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Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 6:19:00 PM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
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So, my new boy and I were talking...this conversation has been a short spurted ongoing one for a few weeks...but here's the idea...

I have been talking with, meeting, and sometimes playing with several submissives over the last 2-3 months. Most of them fail the initial meeting, and the majority of those that made it to the first play date failed as well.

How did they fail? It mattered not to them who I was, what I was about, or even that I was human. I could have been Mother Theresa or Oprah or Lizzie Borden. They were all happy to fall at my feet, worship me, and obey for eternity. It didn't even matter if I was into their particular fetish, or if it was something I had no interest in.

Nothing could turn me off more. Call me silly, but I require some kind of feeling, some kind of chemistry, SOMETHING more than "ok, you will stand still while I beat you? GREAT!" Maybe it's because I'm not in it just for the S&M, that's an important component, but not the basis of a relationship for me.

I can't stand door mats, I don't want a sub/slave that bows or kneels to anyone with a Dominant/Master/Mistress label.

So, the question is...S-types Could you submit to anyone? D types Could you Dominate anyone? And although, I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

Post #: 1

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 6:24:38 PM

LadyLupineNYC

Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline

No and I understand what you are talking about because I have encountered it both in lifestyle play and, especially, as a ProDomme. I look for s-types who submit to me, not to their ideal or me, the role I play in their lives, or what I am wearing… This is also a major turn off for me and I also suspect that this is the number 1 reasons s-types have a difficult time finding someone, confusing the idea with the actual person who then doesn’t live up to the ideal and/or the D-type picking up in the ‘insincerity’ (for lack of a better phrase’; I expect that in their hearts many are sincere).

_____________________________

Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 2

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 6:27:42 PM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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I've found that I can't make that kind of decision in one or two meetings. I don't have a problem with the servant who is hungry to submit (most folks probably got that about me already, from the "playing to strengths...weaknesses" thread *chuckles*). I've found, though, that sometimes it takes giving someone some time to be around me until the 'new' wears off, to figure out whether there is anything there to work with. Either we develop an integration, where the person becomes a real part of our household, or they stay 'just a body'. In a way, it's sort of been my experience that even the s-type who behaves as if or says that xhe can submit to anyone discovers that xhe really -does- need something more than 'clean my kitchen' and an occasional warm ass to get by. For myself, our household runs much better when the people who are in it are really dedicated to what we have, so if I see someone who isn't really interested in becoming a part of what we are, I typically end up letting them know that they're not a good fit for what we want.

An even bigger challenge comes from the myth-laden 'perfect fit' s-type. On paper and on screen, they say everything right -- at the first few meetings or play sessions, they've got it all down pat... but over time, the facade slides, and you see someone who isn't what xhe advertised at all -- or who -clearly- isn't happy with us being exactly what we say we are -- and those really just don't work out. The foundation wasn't solid to begin with. It was built on smoke and mirrors... but it takes a while to see through the fog -- which is why we have such an extended probationary period, even though we tend to meet and begin interacting pretty quickly.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 3

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 6:53:07 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

D types Could you Dominate anyone? And although, I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?

To answer your first question... yes I could dominate most anyone. Just ask most anyone who's done business with me.

However, when it comes to personal relationships I'm fairly selective and will not accept just anyone. So the answer to your second question is, "No, I would not want too."

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 4

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 6:56:57 PM

SayaNereida

Posts: 152
Joined: 7/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

So, the question is...S-types Could you submit to anyone? D types Could you Dominate anyone? And although, I'm sure that all COULD...would you want to?

No, I couldn't submit to just anyone and I wouldn't want to do so. Saya

_____________________________

Anais Nin: Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. ...

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 5

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 7:01:59 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

LOL with all the trolls... no way... no how... would I admit I could or would or want to dominante over just anyone! ROFL But even still... no... I want much more in all that I do and there has to be some meaningful somethings or other's for me to get off to anything.

(in reply to SayaNereida)

Post #: 6

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 7:03:31 PM

cravesdom

Posts: 5219
Joined: 3/28/2008
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

I could not submit to anyone because there would have to be a trust there. And there are plenty of Doms I wouldn't trust with something as important as my health and well-being. If I trusted them, then it would be a matter of whether or not their style of domination was compatible with what I was looking for. Every single Dom I have been with has been different. Some worked well with what I was hoping to get out of the relationship. Some did not. I know there are some who think that as a sub you should just deal with that since you are making your Dom happy, but if my needs and desires are not being met in the process, eventually I am going to tire of the situation and go looking for a better fit.

_____________________________

Finally home where I belong.

"A lot of disappointed people have been left standing on the street corner waiting for the bus marked 'Perfection.' " Donald Kennedy

(in reply to SayaNereida)

Post #: 7

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 7:06:15 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress
So, the question is...S-types Could you submit to anyone?

Well, submitting and bottoming are two different things. It sounds like you were describing bottoming at first, but then talking about submission toward the end.

I can bottom to a larger number/variety of people than I can submit to. But for either one, there has to be something, an interest in their particular talent with a flogger, a certain vibe, whatever.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 8

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 7:08:39 PM

oceanwynds

Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

No i cant submit to just anyone. To me it is a lot more then just the chemistry physically, i have to crave their mind. Want to know about them; their interests and how they view life.

oceanwynds

(in reply to cravesdom)

Post #: 9

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 7:11:22 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I couldn't bottom or submit to anyone.

