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Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 6:36:19 PM

Missokyst

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I am on the older side of the fence and because of the way I was brought up, some things still make me raise a brow in interest when I am sitting here reading this site.

I see a lot of moaning about subs not speaking respectfully to either their dominant, or dominants in general. Now, for me, I tend to think of common courtesy until the situation demands that no such courtesy be extended.

I would for instance, always call someone by the name they offer up. Generally I state my first name and they follow suit. VERY rarely has anyone I met in person wished to be known as MasterBloodsuckingleech. And if they do, I tend to use that name sparingly if at all. Not because he is not my master, or because I won't call him master, but because I am the sort of person who is everywhere and run into people where ever I go. It is best in my view, not to greet someone with a scene name in a public place. For me that is a courtesy to them so that no one would question why a mailman would go by the nick Masterbloodsuckingleech.
My memory for faces is not as good as my memory for names... but some names just scream out.

Ok.. on to the topic at hand. Because I am from the other generation I learned early on that ladies do not cuss. This is a dinosaur mentality that I have not learned to ditch. I use a napkin, wash my hands when using the restroom, I do not talk with food in my mouth unless I can cover it in some way. And spitting? LOL so not going to happen!

In general I see these things as my using common courtesy. Not respect for some individual, but respect for the way I was raised. In my family we were all equal, and met people as equals, no matter what their status.

So when I see people bemoaning the lack of respect and manners I have to wonder what they mean. My household taught me manners. My mom taught me common courtesy suitable for my generation. And my upbringing taught me that the only time someone is above you, is when you place them there.

What do you see as respect?
What do you consider common courtesy?
Are they the same?
And what about manners?
I am especially interested in the last one, as my mind calls up people picking through their toes while waiting for dinner.

It is a bad thing when your mind runs on satire.
Kyst

Post #: 1

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 6:50:54 PM

JewAndCelt

Posts: 110
Joined: 8/23/2008
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

Manners......
Okay when I was single I would get an email.

HIM: Hello,
I'm Ken your profile looked interesting. I would like to get to know you a bit better.

ME: Hello Ken,
Thanks for writting to me. I looked over your profile as well and we seem to have alot in common. I'm including my pic.....and then yadda yadda insightful banter.

____________________________________________________

Another email

Him: Hello, I looked at your profile and I think we should get to know one another better. I really love feet.

Me: Hello, thank you for your interest in my profile but I don't think we are compatable. Good luck in your search
________________________________________________________________________________________

another email

HIM:Kneel bitch

Me: Awwww aren't you special.
IGNORE BUTTON PRESSED

See I think Mrs. Manners would have approved of all three. :)

_her

< Message edited by JewAndCelt -- 10/2/2008 6:51:27 PM >

_____________________________

Maturity is patience. Mastery is nine times patience.

!!!!!!כי לא נולד הבן זונה שיעצור את ישראל

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 2

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:06:27 PM

caelestis

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Joined: 9/6/2008
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I was raised in an old fashioned house so my sisters and I were all instilled with manners as we grew up. We hold doors open for other people, say please and thank you and excuse me, and there have been times when we've gone to nicer restraunts and had our meals paid for because we were such "respectful children." Respect and common courtesy isn't as hard to keep up as people seem to think.

When I get mail from Dom/me's I'm as polite as possible, I try to reply to all messages, and the ones I don't have much interest in it usually goes along the lines of "I'm sorry Sir/Ma'am, but I'm not interested in anything other than friendship at this time. If You have anything You'd like to ask or discuss I'd more than happy to answer." I've made a few really wonderful friends this way.

(in reply to JewAndCelt)

Post #: 3

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:10:37 PM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

I've always been what I thought was pretty good at my manners or general attitude. I'm like you- I cover my mouth if I have food in my mouth and need to say something, I don't spit, I say 'excuse me' when I have to get up and leave a conversation, I offer my hand for a handshake when I'm doing a first time introduction, I try to not interupt, etc etc. My Master is a little more old school- He expects my yes and no responses to be followed by 'Sir' when I address Him. That just took practice because even though I say 'sir' and 'ma'am' without blinking, I've never used those titles for a person I was involved with. But there are things I think alot of people forget over time that I wish they wouldn't- like serving your company before youreslf, offering your guests a seat or a drink, holding a door for a person walking out behind you, avoiding all those icky bodily sounds in public, etc. lol

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to JewAndCelt)

Post #: 4

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:12:05 PM

CruelDesires

Posts: 824
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

I know a slave who burps on occasion in an empty house and still says "excuse me" even though no one is around. Now that is manners. lol.

