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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 7:22:32 AM   
RCdc


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Celeste mabey he was just testing her to she if she acted maturely.


If that is what you believe, then why are you suggesting she 'dump him and move on' instead of holding an adult conversation with him about it?
 
the.dark.

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 7:23:55 AM   
Lynnxz


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Celeste mabey he was just testing her to she if she acted maturely.


...what?


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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 7:29:07 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Celeste mabey he was just testing her to she if she acted maturely.


Ray, the mature thing here is for her to have sufficient self esteem and healthy boundaries instead of accepting being a dirty little secret.

Besides she hasn't had a chance to do or say anything because he ran away when the other girl came into the room. And he's cheating on this other girl since he hasn't told her what's going on and allowed her the option of consenting to it or not.

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:06:15 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		The thing that bothers me about this scenario, start, is the deceit. I've heard 'poly' brought up a couple of times, but the thing is, "poly" requires disclosure and honesty among all the partners, so this -isn't- poly.

I know that many s-types consider their relationship sort of like dating, and it seems to me that it is not inappropriate to be uncomfortable when a person that one has dedicated a portion of one's life to starts making it clear that he has another life and that person A is not welcome in that world.

I -am- poly, and I could not only never -do- this to one of our servants (even though it is made clear from the beginning that I have no romantic involvement with our servants), but I couldn't do it to myself. I find it ethically impossible to deceive myself about the relationships I've chosen, or to deceive others about the relationships I take part in.

Were it me, I would bring this issue up. I would ask him what your relationship will be with him, in regards to this girlfriend. If he is so uncomfortable with himself and his life-choices that he feels the need to hide you away and sneak around on his other companion(s) as well, I don't think that he is ready for the responsibilities of -having- someone who yields even a portion of her life to him, but I wouldn't presume to make that same decision for someone else... so what you need to do is get a straight answer from him about how long he anticipates this deceitfulness to continue... and then ask yourself whether that is something that you -realistically- can expect yourself to accept. If you decide -yes-, then you'll need to also embrace the realization that cutting you off and keeping you hidden will be part of your life of submission to this man for the term that he's decided on (temporary or permanent). If you decide -no-, then you're going to have to also embrace the realization that this means having to start the search for someone with whom you can have the kind of relationship that you -can- accept.

Calla Firestorm


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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:22:44 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		I agree with Darcyandthedark. Define your boundaries. Most Master and Slave relationships are Total Power Exchange. That means your Master can do what he wants. I am monogamous with honor, my Slave knows that. We spent alot of time discussing boundaries, before we committed to each other.

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:28:02 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


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Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ElectraGlide

I agree with Darcyandthedark. Define your boundaries. Most Master and Slave relationships are Total Power Exchange. That means your Master can do what he wants. I am monogamous with honor, my Slave knows that. We spent alot of time discussing boundaries, before we committed to each other.

ElectraGlide,

Where did you get the idea that most M/s relationships are TPE? It has been my experience over the years that TPE relationships (aka No Holds Barred, aka Full Immersion, etc.) are actually very rare.

Calla Firestorm


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***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:35:01 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Do you really want to be -that- girl?

If this is online, and you set boundaries, then maybe you do...but your post here says that you don't want to be that girl.  You want to be more to him than he is currently giving you.

Time for a talk, and a serious consideration to walk...


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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:39:58 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


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quote:

I should just give up and find another Master?


yes..your 19...you can find one in 5 minutes....because your young and there's a ton of masters out there.


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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:49:19 AM   
ElectraGlide


Posts: 1246
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: Maryland
Status: offline 		Firestorm,

I have seen alot of Slave profiles online, that were seeking a TPE.  I have seen Master's do things on the scene, that I would never make a slave do in public, let alone in private. Since she got into a fast relationship with him, he will do anything he wants that was not negotiated, he is her Master, that is acting like a arrogant Dom, with no consideration for her feelings.

< Message edited by ElectraGlide -- 10/1/2008 8:50:02 AM >

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:51:28 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


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quote:

with no consideration for her feelings.


or wants or needs...


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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 9:13:00 AM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: startstopdance

I know that we are not a couple, but it still gave me a strange feeling of bitterness. I don't know what it is.This isn't a game to me. I don't play "slave" for a little while and go back to a vanilla. This is a 24/7 commitment to me.

Right there is your problem. If you are not a couple and were happy allowing anything to happen when you werent a couple then he has no reason to expect that being with someone else is a problem. Has it ever come up, before now, that you or he could or couldnt see other people?
You are long distance, she is obvously local. If he is willing to pop off from online with you, in the middle of something you were discussing to make sure she doesnt see anything, then you have been replaced as number one priority, assuming you ever were there to begin with. Keep in mind becasue you know about this girl doesnt mean there werent others that just didnt cross your radar.
Do you want to be disposable? Do you care if you are his dirty little secret? If you do not want to be a hidden kink for him while he finds happiness elsewhere and leaves you out to dry, you might want to consider calling it off. Or, give him the scneario and tell him to make the choice Either you are or you are that important, but you are not going to be the hidden pet that gets shoved under the bed until all the real friends are gone.

DV

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 9:33:08 AM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline 		Um, if this were ME... (and Ive been in similar situations)

I would not be the "side girl" for him to run to when he is bored because she for one reason or another is not available.

The fact that he is hiding Me from Her, makes him untrustworthy. I need to know my partner, Dom, friend, whatever respects his relationship with his women and with me. I can't respect a man that hides things due to cowardliness.

