RE: Could it be just anyone? (Full Version)

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MissSCD -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/29/2008 9:14:33 PM)

I am not into door mats either.   I like small play parties where I can try my skills out on ohers.  This is all aranged before time. 
I am not into sharing myself.   My love is my love, my slave.

Regards, MissSCD



DavanKael -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/29/2008 9:20:47 PM)

OneMoreWaste----
I respect your right to be a doormat; if that is what brings you pleasure and pleases those you choose to serve: rock on. 
Not this camper; screw setting: I am a temple or a rapturously devoted worshipper at another's temple. 
  Davan



apiercedkitty -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/29/2008 9:24:19 PM)

~FR~
 
Nope, can't and don't want to submit to just anyone... have bottomed to a couple of people that i didn't know real well - but that's different in my book. my submission is definitely tied to trust.



yourMissTress -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/29/2008 9:28:47 PM)

Thank you all for your thoughts and replies.

The consensus thus far seems to be, no, it can't be just anyone, but someone that is more.  (for long term anyway)

I am surprised that not one person said that they would jump right on the first person that consented.  Given the number of subs and doms that I see doing this in real life, I really am shocked.  Any play party or public dungeon that I have attended has hosted a plethora of  D's and s's alike who would give orders to or take orders from the first consenting party that came along.  I have witnessed the "you are submissive so you might as well submit to me" syndrome, and been confronted with the "you are dominant so why not dominate me" syndrome, and I've seen horrible relationships that have sprung forth from this type of behavior.

It is, of course, no different from vanilla relationships that begin with a one night stand after a night in a bar.  But WHYYYYYYYYYY?  Why sell themselves so short?  Why not wait to meet that person that really rocks their world?  Why not spend time talking and getting to know SOMETHING about another person that speaks to them on a deeper level?  Even if all it is is chemistry, why not wait for it?

Disclaimer: NSA play (topping and bottoming) between consenting adults not intended to be included in the above statements.



myotherself -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/29/2008 10:02:30 PM)

***FR***

I find it difficult to submit to anyone, so the Master that gets my submission is a special man indeed.

But I do play with others, and have no problem bottoming.  I'll even call the top Sir or Ma'am while we're playing, but the understanding is always there that this will stop when the play stops.  It's courtesy and role play, not submission.




DavanKael -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/29/2008 10:26:48 PM)

yourMissTress----

You said:
"It is, of course, no different from vanilla relationships that begin with a one night stand after a night in a bar.  But WHYYYYYYYYYY?  Why sell themselves so short?  Why not wait to meet that person that really rocks their world?  Why not spend time talking and getting to know SOMETHING about another person that speaks to them on a deeper level?  Even if all it is is chemistry, why not wait for it?"
 
Some people are indescriminant.  Some people a desparate.  Some people are starving. 
I'd rather starve than settle but there's a cost to that and not everyone is willing to pay that.  Reminds me of about a week and a half after I got separated from my husband, a person with whom I share a very special bond and with whom I'd previously had a relationship with D/s dynamics (Me more on the D-side of the kneel there but my preference is more of the s-side of the kneel) and I were talking about D/s and that I would not consider it an option in future relationships but rather a necessity  (I'd been begging my husband to open up to D/s stuff since I was 19 or 20, to no avail.  I was 32 when we separated, so I can be a patient girl).  In utter frustration, I told this person that sometimes I wondered if I shouldn't just find a professional dom, pay to get a rather specific scenario I've entertained for many, many years satisfied, just to sate a bit of the hunger that's been a part of who I am for essentially the entirety of my adult life.   I felt my skin crawl as I said it, I knew it for the weakness and profanity it was.  Luckily, he knows me well enough, thinks similarly enough, and is protective enough (Which I think was the biggest point of the 3, to his credit) to have fed into my revulsion and said, "You don't want that.  Keep it close, keep it safe and sacred."  But, that choice, as all choices, has its costs.  Is not profaning something I hold sacred worth the pain that that self denial requires.  Yes (Mind you, I sometimes need to make that assertion through gritted teeth). 
Are my choices correct for everyone?  No way.  But, there you have it.  Each unto their own.
  Davan




ShiftedJewel -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 3:43:58 AM)

I've dealt with those types too and the biggest issue is that they will submit or bottom to anyone! I can't do it. I won't do it. And I won't accept someone that does. I honestly believe that everyone wants to feel special. I love the fact that I can go into my bank and they know who I am! It makes me feel special. And to have someone kneel at my feet and swear that they will serve me forever then turn around and feed the same line of crap to the next dominant that comes along would make me feel crappy.
 
