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Things to Ponder... - 9/29/2008 7:13:52 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline 		1.  Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

2.  Whose cruel idea was it to put an "S" in the word  Lisp ?

3.  If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide is it
considered a hostage situation?

4.  If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed?

5.  When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

6.  Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

7.  Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

8.  Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?

9.  Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

10.  Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all?

11.  What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an
endangered plant?!

12.  Do they use sterilised needles for lethal injections?

13.  Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

14.  What WAS the best thing BEFORE sliced bread?

15.  Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion
stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a
wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?

16.  If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from
Holland called "Holes"?

17.  If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?




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I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.
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RE: Things to Ponder... - 9/29/2008 8:46:15 PM   
Darkcast


Posts: 62
Joined: 9/7/2008
Status: offline 		18. Spell Therapist.  T-H-E-R-A-P-I-S-T.  The Rapist. coincidence? I think not

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 9/29/2008 8:53:17 PM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		Why is dickslegsia so hard to spell?

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 9/30/2008 4:02:23 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		Why are dirty words usually of the four-letter variety, yet the word dirty is five letters?
 
Why do we park in a driveway, but drive on a parkway?
 
Does an orange feel it's a victim of racism because it is simply referred to as a color?  Were all the cool names for fruit taken...like kiwi?
 
Does anyone really know how much wood a woodchuck could actually chuck when it chucked wood?
 
If Jimmy cracked corn and no one cared, why is there a song about it?
 
When the first dictionary, how did they know all the words were spelled correctly?
 
Does God love stupid people?  He must because he sure made a lot of those fuckers.
 
Why is it that people with very high IQs usually have the common sense of a cheeseburger?
 
Ever notice that (generally speaking, of course) white people usually go to therapy for their personal problems, but black people go to church?  Maybe they're on to something...
 
Ever hear about the creepy old lady that lives on the corner of your street?  She's covered in moles.  We don't know her name...we just call her Old Moley.  A few years ago, she went to church, found Jesus, and was saved...now we call her Holy Moley.  While going to church, she met this nice Mexican fella and recently got married...now we call her Holy Guacamole.
 
Ever wonder why you're still reading this shit?
 
And, as for the stars and wet paint question from the OP, the paint fumes make it irresistible not to touch!  Me want touch it!

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Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


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RE: Things to Ponder... - 9/30/2008 3:05:15 PM   
RubberLovers777


Posts: 6
Joined: 3/29/2008
Status: offline 		paint chips make me thirsty

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 9/30/2008 4:41:13 PM   
Saratov


Posts: 1716
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline 		rubberpet
Why is it that people with very high IQs usually have the common sense of a cheeseburger?

Many tend to over think/analyse things, especially the 'simple' 'easy' things.

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 9/30/2008 5:17:25 PM   
TabrisMaceth


Posts: 190
Joined: 9/23/2008
From: The Ghost Matrix
Status: offline 		Does anyone else think it's a little to coincidental that if you move a few letters around in "Santa", you get "Satan"?

If all God's children are beautiful, then how do you explain ugly people?

Why don't windmill mill wind?

How is being a smart ass not better than being a dumbass?

If something's brand-spanking-new, will it become well behaved when it gets old?

Where does the term "gravy train" come from? Does anyone need so much gravy that they need an entire train to transport it? Also, who uses trains anymore? Wouldn't it be quicker to ship it by plane?

-Tabris

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/1/2008 8:11:54 PM   
UncleNasty


Posts: 1108
Joined: 3/20/2004
Status: offline 		"Strap on" spelled backwords is "no parts."

Why isn't there a shorter word for "monosylabic?"

How do they know permanent markers are permanent?

Why does Frigidaire make stoves, and Hot Point make refridgerators?

Uncle Nasty

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/1/2008 9:49:05 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: UncleNasty

"Strap on" spelled backwords is "no parts."



I love that one!!!!

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/1/2008 10:08:35 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		some good ones

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/1/2008 11:13:57 PM   
HypnoticDan


Posts: 463
Joined: 5/23/2007
Status: offline 		must... resist... urge to... answer ridiculous... questions...

Jimmy Crack Corn refers to drinking moonshine, and the full song in it's original is about a black slave stableboy who doesn't care for his master's horse, who then kills the master, thus freeing the slave.

ARGH! Couldn't do it.

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 1:48:37 AM   
LexiTempest


Posts: 59
Joined: 5/20/2008
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline
quote:

If all God's children are beautiful, then how do you explain ugly people?


I think the better question is, if god's children are beautiful, and created in his image, then why does the bible claim that he hates little people as well as the disabled?

"Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that  hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken..."   (Lev.21:17-23 )

Ok, so it's not a joke, but something to think about!


Now, for the silly questions:

Why is the time when the traffic is slowest called rush-hour?
How come psychics have jobs/hotlines instead of predicting winning lottery numbers?
Why do you press harder on the remote buttons when you know the battery is dead?
Is it still called a hearing when deaf person goes to court?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you need to buy her friends?


< Message edited by LexiTempest -- 10/2/2008 2:03:39 AM >

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I'm Magically Sadistic! ;)

http://www.mistresslexitempest.com

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 2:19:55 AM   
MadAxeman


Posts: 4171
Joined: 8/28/2008
From: UK
Status: offline 		If Dot Cotton from Eastenders married Slash from Guns n Roses...what would her web site address be called?

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 4:17:48 AM   
persephonee


Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline 		*sobs in overdramatic way...*...i love you, man....

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You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 10:58:00 AM   
crystalbelle


Posts: 1
Joined: 9/29/2008
Status: offline 		Why do we park in the driveway and drive on the parkway?

Live spelled backwards is Evil

Why do men say they are going to take a shit, but leave one?   (They also may say they don;t give a shit)

Why do we have elections on leap year, because we all are taking a leap of faith?

(in reply to persephonee)
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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 11:11:43 AM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

*sobs in overdramatic way...*...i love you, man....


Right back at ya, babe! 
*arms flailing wildly as I run like a spastic chicken*

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to persephonee)
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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 4:06:15 PM   
jesiul


Posts: 111
Joined: 7/16/2005
Status: offline 		If Kitty Wells married Conway Twitty.. would she be Kitty Twitty??

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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 7:06:33 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubberpet

Does anyone really know how much wood a woodchuck could actually chuck when it chucked wood?
 


http://www.getodd.com/stuf/stupid/woodchuck.html
Answer to age old question here.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 7:18:32 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: HypnoticDan

must... resist... urge to... answer ridiculous... questions...

Jimmy Crack Corn refers to drinking moonshine, and the full song in it's original is about a black slave stableboy who doesn't care for his master's horse, who then kills the master, thus freeing the slave.

ARGH! Couldn't do it.


I just had to research it too :) Click Here

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to HypnoticDan)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Things to Ponder... - 10/2/2008 7:22:18 PM   
MistresseLotus


Posts: 443
Joined: 9/19/2008
From: (aka LotusSong)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LexiTempest

quote:

If all God's children are beautiful, then how do you explain ugly people?


I think the better question is, if god's children are beautiful, and created in his image, then why does the bible claim that he hates little people as well as the disabled?

"Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that  hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded, Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken..."   (Lev.21:17-23 )



Sounds more like he didn't want  anyone with severe acne to bother those who have trouble enough already

_____________________________

I leave it to the 20-somethings to do the "open-minded, total unconditional acceptance thing" for it's how THEY learn that all the things others older than they have deemed BS, are in fact BS. What a waste of a decade.

(in reply to LexiTempest)
Profile   Post #: 20
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