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RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 8:42:41 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		I'm going to preface this by saying that my profile says: Just here for forums.

What I find rude is:

1) Emails that start with: baby, dear, pet, slut, girl etc. You don't know me and pet names are presumptive of an acquaintance that isn't there.

2) Emails that start with: It's a shame...  I don't find it a shame that I'm in a 9 year relationship with the man that is the love of my life and that I enjoy reading the great posts here in the forums. They somehow think I should be disappointed because I'm not here for them.

3) Guys who think they're the exception to Just here for the Forums" and email a list of things I should expect to do when I'm their submissive.

4) Guys who think that I should have to explain why I'm "Just here for the forums". My view is "no" means "No" and I shouldn't have to explain it.

And lastly....

5) Guys who send me pictures of their penises. Nothing like the disembodied genitals of a stranger in your email box at 5am.

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Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 8:47:39 PM   
oceanwynds


Posts: 1044
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline 		i use to apologize for burping when i was alone, now i apologize to my cat. i like manners and it is first nature to me to use them.

(in reply to CruelDesires)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 8:53:38 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Kinda makes you want to send an email back...

No thanks, I tossed the last one
~Lorena Bobbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl
5) Guys who send me pictures of their penises. Nothing like the disembodied genitals of a stranger in your email box at 5am.

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 9:19:39 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Headline on a girls fashion mag that my girls kid bought.  "How to be just bitchy enough"  I shit you not.  I think I see a trend here disrespect is vogue.

BadOne

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(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 9:28:37 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline 		I respond politely to all polite emails or conversation.  I don't really mind it if someone addresses me as "girl", but slut and pet off the top of the bat turn me off.  I tend to use profanity a bit, but if I'm speaking to a dom who doesn't like it, I don't use it.   I prefer to use a first name unless and until I feel a natural need coming over me to call a man Sir.  I have found there comes a time for me when it doesn't feel comfortable for me to address him by first name any more.  It is my preference to wait for that time to come.  However, if I'm speaking to someone that I'm interested in and he prefers the term Sir, I have no problem using it.

Manners and being polite are the same thing for me, I tend to mirror back what I receive from a person.  Respect is a little bit different and something that will either grow or not.

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(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 9:33:33 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I notice that a lot too.  In fact I find it a little uncomfortable to see women refer to themselves as bitches or bitchy.  It is almost like it is a badge of pride to be what used to be a negative term, and is now an expression of not being a wimp.
For me a bitch is just not someone I want to hang out with.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Headline on a girls fashion mag that my girls kid bought.  "How to be just bitchy enough"  I shit you not.  I think I see a trend here disrespect is vogue.

BadOne

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 9:34:59 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		Yeah it is like that for me.  People are pretty much equal for me until there is something about them that makes me step back with a little awe.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo
 Respect is a little bit different and something that will either grow or not.

(in reply to marieToo)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 9:36:43 PM   
JewAndCelt


Posts: 110
Joined: 8/23/2008
From: Arkansas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I notice that a lot too.  In fact I find it a little uncomfortable to see women refer to themselves as bitches or bitchy.  It is almost like it is a badge of pride to be what used to be a negative term, and is now an expression of not being a wimp.
For me a bitch is just not someone I want to hang out with.
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Headline on a girls fashion mag that my girls kid bought.  "How to be just bitchy enough"  I shit you not.  I think I see a trend here disrespect is vogue.

BadOne



LOL......... about a year ago Buck Cherry came out with a song called crazy bitch. Everygirl I knew had it as a ring tone and a few would exclaim when it came on "OMG That's my SONG".

Yeah..........so basically the song talks about a girl who is awesome in bed but not sane in life and basically the guy is doing a booty call on her.

ummmm yeah that is SO who I want to be.

_her

< Message edited by JewAndCelt -- 10/2/2008 9:37:34 PM >

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!!!!!!כי לא נולד הבן זונה שיעצור את ישראל

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 11:09:45 PM   
FaerieQueene


Posts: 32
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

In my mind, respect means I know enough about the person to judge whether they have qualities and/or knowledge for which I can hold a high opinion of them.
Politeness means diplomacy and tact.
Manners are actions that avoid offending. 



I COMPLETELY agree with this. As many have said, being polite and courteous, to me, is an ingrained behavior. My respect must be earned - but even if I do not respect someone, I will always behave politely.

I must say that, as much as I love reading these forums, I am frequently taken aback by the rudeness of the posters. I wonder if the lack of face-to-face interaction makes people less inhibited, or if common courtesy really is on a downward spiral?

