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RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 10:37:02 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Heavy exercise. Serious weight lifting. Reshape your own body.
Partly because it would be a good learning experience for someone whose major kink is reshaping someone else but mainly because taking muscles to exhaustion will drain other needs for a time.


I've actually been trying that for the past few months, and it's helped a little. Between exercise and modelling I'm re-establishing a lot of my understanding of exactly what I want to ask of others. But it's nowhere near emotionally satisfying for me, and I'm curious what other people do to cope.


What I do to 'cope' isn't necessarily going to work for you or anyone else. See, I don't look at any aspect of my life as 'coping'. I call it "living". I enjoy the hell out of what I have, look forward to opportunities that come into my path, and don't spend a lot of time dwelling on what I don't have or imagine that I'll never have. I don't presume years of 'doing without'... instead, I enjoy years of experiencing new ways to live.

We don't have a full-time servant right now. We haven't had one for almost 7 years, and yet I've enjoyed our part-time and temporary servants, and have enjoyed the heck out of the bottoms I've played with.

I think that there are two things that really got me "over" the whole thing about dwelling on the negative in my life. The first was when I was told (9 years ago) that my body was only going to be able to put up with the torture it puts itself through for another two years before at least one of my major systems would fail, and that my wonderful doctors at Duke were giving up on me. I got pissed that day... pissed that -anyone- would presume to tell me how long I was going to live, and I decided that I was going to live, every day, and love living until -I- didn't want to do it any more. The second thing was having two of my beloved mates die, suddenly and without any intervening warning, within six months of each other -- one to a ruptured aneurysm and the other to a construction accident. It was at that point that I came to realize that -all- life is transient, and that every day that I spent worrying about what I -didn't have and whining about how my life sucked was a day that I'd not only wasted for myself, but for the other people I cared about -- who may not have that many happy days to share with me, because nobody knows what will happen. I allowed myself my grieving time, and then grabbed life by the horns and LIVED, and I've been living that way for the past 7 years.

Truthfully, man, stop worrying about what you don't have and lusting over what you feel you're missing and just LOVE the life you've been given. Celebrate it with people -- any people, just because you can. Experience everything that comes to you -- feel it and embrace it. Evaluate the experience for yourself, and start thinking about what you can do -today- to take your life in the direction you want it. Don't sit around -waiting-... do something.

Calla Firestorm




< Message edited by CallaFirestormBW -- 10/1/2008 10:40:49 AM >

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
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RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 12:23:54 PM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Focus yourself on something else, pour your energy into that.  For example, start a small business. 


This is a good idea; I'm already in the process of trying to start up a fetish/bondage gear business.

Bad idea... that's just going to feed your desires more by constantly reminding you of them.  Do something unrelated to the lifestyle.  I mentioned a small business because that's my thing, I own three small companies... keeps me insanely busy; but it also keeps my mind preoccupied and off things that I don't have time for in my life right now, nor which would be a good idea at this stage in my life.

quote:

quote:

I'd suggest a cheese shop, it'll go perfectly with all your whine.


This is just dickery, and I wonder why it was necessary to include.At what point have I been rude? At what point have I been insulting? I've come here and politely asked questions, tried to explain how I see myself, and shared with others when I felt qualified to. Why all the hostility?

If you can't take a little sarcasm with your truth, you won't get far in this world.

Why all the hostility?  To be blunt, because you've been annoying, whinny and obtuse.  You mentioned elsewhere trying to craft questions to get the answers you need.... but you come across as trying to craft questions in such a way as to get just the answers you want.  Stop trying to craft questions and just ask honest ones.  Accept that this "community" is a kind of mirror, and what you are getting reflected back is saying something about yourself and how you are presenting yourself.  Learn from it.   You've gotten plenty of answers and advice, yet I've seen you in more than one thread make excuses for not taking what you were given.  Read this again and perhaps you'll see that more than a few have the opinion you need to grow up and learn to face up to inconvenient realities... have you considered that perhaps they are right?

As for hostility... you haven't begun to see hostility from me.  That was mild sarcasm.  You don't want to know what I really think.  You got some advice... do yourself a favor and give it some serious consideration, then do something constructive with your time.

You want to supress those urges for awhile... get your mind off them and immersed in something unrelated.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 1:50:02 PM   
Ialdabaoth


Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

As for hostility... you haven't begun to see hostility from me.  That was mild sarcasm.  You don't want to know what I really think.  You got some advice... do yourself a favor and give it some serious consideration, then do something constructive with your time.



Maybe hostility was the wrong word, then. How about 'contempt'? Why all the contempt?

It hasn't been my desire - at all - to appear whiny or annoying or obtuse; what could I do to adjust that?

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 2:00:48 PM   
Ialdabaoth


Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
Still on the "I'll never win" kick?


Not at all - but I am still on the "what does it take to win? No, wait, that doesn't make any sense... anything else?" kick.

