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General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 6:55:48 AM   
tony311


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		I have been speaking with this really wonderful woman online here. I have been into bdsm for about 5 years and would like to explore more. The problem is that I have a GF and I really dont want to jeopardize that. I am scared to tell her because I know she would freak out. Any suggestions?

thanks
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 6:59:35 AM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Yeah.  You're in a "pick one and only one" situation:

1.  Tell the girlfriend, knowing you will risk losing her (but also knowing you might not).
2.  Sneak around behind her back, knowing you will risk losing her.
3.  Keep your johnson in your shorts and forget about BDSM and concentrate on your girlfriend.


Cali


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(in reply to tony311)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 6:59:37 AM   
Rover


Posts: 2634
Joined: 6/28/2004
Status: offline 		Some people have broad interpretations of the definition of "consent", and extend it to cover those partners in committed relationships.  Maybe you'd be surprised by her response... good or bad.  But you won't know unless you talk to her about it.
 
Remember... honesty is what you do when you think no one is watching.
 
John

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(in reply to tony311)
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RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 6:59:52 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		Oh dear, my suggestion is ask yourself what you actually want, whats more important to and what your morals are. Personally i cant abide cheating which is what it would be in my view, if its so important to you that you need it in your life then if it were me there would be two options, end it with your girlfriend or tell her about it and see what happens, until you do you dont know how she will react. If you dont want to jepordise your relationship and you wont tell her then my advice is dont do anything, have a happy vanilla life.

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(in reply to tony311)
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RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 6:59:59 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline 		O.o

Having a girlfriend, then going behind her back to get a mistress will jeopardize both relationships. Either tell them both, or pick one... I'm thinking that sneaking around is probably not going to last very long.


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RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:05:16 AM   
osocurious


Posts: 676
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline 		just my my initial thought upon reading this ( and intending no offence )  
..... are you withholding viatally important "relationship" information from your current girlfriend??
If you are ... the relationship is doomed from the start ...and you might as well move on.

(in reply to tony311)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:10:39 AM   
tony311


Posts: 3
Joined: 5/18/2006
Status: offline 		I appreciate all of the replies and I agree with all of them in some way. I have no intentions of performing any sexual acts on her. I just want to hang out, take her to dinner and such. I would never literally cheat on her, ie intercourse.

thanks

(in reply to osocurious)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:11:03 AM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: osocurious

just my my initial thought upon reading this ( and intending no offence )  
..... are you withholding viatally important "relationship" information from your current girlfriend??
If you are ... the relationship is doomed from the start ...and you might as well move on.


I agree, unless there is something you are not telling us about the situation with the g/f (ie. she is well awre that you are sneeking behind her back).  I would also add, that if I was the Mistress I would drop you like last weeks moldy bread since as either a b/f or a potential 'submissive' you are proving yourself to be deficient in proper decision making skills as their pertain to your selfish wants.  Harsh? Yes.  I am sure some will disagree, but that is how I see it as both someone who was married in a vanilla relationship and currently in a long term D/s relationship.    

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(in reply to osocurious)
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RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:13:11 AM   
LadyLupineNYC


Posts: 618
Joined: 12/14/2006
From: NYC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tony311

I appreciate all of the replies and I agree with all of them in some way. I have no intentions of performing any sexual acts on her. I just want to hang out, take her to dinner and such. I would never literally cheat on her, ie intercourse.

thanks


LOL..on man, where have we heard this before?  If your g/f would see it as cheating,it is.  Are you really goin to sit there and pretend that, as you already pointed out, that your g/f would 'freak out if she knew' would NOT see it as cheeting?   So I ask: harmless to who?  you therefore  it isn't harmless? 


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Facta, non verba gratia placenti

"I have been looking for a way to serve the community that incorporates my violence..."


(in reply to tony311)
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RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:13:53 AM   
tweedydaddy


Posts: 673
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline 		You have to choose. To be false to your girlfriend is being false to yourself.
I had a very hard time coming to terms with what I was. It's worth it.
Be honest, tell the truth and shame the devil.

(in reply to tony311)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:19:20 AM   
BossyShoeBitch


Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline 		"I did not have sexual relations with that woman..."

Hmmm.. *tapping chin with index finger*  Where have I heard that before?

You are thinking like a boy.  Think like a woman and realize that you are betraying her heart by having an emotional relationship/connection with this Domme. 
Just man up and be honest with both.  The only person you are trying to protect by NOT speaking up is yourself.

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A clever man can get out of situations a wise man never gets into...
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

(in reply to tweedydaddy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:26:37 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If you discovered that your girl friend was spending all her time and extra money on some man she had carefully never mentioned to you, wouldn't you be angry? Wouldn't you feel that she was cheating you, perhaps not sexually but in every other way?

