sadly no.  I trust him to make decisions based on what's best for us.  Yes, perhaps it's a danger to have this much trust so soon but when you know, you know.  However, not being able to pay bills and ending up in the poor house is not good for either one of us.  He has mentioned that it would be great if I switched sides so that he can root for my victories without conflict.  But it's not a demand and I doubt that it will become one since his only real objection is who I represent rather than the job itself.  And I think he's at least partly joking.

The practical realties of living far apart?  Yes, they are lousy.  However, if he's worth it to you then it's worth the effort to deal with them as best you can.  I wouldn't claim it's easy (because it's not) but it can be worth the effort.  In your situation, with a military person, there are even more concerns than the average LDR.  Even with that it goes to back to the cost/benefit ratio. (Gosh I'm so romantic.)  Whether it's worth the effort is something only you can answer.

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 12:23:09 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

For the s types do you think you should / would give up your career for your D type? Have you given up your career for a D type? Do you have a dominant role in your job? Are you comfy with it? 
 


Personally, if giving up my career were the best thing for our relationship, I could give it up.   My career is only a part of who I am.  I think that would be a decision that would not be made lightly.  There are way too many variables to simply say "yes I would" or "no I wouldn't".   In fantasy land, I could answer that quite quickly and say "yes" .. but reality is a completely different story. 

I do have a dominant role in my career.  But I also have a submissive role.  I have people working under me, but I work under a man in a very high position.   For my staff, I have to be dominant.   For my boss, I'm both dominant and submissive.   I have my priorities and projects, along with his.   I'm there to make him shine, whether that means being submissive and doing as I'm told or taking the lead and getting something done.   

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 12:36:09 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

For the s types do you think you should / would give up your career for your D type? Have you given up your career for a D type? Do you have a dominant role in your job? Are you comfy with it?

i love my jobs (lecturer, therapist, writer, house mother). i have worked very very hard all my life to gain the qualifications and experience to be doing exactly what i am doing right now. i could never imagine doing work i do not love. i am a complete alpha in my work. Master wants me to be the very best i can be at all things.
However my experience and qualifications would also allow me to re-locate and work in other places in the UK and in other countries (at least in a teaching capacity) and i gave worked extensively across Europe. Should Master ask it of me then es i would re-locate and be absolutely delighted to add financially to the household, as i always have done so. The only thing that keeps me here is the contingencies of being a mother to teenagers and that won't be forever. If there were a conflict of interest i would give up my work and submit to living within a household But i know that those who knpw me and value me would want me to make the best contribution possible i don't think therer would be a comflicy of interest.

< Message edited by SlaveIndigochild -- 9/28/2008 12:38:28 PM >

_____________________________

Formerly Prinsexx
_________________________

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iIUrLpvE3Rk&feature=related

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 1:23:37 PM   
mstrj69


Posts: 295
Joined: 5/27/2004
Status: offline 		To the OP, 
As to the original question would I ever ask a s to give up her career, it would depend on her career, how important it is to her and could she find a similar line of work near me.  In your case, you might have the option to find someone to come in and manage your pub for you while you are away with him.  I do not know how well it is doing financially and whether you and your sir could live on his income alone if you sold your pub.  Also how long has he been in the military and how long does he have to go until retirement?  Once he retires, you could buy another pub and both relocate to near the pub so you could run it.
As to the question of an s having a dominant position in her line of work, I find that makes her all the more of an s when she comes home from work.  As for not having the time to be with your sir, I would suggest if it can be afforded that you get an assitant manager in there so you can take more time off to be with your Sir.  He may have to send you some of his income so you can afford that assistant manager but in the kong run, the additional time together would be worth it.

(in reply to SlaveIndigochild)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 1:58:37 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		My answer comes in 2 parts

Part 1: submission and my career.
I am dominant in my job ... just as I am with life in general. My career is a defining part of who I am .. its not a job for me ... its a vocation ... I have a gift for working with a very particular type of child - and there are very few people who can do it as well as me (at least that is what I am told). I work with tough kids, in tough schools ... whatever you guys think of UK schools ... re-think it. We had a stabbing at mine on thursday, a fairly bad one ... and I spent friday bodily restraining kids who wanted in on the revenge attacks between two "gangs" (not really .. but can't think of another word) in school. I teach some kids down in the inclusion units so disturbed that I have to have 2 other staff there just to make sure I stay intact. I fucking LOVE my job ... I am 100% certain every day that the job I do makes a real difference to the quality of the kids lives, so what if I do an 11 hour day ... it is worth every minute. It was made clear to me that I would not be working in such a school if I moved out to the States .. I would be in a nice middle class school with nice kids and concerned pushy parents in a leafy suburb. I would probably also be part time ... Seemingly there were two reasons for this - one was my safety (which I always resented) and the second was the time/emotional investment I would detract from my slavery and service. I was told I only put so much into my kids and my work because I was busily replacing work kids .. with my own dreams of motherhood ... and that I just needed to be be needed. I think it was very much a case of someone being jealous of the total devotion my little thugs have of me.

