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Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 5:18:36 PM   
sailorfrank


Posts: 127
Joined: 6/18/2008
Status: offline 		   Lets pick it up a bit for the weekend shall we?   Like the title states who is really in control?   As a Master I like to think I am most of the time but only when she lets me?

So any one thinking that way here?  Is my sub/slave being nice and turning over control so we both can have fun?   and if so thanks so much for doing that!

After all Ladys I think we all know who really runs things....LOL

< Message edited by sailorfrank -- 10/3/2008 5:19:07 PM >
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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 5:21:52 PM   
knockonmyduir


Posts: 264
Status: offline 		quote from Big Fat Geerk Wedding always makes me giggle......." he is the head of the house, but i am the neck and it's the neck who can turn the head"

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Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 5:23:05 PM   
knockonmyduir


Posts: 264
Status: offline 		whoa....typo...Greek*

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knockonmyduir

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 5:23:40 PM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		I'm of the opinion that my partner, by virtue of her consent, authorizes me to exert control within the relationship.
 
John

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 5:24:09 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Here's the truth right here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBzfZS1SqBs

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I'm Godzilla and you're Japan

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 5:32:27 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Each of us controls ourselves.  I have authority which she gives me (all the time in my case), but certainly might revoke at some point.  I don't think mine sees it so much as "her being nice."  For her, she loves her role and would do it even it were neutral for me.  She is relieved to not have to make the decisions anymore.  All that being said, no matter how SHE sees it, I certainly see it as "her being nice so we can both have a great marriage."  I'm just pretty certain that she'd say the same thing in reverse... "Wow, how nice of Master to handle all the decisions so we can have a great marriage." 

perfect, neh?

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 5:41:21 PM   
scottishdove


Posts: 113
Joined: 7/27/2008
Status: offline 		my experience has been that most men prefer the woman to be in charge.

my recent experience with Dominant men, is after they relax a little and make it clear they are in charge.. is they also prefer this, but prefer it to be done discreetly so they don't have to overtly acknowledge it. they had me fooled for a while though.

that being said.. well, you really can't avoid the reality that any conscious being has to have some control and say... the sub/slave is expressing their control and say by finding a Master/Dom who will provide the control and direction they need.

alice

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 5:54:14 PM   
NumberSix


Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		I shall leave you with the standard fare.

The notion of women's submission is wholly fantasy.
They are just dominating from the long way 'round.

Ron Melby
(and you can quote me).

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"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number β€” I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 6:12:27 PM   
TreasureKY


Posts: 3032
Joined: 4/10/2007
From: Kentucky
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

Each of us controls ourselves.  I have authority which she gives me (all the time in my case), but certainly might revoke at some point.  I don't think mine sees it so much as "her being nice."  For her, she loves her role and would do it even it were neutral for me.  She is relieved to not have to make the decisions anymore.  All that being said, no matter how SHE sees it, I certainly see it as "her being nice so we can both have a great marriage."  I'm just pretty certain that she'd say the same thing in reverse... "Wow, how nice of Master to handle all the decisions so we can have a great marriage." 

perfect, neh?


Absolutely! 

As I wrote in another thread this evening, I don't view Firm as having control of me... he has authority over me.  I am always in control of me because, ultimately, I am responsible for my own actions and reactions.

I also speculated that some might wonder how that works in a D/s relationship... that if the dominant is making the decisions, then how are those decisions (and results of the decisions) within the submissive's control?  My opinion is that I had control of whether I submitted to Firm's authority in the first place, and I have control over whether I continue to submit to his authority.

Others might think this gives me ultimate control in the relationship.  Well... no.  I did not control Firm's decision to accept authority over me and I cannot control whether he continues to exercise that authority. 

Good thing Firm and I are on the same side.   