C-D

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Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself.
Lois McMaster Bujold, "A Civil Campaign", 1999

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 5

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:12:34 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
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From: Savannah, GA
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lol I do that, CD

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Post #: 6

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:29:18 PM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

My parents set very strict expectations regarding manners and behavior when we were growing up. We always addressed our elders as Ma'am and Sir, no adult was ever to be addressed by their first name alone, we were taught to speak respectfully, excuse ourselves if we were in any danger of not behaving in an appropriate setting, etc. We were both sent to charm school and cotillion as well, even though my parents never participated in the country club/social scene that exists around here.

They were also never rude to us in public and always strove to demonstrate graciousness and courtesy. Which reminds me of a story - if my sister or I were ever not acting right in a given situation, my mother would not yell at us in front of someone else - we had a pre-arranged signal that meant Straighten Up and Fly Right. The signal was Mom tugging on her earlobe. So, it's Parent-Teacher night and I'm in first grade. I am in the middle of introducing my parents to Miss Brooks when....Mom starts tugging on her ear. Oh God! I frantically search in my head for what I'm doing wrong and start getting more and more quiet as she keeps looking at me and tugging. Finally, I froze silent. On the way home, Mom asked me why I had suddenly gotten so quiet. I squeaked out, "you...you...were tugging on your earlobe!". Mom looked puzzled for a sec then said, Oh no! I'm sorry!

Turns out she was having an allergic reaction to her danged earrings and there I was scarred for life.

Respect - I treat everyone respectfully, or at least try to. Sometimes I flub. It's only human. If they demonstrate themselves as not being worthy of my respect, then I disengage and spend time in better company.

I put "manners" under the heading of "common courtesy". They are actions that further demonstrate respect for others person, property and beliefs. It doesn't mean I have to agree, but I don't need to be an ass about it. Nothing is more unbecoming be you male or female.

< Message edited by VivaciousSub -- 10/2/2008 7:42:05 PM >

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To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 7

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:38:04 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

What do you see as respect?
What do you consider common courtesy?
Are they the same?
And what about manners?

In my mind, respect means I know enough about the person to judge whether they have qualities and/or knowledge for which I can hold a high opinion of them.
Politeness means diplomacy and tact.
Manners are actions that avoid offending.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 8

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:40:56 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

I know a slave who burps on occasion in an empty house and still says "excuse me" even though no one is around. Now that is manners. lol.

C-D

I've been known to apologize to doors I just walked into.

But I don't believe that common courtesy demands I respond to unwanted email. I don't feel impelled to write to banks thanking them for their offer of a credit card but respectfully declining either. I know people who get upset if you admit you use your telephone answering machine to screen your calls, but I feel that they are invading my privacy and I don't have to give up my dinnertime just because they feel like calling.

_____________________________

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Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 9

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:41:09 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

What do you see as respect?
What do you consider common courtesy?
Are they the same?
And what about manners?

At first glance, they are very similar. But, I'll extend common courtesy to people I don't respect. Why? Because my use of common courtesy, i.e. my action toward people, reflects on me and my household; it's about how I treat my fellow humans. Who I do and don't respect, in my opinion, reflects simply on what I do or don't agree with or think is right; it's about my personal moral decisions. I strive to make no judgments about people when it comes to my interactions with them; everyone deserves, because they are a person, a certain level of decorum. I'll even listen to people I don't respect because, sometimes, they really do have good things to day. I DO, however, make judgments about who I will and won't follow or have a friendship/intimate relationship with. It's kinda like being a gentleman: you called everyone Mr or Mrs so and so, even if you don't like them. But, just because you do doesn't mean you want to do business with them.

I'm not sure what to say about manners. Most times, I'm just happy I don't drop food in my lap. I suppose some manners are also wrapped up in common courtesy, such as holding doors for older people or people who have their arms full. But, it does show through that I'm from a blue collar background, even if I'm white collar myself. I tone the blue down and spiff up the white if I go somewhere special. If I spent a lot of time in those places, I'd be more formal on a regular basis. But, my life is casual and I like it that way. I speak around food in my mouth and say, "What the hell?" a lot. I cover my mouth to sneeze and cough, though and don't wipe my nose on my sleeve (ok, ok, so those things are hygene, not manners). Not to say I'm an oaf, of course, but, if I tried to say I had debutant manners would be a lie.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 10/2/2008 7:45:37 PM >

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Post #: 10

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:43:46 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

LOL me too.. or worse yet, if I must burp I do it as quietly as possible, even when alone. DANG my mom was a control freak.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop

lol I do that, CD

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 11

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:45:56 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

. I know people who get upset if you admit you use your telephone answering machine to screen your calls, but I feel that they are invading my privacy and I don't have to give up my dinnertime just because they feel like calling.

A ringing phone is a request, not a demand.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:46:45 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

I know a slave who burps on occasion in an empty house and still says "excuse me" even though no one is around. Now that is manners. lol.

