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Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 1:33:37 PM   
spankablemilf


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/26/2008
Status: offline 		I'm feeling very inadequete.  As I've stated before I recently restarted a D/s relationship with my husband after I'd been pretty much in control for a good chunk of our marriage.  Things had been very rocky for the past three plus years, and we didn't have sex.  Well, the past two weeks since we began the D/s relationship again we've been more sexually active.  This is where the inadequecy comes in.  I have some severe TMJ, therefor giving oral sex is the utmost of painful after a while.  I can do a good job for a little while, but after that my jaws just tighten up and can literally lock up.  My Master (husband) has stated that this is his favorite thing about sex, because he can just sit back and let it happen.  He also enjoys it very much.  Well, I feel terribly bad that I can't do this act for him as well as he'd like for me to.  How do I get past this? I'm feeling terrible about myself.  I feel ultra stressed out about it. I've mentioned anal to him as another option (we can't have intercourse because of fears of pregnancy, and he hates condoms and my body is whacked up as it is without throwing birth control into the mix and I really can't do that in good concious anyway).  Anyway, maybe I'm just irrational, but I just want this to be the best relationship that it can be.  Any advice will be appreciated.
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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 1:42:15 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankablemilf
Any advice will be appreciated.


It's hard to even know where to begin.  Never having intercourse for fear of pregnancy?  Feeling guilty over a medical condition you have no control over?  It's a toss-up between therapy and a good gynecologist.

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to spankablemilf)
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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 1:43:50 PM   
Daes


Posts: 246
Joined: 4/20/2007
From: Diamond Bar, SoCal
Status: offline 		You've both got to work some compromises. Try Lambskin condoms, Ive been told you cant even tell the difference. This should open up some possibilities. Use lube and improve on a hand job. Perhaps you could consult your doctor about birth control. I used to be really worried about taking birth control, though now that Im on it, Im not so sure what I was worried about.

Pull-out has been fine for me, and you got morning-after pills - which I have had once because i wanted my long-term partner to cum inside me for once. Theyre pretty harmless.... I'm on BC and when Sir is over we dont really stop.... except for breaks... and we're doing fine. No accidents.

Why such a deep fear of pregnancy? It seems a bit unhealthy. I mean I worry about getting pregnant, I Definately could not afford a child and I dont think Im ready to raise one, but... I dont know. Perhaps if you do more research into birth control you might feel better about it.

Also, I hope hes being understanding through this.

Best of luck.

< Message edited by Daes -- 10/3/2008 1:49:31 PM >

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I want to be in surrender of His strength, of His power. Alone, I am nothing, but in His arms I am all things...

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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 1:47:44 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		*shrugs*  My wife has a bone spur in her toe that makes wearing high heel shoes particularly painful.  Honestly, she pleases me in so many countless other ways that I'm not much worried about whether I ever get the stiletto's of my dreams or not.  I get to see them when walking is minimized (think, walk from car to restaurant and back to car again).  I'd have to be a damned fool to complain about that given all else I have.  I try to avoid being a damned fool whenever possible.  You know I'm right here spankablemilf.  I mean, turn the tables.  Let's suppose we were talking just one of the zillions of ways he pleases you.  Would you be particularly bothered by it?  More to the point, wouldn't it bother you if a negligible point was weighing on the person you loved?  I'd say "let it go as a service to your Dom"

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 2:10:45 PM   
Maijeli


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/14/2008
Status: offline 		About that original problem, insufficient birth control and lack of intercourse for this reason. Don´t you accept an intrauterine device for birth control? They are quite popular in my country.

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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 2:16:10 PM   
giveeverything


Posts: 348
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Maijeli

About that original problem, insufficient birth control and lack of intercourse for this reason. Don´t you accept an intrauterine device for birth control? They are quite popular in my country.
The IUD is a great non-hormonal birthcontrol, though it does cost to have it placed. 

(in reply to Maijeli)
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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 2:29:40 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: giveeverything

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maijeli

About that original problem, insufficient birth control and lack of intercourse for this reason. Don´t you accept an intrauterine device for birth control? They are quite popular in my country.
The IUD is a great non-hormonal birthcontrol, though it does cost to have it placed. 


Well they could go without sex for the rest of their lives.  I mean geez there are a whole host of options including him getting snipped.

BadOne

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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 2:32:37 PM   
spankablemilf


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/26/2008
Status: offline 		I had an IUD about 8 yrs ago and it caused me to end up in the ER, I hemmoraged badly.  This was after having it inserted twice after I expelled it.  I don't do well with birth control.  I have a very whacked out body, and adding stuff to it just makes it more whacked out.

Thanks for the suggestion, and the reason we can't get pregnant is because our genes do not mix well we have four special needs children as it is, and we just don't want to go down that road again.

Spankable

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maijeli

About that original problem, insufficient birth control and lack of intercourse for this reason. Don´t you accept an intrauterine device for birth control? They are quite popular in my country.

(in reply to Maijeli)
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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 2:34:07 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I have TMJ and it is no joke! lol  If it locks up... it could be a painful situation for both! lol  You need to keep opening and closing your jaw.  I know it is a drag to stop when going well.. but you must pull back and relax your jaw... keep changing your position.  Otherwise it will lock. Sometimes you can go longer and other times... a very short period can be hell.  I use massage to relax everything.  Other than that, I don't know what else can be done unless there is some medical treatment that can be done.

Good luck!

