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ORIGINAL: Daes
Have you ever had these feelings towards a submissive where you thought that perhaps you were putting a damper on the sub's personality? What reshaped those views?

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Have you ever had these feelings toward a submissive where you thought that perhaps you were putting a damper on the sub's personality? What reshaped those views?

Or if you're in a similar situation, do you think that sometimes by exerting control that you are controlling her personality by not allowing her to be who she is? Why?

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ORIGINAL: Daes

Oh I am. I just think he's worrying and fretting way too much ^_^;

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In response to this he said he liked my "view on it". His tone when he said it told me "Unlikely, but I like it." I felt like he undermined my personal feelings and belief in what I'd said, but I let it go.

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ORIGINAL: Daes

My roommate identifies as a dominant, he is also a good friend, generally still learning much about the lifestyle and still trying to be comfortable with that part of his personality - or at least still figuring out his comfort level as far as how dominant he wants to 'be".

He's interested in a submissive, she hasn't experienced many things so he is both eager and nervous. Eager at the opportunity and nervous because this would be his first D/s relationship and he wants to do it right, it must be done "right". Part of our conversation was that he was also trying to take things slow and was hesitant to exert any dominance due to the fact she had so much energy and enthusiasm that  believed he would be trying to "contain" or limit her personality by having her submit to him.

For me as a submissive, this was insulting. Even now the statement still irks me. So I explained it to him this way.

The lifestyle allows us to show a side of our personality we can't bring out in normal circumstances. A dom simply brings out a deeper part of the submissive's personality that is usually hidden, it allows the sub to be More of him/herself. It allows you to be who you are without judgment from those who are vanilla. You can be true to who you are. He is not "hindering" any part of who she is, on the contrary, he is bringing more of it to the surface.

In response to this he said he liked my "view on it". His tone when he said it told me "Unlikely, but I like it." I felt like he undermined my personal feelings and belief in what I'd said, but I let it go.

Anyways, apparently my talk convinced him to ask the girl to be his submissive.

Have you ever had these feelings towards a submissive where you thought that perhaps you were putting a damper on the sub's personality? What reshaped those views?

Or if you're in a similar situation, do you think that sometimes by exerting control that you are controlling her personality by not allowing her to be who she is? Why?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daes

Or if you're in a similar situation, do you think that sometimes by exerting control that you are controlling her personality by not allowing her to be who she is? Why?

quote:

In response to this he said he liked my "view on it". His tone when he said it told me "Unlikely, but I like it." I felt like he undermined my personal feelings and belief in what I'd said, but I let it go.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daes

Or if you're in a similar situation, do you think that sometimes by exerting control that you are controlling her personality by not allowing her to be who she is? Why?