sfdrew
Posts: 124
Joined: 6/15/2007
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quote:
ORIGINAL: antipode
The army won't change his behaviour towards you - this is a common mistake, change the environment, the person will change. That is certainly true for the long term, but then I am talking about a decade, sooner than a year. You need to start thinking of yourself, and take control of your life. I see some responses here that tell you to "work it out" - I can't agree, he may eventually change, but it will sooner be because he lost you than for any other reason. People change when they want to, when they have a motivation, and the army is the worst place for that (I guess this is where you made your mistake) - in the forces, you don't have to think, it's all being done for you. If he likes it where he is, he is not a dominant - no dominant would want to be told what to wear, what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, 24/7. I have hired quite a few people retiring out of the Pentagon - good technicians, but they all need a year or more to adjust to civilian life, to learn to think for themselves.
You should find a women's support group local to you, and you can get support and counseling on base, as I hope you know. You need to do something about it, inaction is going to make it worse, much worse. Good luck - be dom for a bit, take decisions. And be safe!
I actually take offense to that. There is a place in the military for people who can't think for themselves, but once you get beyond being lower enlisted, being in a leadership position requires a lot of thinking and decision making. After all, who do you think is making all those decisions for the people you claim are such drones? It's not as if one person were making the decisions for the entire military.
Everybody starts out as a drone, but it doesn't last very long if you show motivation and initiative. In less than three years I had worked my way into a lot of responsibility. We had an empty slot for a senior leader in our battalion logistics section and because of my demonstrated ability to make decisions and handle responsibility I was placed above my peers and some of my seniors.
At just 21 I was responsible for managing millions of dollars worth of contract work with Iraqi civilians, approving and processing all major property transactions, including large orders, lost and destroyed property, and transfer between companies. I had to maintain a small lumber yard, arrange for water and food pickup, coordinate trips to other fobs to exchange and repair broken equipment, keep accountability of an ammo yard, and manage three other soldiers and keep two trucks and a small armored personal carrier serviceable. I was also in charge of mortuary affairs. I had to pack up their belongings and arrange for it to be delivered to the families. In addition, I also went on may convoys, sometimes as the lead vehicle and served as a back-up crew serve gunner.
If you can find me a 21 year old working in the civilian market with that kind of responsibility I'll be pretty impressed. I remember being dead tired all the time, never feeling like their was enough hours to accomplish all my missions, and not knowing which activities to prioritize, but I never felt like a drone that had all my decisions made for me. I've never had anywhere close to level of responsibility in my life, before or after.
I don't know what people you met that retired from the pentagon that were so piss poor, but you won't find anything like outside of the lowest ranking soldiers in the real military.
Your characterization of people in the military as mindless drones that can't function on their own is quite lame.
< Message edited by sfdrew -- 9/29/2008 10:01:22 AM >
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Utterly lost... - 
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