I know now that if someone makes me choose between being with them ... and following my vocation to teach - the relationship is toast. Now there are tough schools in every city of the world ... That is not to say I cant relocate ... even across the world .. but telling me to give up my vocation would be me giving up a part of myself

Part 2: Missturbation and her new guy
(remember I love you)
Grow a fucking spine you wimpering little bitch
(I still love you baby, and will for as long as you are in my life but that needed saying)
You need to find your feet again ... your level, stable, strong, self sufficient feet.

your problem had to sides  - can you cope with being in a relationship with someone who also has a 24/7 career ... and should you adjust your career for him.

Yes to both ... if he is worth it. You want time and attention - totaaly understandable .. but you also need to remember you want your independent life and career ... and you need to relax into the ebb and flow of managing that around two very hectic work lives.

You also need to stop worrying about the future so much ... quit paying interest on a loan you ahven't even taken out yet

(remember I love you .. and like him too ... quit stressing about stuff)

btw .. thanks for a lovely birthday *kisses*


_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 3:05:03 PM   
IvyMorgan


Posts: 729
Joined: 7/5/2007
From: Midlands, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
For the s types do you think you should / would give up your career for your D type? Have you given up your career for a D type? Do you have a dominant role in your job? Are you comfy with it? 


First, twas great to meet you today, I hope there was enough butter icing :)

And to your question... I don't have a career yet, I've had school, I have plans for more school, and I've had jobs.  Whilst I've no real objection to giving up temping for a relationship, I wouldn't give up school, or plans for school.  Just like when asked/told "you'll need to take a day off group on..." I politely explained that therapy doesn't quite work like that.  When in a relationship, I would hope/expect that my partner would have a supportive view of my priorities when it comes to self improvement.

I do not, and never have had, a dominant role in my job.  The closest I came was in teaching (and I guess debating in general), but I don't really see that in the same way.  I like my zero real responsibility role right now, it works for me considering where I am in life.  I don't intend on always having roles like this, but I can't ever see myself as a high flying executive (mainly due to my aversion for London/the City and similar things).  I don't think I would be comfortable as a CEO type, but, I'd do damn well as their PA.  In fact, I'd quite like to be a PA, I'm dominant enough to get things done, but without being the actual dominant person in the relationship.

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 3:21:08 PM   
apiercedkitty


Posts: 569
Joined: 2/22/2007
From: Michigan
Status: offline 		~FR~
 
As an s type... i am an RN - and worked very, very hard and went thru some very, very tough times to get there. i LOVE my job. i love it so much so that i can't decide which career path i want to take first - there are so many things i want to do. That being said, i would hope the Dominant i got involved in an LTR with would be proud of me for the things i have accomplished in regards to not only my job, but to life in general. i can't picture myself ever leaving a career i love because someone told me i had to. Of course, i can't see into the future either so i suppose that's not set in stone.
As far as the committed relationship goes - only you can answer if it can work for you... i'm more of the "let's ride the wave and see where it's leads us" kind of girl. Of course, being that i'm not relocatable at this point in time, i tend to shy away from anyone who's long distance anyway.

_____________________________

normal is a setting on a washing machine...

(in reply to IvyMorgan)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 3:46:48 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

For the s types do you think you should / would give up your career for your D type? Have you given up your career for a D type? Do you have a dominant role in your job? Are you comfy with it? 
 


I don't think there is a "should" response there other than I should do what is best for us and our unique relationship. I probably wouldn't have any problem giving up a job I didn't like or wasn't attached to but giving up my dream job would be a different story - not just because it's what I want to do but because getting said job is nearly impossisble and, personally, I just don't think I'd work with someone who wanted me to leave it just because he viewed it as a dominant job.
quote:


It has also occurred to me that if and it's a big if i know, that we decide in the future to move in together, it would more than likely be me that would have to do the moving. He can't particularly control where he is based, i can control a little better where i run a pub. What if i can't get a pub in his local area though? Would i be prepared to give up my career? I know i could just go with the flow, see where this goes, cross the bridge when i come to it. But if i'm not prepared to give my career up is there any point in carrying on?
 

