marieToo
Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
My objection to Michaels statement is that it is confined to submissives being the ones learning, and infers that there are great and not so great ones. That doesn't take into account personal choice and preference. How does one define 'great' across the board? You cannot - it is totally impossible. It implies a hieracy which quite frankly, sucks.
You can't. We can each only define for ourselves what is "great". I guess to me this is just such an obvious thing that when I read a statement like what Michael wrote, I read it with the presumption that of course he is talking about what a 'great submissive' is to him. I can't help but think that if he had put the two words "For me, a great submissive is blah blah blah...." no one would have thought anything of it. And it would have taken the edge off the idea that some people thought he was comparing submissives in the first place. I didn't get that at all, from his post. If anything it felt like he was slapping the OP down. Either way, I think adding things like "to me", "in my opinion", "it is my feeling that"... is an uneccesarry redundance that people (including myself) have gotten into the habit of in order to not offend otherwise sensitive people. And when I read a statement like the one SM made, the implication or assumption that he is talking about his own interpretation of "great" is already there by virtue of the fact that we all know "great" is a subjective term and can't be defined as fact, it can only be defined for each person. It's a given that it's about him.
If I turned on a cooking show and Emeril Lagasse was there saying "Ok people today we're talking about how to make a great steak...And every great steak starts with a really great cut...". How many cooks would say "Now wait a minute buddy, that's YOUR opinion of what makes a great steak, to me a great steak starts with a great marinade"... Maybe not the best example, but I'm trying to illustrate that when you remove the personal feelings of those who may feel that their own reality is being threatened over this stuff, it's really not an offensive thing to say "a great submissive" or a "great pair of jeans" or a "great friend", a "great mother" without saying "To me, a great friend is blah blah blah". We do this is in regular conversation all the time, but in cases like this it's interpreted as inflammatory because people are hyper-sensitive about defending their own "status". Just think of all the things we say "as fact" and no one gets offended by it, until they feel that their own sense of self-worth is being invalidated by someone else's opinion of "great" (or whatever). I'll be the first to admit, Im sure there have been times I've been sensitive to such a remark as well. But I'd rather experience that sensitivity, get it in perspective for what it is (Someone's personal interpretation of AB and C ) and use it to strengthen my own ability to seek validation from within, rather than to read posts where people feel obligated to say "I love xyz for reasons abc, but this is only about ME, you guys, I'm not saying this is the way it should be for everyone else"....
I'm guilty of these types of "safe" statements as well, but only because I've been jumped on at other times for not making it clear that this is only MY opinion. It's as if we've all been "trained" and it's become like some kind of politically correct disclaimer mantra.
Maybe it's a good idea to sugar coat a bit so we don't hurt people's feelings with a harsh delivery? Not a bad idea maybe, but not something I would expect everyone to subscribe to in order to spoon feed people with thin skin.
The rest of your post I didn't highlight, but I agree with all you said, especially about the mutual inspiration. I think I was speaking only about the submissive end of it because that seemed to be the main focus of the exchange at the time.
On a side note: I wanted to add that my support of SM's statement wasn't to support any type or another. (As I stated, I didn't even interpret that in what he said.). His statement resonated with me because when I'm in the right hands, the depth of my submission becomes so profound that it has literally scared me at times. It is that connection (inspiration) between two particular people, that I read into his comment which really struck a chord with me.
< Message edited by marieToo -- 10/3/2008 4:19:15 AM >
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marie.
I give good agita.
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RE: Where are the submissive submissives? - 
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I do appriciate the kind words. 
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