Which is apparently far more frustrating for other people. I'm still working on delivery.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 2:03:03 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

As for hostility... you haven't begun to see hostility from me.  That was mild sarcasm.  You don't want to know what I really think.  You got some advice... do yourself a favor and give it some serious consideration, then do something constructive with your time.



Maybe hostility was the wrong word, then. How about 'contempt'? Why all the contempt?

It hasn't been my desire - at all - to appear whiny or annoying or obtuse; what could I do to adjust that?


I don't know if 'contempt' is the right word either. I think we all get frustrated when someone comes here asking for advice then appears to stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALALALALALALALALALA I can't hear youuuuuuuuuuu". In my perspective, you're doing exactly that. When that starts to happen, some of us get a little pissy and wonder why you keep asking at all.

Accept the advice that you're given here by other experienced community members as possibly containing a grain of truth. Accept it graciously. If you don't think something would work for you, stop BEFORE you hit reply, and think about whether or not it really wouldn't work or if you don't want it to work because it might change your worldview or take you out of a comfort zone. And if that's the case, say so. We then might be able to give advice about stretching your limits rather than feeling like we're all banging our heads against a wall.

A lot of growing up and growing wiser can be an uncomfortable process, but you need to appear at least willing to change to get what you want, because you can't change the whole world to suit your needs.


_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 2:06:42 PM   
Ialdabaoth


Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VivaciousSub
I don't know if 'contempt' is the right word either. I think we all get frustrated when someone comes here asking for advice then appears to stick their fingers in their ears and go "LALALALALALALALALALALA I can't hear youuuuuuuuuuu". In my perspective, you're doing exactly that. When that starts to happen, some of us get a little pissy and wonder why you keep asking at all.


Sorry. I'm not trying to ignore advice, but I do challenge advice that I don't understand or don't see as applicable. Again, maybe I need to work on delivery?

(in reply to VivaciousSub)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 2:35:55 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Delivery would be great! I know it can be hard on here at times to get the appropriate tone across cause you're not face to face with someone. There have been times I've typed things - not just here - then hit enter/post followed by a sinking feeling of "oops, did I say that?".

Handy tip - read your stuff out loud to yourself before you post it. My mom taught me to do that before I submitted papers in school - if it sounds bad out loud, it doesn't sound much better on paper, either!

Edit: your use of the word "challenge" when it comes to advice makes me think that you're a naturally somewhat aggressive type. If you don't understand something, just say so or ask for clarification. No need to challenge it.


< Message edited by VivaciousSub -- 10/1/2008 2:36:55 PM >

_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 2:41:22 PM   
Ialdabaoth


Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: VivaciousSub

Delivery would be great! I know it can be hard on here at times to get the appropriate tone across cause you're not face to face with someone. There have been times I've typed things - not just here - then hit enter/post followed by a sinking feeling of "oops, did I say that?".

Handy tip - read your stuff out loud to yourself before you post it. My mom taught me to do that before I submitted papers in school - if it sounds bad out loud, it doesn't sound much better on paper, either!


I usually do that... I usually type pretty much the same way I talk; the disadvantage is that online, I can't read the other person's body language to understand how to adjust, and I can't modulate my own voice or body language to help convey my ideas. Maybe I need to read stuff out loud in every possible tone, and then assume that the most negative tones possible are the ones that people will pick up on?

quote:

Edit: your use of the word "challenge" when it comes to advice makes me think that you're a naturally somewhat aggressive type. If you don't understand something, just say so or ask for clarification. No need to challenge it.


I'll definitely cop to being a naturally aggressive person. I do strive to be a friendly aggressive, but at core I'm much more about action and control and direction. I think that part of my problem is that I think that I DO understand some of the advice that's given to me, and am naturally predisposed to the idea that some advice is coming from either incorrect assumptions or a bona fide desire to deceive. So I tend to get a bit exasperated when I'm suggested things - even in earnest - that sound like things that I've heard before that were clearly duplicitous or were outright contradicted by other things I've been suggested.

(in reply to VivaciousSub)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 2:50:32 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Learn how to control your own desires, your own needs, your own emotions and your own personal energy. Then when someone else worthy comes along and offers you the power of control over their lives , you will be worthy of it. Until then you are just pissing in the wind .




C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 2:53:36 PM   
Ialdabaoth


Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

Learn how to control your own desires, your own needs, your own emotions and your own personal energy. Then when someone else worthy comes along and offers you the power of control over their lives , you will be worthy of it. Until then you are just pissing in the wind .

C-D


Still working on that one - lots of meditation, lots of self-development, lots of exploring exactly what it is that I do want and need. What do people generally do in the meantime to stay sane?

< Message edited by Ialdabaoth -- 10/1/2008 2:54:16 PM >

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 3:03:38 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Do what everyone else does: discover another sufficiently intoxicating distraction to keep you occupied (while, ideally, taking steps to ensure a greater likelihood of finding the underlying goal you seek).