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 11:32:50 PM   
SlaveIndigochild


Posts: 272
Status: offline
quote:

What do you see as respect?
What do you consider common courtesy?
Are they the same?
And what about manners?

if i had to worry about myself at this level of conformity thenm i would simply become anxious and lose spontaneity. usually my language and behaviour is empathic and reflects the context of the moment. if anyone is offended it it their responsibility. master advises on anything which i am anxious about and also allows me to be wrong so that he can reprimand and thus i can learn.


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(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 11:33:52 PM   
petsuccubus


Posts: 5
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		I was raised by my grandparents, who grew up in the South...  my sister and I weren't allowed out in public unless we could behave ourselves, sit quietly, be polite to our elders, not say rude things, say please/thankyou/yes sir/yes maam/etc...  I apologize to lamp posts and walls when I bump into them, apologized to the dog this morning when I tripped over her on my way into the bathroom :)

I also got the whole manners thing, no elbows on the table, speak softly especially when you are angry...

I was also taught the right ways to tell someoen "Oh, honey... I'm so sorry about your regrettable lack of good breeding, if you ever need someone to talk to about that let me know and I'll be more than happy to show you the right way of it" and make it sound like I'm being polite or at least not outright rude.

However, I was also raised on the believe that Respect is earned, nobody gets it by default.. and if someone shows themselves unworthy of respect, you do not give them the time of day.  You don't tell polite lies to spare a person's feelings, you do the blunt thing and tell them as politely as possible what your honest opinion is.  "Yes, those pants do make your ass look big, I'm sorry... Why don't we have a girls shopping trip this weekend and find something that suits?"  Its better to hurt someone's feelings briefly than encourage them to believe in a lie.

So when I don't respect someone, or if they demand it when it hasn't been earned yet, i don't pretend it.  I won't be outright DIS respectful of someone unless they've done something truly horrid as far as showing themselves unworthy fo it, or if they've been overly rude to me... but I was raised to believe that FALSE respect was the worst thing you could do.

We also don't do that "right thing for the wrong reasons" thing, if you aren't into it for the RIGHT reasons, don't do it.

so yeah.

I think the real problem is that there are too many people demanding respect they  haven't earned yet... While you may have a great deal of experience, and be respected by those who already know and like you... expecting a complete stranger to give you the same amount of respect as those others?  Is a little bit foolish.

Would you walk up to a complete stranger in public and demand respect the way you do online?



(in reply to FaerieQueene)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 11:45:18 PM   
FaerieQueene


Posts: 32
Joined: 9/16/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: petsuccubus

However, I was also raised on the believe that Respect is earned, nobody gets it by default.. and if someone shows themselves unworthy of respect, you do not give them the time of day.  You don't tell polite lies to spare a person's feelings, you do the blunt thing and tell them as politely as possible what your honest opinion is.  "Yes, those pants do make your ass look big, I'm sorry... Why don't we have a girls shopping trip this weekend and find something that suits?"  Its better to hurt someone's feelings briefly than encourage them to believe in a lie.

So when I don't respect someone, or if they demand it when it hasn't been earned yet, i don't pretend it.  I won't be outright DIS respectful of someone unless they've done something truly horrid as far as showing themselves unworthy fo it, or if they've been overly rude to me... but I was raised to believe that FALSE respect was the worst thing you could do.



That's an excellent way of putting it. I think it elegantly combines being truthful with being tactful, which to me, shows excellent manners.

(in reply to petsuccubus)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/2/2008 11:55:54 PM   
ChainGoddess


Posts: 731
Joined: 9/27/2008
From: Ireland
Status: offline 		One of my first memories was being taught to say please and thank you.   And now, all these years later, I find myself being very polite to auto voice machines on the phone, and always thank them.
Respect and good manners to others are so important.

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/3/2008 3:35:36 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline 		Dunno if I'm gonna be able to make sense here, but...

Over all, I'm generally courteous and well mannered and believe everybody deserves basic respect by virtue of the fact that they're human.  Hell, even non-human beings (animals, the earth etc) deserve respect.  If I can't respect someone, its not likely that I'm going to be spending any time with them.  Its rare that I treat someone disrepectfully...I'd rather just keep them out of my life so I don't have to get into the habit of withholding respect to make a point.

If I'm on questionable or uncertain terms with someone, but have to interact with them, I'm going to be extremely careful and polite.  If it seems likely that a small conflict will lead to a metaphoracal 'struggle to the death' I'm gonna go out of my way to make sure nothing happens by accident.  I'll use my best 'street' manners and present myself in as non-threatening way as possible avoiding anything that might be (mis)interpreted as a threat.  This means, avoiding eye contact, staying out of their personal space, speaking to them as little as possible.  This is how I interact with strangers and people I have had deep conflicts with in the past (there's only a couple of those).  No point in getting into a fight unless you want to get into a fight and the best way to avoid a fight is to minimize interaction.  Its basically a variation on the theme of 'choosing your battles.'  With people I'm comfortable with, I can loosen up.  I know honest mistakes will be forgiven and won't be used to start trouble, so I don't have to be so careful. 