That's a tough one. If I got my said dream job, it would take a lot to make me leave it. I'm not sure I'd be willing to for less than settling down, 2.5 kids, etc. For now I'd suggest not worrying about it too much but maybe talk to him about it. See what he thinks he would want if ya'll were going to move in. Life changes drastically sometimes so don't give up a good relationship now because things might not work out a year or more from now.

Take what you can and I wish you the best!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 3:47:34 PM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyw0lf
~ The Dominants Creed ~
* A Dom would never ask a submissive to put Them before their career, or family,
just to satisfy Their own pleasure.

I don't have a career, I have a job. I like it well enough (most days), but I absolutely would give it up on his sayso. I only took it with his permission. I'm neither submissive nor dominant at work, being middle of the ladder, and it has no bearing on what I want in a personal relationship.
I'll go ahead and go on record as saying I disagree with many parts of "the dominant's creed", in this case specifically the part relevant to the thread.
As for the rest of the op, I'll just refer to leadership's post, I couldn't add to that if I had to.

(in reply to ladyw0lf)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 4:57:36 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		Nice generalized platitudes but they sure don't fit everyone. 

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to ladyw0lf)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 8:00:27 PM   
auburnvixen


Posts: 92
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
For the s types do you think you should / would give up your career for your D type? Have you given up your career for a D type? Do you have a dominant role in your job? Are you comfy with it? 


I own and run my own business. It's still a startup so I'm really just making enough to get by (not the great salary I used to make when I worked for corporations), but it is growing. I love being my own boss and am very happy that way. On the other hand, my ideal status in a relationship would be as a slave. (I was a slave for almost five years.)

I would not give up my business/career for a Dom/Master unless there was an ironclad legal contract in place that would financially reimburse me if we broke up. The Man I'd want to be with would be proud of me for doing my own thing, and I'd not settle for less. My late husband was extremely supportive of my career, and encouraged me to go to grad school to move forward with it; my former Master was also very supportive and proud of me; and the Man I now seek will value that I submit to him from a position of strength and completeness of self. I don't condemn anyone else's decisions, but for me it is important to be financially independent within a relationship.

_____________________________

"Submissive Alpha Female"
If you're not taking flak, you're not over the target.
'Change' is not a destination, just as 'hope' is not a strategy. - Rudy Giuliani

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Careers and submission - 9/28/2008 8:05:46 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

For the s types do you think you should / would give up your career for your D type? Have you given up your career for a D type? Do you have a dominant role in your job? Are you comfy with it?



I have been lucky in that my Daddy wants me to excel in my chosen vocation, in fact he is proud of my accomplishments, there is no contradiction in our relationship

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Careers and submission - 9/29/2008 12:02:07 AM   
soul2share


Posts: 7084
Joined: 12/18/2007
From: somewhere out there.....
Status: offline 		First, I don't think that anyone should be forced to give up their career, period!  This isn't just a D/s issue, vanillas have to make the same choices.....I gave up my career choice when I got married, and it is the ONLY regret that I have in my life.  My current job is in the same field, but a different position in the field.  I love my job!  I am a total Type A, true blue dominant personality at work.....I have to be, so it is in my personal life that I have opted for change.  Don't cross me at work....I don't get mad, I get EVEN!  At home, well, it's a whole different story.

Miss, is he going to be a career soldier?  How much longer does he have on his contract with the army?  If he's not going to in forever, why not just wait for him?  I know long distance relationships suck, but people all over the world are involved iwth members of the military, and get along just fine.  I spent 4 months waiting for my husband to get back from Germany, I left first.  Ran up one heck of a phone bill, and missed him horribly, but managed.  We really appreciated each other more when he returned stateside.  (Too bad that part didn't last!)

