RE: Domming as a submissive act?

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/2/2008 12:18:06 AM

SNoB

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

First, to make the conversation a bit easier, let's use Top/bottom for physical stuff and Dom/sub for roles. I know many Masters who bottom and slaves who Top as a service. When you separate out what's going on, it's easier to see the intent.

Master Fire

Yep, I know some submissives who are excellent rope tops, doesnt mean for a second they are dominating someone when they tie them up. If the dominate side of a relationship asks the submissive side to "top" its lots of times called service topping. Theres nothing wrong with it. I think sometimes some service/protocol oriented communities might frown upon this, but why? Arent we all in this lifestyle because it is who we are, and we do the acts we do because we enjoy them, not because its fun to put labels on them or eachother.

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/2/2008 7:01:37 AM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: vyuiop
This is something I've been thinking about for a long time. Suppose that a dominant partner wanted their sub to dominate them (how doesn't really matter- it could be as simple as as a Dom/Domme who is a physical masochist and wishes to be in pain, or as complex as completely controlling them.) Is it possible to experience this as a submissive act?

Yes, in short. It is possible to look at leadership itself as a service provided. Clearly, that can't go on forever, or you'd have to take a look at the baseline roles in this relationship. But for specific topics/areas/moments? Sure. My wife and I do various forms of this constantly. I

quote:

For example, what if the power went to the sub's head?

What? Huh? Wait! I thought we were talking about a sub's head. I can tell you that in various ways I tell my wife to take over from time to time but not once has it occurred to me that the "power would go to her head". You see, she doesn't WANT power. That's why she's the sub *laughs*.

quote:

Could the relationship be maintained then, and if so, would they have to stop "controlling" the Dom(me)?

If this (to my eyes) fantastical situation DID occur, then all that has happened is you found out that the sub is actually more of a switch or a dom. The relationship would have to adjust accordingly or perish. Again though, what I don't get is that most people don't just fall into a submissive role. It usually takes some thought and effort and a huge hassle finding a dominant partner who's not a nutjob. The subs that I know are pretty sure they don't WANT power in their relationships. That's why they went to all that effort.

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/2/2008 7:07:02 AM

RCdc

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quote:

ORIGINAL: vyuiop

This is something I've been thinking about for a long time. Suppose that a dominant partner wanted their sub to dominate them (how doesn't really matter- it could be as simple as as a Dom/Domme who is a physical masochist and wishes to be in pain, or as complex as completely controlling them.) Is it possible to experience this as a submissive act? (I am curious about both personal feelings and the reasoning behind them, as well as more generalized responses, from people of all D/s orientations.)

Depending upon the sub, I would think it would generally possible, at least for lighter things... but there are many issues for larger things. For example, what if the power went to the sub's head? Could the relationship be maintained then, and if so, would they have to stop "controlling" the Dom(me)?

If it is an action, it isn't dominating, it is topping. Yes it is possible and it rocks.
Just like anything, there are people who react differently but just because I top, does not mean I have authority.
Dominance has nothing to do with control. Nor does topping.

And define 'lighter things'. What is light for you could be heavy for another.

the.dark.

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/2/2008 8:09:57 AM

allthatjaz

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When I met my ex (who I lived with for 4 years) I was a submissive that sometimes liked to top females. He wanted me to go out on the scene and be a full on dominant woman. I must just say that he had no sub side but he seemed to get off on watching me dominate others.

It wasn't long before he stopped dominating me and I don't believe for a moment that was because I had changed. I was still the gal that got up every morning and went to the bakers to buy croissants and brew him fresh coffee for his breakfast. I was still the gal that ran his bath, put candles all around it and washed and dried his body for him and I was still the gal that was hugely upset if I felt I had disappointed him and immensly happy when I knew he was proud of me.

We became known as the Dom/Domme couple. The only person that knew of my submission was me.

I understand now that this was an ultimate price but one that I was prepared to give. It has knocked my confidence for six in that I am no longer proud of outwardly being my true self.

< Message edited by allthatjaz -- 10/2/2008 8:11:46 AM >

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/4/2008 6:43:23 PM

laura2161

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quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

nope, couldn't do it. I couldn't give pain or top a Dom without it changing the dynamics of our relationship forever. I need to feel my Dom is in charge all the time - that's where I feel safe and comfortable. Even if I top on the orders of my Dom, to see him in 'my' place would be the biggest turn-off I could think of.

