RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun.

RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

Aslanemperor -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (9/30/2008 12:35:20 PM)
Well, I don't know how you do it, but I make it clear to any girl wanting to be my sub that I expect obedience. If she can't obey, I don't want her. If she is my sub and she disobeys, I will punish her, and I'm good at coming up with some pretty mean stuff, though usually I tend to stick to a simple switch to the behind. It may be that this sub of yours simply wants you to be rougher with her and is trying to goad you into giving her a good punishment! If you don't like to use whips, A good punishment is withholding orgasm. A simply way to do this is simply to have her only suck your cock until you say otherwise. Lock up her toys and put her in a chastity belt. I bet that after a day or two of no orgasm's, she'll be ready to obey. Then, when she shows that she's willing to obey, take the chastity belt off and give her the ride of her life. Make her cum so hard, so many times, that there's no question that being a good girl is a good idea. She will learn. Trust me... ~Aslanemperor

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (9/30/2008 3:01:13 PM)
Have you written down what it is that you want in a relationship, including the kinds of activities and service? When you do, you can share that with your partners...then they can decide to consent or not. It ends up being a weeding tool. The're two things to remember: 1) it doesn't have to be written in stone. You may find later that some things are worth more than others. 2) You need to reinforce it. This means that you need to be prepared to let them go if they don't follow through with their word; they agreed with what you wrote down. Master Fire

leadership527 -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (9/30/2008 3:49:06 PM)
OK, when a sub fails to obey a dom, you know exactly what happened. The dominant issues a command beyond the authority he had at the moment. The interesting question is "why?" Did the dominant just make a rush power-grab and fail? Is the sub really more of a bottom? Was there some hidden landmine, perhaps, that was just uncovered? So the obvious question to WorldofSilence is, "Why are YOU issuing commands beyond the authority you've been given?" Only you and she can truly answer that question. Oh, and I agree with everything LadyHibiscus said.

lilmisssubmiss -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (9/30/2008 4:34:54 PM)
Personally I'd never always challenge my master, it'd show him i didn't respect him. Saying that, i don't want to be the person who cried wolf- if i am going to challenge my master about something it will be a serious issue to me and the only way he is going to listen is if i pick and choose carefully what to challenge on and what not to.

yourMissTress -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (9/30/2008 4:36:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WorldofSilence When a sub challenges a wish/demand/order from you etc.. on a regular basis is this is normal? Now I'm all for a bit of asserting Dominance,teasing,sparking the imagination, be it through words,thoughts or examples. But a consent thing? Having everything challenged all the time. If this is normal, I think I'm heading for an early grave heh As some of you know about me, I deal with "challenging"/negitive attitudes on a regular basis so I look forward to spending my time with (Hopefully future) sub/slave. But then you ask something simple or something that would please me but nothing intense, and for it to be challenged just makes me groan and makes me slightly annoyed. Is that considered a weakness on a Dom's part should he be able to handle any challenge all the time, regardless of everyday challenges? As others have said, it is normal for a sub to ask for clarification, ask some questions about what is desired, when, and how, and even why, especially in the beginning. How much clarification or reasoning you give is up to you. I loooooooooove a smart ass and sarcasm. As long as it's all in fun and good spirit and not intended to manipulate me. And just like any form of humor, it has a time and place when it's appropriate and welcomed, and it has a time and place when it is not. I don't do brats, and I don't tolerate attempts to manipulate me. I don't know if it's normal or not, I know there are plenty of subs that are all about the power struggle, they are just not for me, and it seems not for you either. The bottom line is, it's your choice whether you want to put up with it, tame it, or let it go...how important is the relationship? and are you willing to allow the dynamic to suffer for it?

MasterKalif -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (9/30/2008 5:30:02 PM)
Interesting post. What I like about my girl is that she challenges me in a fun way, and it is not constant but sometimes when in a scene....particularly because she knows she will be treated quite roughly, which we both love [;)] in any case, I think like most Doms, I dislike manipulation or acting, but prefer things to go with the flow...in our dymanic, my girl and I also know how to enjoy each other's company and time together which is the best thing. [:D]

graceadieu -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (9/30/2008 8:51:03 PM)
Like others have said, it sounds like she's not compatible with you. I'd say it's probably time to move on and find someone more willing/eager to obey.

