quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

Greedy, Just because there ARE people there doesnt mean someone will step in to stop it.. or even SEE it

A major airport has 5 million people in it, how hard do you think it is for one person to simply "disappear" in such a setting.  You have maybe 50 cops and security guards to go against 5 million or more people, and 4.96 million people going, O.o Not my business..... Safety isnt in numbers any more.

If it was children wouldnt be abducted in crowds.....Where there are security guards and people in the military....


eta: saying the Airport is safe is like saying sticking your finger in a light outlet is safe. Ive been through more metal detectors in airports that didnt work then i can count. Even so he doesnt have to go through a metal dector to get to the food court, so he could have ANY number of weapons on him to be able to abduct or other wise harm her...

And your still saying its safe? Yeah, Ill take my chances with mr outlet over here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
Plus you had spoken on the phone for a couple of months, so he can be rest assured you were not a man.  I've never understood the big secrecy with giving your name to someone you're about to meet.  I wouldn't give my full name right away, but after a couple of months of talking daily for hours at a time, and reaching a point of a rt meet, I have no problem giving my name, and asking for theirs.  Heck, if I don't feel safe enough to give my name, I shouldn't feel safe enough to be in their presence. 

Marie.. because there are a lot of good con-men/women out there?

quote:

ORIGINAL: leighdesire

I realize that there are many different viewpoints regarding personal safety as well as varying degrees of comfort.  My comfort level is biased; a family member was killed a few years ago because he didn't act on the red flags that were waving.  Yes, I know, this is not the norm but it is my reality.  And has greatly influenced my perspective as well as the trust I place in people when first meeting.

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ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
Plus you had spoken on the phone for a couple of months, so he can be rest assured you were not a man.  I've never understood the big secrecy with giving your name to someone you're about to meet.  I wouldn't give my full name right away, but after a couple of months of talking daily for hours at a time, and reaching a point of a rt meet, I have no problem giving my name, and asking for theirs.  Heck, if I don't feel safe enough to give my name, I shouldn't feel safe enough to be in their presence. 

Marie.. because there are a lot of good con-men/women out there?

Agreed.  But if he/she is a good con-man, won't they continue to con you in person as well?  What if they con you for another couple of months of realtime interaction, then you go to a room with them and they turn out to be Jack the Ripper?  At what point will you know they are safe beyond a shadow of a doubt? 

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

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ORIGINAL: leighdesire

I realize that there are many different viewpoints regarding personal safety as well as varying degrees of comfort.  My comfort level is biased; a family member was killed a few years ago because he didn't act on the red flags that were waving.  Yes, I know, this is not the norm but it is my reality.  And has greatly influenced my perspective as well as the trust I place in people when first meeting.

I'm sorry for your loss, Leigh.. truly.

But are you going to let what happened to HIM because he ignored his gut affect how YOU live?

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ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

honey.. I am going to suggest counseling.   Your loved one's death (especially a violent death) is severely traumatic. PLEASE seek counseling so that it doesnt affect how YOU LIVE.

*hugs and best wishes*

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop


MArie.. face to face allows one to gauge body languge etc.. many more indicators than the sterile environment of text/voice only.

Not FOOLPROOF, by any means, I admit.. but presumably, a person has developed enough gut check skills prior to considering meeting someone with the plan to go to a hotel with someone on a first meet that their gut should speak up.

LIFE is NOT without RISK. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

I'm in the minority on this one.  I don't blame you for getting pissed.  I would have done the same thing considering the circumstances leading up to your 'flipping out".

He was talking hot and heavy to you, for two months for hours at a time, and you were both talking about meeting rt.  When you were finally able to meet him and asked him for some basic info, he cooled off for some reason, and  instead of telling you the truth (whatever that truth may have been) he ignored you.  Then when you finally cornered him online, instead of dealing with the issue directly, he blew you off again, giving  you a lame excuse that he was busy talking with friends; another effort to circumvent dealing with the issue.   When you put it to him that you were pissed or whatever, you fed right into his hands and gave him a reason to end it.  This way, he never had to tell you the real reason why he was unwilling to meet and unwilling to give you basic info after having talked for months about this very thing. 

My guess?  Married man just looking to get his rocks off online.  No, you didn't overreact.  You put him in a position where it was do or die time, and he died.  Be happy you are done with him.