If nothing else, find an artistic outlet upon which you can regurgitate all the internal questions/demons/hopes. Give it a medium. Sometimes you end up finding people, through it, that empathize more immediately than through the process of the written word.

< Message edited by NihilusZero -- 10/1/2008 3:10:28 PM >

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 3:04:53 PM   
CruelDesires


Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		People have been telling you. Redirect those energy's. Find things to do that not only improve you as person but that also enrich your life. Both literally as well as figuratively.


C-D

_____________________________

Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 3:58:24 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

So, posed as someone who would like to be a Master but is unlikely to have anyone serving them for a long, long time:

How do you turn off the desires for a D/s dynamic for years to decades at a time? How do you proceed through life, knowing what you want and knowing that you can't (and possibly, shouldn't) get it in the forseeable future?


You ask yourself if you really want to be a slave to your desires, carefully consider your answer, and then live your life looking for positive ways to support your choice.

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 5:39:33 PM   
giveeverything


Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline 		OP... it certainly seems that you get a lot of attention through your posts.  You pose a question and then you critique and respond to damn near every post.  It's a bit exhausting.  And it's all about YOU, everything is about YOU.  When someone is honest with you about your behavior you use it as a chance to further talk about YOURSELF.  Be honest, what are you really getting out of this?       

(in reply to TreasureKY)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 6:40:19 PM   
MadRabbit


Posts: 3460
Joined: 8/9/2006
Status: offline 		Suck it up and deal.

No, I am not going to tell you how to do it, because if your going to be in charge of someone else, then at some point your going to have to stop asking everyone else to tell you what to do.



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(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 7:59:44 PM   
Huntertn


Posts: 715
Joined: 10/7/2006
Status: offline 		well I for one just threw my hands up and said.."WTF"..and moved on..and one day it did...shugs..sometimes it better to just life live than try to dissect it to death

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 9:05:23 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Why all the hostility?  To be blunt, because you've been annoying, whinny and obtuse.  You mentioned elsewhere trying to craft questions to get the answers you need.... but you come across as trying to craft questions in such a way as to get just the answers you want.  Stop trying to craft questions and just ask honest ones.  Accept that this "community" is a kind of mirror, and what you are getting reflected back is saying something about yourself and how you are presenting yourself.  Learn from it.   You've gotten plenty of answers and advice, yet I've seen you in more than one thread make excuses for not taking what you were given.  Read this again and perhaps you'll see that more than a few have the opinion you need to grow up and learn to face up to inconvenient realities... have you considered that perhaps they are right?

As for hostility... you haven't begun to see hostility from me.  That was mild sarcasm.  You don't want to know what I really think.  You got some advice... do yourself a favor and give it some serious consideration, then do something constructive with your time.



I thought this was great advice when I first read it..... but.... I also felt it was going to fall on deaf ears.  Only to find that I read the next post to see I was right.... Sadly... the guy will think is ears are open.

and no... I am not going to tell you what you need to do to open your ears...

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to Padriag)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/1/2008 11:09:30 PM   
Ialdabaoth


Posts: 1073
Joined: 5/4/2008
From: Tempe, AZ
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

I thought this was great advice when I first read it..... but.... I also felt it was going to fall on deaf ears.  Only to find that I read the next post to see I was right.... Sadly... the guy will think is ears are open.

and no... I am not going to tell you what you need to do to open your ears...


Fair enough. I do have just enough intelligence to recognize when I'm being asked to shut up, so I will now stop posting questions to these forums until I understand better what the rules of etiquette are. I will continue to respond to other posts if I can be helpful, until someone asks me to stop that as well. Please accept my sincerest apology.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/2/2008 9:13:03 AM   
giveeverything


Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Ialdabaoth

Fair enough. I do have just enough intelligence to recognize when I'm being asked to shut up, so I will now stop posting questions to these forums until I understand better what the rules of etiquette are. I will continue to respond to other posts if I can be helpful, until someone asks me to stop that as well. Please accept my sincerest apology.
This feels very passive-aggressive.  I find you a frustrating person to follow on these boards. 

(in reply to Ialdabaoth)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Techniques for self-suppression or self-mastery. - 10/2/2008 9:13:33 AM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit
No, I am not going to tell you how to do it, because if your going to be in charge of someone else, then at some point your going to have to stop asking everyone else to tell you what to do.


Being a Master does not translate into magical knowledge of every possible topic (internal or external).

At the moment he becomes in charge of someone else, ironically, he won't need to worry about the part of him that has trouble with learning to deal with not having someone to be in charge of.

It is possible to be genuinely unsure of how to progress through one phase of life without it necessarily impacting one's abilities in a greater (or at least 'realtioship') sense.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to MadRabbit)
Profile   Post #: 40
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