For me to bottom to someone I would have to still at the very least, find him attractive and interesting enough to want to.

To submit to him there has to be a helluvalot going on...chemistry, compatibility, similarities, physical attraction, wants a relationship, meet the requirements I desire in a man....so very much needs to be in place for that to happen!

Those you find who will bottom/top/submit/dominate absolutely anyone are usually the ones who are pretty new to the whole "bdsm" thing and are desperate to get a whiff of that "new car smell".

If they decide to stick around for awhile it does wear off though in time.

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 10

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 7:12:06 PM

HalfShyHalfWild

Posts: 150
Joined: 2/11/2008
From: Texas
Status: offline

No, I could not submit to just anyone. I've met that on the opposite side for me and it is such a turn off. Just like any warm body will do.....

< Message edited by HalfShyHalfWild -- 9/29/2008 7:13:10 PM >

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 11

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 7:17:41 PM

chamberqueen

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline

As a switch I can answer both halves of that question. I could Domme almost anyone though I prefer to choose those who see me as a human being and not as a fantasy figure. I kept an emotional distance with my subs and did not encourage any romance.

As a slave the answer is very different. I was extremely careful in choosing the Master that I wanted. I needed to know that He would help me to grow as a person. I invested much more of myself than I ever did as a Domme. If I did not fully love, trust and respect Him I could never do some of the things asked of me. Even without a true romance between us there is a a bond between us stronger than I could have ever guessed to be possible. I never knew what fulfillment truly was until this relationship - and if it ended today I would probably walk away from the lifestyle because I would be so sure that I would never find it again.

_____________________________

(in reply to HalfShyHalfWild)

Post #: 12

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 7:28:44 PM

hereyesruponyou

Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline

I have to say no it couldn;t dominate just anyone because i wouldn;t want to. There are just to many that make me go squick! If i can't be your friend, it tends to just go no where fast

_____________________________

Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be

(in reply to HalfShyHalfWild)

Post #: 13

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 8:10:46 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

So, my new boy and I were talking...this conversation has been a short spurted ongoing one for a few weeks...but here's the idea...

I have been talking with, meeting, and sometimes playing with several submissives over the last 2-3 months. Most of them fail the initial meeting, and the majority of those that made it to the first play date failed as well.

How did they fail? It mattered not to them who I was, what I was about, or even that I was human. I could have been Mother Theresa or Oprah or Lizzie Borden. They were all happy to fall at my feet, worship me, and obey for eternity. It didn't even matter if I was into their particular fetish, or if it was something I had no interest in.

By you own admission it looks to me your selection process has something to be desired. Maybe you should examine your criteria. Just saying

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 14

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 8:26:59 PM

lady7513

Posts: 3
Joined: 8/28/2008
Status: offline

No, I could not submit to just anyone. I'm new to BDSM, but there is an incredible amount of trust involved in the lifestyle. I can't understand how anyone could just submit or Dominate just anyone. I'd think you'd have to know and be interested in some part of the other person in order to Dom/sub. I just think that there's too much trust involved for it to be just anyone.

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 15

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 8:28:47 PM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline

BBIIIGGGG NO, lol but then I'm picky and I also take my personal safety very seriously, Some people may like bottoming to random strangers and taking that risk but it's just not for me. I'm a masochist and pain is as personal, almost more so than sex and I'm just not about to share that with just anyone. It would feel demening to me. About a year ago I had gone nearly a year prior without playing, not for lack of offers but the people that were offering were just not what I was looking for and I thought if I settled and played just to have the pain I would be cheating myself and possibly them as well so I waited and found the most amazing people standing right in front of me and couldn't imagine making a diffrent choice.
Each person has to figure out what works for them, some just want that randomness, with no connection at all to their Top, if it works for them, all the power but it would never work for me, I need to know the person I am submitting to see's me as more than just a peice of flesh with a pulse to abuse.

Wolf's denika

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 16

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 8:31:51 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

your MimssTress----
Speaking from a greater proclivity from the s-side of the kneel than the D-side of the kneel here but the answer is the same: Hell, no: I would not want to. It seems profane, according to my own beliefs on such things (No offense to anyone who does not share my particular beliefs on said matters). It's all about the person, the synergy between those involved, etc. for me.
Davan

(in reply to lady7513)

Post #: 17

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 8:36:14 PM

OneMoreWaste

Posts: 910
Joined: 8/24/2008
Status: offline

Short-term, yes. Long-term, no. Doormats have to take what we can get.

_____________________________

-and the few still remember passion over rage-

(in reply to DavanKael)

Post #: 18

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 8:49:58 PM

suhlut

Posts: 622
Joined: 7/20/2007
Status: offline

It doesn't show myself in the best light, but in my past, i became involved for very short terms both times, with Doms, that while weren't exactly "just anyone" , neither of whom would be what i would choose for myself today.

Would i change anything now? No, probably not.

And the reason why, is because of the learning experience it afforded me, one in which i learned much about myself.

Now, those days of no string play are over, and i have moved onto the next step.

So, could it ever be just anyone?..no. In fact, lately, i have the opposite problem, where i find myself measuring everyone up against a certain person, and everyone else falls short..bigtime.

_____________________________

That girl is pretty kinky
The girl's a super freak

SUPERFREAK ~by Rick James

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 19

RE: Could it be just anyone? - 9/29/2008 9:10:33 PM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

D types Could you Dominate anyone? No
Would you want to? No

(in reply to yourMissTress)

Post #: 20

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