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RE: I - 10/2/2008 10:17:26 AM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

Then we have a difference of opinion in the types of friends we keep.

ya i agree....can you imagine....my friends...if i didnt tell them ahead of time and they saw me several years later in a mall or some place...the way i look now...what their reaction would be??? knowing me as a male (a 200 lb brush cut)...and then....seeing me as i am now...petite female...(petite for my height)
i still actually have not met any of them in person since i changed.
but apparently i will later this month for the first time.

what a shock that would be....but then they may not recognize me...as i have passed by many old friends and acquaintances...some that knew me actually hit on me without knowing....

friends are supposed to support and be there for you in every way. no matter sexual orientation, habits like drugs-drinking etc, lifestyles, etc etc. friends are supposed to be like family. if you cant talk to your family who can you talk to?

< Message edited by faerytattoodgirl -- 10/2/2008 10:18:46 AM >

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RE: I - 10/2/2008 10:31:46 AM

SlaveIndigochild

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We all get the results of our communication.

< Message edited by SlaveIndigochild -- 10/2/2008 10:32:24 AM >

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RE: I - 10/2/2008 2:21:33 PM

MissLily

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LOL Dnomyar....

I think you must have had suspicions before though....

Miss Lily

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Post #: 23

RE: I - 10/2/2008 2:57:52 PM

persephonee

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im sorry that you are feeling this way...no matter what happened or how...it never feels good to lose a part of yourself.

Odds are if the wife is drinking herself into bravery...shes more than a little turned on and just needs time to process....or may never be strong enough to see that in herself.

Without knowing how long it may take them to recover from this all you can do is give them space and time and be patient...kinda your fault their little bubble was burst so now you get to be the patient ones. Dont allow the comments to get too personal. You may even need to delicately place some boundaries on the comments they can make to you. Otherwise, drunk or no, answer the questions they pose in an adult matter of fact fashion and then change the subject. Only spend time with them when you are capable of maintaining some professionalism for lack of a better word.

Theyll be back...theyll miss you too as soon as they can be assured that you are not insane or overtly perverted...hehe.

i kept all my friends years ago when i came out as gay...and kept all my friends when i came out as kinky. Funnily enough, i lost my lesbian friends when i decided i was more bi than lesbian....interesting....nah....but sad, indeed.

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RE: I - 10/2/2008 3:14:40 PM

FRSguy

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Wow sorry to hear that... who would have guessed. If you have or are givin the opertunity. If they still pick up the phone when you call... maybe you should try again to have a heart to heart after they have a couple of weeks to kind of cool off and think things over. You could ap... (you know that funny word) and say that you thought after years of friendship that you had know idea they would act that way. Tell him that you are still the same persona he allways knew ect. I find it difficult to believe that after years of friendship that they would be that shallow... perhaps after they have had some time to mull it over they will think the same thing. You did do the right thing by telling them.

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RE: I - 10/2/2008 3:33:14 PM

LaTigresse

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And this is why I operate on a "need to know" basis. The only people that need to know about my sex life are the people immediately involved in it.

That being said, I don't lie. If someone asks a specific question they get an answer to that question. No more, no less.

Example: Sitting around with family or friends and a few are discussing the more intimate details of their lives, for better or worse. Someone turns to me and asks "How's your sex life these days LeeAnn?" To which I might reply "Just fine thank you." And off they go back to discussing their lack or abundance thereof.

It's not complicated people. It's called discretion.

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Post #: 26

RE: I - 10/2/2008 4:58:59 PM

tweedydaddy

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I simply told him because he was wondering what four strapping young men were doing in my Wife's bedroom when we came back late at night after a curry. It was that or watch him attack them under the impression she was having an affair behind my back, which would have gone very badly. My friend, although a little wary of me, was never the real problem, his wife is.
Throughout my life I have been a flamoyant and outrageous person. My being into BDSM should hardly have come as a shock to anyone who knew me well.
That we were Both into it was possibly too much for him, and defintely way too much for his wife.
I've never felt any need to shock anybody. If you can think of it, the odds are that at some time I have done it.
I hardly think that explaining a seriously unusual situation was going out of my way to engineer a way to show off.
If I was planning to tell everybody I knew, I have now been beaten to the chase by my friends wife, who must have worn her tongue out , this is actually fine as everybody she spoke to rang me, most already knew, all had guessed, no one was upset.
My attitude to it now is that I don't care who knows, and I certainly don't care what they think. If they are shallow enough to fall out with me over this, then I haven't lost anything, have I? The nice thing is that people have been very nice about it.
It's been interesting the way some people have flown off down their own reading of my post, good for them, it's important to hold opinions. I'm grateful to the people who wrote kindly words and took the time to post their own views. Thank you.

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Post #: 27

RE: I - 10/2/2008 5:07:45 PM

CalifChick

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quote:

ORIGINAL: tweedydaddy
I simply told him because he was wondering what four strapping young men were doing in my Wife's bedroom when we came back late at night after a curry.

What on earth was your friend doing in your wife's bedroom?

Cali

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RE: I - 10/2/2008 5:09:57 PM

tweedydaddy

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he was upstairs having a piss when he heard some goings on, it was perfectly normal for him to do that. I wa smaking coffee downstairs unaware that we still ahd visitors, no one had been watching the clock, life's like that.

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RE: I - 10/3/2008 6:51:57 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Well part of why the coming out process is difficult is precisely because some people will reject you for it. That's their choice and it's to be respected. I might make a further attempt by going out to a nuetral coffee place together and just saying "Hey, we're the same people we always were, just into some different stuff. We're not going to try to bring you into this or make you part of it, timing just worked out this way. We hope you can continue to enjoy the same stuff we always did before, but we understand if not"

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RE: I - 10/3/2008 7:03:35 AM

persephonee

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FRSguy

Wow sorry to hear that... who would have guessed. If you have or are givin the opertunity. If they still pick up the phone when you call... maybe you should try again to have a heart to heart after they have a couple of weeks to kind of cool off and think things over. You could ap... (you know that funny word) and say that you thought after years of friendship that you had know idea they would act that way. Tell him that you are still the same persona he allways knew ect. I find it difficult to believe that after years of friendship that they would be that shallow... perhaps after they have had some time to mull it over they will think the same thing. You did do the right thing by telling them.

Its not out of the question that a person loses friends altogether...not just acquaintances but actual close friends that you have leaned on and been there in support of in the past...not out of the question at all.
i noticed right off that the closet in BDSM is way deeper, darker and harder to come out of than the Gay one....its sad but true.
Hopefully they will either come around or he can cope with the loss of these people in a constructive way. Its never a good feeling to have someone who matters walk away. Especially if its based on a judgement they have made about you personally.
For some reason, women who were my friends for literally 15 yrs...fell off the face of the earth because i mentioned that i was seeing men and that i had doubts as to whether a woman could dominate me...just my own opinion and actions...they went poof! It was sad. But i got over it.

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Post #: 31