graceadieu -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (9/30/2008 8:53:36 PM)
quote: If you don't like to use whips, A good punishment is withholding orgasm. A simply way to do this is simply to have her only suck your cock until you say otherwise. Lock up her toys and put her in a chastity belt. I bet that after a day or two of no orgasm's, she'll be ready to obey. Then, when she shows that she's willing to obey, take the chastity belt off and give her the ride of her life. Make her cum so hard, so many times, that there's no question that being a good girl is a good idea. She will learn. Trust me... ~Aslanemperor I think whether that'd be effective probably depends on the sub! Personally, I'd be more upset if I wasn't allowed to give pleasure than if I wasn't allowed to have an orgasm.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (10/1/2008 7:56:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 OK, when a sub fails to obey a dom, you know exactly what happened. The dominant issues a command beyond the authority he had at the moment. The interesting question is "why?" Did the dominant just make a rush power-grab and fail? Is the sub really more of a bottom? Was there some hidden landmine, perhaps, that was just uncovered? Sorry...but you are wrong in your assessment. The authority to issue the command may have been established at the beginning of the relationship and yet, for some reason the submissive chose to challenge it. It could be something as simple as "go clean up your space/kitchen/books/etc." to something more complicated such as "I want you to go do this list of errands" but it falls within their structure of what she will do. Yet, she challenges it. Now, it could be that the order given WAS something outside of what she has agreed to or they may not have had discussions in the beginning of what could be commanded and what could not and so she challenges. But that was not the statement of the OP...the statement of the OP had to do with constant, general challenging of even the most simple commands. Though the submissive may, in their mind, be questioning the authority of the one who is issuing the command by her challenge...that in itself does NOT mean that the dominant has exceeded their authority.

aravain -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (10/1/2008 12:35:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee brats and sams are not really into this for a real D/s dynamic, but the drama or the interactions they illicit. I take serious issue with this statement (well, as serious as 'ideological differences' can be), and also the attitude of some other replies. It's a different D/S dynamic, it's not the same as the 'traditional' (if there really is one) sense of 'Me Dom, you Sub. You do as me say always." (I know, highly generalized and actually a little insulting... now you know exactly how I felt reading through the replies [&o]) or even the 'I offer you my submission' ideals. I'm NOT, however, looking for drama in my relationships! I've got WAY too much of it in my life, even trying to cut it out. What I'm attracted to (beyond pain) in a BDSM environment, is a power struggle (as others have pointed out). If I'm simply obeying you (relatively) unquestioning, I'm not going to be fulfilled in any capacity. I'd probably ask for you to pay me for the service. [:D] There are different levels of it, as well. Some Brats are submissive, others dominant, and yes, there are even switches. I identify as submissive because, despite the fact that I will challenge my dominant, a majority of the time I will (or want to be) submit once they have exerted dominance over me (keeping in mind that I view dominance as enforcing your commands. Others view it as giving orders that they expect to be followed, but in that dynamic I would constantly ask the question 'Why am I doing this again?'). I want to LOSE my sense of 'choice' and 'free will' (either through force or command) for a little time (please note that I'm by no means looking for a 24/7 D/S relationship, the idea of always being submissive is something that I do not want), I don't (and generally won't) want to submit to someone all the time despite the fact that I'll do it often anyways. Bratty switches would be those who want to win some, as well as lose some. It's a more constant struggle of power. It would be an interesting dynamic, I think, to actually see in practice once more (a pair of friends from high school fell into these roles, both in their sexual play, as well as in general, and they were very very happy together) Bratty dominants are those that want to challenge the submissive, and WANT to struggle to keep the power and enforce their dominance. They want to be challenged, despite the fact that a majority of the time their submissive will offer submission. And it doesn't have to always be a 'struggle' in the true sense of the word. It's a back and forth.... each time is different... and each exertion might last for different amounts of time. It's a strange dynamic and a hard one to describe (which is probably part of the reason it's difficult for people of one of the persuasions to find partners). To the Original poster, however, I do have to say that it sounds like this is a relatively new relationship from contextual clues, and even in relationships unlike those I've described a good amount of healthy skepticism from the submissive about their dominant in the beginning IS a good thing.