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ORIGINAL: leighdesire

Honestly, I do my damnedest to not let it affect my outlook.  But my instincts are heightened and no longer believe that "it won't happen to me".  The guy I was supposed to meet knew about that situation and that it made me a much more cautious person.

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ORIGINAL: RumpusParable

Ahhh.  The closest we have to what that sounds like is our "serial monogamists"

laughing**.. you make it sound like an affliction!!!


*shifting into reverse from the digression*  In any case, what got us talking on this is rather a different situation... they've not met yet and this was all over a meeting on a trip's layover.

I admit to bad reading as at first I didn't catch that this was all over a meeting on a trip's few-hour layover, even if scheduled for the purpose. 

i got that wrong too.

Now that I have, it just magnifies to what I said, in my opinion.  They'd not met yet, she wasn't even traveling specifically to meet him, had no reason (but a desire) for his personal info, and "flipped out" when she didn't get it -when she didn't even ask until (if I'm understanding, maybe I've the times wrong) after she made the plans.

upon the surface *smile* (ill take my crown off, might help me type less pompously), her flipping out comes across as 'fruit loop, bunny boiler', (sorry leigh *hugs*), but thats what we all 'thought' at first.  and i agree, we shouldnt flip out with people we do know, let alone a relative stranger.  learning curve.
 
i was stepping between the lines a bit and reading into why she did that.  ok, he doesnt have to give her any info if he doesnt want to, particularly if it was unneccessary, especially if he's been stalked by bunny boilers in the past.  but...
 
.... here in this lifestyle we talk a great deal about trust and respect - its a little double standardsly (new word everyone, im the Queen i can) of him to project himself as a trustworthy respectful D, (im assuming he did) and not promote that.
 
he basically led her up the garden path, almost to the gate and then fecked off making her feel like she was the dufass not him.

I'd run like hell.  And have.  me too (wrong blue, sod it),

I've a close online/phone friend who I've been speaking to daily for about a year now.  We've spent hours a day chatting by text, email and phone almost every day and plan to meet when it can be arranged, hopefully soon.  I like him very, very much online and on the phone.

But, that doesn't an in-person real-life liking make.

you and i know this because we've done this a few times already, i dont think leigh has, she has yet to learn this, and she has/is well on her way to joining the choir.

Nor does it entitle me to a bunch of his personal info regardless of if I feel okay to give mine (we've exchanged some, and not other) unless it's relevant to where we're meeting or for my safety.  Generally people don't like to give out a lot of private info to someone they've not met in person yet, I know I don't... sometimes there is an exception, but for the most part. 

i had it pointed out to me last week, that because im a podiatrist my details and everything are on google, i went to see and there i was, my msn name via my emails could have sent anyone right to my door.   i sorted it.
 
i agree that giving out info like that is dodgy, if you dont know really who youre giving that info out to.  he had a right to hold back on that i agree - but there does come a point at which giving out some security info is reassuring.  particularly when youve arranged to meet them and spend the night together.
 
i wouldnt feel atall comfortable or sane meeting up with someone in a totally neutral place like an airport lounge later to some anonymous airport hotel without knowing something more about them than a name (could be bogus) and a mobile (could be stolen).  if a person is coming across as having a trust issue so deeply ingrained that he cant give me some sort of reassurance then there would be my big red flag waving the words DONT GO THERE - she blew because he was shrugging her off and treating her like the past couple of months hadnt happened and didnt mean anything.  well they meant something to her right enough - so he's a git in my book and she's well rid.

So what we have is someone wanting personal info given online from someone they've not met yet so that they can meet them somewhere they don't need that info for safety, aren't traveling to meet them, and flipping out when they don't get it within a few days.

if i were ever to be found by a police officer, tied to a bed, half dead and butt naked i would want to have slightly more to say than 'i dunno' to each question he asks me.
 
true, info from here is no protection against con-men and arseholes and we take a risk, calculated and well measured (mostly, not always).  i beleive leigh thought she had the measure of this guy as someone decent and worth meeting up with - it really stinks when you realise that youve been skipping down the subbie path toward hopeful, happy horizons only to realise youve been skipping down the path with a dufass.
 
sorry love, but he is/was and your well shot.




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even doves have pride (Prince)

(in reply to RumpusParable)