Because any time you keep a secret, that's destroying the relationship. Besides what kind of relationship is it where you can't even talk to your significant other about your needs? Can you see yourself getting married, raising a family while all the time you take time and money away from them to do things you won't tell them about? Do you really believe that's the way to have healthy and strong relationships?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:31:45 AM   
Lynnxz


Posts: 4813
Joined: 10/3/2006
From: Atlanta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tony311

I appreciate all of the replies and I agree with all of them in some way. I have no intentions of performing any sexual acts on her. I just want to hang out, take her to dinner and such. I would never literally cheat on her, ie intercourse.

thanks


I file this excuse away in the "Let me just put the tip in" catagory.


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HBIC



(in reply to tony311)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 7:35:14 AM   
osocurious


Posts: 676
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman..."

Hmmm.. *tapping chin with index finger*  Where have I heard that before?

You are thinking like a boy.  Think like a woman and realize that you are betraying her heart by having an emotional relationship/connection with this Domme. 
Just man up and be honest with both.  The only person you are trying to protect by NOT speaking up is yourself.


*nodding in agreement*
no matter how you try to justify what you're doing, or the innocence of your intentions tony311 ... the simple truth is that a lie is a lie, and when you lie … in the end Someone (or ALL the someones ) always gets hurt!!
This seems to me to be a classic example of >>> You Can Not Have Your Cake .. And Eat It To

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 8:04:38 AM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tony311

I appreciate all of the replies and I agree with all of them in some way. I have no intentions of performing any sexual acts on her. I just want to hang out, take her to dinner and such. I would never literally cheat on her, ie intercourse.

thanks


Sooooooo, if she orders you to jerk off all over her pussy and then bring her to multiple orgasms by licking her clean while you have a giant butt plug in your ass, would that not be cheating?

(back to clarify....if you actually DO it, not if she simply orders you to.)

< Message edited by windchymes -- 10/4/2008 8:05:46 AM >

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

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(in reply to tony311)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 9:02:43 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		My first question to you is, how have you been "into BDSM" for five years, and yet from the post, it seems the girlfriend isn't aware of it?  How are you defining that exactly?  Are you talking about solely online interest, being involved in real life activities, or something else?  Inquiring minds want to know.

Here's the deal.  If you are in any way deceiving your g/f by your actions, you're cheating.  For example, does the g/f know that you have the account here so that you can look for a Domme?  Is she ok with someone else tying you up naked and doing things to you?  How do you think the g/f will react if you come home with some nice bruises on your ass should you cross paths with someone who's into pain?  (Don't push Me on that last one.  Damn near everyone has left a mark or two that wasn't intended.)

Like someone else said.  Put yourself in your g/f's shoes.  If she were doing the same things that you are thinking of doing, would it be cheating to you?


_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to tony311)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 9:17:33 AM   
SrchngCpl73112


Posts: 47
Joined: 9/21/2008
Status: offline 		Deception is wrong in any kind of relationship.  And I have the same questions as LadyPact.  How have you been delving into your BDSM lifestyle?  Does she know you have these interests?  Has it been purely online?  You cant have a healthy relationship with there being deception of any kind, whether you are "cheating" or not.  I also agree with what LadyLupine said.  You should be able to make this decision on your own.  You know right from wrong.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 9:21:25 AM   
ChampagneMojito


Posts: 77
Joined: 4/8/2008
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lynnxz

I file this excuse away in the "Let me just put the tip in" catagory.



  Well said. 

_____________________________

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman. ~Anaïs Nin

(in reply to Lynnxz)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 9:29:17 AM   
osocurious


Posts: 676
Joined: 11/2/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tony311
......... I just want to hang out, take her to dinner and such. I would never literally cheat on her ..........

thanks


tony311 ... if it's really all that innocent ... Introduce your girlfriend to the Domme ... and Y/you 3 can all go to dinner and hang out TOGETHER!!  

(in reply to tony311)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: General question about meeting with a Domme - 10/4/2008 9:40:40 AM   
MzCalisto


Posts: 9
Joined: 7/6/2008
Status: offline 		OMG!  you are kidding right?  Listen, that line is as old as the hills.  Sure, in your mind it will start out as dinner, and chatting, but trust Me, you can and will be drawn in.  In fact, it seems that you are already drawn in, if you are asking the "what to do" question.

For Me personally, I do not like attached subs/slaves.  If you are here to serve Me, why should you have the best of both worlds?

Have you expressed these concerns to the Domme that you are talking to?  If I was Her,  I would definitely have second thoughts about taking anything to the next level with you.

(in reply to tony311)
Profile   Post #: 20
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