Jewel



marieToo -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 4:01:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress


So, the question is...S-types Could you submit to anyone?  D types Could you Dominate anyone?  And although, I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?


Absolutely not.  I have to feel that we are on the same page with our fundamental ds ideals, and there has to be a particular chemistry there that would cause me to think that this person is capable of dominanting me, both physically, but more importantly mentally.  And frankly I wouldn't want a dom who would be wiling to be anyone's dom.  I'm not saying it's wrong for anyone else, however.  Maybe it's ego on my part, but I don't want to be a nameless faceless submissive.  I want there to be something about me specifically that makes him want to dominate me, my life, etc.

I think it's somewhat irresponsible on a submissive's part to just haphazardly put themselves in just anyone's hands because they have a "need" or a "desire".  I think it's important to keep that submissive drive in check and reserve it only for those you think you would mix well with.   On the other hand, I understand that a lot of people seek play partners.  I guess in that case, as long as you trusted the person not to cause you physical harm, you wouldn't need to be assured of much more. It's not the way it works for me, but it sounds like this is what you have encountered with the submissives you spoke of in your post.  



Twicehappy2x -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 4:10:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

It mattered not to them who I was, what I was about, or even that I was human.   I could have been Mother Theresa or Oprah or Lizzie Borden. 

Nothing could turn me off more.  Call me silly, but I require some kind of feeling, some kind of chemistry

S-types Could you submit to anyone?   I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?


Good morning. I have to tell you, what you are describing happens on the subs side of things as well.
 
"Human? What do you mean you have feelings? You mean my being kinky/dominant is not enough?"
 
Seems to me these guys are looking for a woman who is nothing more than a life support system for the pussy. Or the flogger arm as the case may be.
 
And i've always hated that.
 
Could i submit to just anybody? No way. Hell i cannot even bottom to just anybody.
 
If that intense emotional connection is not there, chances are the person who tries to dominate me is going to pull back a bloody stump.



SrchngCpl73112 -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 4:52:58 AM)

No, i could not submit to just anyone. I am very new to this lifestyle but i couldnt imagine submitting without there being total trust and love there. I also would not call anyone "master" except MY "master".  I am not going to be doormat to anyone.  I'm not even a doormat to 'daddy' so why would i with anyone else.  I cant imagine feeling like i would just fall at someones feet and tell them to dominate me, hurt me, beat me.  There is no way.  There would have to be a true connection. 



missturbation -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 5:01:41 AM)

quote:

S-types Could you submit to anyone? 
 
Physically yes, mentally no.
 
quote:

And although, I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?

 
No definately not. I personally need some mental and physical connection with those i play with.




rubberpet -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 5:05:26 AM)

Nope...not in the very least.  It takes a very special connection for me to submit to someone.  I have friends that are dommes and while I find them all attractive, there are only a couple I could submit to because of our "connection".  I've often been considered rude when being introduced to someone who has the master/mistress moniker because I wouldn't drop to my knees to greet them or avert my eyes from them.  A cordial smile and a slight nod for a female or a firm handshake and direct eye contact for a male.
 
I care about the character and connection with the person I come in contact with.



favesclava -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 5:08:24 AM)

no. even when ordered by Him i tend to dominate playmates. its close to impossible to obey that order. i have to fight my dominant tendencies then. no such problem when its Him



rookey -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 5:41:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
How did they fail?  It mattered not to them who I was, what I was about, or even that I was human.  


No, but you probably matched up to their fantasy caricature well enough. 



lizcgirl -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 12:56:37 PM)

I do not and will not submit to just any one. If you hand out your submission to any person you meet, how can you consider it 'special'? Maybe my logic doesn't make sense, but to me my submission to my Master is the biggest gift I can give Him and if I handed it out to every one else, it would trivialize what we have. I recently had an encounter with a girl who claimed to be a 'real slave' and how she thought to prove how 'real' she considered herself was to submit to any Dom who would speak with her and promise anything and everything to them. It disgusted me because the ones that did meet with her basically ended up describing her as a bag of flesh- no response, no personality, nothing. How people could find that attractive is beyond me. In my eyes, that isn't submitting, that's more like being a parasite looking for a host to feed off of because you can't exist on your own.