I honestly don't know if I would be able to do it even if ordered to do so. It would seriously mess with the head space. I completely get the fact that dominance and submission are not the same as topping and bottoming, but it would 'feel' the same and I dont know if I would be able to get the image out of my head .

Not the popular answer I know, But my answer just the same.

laura

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/4/2008 6:49:21 PM

DesFIP

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

quote:

ORIGINAL: myotherself

nope, couldn't do it. I couldn't give pain or top a Dom without it changing the dynamics of our relationship forever. I need to feel my Dom is in charge all the time - that's where I feel safe and comfortable. Even if I top on the orders of my Dom, to see him in 'my' place would be the biggest turn-off I could think of.

I honestly don't know if I would be able to do it even if ordered to do so. It would seriously mess with the head space. I completely get the fact that dominance and submission are not the same as topping and bottoming, but it would 'feel' the same and I dont know if I would be able to get the image out of my head .

Not the popular answer I know, But my answer just the same.

laura

I think this is true for a lot of us. We can understand the difference intellectually but we can't feel the difference.

The other thing is that all too often is turns out the dom is actually more of a sub and trying to convert his sub into his dream domme. If this is part of the service that a dom wants, he needs to be upfront about it and expect that most women will turn him down flat. But waiting until the relationship is established to announce the sub has to top is lying by omission. And that by itself, the dishonesty of it, is part of why it's such a deal breaker.

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/4/2008 6:50:31 PM

tsatske

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It's fine if it works for a couple, I have no problem with that. I get the difference, as had been repeatedly said, between topping and bottoming, Doming and subbing.
However, it just would not work for me. I get a bit uncomfortable when he gets on His hands and knees in my presence to, for instance, secure a bondage tie or snap on my cuffs. If I can't handle that all that well, how the hell am I going to handle hitting Him?
The first Dom I ever played with ordered me to spank him with a wooden spoon. I get in three strikes that were noticably softer than how hard i pat the baby's backs at work when I am putting an infant to sleep, each strike softer than the one before, each taking longer and each coming from a progressively more shaking and nearer to tears sub, before I broke down into a total wet puddle.
I have no problem with that that Dom wanted that, but it just isn't something I can give.

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/5/2008 3:56:31 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well I would agree with the others who differentiate between sensations (tb) and dynamics (ds). But I will say that, while not terribly common, there are switch/switch relationships like mine in which both partners will both dominate and submit to the other in the relationship at different times. I have no idea how it really works or why it works for us, I just know it does and it's how we are fulfilled together.

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/5/2008 6:37:25 PM

hejira92

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There was a thread a while back asking if a sub would lose respect for her dom if he wanted her to use a strap-on on him. Some people could not handle that. For me, it came down to the same thing- topping, not dominating.

For me, if that's what He wants- that's what He gets.

I could see how it can be disconcerting, but entertaining Him and giving Him pleasure IS my role. (and, for the record, Master has NO interest in this activity- but I would do it if He wanted).

He has indulged my adventurous/curious side by allowing me to take the lead (a birthday present). This "topping" mainly consisted of me being allowed to be the sexual aggressor/teaser and choosing the activities, positions, etc. But, let me tell you, as soon as He came, the Dominant was back.

I was aware of a modicum of power the entire time- it was fun. But it was just that- only a modicum. If He had called an end to it at any point- WHAM- back into my sub role- no question.

So, yes, topping can definitely be a submissive act. Isn't pleasing and serving your Master/Mistress a submissive act?

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RE: Domming as a submissive act? - 10/5/2008 6:58:49 PM

yourMissTress

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quote:

ORIGINAL: hejira92

For me, if that's what He wants- that's what He gets.

I could see how it can be disconcerting, but entertaining Him and giving Him pleasure IS my role.

So, yes, topping can definitely be a submissive act. Isn't pleasing and serving your Master/Mistress a submissive act?

I like the way you put this, and it's absolutely true.

Whatever it is I ask or require of my sub, it's what I want him to do and he does it to please me. Whatever he does to please me is a submissive act, not based on the action itself, but the intent and motivation behind the action.

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