The upshot is, I reserve my best 'manners' and my most civil behavior for people I don't especially like or people I don't know.

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(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/3/2008 4:23:07 AM   
SoulPiercer


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis
and there have been times when we've gone to nicer restraunts and had our meals paid for because we were such "respectful children."


That's too weird. That actually happened to us on a few occasions too. I especially remember the time a sweet little old lady told my parents that "for coloreds, you people have such well behaved children." The "go away or I'll rip your throat out" look on my dad's face was priceless.

I think on CM, when people talk about "respect" there are a number of things going on.

A. Someone got their feewings hurt because they weren't addressed as Sir.

B. Someone got their feewings hurt because that cute little sub who clearly stated she was seeking female friends only didn't respond to their message asking why she only wanted female friends.

C. 19 year old dominants (males and females) who behave like 5 year olds and are shocked because "old people (yuck!)" don't show them "proper respect".

There are other categories, but those three seem to be the largest groups in the Whine and Cheese forum posts.

I agree there is a shortage of general courtesy. It's because of the fictional seperation of  "online" vs "real time". Alot of people seem to truly believe that if you communicate via internet, you are not "real", nothing that happens here is "real" and one can be as rude as they like with no consequences.



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Do you have any idea how many bones you have left for me to break? - Batman

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/3/2008 4:43:16 AM   
lizcgirl


Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline 		The rude emails here kill me, too. I used to be polite to them no matter what when I responded but then I realized alot of them take a polite 'no thank you' as an admission of weakness and they attack even harder. No means no, even when it's said politely, but since that seems to be misunderstood I admit I tend to be a little rude now when I respond. And I HATE it when they immediately call me pet names. They don't know me and have no right to assume that I will be flattered by them calling me their little one, their sweetheart, etc etc. No, really, I'm NOT yours and I never will be. I wish more people would remember that just because it's online doesn't mean that you can forget the normal common sense manners you would use in a person-to-person meeting.

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Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.


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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/3/2008 5:44:42 AM   
Dnomyar


Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline 		Despite what some on here may think I am a gentleman. I was raised with the please, thank you , yes sir/maam thing so were my kids. The only glitch I have is that I cannot say Bless you when someone sneezes.  

(in reply to lizcgirl)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/3/2008 7:12:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		1) People who presume to shove their ideas of how people should act based on personal relationship orientation aren't generally worth getting into anything with

2) Someone else's lack of manners is never an excuse to forget your own

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/3/2008 7:32:17 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14442
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst
In fact I find it a little uncomfortable to see women refer to themselves as bitches or bitchy.  It is almost like it is a badge of pride to be what used to be a negative term, and is now an expression of not being a wimp.
For me a bitch is just not someone I want to hang out with.
Kyst
I actually use the term "bitch" for myslef as a good thing. When I was 30 ( I still looked about 18), I was hired to be the first female travel manager for the American branch of a very large (a brand you've all heard of) Japanese electronics company. I reported to the only woman in the company that had made it to the directorship level.

The company was extremely male oriented. There's no outright discrimination, but women had to be strong (for lack of a better word) to be respected.

I was enforcing travel policy for a bunch a guys that were use to things being done in a good ole boy style...and it was being done by someone who looked barely old enough to be out of school. For 6 months, I had to absolutely stick to my guns (politely of course), until it finally became recognized, that yes....I expected them to follow company policy.  It came to my attention that the "Good ole boys" had starting referring to me as "That bitch in travel".

Apparently, doing my job well meant I was a bitch. So, I embraced it and learned to joke about it.

So, yes, I'm a bitch.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Missokyst)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Speaking respectfully and other oddities - 10/3/2008 7:32:31 AM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		I dont think it is the annoymity as much as it is familiarity.  Oddly enough this is more or less like a dysfuctional family.  There are relatives you adore, and there is groping hands, uncle harry, walking in and burping in your face.  When people do say things which call for a blunt response, one will happen! 
Online forums are a place designed for feedback.  They are not bound by the rules of civility one might have in a face to face meeting.  
When uncle harry tries to grope my breast on the premise of losing balance when he backs up from the burp, I am likely to say loudly, get your hands off my tit. 
Kyst
quote:

ORIGINAL: FaerieQueene
I am frequently taken aback by the rudeness of the posters. I wonder if the lack of face-to-face interaction makes people less inhibited, or if common courtesy really is on a downward spiral?


(in reply to FaerieQueene)
Profile   Post #: 40
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