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Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 2:48:40 AM

TabrisMaceth

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From: The Ghost Matrix
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...There's something on my mind, and...just for the sake of argument, let's say you see a dom with a profile you really like. I mean, this profile is totally kick ass and you wanna talk to this person. You wouldn't be submissive from them when you first talk to them, right? You wouldn't want them to discipline you or anything right off the bat just because you liked their profile? I know, the logical answer seems to be a big "Well, duh!", but if- for the sake of argument- you did wanna be submissive, you would tell this person, right? Again, the answer seems pretty obvious, but the furthest I've ever gotten from vanilla was a brief chocolate-vanilla swirl. I have yet to get into full-blown chocolate-with-sprinkles territory, so sorry if I'm asking questions that have obvious answers.

-Tabris

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 2:56:14 AM

jeffman1234

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I suppose you could negotiate what your first encounter would be like before you meet, but that sounds risky. You probably should take it slow.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 2:57:48 AM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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I've always relied on gut instinct. I have had instant chemistry with some where I knew by the end of reading that first email that I would submit to them immediately in real life...once we met.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 2:58:53 AM

TabrisMaceth

Posts: 190
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From: The Ghost Matrix
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Oh, no! I'm not talking about first encounters! I'm talking about...well, technically, it's a "first encounter"...but I'm talking about someone you're talking to for the first time. Just talking.
And I say again, the answer to my questions are probably obvious...

-Tabris

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:03:14 AM

rubberpet

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When I first wrote to Mistress, I approached her without submissive overtones. I'm very particular about who I show my submissive side to. I approached her just like a man would approach a woman, on equal terms and status because I was looking for a complete relationship with her (both romantic and D/s). She might be a domme, but she is a woman first. It was to show her how I truly am outside my submissive role, my everyday persona because I'm far from a constant groveling, boot-licking, subby slut.

I have approached a few dommes strictly as a submissive in the past and while that worked out pretty well, the dommes were attached. The logic behind that was since they were attached, there was no need to expose more than what was necessary. They wanted me as a playmate, a mere toy, nothing more. However, I did create a pretty good friendship with one because we have similar "vanilla" sides.

For me, it all depended if the dommes I wrote to were looking for love and D/s or strictly play and friendship.

< Message edited by rubberpet -- 9/29/2008 3:27:37 AM >

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:06:04 AM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: TabrisMaceth

Oh, no! I'm not talking about first encounters! I'm talking about...well, technically, it's a "first encounter"...but I'm talking about someone you're talking to for the first time. Just talking.
And I say again, the answer to my questions are probably obvious...

-Tabris

Your thread title is a little confusing then. If you are talking about acting submissive on a first email exchange...well then, if that floats your boat then do it. If not, then don't.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:06:20 AM

GabrielleSlave

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From: in servitude
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i have had the habit of treating everyone the same, equally, whatever side of the whip they are on, but then i am not looking for anyone. However, i would think that if i was on the lookout and saw a profile i loved the look of... then i think i would be polite and respectful, but not necessarily all that submissive in my tone. As much as that profile may have me in a puddle, all it is is words, until i get to know that person more. i, for example, am much more articulate in writing than in real life lol! A profile is just a bunch of pixels when it comes down to it. A real person would have to earn my trust before i would be able to submit to them either on email, or in real life. Respect goes both ways and that includes the respect you should have for yourself!

Hugs

Gabrielle x

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:13:13 AM

StayOfExecution

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I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to behave submissively from the first conversation. It's all about how you feel and what the chemistry is between you.

However, consider that he may not appreciate you being that forward, or he may interpret that to mean that in your head, you're already his submissive. On the other hand, he may respond to it nicely and prefer it. I think you have to feel it out by talking to him first, unless you saw something already in his profile that indicates that this is his preference.

Also keep in mind, as a newbie, sometimes observing protocol and giving deference before knowing if the relationship is going to grow, can put you in a particular headspace, and even cause you to feel somewhat emotionally invested prematurely.

Ultimately I think you should just do whatever feels natural for you, and keep your eyes open at all times.

Good luck with it.

