VivaciousSub
Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
quote:
ORIGINAL: VivaciousSub
I'm with Bear. I haven't ever had a good experience in a situation where the phrase "doormat" got involved. Yes, some people do treat a doormat badly while other people cherish it, but it does contain strong negative connotations for me, namely being taken advantage of, walked on, cleaning the shit off someone's shoes mostly because in times where I have been 'a doormat' I experienced no positive outcome and lots of negative consequences.
And there are plenty of people who see submission as negative because they have only had negative experiences. It's not restricted to being a doormat. I get that people have negative experiences - I do on various acts. But it is an act. It only becomes a living breathing entity when you take it on in a dynamic.
quote:
That said, I don't understand how "not wishing to be or be perceived as a doormat" limits one's forward momentum in life. For me, my forward momentum takes me away from situations where I would be put in that position. I don't like being taken advantage of, or walked on, or cleaning shit off someone's shoes and being in that type of situation would hamstring me. I'm not saying that's true of everyone.
Two reasons.
1)Because it is based on an assumption that because one is submissive, one maybe percieved as a doormat, that politeness = submission and therefore opens the door so you will be walked over because you are in front of it. You second guessing people by making it a statement. You're also assuming that being a doormat is bad in general for everyone.
Because it is restrictive. I am a person who simply never says never because I don't believe that you can experience personal growth that way. Different people stir different emotions and responses in you(generic term as a person). So to completely negate being a doormat at all right this second, blind you from the possibility that there is someone out there that can imbued you with the qualities of a doormat in a positive and beautiful way. It may only be fleeting and ephemeral, but it is experience nonetheless. Some people don't always want to grow, and if that rocks for them, that is cool. But for me, it isn't healthy.
Submission (and even dominance) isn't always about doing what we want or what we expect.
the.dark.
Dang it, this thing ate my font again! Anyhoo.
I bolded the statements that I wanted to address.
First, I specifically stated in my post that my experience was not true of everyone. So, I'm a bit confused as to how I'm assuming it's bad for everyone. I was saying, it's bad for me.
Second, we are going to have to agree to disagree here. I find being a doormat restrictive. Note again, this applies to me. This does not apply to everyone! Being in the position of a doormat has, in the past, caused me to feel nothing but awful. I don't see any positives in being taken advantage of - that simply makes me feel terrible. How, then, would it be healthy for me to experience further instances of being a doormat? That would be Ben Franklin's definition of insanity - doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result each time.
Third, I find the insinuation that my refusal to willingly be a doormat = not wanting to grow as a person to be rather insulting. That is a base assumption that is completely incorrect. I am always open to new experiences. Being a doormat is - for me - an OLD experience that I have no desire to repeat.
You are correct - submission isn't always doing what we want or expect. But please explain to me how being forced to experience something I find extremely damaging and negative makes me any less of a good submissive to Sir? I am exactly what Sir wants me to be, and He does it without acting in manners that would harm His pet.
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9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th
To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice
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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 
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