(in reply to giveeverything)
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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 2:34:52 PM   
spankablemilf


Posts: 57
Joined: 9/26/2008
Status: offline 		I like the V option, but that's not my choice. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

quote:

ORIGINAL: giveeverything

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maijeli

About that original problem, insufficient birth control and lack of intercourse for this reason. Don´t you accept an intrauterine device for birth control? They are quite popular in my country.
The IUD is a great non-hormonal birthcontrol, though it does cost to have it placed. 


Well they could go without sex for the rest of their lives.  I mean geez there are a whole host of options including him getting snipped.

BadOne

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 2:39:32 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: spankablemilf

I had an IUD about 8 yrs ago and it caused me to end up in the ER, I hemmoraged badly.  This was after having it inserted twice after I expelled it.  I don't do well with birth control.  I have a very whacked out body, and adding stuff to it just makes it more whacked out.

Thanks for the suggestion, and the reason we can't get pregnant is because our genes do not mix well we have four special needs children as it is, and we just don't want to go down that road again.


Well it sounds like pregnancy is not something that will ever be wanted again, correct? If that is the case, are the two of you actively looking at a permanent method such as surgical sterlization?

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~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 2:51:05 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline 		My sister had severe TMJ.  (Don't me about their sex life or if she did oral.)  She finally went to a chiropracter after she obtained a night brace from her dentist and she was told the locking had something to do not only with her jaw but her neck vetebrae subluxating. She had suffered for a long while.  She sees the chiropracter weekly, not only for her neck but for her exercize induced asthma and her lower back ~~ pain we both suffer for from dragonboat racing.
 
As to birth control...  They have a new soft flexy IUD, advertised on TV, I think its called Mirena and there is still the diaphragm.
Due to health risks I went with the diaphragm and I still was not menopausal.  I used it only once in the last year as precaution but its now been a year since I had a period, but I have it.

The diaphragm made for great foreplay...a man can insert as easily as the woman. Make it as erotic foreplay or masochistic foreplay...
and like anyother BC,  there is always the 1% chance.  But thats better than other risks.

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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 3:01:58 PM   
MmeGigs


Posts: 706
Joined: 1/26/2008
Status: offline 		Use your hands.  Well-lubed hands and some skilled lip/tongue action can be absolutely as wonderful as a good blow-job without the excrutiating jaw pain.

(in reply to spankablemilf)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 3:05:44 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Yes... baby oil gel is wonderful for hand jobs... also rabbit fur... hehe

(in reply to MmeGigs)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 3:11:06 PM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Can't do oral and feel bad about it? Do anal, it's a much bigger treat.

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Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 3:14:21 PM   
lateralist1


Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		I'm thinking I would like to know if your submission was of your choosing or of his?
It strikes me that feelings of inadequacy are far more deep seated than not being able to give a bj.
Do you feel that it's your fault that your children have a learning problem?
I understand that you don't want to get pregnant again after four children.
Very few women would but there are ways that your husband can avoid it.
It sounds to me as if you have done enough.
Being a dominant is about taking responsibility for yourself and your submissive partner. I can't see your dominant taking responsibility for your well being in this scenario. If you ask him to write to me I will explain the facts of life to him.
You don't get sex until you get the snip. Maybe you could find yourself a nice boy who will take care of you.

(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 3:22:19 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline 		The only thing that I can see you have to feel inadequate about is not finding a solution to the issues here.   Pregnancy is not wanted yet you don't want birth control nor condom, you have 4 kids already - tie your tubes or tie a knot in him.   You have TMJ and can't give oral for very long .. you don't have suck and deep throat for hours on end.  There are other ways of pleasing him using your mouth, tongue, lips, hands, etc.   If you don't know how, there are oodles of books, videos, and websites to search.   Go see a doctor about your TMJ and your "whacked out" body.    I can't imagine being in a relationshp and not having sex with my husband/Dom.   I would be beating down the doors of hell to fix that.   There's been good advice here.   

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 10:29:41 PM   
MaamJay


Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline 		I made the decision to not have kids at all at age 28 and had the snip then. Was no big deal to Me, the Drs were more worried as I'd not had any children. If you have 4 and they are all special needs, I can't imagine any Dr refusing to do a snip on you! Though it is easier for the male for sure. Why isn't he wanting a vasectomy? Unless he never wants intercourse again which would seem rather odd.

Never just try to do it all with your mouth, it's exhausting and ache-producing in anyone! Intersperse mouth work with hand work ... if your hand is warm and wet and cupped over it like your mouth, if his eyes are shut he'll probably not notice the difference! I've had more men than I care to own up to and that's worked on all of em LOL! Save your mouth for the big finish if that's what he likes.

Though like the others, I'm reading bigger issues here than the TMJ ...

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/3/2008 10:53:58 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MmeGigs

Use your hands.  Well-lubed hands and some skilled lip/tongue action can be absolutely as wonderful as a good blow-job without the excrutiating jaw pain.

I'm surprised more people didn't jump to this conclusion.

Unless he's really into throat-fucking and/or deep throating, you can probably get away with spending most of your oral effort just from his 'head' on up. Practice manual lots...then learn to couple it in rhythm to intermittent oral. Try employing a variety of things that will not put stress on your jaw (licking, kissing, nibbling).


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Feeling Inadequete - 10/4/2008 4:07:50 AM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		Don't be inadequate, be inventive!

(in reply to spankablemilf)
Profile   Post #: 20
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