:)

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:17:59 AM

TabrisMaceth

Posts: 190
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From: The Ghost Matrix
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...Just so we're clear, people, I'M A DOM! Can't stress that enough! I'm asking if other people ever get all subby or slavey when they first talk to a person! Logically, they don't, but I was just wondering if anyone went against convension logic...

Edit: Also, I'm a straight male. Yes, I have a girl in my avatar. Girls are pretty.

-Tabris

< Message edited by TabrisMaceth -- 9/29/2008 3:19:52 AM >

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:22:57 AM

Aileen1968

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From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
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You are sooo fucking confusing me this morning!!!!!

Trots off to read your profile now.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:24:52 AM

StayOfExecution

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Ok, so you're a male dom and you're asking if any submissives ever behave submissively online right from the get-go.

Some do, some don't. Others talk and let it take a natural course based on the chemistry that's stirring.

It's hard to really wrap around what you're getting at.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:36:51 AM

RCdc

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Can someone do that? Yes. And they do. Is it logical? Meh.
The best thing I can say is that you need to take it with a pinch of salt. Everything can happen online, in discussions and over the telephone - but it doesn't make it anywhere the same when you are face to face.

You say you are pretty new. Use the search function for the word 'frenzy' and also google it too with the word BDSM attatched.
And work out your communication techniques - or rather on them. Your initial set up makes you look female. Your post is confusing mixing up 'dates' with 'talking/writing'. Until you can communicate clearly, any relationship will be difficult. Don't place unrealistic expectations on others though.

the.dark.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 3:43:35 AM

simpleplan2

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Yes, girls are pretty.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 4:59:08 AM

NuevaVida

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Joined: 8/5/2008
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Yes, a lot of people feel and behave submissively from the get-go. Sometimes it's due to chemistry they feel,. sometimes it's just reflective of their personality and who they are, sometimes it's for another reason. Others don't feel or behave submissively at all at first, and wait to know the person better. And everything in between. There is no "obvious" answer, as you suggest. There is no universal rule on what submissives do. Don't assume that because someone is submissive, they'll do X, Y, and Z.

And I'll agree with the others - your posts are confusing. I also thought you were a submissive female, asking about in-person, real-time dating.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 5:13:07 AM

DesFIP

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From: Apple County NY
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I don't feel or act submissive based on a profile or a two minute chat. I feel submissive in response to the dominance he exudes. I act submissively when I've learned enough about him to decide that it would be safe to submit to him.

I will say that I don't get a sense of dominance from your profile. There's no sense of confidence in yourself, just a lot of self doubt.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 6:04:46 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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From: Chicago, IL
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submissive to someone i'm talking to the first time?

my answer - no.

for me, it takes awhile to reach that point where i'm submissive to the other. i wasn't submissive for Daddy until 3 to 4 months after meeting. that level of trust and compatabillity as well as friendship has to be met first.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 7:39:57 AM

natasha66

Posts: 321
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From: NJ
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I may or may not ACT submissively toward someone on a first date or whatever the case may be, depending on my mood annd the chemistry or lack thereof. Would I actually submit on the first date? My answer - HELL NO.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 7:41:56 AM

OttersSwim

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I think you could draw a distinction between "submissive" and "deferential" on the initial contacts.

That is what I did at least. Submissive for me comes from a heart-space and when I first met my Lady, I did not have that connection with her yet. What I -did- find myself doing was being very deferential to her - opening doors, asking her preference, letting her speak first, and generally doing all the things that a gentleman would normally do for a lady whom he respected and wanted to woo. That for me, felt very natural and right.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 7:58:11 AM

puppen

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Well, in my own way of going about things, I never begin submissive with anyone.

I may have an off-handed shyness, but, when I completely put myself out there... It kinda feels to me almost as though you're naked.

I'd rather start clothed and work my way down to the wriggling slave girl after good, lengthy, even "dominate" conversations.

*Scratches her head* Alright, maybe that didn't make sense.
Damn cold medicine.

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RE: Submissive on a First Date? - 9/29/2008 8:11:04 AM

Dnomyar

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Try saying a simple hello and go from there. How hard is that.

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Post #: 20

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