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 6:48:47 PM   
elleRT


Posts: 28
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		It is my opinion that it works both ways the way it was meant to be. In order for the slave to "allow" or let someone dominate her and make all decisions, she must have the trust and security knowing that this transfer of power would not be used to harm her in any way and thus used for the benefit of them both. So, in order to have a successful relationship both sides need to give something. One gives trust and security, so the other can surrender power and control.  I would say that Master and I do have a successful relationship :)

(in reply to knockonmyduir)
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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 7:05:00 PM   
sarisx


Posts: 7
Joined: 5/16/2007
Status: offline 		In the rarity of my posting I must say two things.

quote:

 

The notion of women's submission is wholly fantasy.
They are just dominating from the long way 'round.

Ron Melby
(and you can quote me).



I couldn't have said it better myself.

Oh, and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFlwXDwlE2k

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 7:21:35 PM   
hopelesslyInvo


Posts: 522
Joined: 2/10/2008
From: the future
Status: offline 		I'M IN TOTAL CONTROL!!













because i'm single.

although... i'm not single by choice, so i guess i'm not in control actually.


< Message edited by hopelesslyInvo -- 10/3/2008 7:29:24 PM >

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 7:29:11 PM   
chiaThePet


Posts: 2694
Joined: 2/4/2007
Status: offline 		 
Depends.

Who has the remote?

chia* (the pet)

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You can stick me in the corner, but I'll probably just end up coloring on the walls.

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 7:53:00 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Both of us. He can choose not to lead, I can choose not to follow. He can choose not to dominate me  when I'm in need of it, I can choose not to submit when he's in need of that. But why would we? Doing it that way would make us both unhappy.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 7:54:08 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NumberSix

I shall leave you with the standard fare.

The notion of women's submission is wholly fantasy.
They are just dominating from the long way 'round.

Ron Melby
(and you can quote me).


yea yea yea kiss my blarney stone...

BadOne


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The beatings will continue until morale improves.

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We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 8:53:13 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		If my submissive is really controlling things... and we are saying I am the dominant and am in control (though I am not sure I would term things this way) (all in good fun or not) then we are lying and living a lie.  No thank you...

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 11:01:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As mentioned, it's not about control, it's about authority. 

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/3/2008 11:28:28 PM   
mypassion


Posts: 13
Joined: 9/5/2008
Status: offline 		Control, to me, comes in two different types. There is situational control and there is the overall control of the relationship. For any healthy relationship to exist, be it D/s or vanilla, each person must take control of their role in it. A submissive controls if/when/and to whom they submit. A Dominate controls if/when/and whom they dominate. Situational control on the other hand is different (To me at least). In submitting I am giving control of the situation to the Dominate, whatever it is at that moment. If a my Dom isn't controlling the situation then what am I submitting?

passion

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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/4/2008 3:37:08 AM   
gypsygrl


Posts: 1471
Joined: 10/8/2005
From: new york state
Status: offline
quote:

As mentioned, it's not about control, it's about authority. 


Well, its not necessarily about control.  Or, its only about control when its about control. 

I think the widespread assumption that Dominance=control causes a lot of trouble.  For me, dominance=influence, not control, something more in line with the authority transfer model.  So, if I'm consciously involved in a D/s style relationship, the person I'm submissive to ends up being the dominant influence in my life.  I think of the dominant as being something like a prevailing wind blowing me along in a particular direction.  Sometimes that wind is stronger than other times, now taking on hurricane proportions, then dying down to a gentle breeze, but its never completely absent so long as the relationship is maintained.  Even in those moments when I can't feel the wind, I expect it to pick up in the near future.  The sense of 'being controlled' varies with the strength of the 'wind'.  A strong wind can blow me foward, an even stronger wind can blow me away, but its rare that either of those happen.  For the most part, the wind is just strong enough to encourage me in a particular direction, and rarely is it so strong that I can't simply pull up for a moment and stop moving.

Questions of control aren't as interesting to me as questions relating to whether I'm moving in the same direction as the wind.  And whether I'm taking a metaphor too far. :)



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β€œTo be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright.” ~Walter Benjamin


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RE: Who`s Really in Control - 10/4/2008 3:51:09 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Gypsy, living with the assumption that you could be punished is how I see your wind analogy. Although, you are not actively controlled or punished often, that structure makes you live in a structure that is prepared for storms and designed to comply with specific wind rating requirements. Ha..I think I was the one who took your metaphor too far.

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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