WorldofSilence -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (10/5/2008 4:58:03 PM)
Hello. I wanted to thank everyone who contributed to this. Everything has been read, and re-read. It has given me a lot of food for thoughts. Sorry I was unable to thank every person who put down their two cents, but you know the fun that is called life that sticks it head around the corner. Thanks again, and I will try and think of the next topic :) WoS

rosanegra -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (10/6/2008 3:43:49 AM)
Look and try as I might, I can never seem to find the "brat" or "sam" option on the collarme profiles when selecting what your orientation is. I've also never seen "wannabe," or "(insert your choice role here) whenever I feel like it." Very shortsighted of the website designers don't you think? Then we could all just find what we're looking for without a problem, right? I'm a self-professed brat/sam.. sometimes. I flat out told Daddy from the beginning that I am capable of being a real pain in the ass... but I will swear to him, and anybody else who asks, under penalty of withheld pain, that my heart really is in the right place. I do want to make him happy.. It's just.. well sometimes communication CAN be difficult, especially when you feel like what you have to say might hurt the feelings of someone you care about. Trust me, we've hit that pitfall in our relationship on a couple of occasions, and on both of our parts.. and sometimes acting out, from the submissive point of view, is the way of saying something is wrong.. without actually saying it.. because you're afraid to hurt someone you care about. It might be a sign that it's time for a very thorough discussion, before things become any worse. Occasionally I'm a brat just because I know in that particular situation he'll think it's cute, adorable, amusing, whatever. and occasionally, it is a test. Are you really listening? Do you really care what I do? Is it worth investing that patience in me, or are you just going to throw up your hands in exhaustion at the slightest trial and kick me to the curb? Unfortunately, the D/s dynamic in our relationship has become somewhat warped.. and it did result in a very huge explosion, due to the lapse in communication between us.. and right now, we're trying to get back to what we both initially wanted. I can tell you now, there will be some challenges to him on my part, because the things that led us to this point were not small or insignificant in any way. I guess at least we can communicate enough to fix it, though, right? Anyway.. just my .02, for whatever that's worth to anybody else. quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee i havent read the other replies yet...but here i go anyway...challenging a dom is not really suggested...i read the manual and im fairly sure thats in there somewhere. brats and sams are not really into this for a real D/s dynamic, but the drama or the interactions they illicit. Submit or not...but call yourself what you are and dont pretend to be submissive if you are not submissive....biggest pet peeve ever....that and dredlocks on suburban caucasian teens. So put your foot down instantly and Dom up....it wont change til you change it....dont deal with the brats.

bound4more -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (10/6/2008 9:12:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WorldofSilence Hiya E/everyone. I'm back again, I came across something the other day which made me wonder this:- When a sub challenges a wish/demand/order from you etc.. on a regular basis is this is normal? Now I'm all for a bit of asserting Dominance,teasing,sparking the imagination, be it through words,thoughts or examples. But a consent thing? Having everything challenged all the time. If this is normal, I think I'm heading for an early grave heh As some of you know about me, I deal with "challenging"/negitive attitudes on a regular basis so I look forward to spending my time with (Hopefully future) sub/slave. But then you ask something simple or something that would please me but nothing intense, and for it to be challenged just makes me groan and makes me slightly annoyed. Is that considered a weakness on a Dom's part should he be able to handle any challenge all the time, regardless of everyday challenges? Got a great response last time, and learning alot about myself as a person. Cheers. Da lovable WoS Hmmm - doesn't seem like rocket science to me. You Dom, him/her sub. If what you want is challenged and reaps frustration for you rather than satisfaction and pleasure, then who's really Dom and who's really sub??? Not all Doms and subs are a good match, just because one is Dom and the other is sub. That's my 2 cents worth.

juliaoceania -> RE: Is it only me, but always being challenged. Not fun. (10/6/2008 10:35:41 AM)
quote: When a sub challenges a wish/demand/order from you etc.. on a regular basis is this is normal? Define "challenge" quote: Is that considered a weakness on a Dom's part should he be able to handle any challenge all the time, regardless of everyday challenges? I do not think it is weakness on either party if they are incompatible I know some doms would think I was a "challenging" sub because I ask a lot of questions. I am innately curious. I found myself someone who does not feel challenged by my curiosity and has no compunctions on telling me when it is time to "cork it"... we are compatible. It sounds as though you are not compatible with this person and that is why you feel weakened and tire of dealing with being "challenged". To me challenging him would be if I directly demanded that he explain himself or if I directly disobeyed him without regard.

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125