LaTigresse -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 1:13:42 PM)

I have a fairly dominant personality in all aspects of my life. It's just who I am. I am also goofy, funny, a great cook and a multitude of other things.

Yes, I tend to dominate those around me in some way. BUT, it's a different type of domination than with a s type person that I want to be a part of my life. One is personality, the other is more of an active choice based upon all of her qualities that attract me to her.

I don't know if any of that made any sense to anyone but me.......but it's the best way I can think to explain it at the moment.



ExSteelAgain -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 2:21:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
D types Could you Dominate anyone?  And although, I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?


I am sure that I could NOT dominate everyone. It would be naive of me to assume every sub, or even most subs would respond to my domination. Many submissives would not respond to me (no matter if she believes she can submit to anyone, I wouldn't let her). I would not respond to all of them in a way makes my domination come forth. It is all about people being compatible before anything else. Modesty and truth go a long ways with me as I know it does with submissives that I'm interested in.



gypsygrl -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 4:02:12 PM)

I often refer to myself as a doormat, but that's usually in the context of a relationship.  If I like someone, yeah, I'll want to do stuff for them even if its only in the interests of friendship.   And, if I like someone and they give me an order I'll generally follow it.  'Cause, ya know, I'm like that.

I don't play casually, or submit casually, but I will submit as a way of finding out if I should keep submitting to someone.  And, I'll play as a way of finding out if I should keep playing with someone.  So, it might appear that I'm 'submitting to just anyone' but in actuality, I'm testing the waters...in my experience, you can tell a lot about a dominant by how they handle being submitted to and, in my mind, its pretty important information to have early on.  Finding out about their style of dominance in practice is, for me, part of the whole getting to know them thing.  Someone might be a great person who I'd love to be friends with, but not the d-type for me.
For me, because I'm something of a doormat, it helps to find out if they respect me once they figure out I'm a doormat.  Seriously, not everyone can handle us matty- types. :)

I'm not sure what kind of vibe you're picking up on from men, but I think there's a noticable tendency by many men to treat all women in the lifestyle as little more than blow up dolls.  Many a time, I've gotten the sense that a guy thinks of me as a 'generic submissive' who's just needily panting for an opportunity to worship a stiff one and simply won't be fulfilled until I get that opportunity (or something like that).  I think the idea that 'its not really about sex' comes as news to them and they simply have a hard time wrapping their heads around non-sexual D/s (let alone, non-sexual SM play.)  I guess what I'm wondering is if this is a D/s thing, or a M/F thing.



yourMissTress -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 4:06:49 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel
And to have someone kneel at my feet and swear that they will serve me forever then turn around and feed the same line of crap to the next dominant that comes along would make me feel crappy.
 
Jewel


Right!!!  It wouldn't matter who you are...just that you "fit the mold" they are looking for.

Twice, you are absolutely correct, it happens on both sides.  LOL at the bloody stump!  But I think you'd be justified in it.

Rookey...what caricature is that?





DiurnalVampire -> RE: Could it be just anyone? (9/30/2008 4:09:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
D types Could you Dominate anyone?  And although, I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?

Maybe its the ones in our area here, since I ran into a lot of the same when I was still looking.
I have no interest in dominating someone who is with me because I am "a Dominant". This si why it is such an incredible turnoff when someone tells me in an intial email what a perfect match theyd be for everything I could possibly want.
Some met me and failed, others stayed with me until it came time to play and failed, others failed as soon as I wanted to make other plans and they couldnt be bothered making time.
I dont want someone who submits to anyone and everyone just to get their jollies. I want someone who submits to only me because they have to and want to. Not becasue its what they think they are supposed to do.
I would rather be alone than be with a boy or girl who would serve me the same as they would anyone else who could wear high boots and carry a whip.
Call me wierd, I want a relationship with my playthings, not just a casual boff and go.

DV



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