As far as giving up my job, nope, ain't gonna happen.  I have to feel like I am contributing to the household, financially or otherwise.  I have been told that he will take care of all of my needs, but I'm just not that type of person.  And if I were to give up my job, I'd be absolutely, postively climbing the walls in a week!  Boredom is my enemy, and when I'm bored, I get miserable.  I asked just what I was supposed to do while HE was working, he said there'd be plenty of things to do, but couldn't elaborate.  I need to be physically and mentally occupied......with interests outside of the bedroom and the house.  Also, I'd feel guilty about saddling him with my medical bills.....nothing major, but I take hormone therapies, and medication for diabetes.  The blood tests I have done alone are a small fortune....never mind that one prescription is almost $800 a month...or would be if I didn't have my health insurance.  He said he'd take care of all of that......I can't seem to let him do it.  Should things progress, he has decided that I can keep my job until I want to quit it.....he seems to think that I will want to quit pretty soon if things progress the way he's expecting them to.  But there is no promise that if I quit, and things go south, that he will give me the assistance to get out.  Therefore, I feel the need to have the job so I can land on my feet.

But that is the future.....for now, it's just me and my job...and I love it.  Giving it up is not an option I wil lgive in to without a great deal of thought.  As far as someone demanding or commanding me to do so, sorry, I'm outta there.  But that's just me.

< Message edited by soul2share -- 9/29/2008 12:05:19 AM >

_____________________________

I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?"...people are starting to take it as a challenge!

*Not a fuck was given.*

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Careers and submission - 9/29/2008 5:28:00 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
For the s types do you think you should / would give up your career for your D type?

nope - why should i? unless he's planning on paying my rent, bills, groceries, and assuming support for my minors, then it's off to metal rock show i go.

it would be hard giving up the "rock star" life and all-press access to most places around town. besides Daddy wouldn't allow it - He knows i'm enjoy "working" in the music scene even though it does take away our time together. He's proud of my skyrocketing advances that have occurred in 2yrs from reviewer to radio personality to appearing on cable tv.
 
quote:

Have you given up your career for a D type?

nope and don't plan on it either.


quote:

Do you have a dominant role in your job? Are you comfy with it?  

yes it is - i get to pick and choose assignments (ie either reviewing the entire show or 1 band - only) ...i really don't have deadlines to meet but i try getting 4 reviews into the station within 2 to 4 days (that includes editing/uploading photos too) since i'm the only critic for them. i'm quite comfortable multitasking between on and off the music scene - most of my work happens before the show - hearing new bands, answering emails, listening to the stacks of CDs piling on my desk, scheduling interviews etc etc.

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to missturbation)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Careers and submission - 9/29/2008 7:33:59 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ladyw0lf

I understand their are exceptions to every rule and in this life their are no set rules but the ones you make for your self and whats right for your relationship. but going out on a limb i think most will agree with the following guide lines:

~ The Dominants Creed ~


I'm not copying the whole thing but: Oh Vey!!!

Who said any and all dominants must always be stern?
Who said sadism and dominance are synonyms?
Who is the idiot who said that fallible human beings must be perfect and that anything less than perfection is not acceptable? Way to go, set someone up to fail with that one. Not to mention a great way to lower someone's self esteem and cause anxiety issues for them in their future relationships since no relationship with someone this unrealistic has the possibility of success.
Who said that a 'twue' submissive will offer ritual instinctively?

Where did you get this nonsense and why did you repost it?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to ladyw0lf)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Careers and submission - 9/29/2008 8:10:45 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline
quote:

But the thought occurs that maybe the ‘expectation’ of a male slave to support the Mistress is similar to the make Master supporting the female slave…interesting…both situations would call for the man to work for the woman…but I digress….  


Maybe we haven't altogether stepped away from the time of the man being expected to be the bread winner?
 
quote:

But, over all, I wouldn't expect her to give up her business simply in order to be my slave unless she wanted to do this and I could afford to keep her.


If i'm honest i hate the thought of being a kept woman. I have been financially independent for over 17 years and would find it extremely difficult to be kept. Its an adjustment i'm not sure i could make.
 
 
Soft,
quote:

Grow a fucking spine you wimpering little bitch
(I still love you baby, and will for as long as you are in my life but that needed saying)
You need to find your feet again ... your level, stable, strong, self sufficient feet.


 how could ya? 'sob'
Just kidding, i know.
 
quote:

your problem had to sides  - can you cope with being in a relationship with someone who also has a 24/7 career ... and should you adjust your career for him.

Yes to both ... if he is worth it. You want time and attention - totaaly understandable .. but you also need to remember you want your independent life and career ... and you need to relax into the ebb and flow of managing that around two very hectic work lives.


Truthfully i don't think it will be an issue anymore. I think he made my decision for me.
 
Ivy,
quote:

First, twas great to meet you today, I hope there was enough butter icing :)


Great to meet you too x
 
 







_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to LadyLupineNYC)
Profile   Post #: 37
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