C-D

Ha! I've caught myself saying, "Bless you," to sneezes on TV when I was distracted by something else.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 13

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:47:08 PM

caelestis

Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

I know a slave who burps on occasion in an empty house and still says "excuse me" even though no one is around. Now that is manners. lol.

C-D

I've been known to thank people for doing stuff for them... like I'll fetch a drink or something and as I'm handing it to them I'll say "Thank You." Hehe, working nothing but public service jobs will do that to you I suppose.

(in reply to CruelDesires)

Post #: 14

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:55:29 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I grew up with somewhat looser guidelines. Even my teachers were on a first name basis, because they gave me that right. It was an odd thing that was a result of the way they interacted with me. I found myself to be a sounding board for more than a few adult situations. So for me, kids and adults were on equal levels. It was not the way my parents taught me, but the way people seemed to relate to me.

My mom.. had the look. None of us moved if she gave it. I learned that look early on in life.

As for not reacting to the asses .. LOL well.. after 50 yrs I have learned that if you call an ass an ass, they would never understand because they cant see it. But, it does vent some of the annoyance in life which is not a good thing to hold in. As a person who has been unable to show anger much of my life, venting is perferable to holding it back. Of course, venting in my world is a quick observation of the obvious. I would never go on about it because it would serve no purpose.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: VivaciousSub

We always addressed our elders as Ma'am and Sir, no adult was ever to be addressed by their first name alone,

They were also never rude to us in public and always strove to demonstrate graciousness and courtesy.

my mother would not yell at us in front of someone else - we had a pre-arranged signal

but I don't need to be an ass about it. Nothing is more unbecoming be you male or female.

(in reply to VivaciousSub)

Post #: 15

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 7:57:29 PM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

quote:

ORIGINAL: CruelDesires

I know a slave who burps on occasion in an empty house and still says "excuse me" even though no one is around. Now that is manners. lol.

C-D

I've been known to thank people for doing stuff for them... like I'll fetch a drink or something and as I'm handing it to them I'll say "Thank You." Hehe, working nothing but public service jobs will do that to you I suppose.

LOL! I've done that too. It gets really odd when that sets off a Thank You Fest.

_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to caelestis)

Post #: 16

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 8:05:45 PM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

quote:

I grew up with somewhat looser guidelines. Even my teachers were on a first name basis, because they gave me that right. It was an odd thing that was a result of the way they interacted with me. I found myself to be a sounding board for more than a few adult situations. So for me, kids and adults were on equal levels. It was not the way my parents taught me, but the way people seemed to relate to me.

I was always treated like a small adult, never a child, even though my parents were very strict about how we spoke to others. I was raised to believe that children do not have the right to address adults by their first name out of respect for their authority, and it was so ingrained into me that I couldn't have done it if I tried. To this day, the HS instructors I've kept in touch with that want me to address them by their first name laugh when I try, cause I simply can't get it out.

Most of my friends and partners are older than I am by a significant factor - Sir is 7 years older than me, and my best friend is 13 years older than me. Growing up, I always related better to adults. I didn't get along with my peer group and still find I don't have all that much in common with them.

And God, do I remember my mom's Death Stare. We - that's my sister and I - used to pray for yelling, because it was inherently less dangerous than silence and the Death Stare.

_____________________________

9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 17

RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 8:09:40 PM

cbaby

Posts: 103
Joined: 6/23/2005
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spitting in public......that is totally gross (i have a perfectly good bathroom sink with a toothbrush and toothpaste when i need to spit...*LOL*, i think that the word "you're welcome" may be in real danger...how many times have you said thank you for something only to hear back, "no problem" i may be blonde but wth is no problem.....perhaps it is another indication on the downward trend of society in general and what is seen as or not as acceptable....just some things were instilled within us as youngsters and never to be outgrown as adults....thank you for letting me post here :)

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(in reply to caelestis)

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RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 8:11:36 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
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What do you see as respect?
I see respect as treating another person in a manner to which you want to be treated.
What do you consider common courtesy?
I see common courtesy as incorporating the qualities of being polite, respectful and using common courtesy among friends, family and with strangers.
Are they the same?
I don't see common courtesy and respect as being the same, more like they are similar in definition yet they are different.
And what about manners?
To me, manners is opening doors for people, saying please and thank you, not interrupting a person when they are speaking, not belching loudly in public or at the dinner table, etc.

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(in reply to Missokyst)

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RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 8:17:48 PM

Missokyst

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Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

That reminds me of something I experienced in SF a few years ago. We went to do the touristy thing for the weekend and of course had to ride a trolley. It was quite full by the time we got half way up our trip and a pregnant woman got on board. No man left their seat for her, but an older lady (not that old) got up and offered the expectant woman a seat.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

And what about manners?
To me, manners is opening doors for people, saying please and thank you, not interrupting a person when they are speaking, not belching loudly in public or at the dinner table, etc.

(in reply to beargonewild)

Post #: 20

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