Lastly, I don't stand for bullshit, and this is full of it. Unless I was madly in love with him, knowing him well or not, I would drop him like a sack of bricks. I know my worth, and I deserve better.

My Master would not place me in a predicament where I felt the need to question his ownership on a forum. You need to stand up for yourself. Just because he is your Man does not give him the right to trample over your feelings. I would tell him that I don't respect the situation or my place in it and that it is unacceptable. I would simply find someone else that can treat me Right. (But again, thats me, I wouldnt put up with this kind of thing.)


< Message edited by Daes -- 10/1/2008 9:40:26 AM >

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 9:40:42 AM   
mallagrl


Posts: 14
Joined: 10/21/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: startstopdance

He hides me from everyone, he is very private about his lifesyle choice. Are you saying I should just give up and find another Master?  I mean I like my Master. I know him. I just don't know how to bring it up to him, without displeasing him.


I had a Dom that used to do that to me.... turns out, according to his wedding announcment, he was dating a vanilla girl while he was seeing me. He's now married to her and cheats on her regularly with other subs.

So, if i were you, i'd decide on who you want to be- the quick fix or a sub to a real Master, because any Dom thats going to hide and keep that aspect of his life that "private", is not a real Dom. He's just a fustrated vanilla looking for an escuse to cheat.

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 7:26:48 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: startstopdance

He hides me from everyone, he is very private about his lifesyle choice.
  He's very private which translates to you'll never be a part of his life outside of getting his rocks off. His actions tell you that you come second the the woman that was at his house.

Do you really wish to continue in this manner?

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:14:47 PM   
ExKat


Posts: 300
Joined: 8/25/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: startstopdance

He hides me from everyone, he is very private about his lifesyle choice.



My master is very private about his lifestyle choice. And he shows me off to everyone.


If you're merely his slave and not his girlfriend (yes, you can be both), what's going to happen to you when vanilla girl becomes vanilla girlfriend? Will you be his mistress? Are you content simply being the girl he cheats with when he has time? The one who is sneaking around behind the girlfriend's back?

Are you monogamous to him? Will he be sleeping around but you be chained to merely being his second best girl? Or one slave of many slaves that he keeps secret?

Just because he's a dom doesn't mean you can't discuss your relationship. My dominant and I discuss ours extensively, including those scary things like STDs and monogamy.

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 8:33:36 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Honey I think you understand this better than you really want to.  It is hard to accept that someone is not considering us as we are them, but you know what he is doing is wrong according to your feelings and what you both have agreed to or you most likely wouldn't be having a problem with it.  His actions make you feel like a secret and no one likes to feel like that.  You were a secret to her for whatever reasons and you are not now.  She now knows about you and is upset and has the power to control his actions of continuing to keep you a secret.  She may suspect more and will look for it and you will look for him keeping you a secret and he will play it any way he has to most likely, to keep his game on.

You ask how to talk to him.  I ask this... will you now believe anything he says and if you do... are you willing to accept later, that what he says might not be the truth?  If he can hide something from someone in person... he can and will and has hidden things enough to prove to you... it is a method he uses.  Think about it.  Don't feel about it... think.

Go find someone worth all you are giving.  You are young... you can and will have many opportunities to find a decent guy that gives you as much as you wish to give.  Expect more for yourself and you are more likely to get more.  You are worth it!  Now go expect it... 

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/1/2008 9:12:48 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline 		This would make me wonder if the vanilla girlfriend is living with him and he is hiding his online relationship with you from her.  This is something that I would not trust a dom who does that with me because I believe in honesty.

Find another dom who would be closer to you and worth your time, commitment and submission! 

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 10/1/2008 9:14:53 PM >

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/2/2008 5:03:16 AM   
MrHarsh


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		I think that a lot of people are jumping to conclusions in this thread. 

It seems to me that the guy is using bad judgment, but that might be to lack of experience.  My *guess* (and it's only a guess) is that he isn't really comfortable with this lifestyle yet.  He might not know how to handle himself properly.

My advice for the OP is to really talk to the guy and have your relationship more defined.  You need to make him aware of your feelings, but you also need to hear his side of the story.  You might be able to salvage this relationship with a good talk, but you need to reach a mutual understanding. 

I do not advocate just breaking things off as some others have suggested.  It may come to that; don't cross that option off your list.  However, you need to get more information before you make that decision.

You said that you didn't talk for a year and then got back together again.  That sounds to me like you have something pulling you back together.  Whatever that is might be the foundation for a good relationship... but it needs to be a GOOD relationship.  Right now you are definitely not getting what you want out of the relationship, but I don't think he understands that.

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RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/2/2008 6:19:41 AM   
MandThefffgirl


Posts: 3
Joined: 9/9/2008
Status: offline 		"He hides me from everyone, he is very private about his lifesyle choice. Are you saying I should just give up and find another Master?  I mean I like my Master. I know him. I just don't know how to bring it up to him, without displeasing him."


Well, have you tried "I would like to tell You something Master but I am afraid to displease You ?"
It seems very simple but it can do wonders :)

thefffgirl

(in reply to startstopdance)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Master with g/f, jealous? - 10/2/2008 2:07:23 PM   
startstopdance


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/1/2008
Status: offline 		I talked to my Master about everything, the advice gave me a lot to think about. I thought that we going to go our seperate ways, but upon discussing it further, we decided to persue a realationship.  If we still enjoy it as much in a year as we do now, we are going to talk about relocating.
Thank everyone so much, it was great help : )

< Message edited by startstopdance -- 10/2/2008 2:08:45 PM >

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 40
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