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meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 11:29:18 AM

lilpetuk

Posts: 37
Joined: 9/10/2008
Status: offline

hello all...

I have been talking to a most wonderful Man and Dom on collar me for a few weeks, we seem to get on very well and have an awful lot of things in common, both vanilla and D/s..now after a bad experience a long time ago i turned my back on the lifestyle, i'm back and will stay. Now to my point...i tend to waffle lol.

Inevitably we are to meet, He is very local to me...so some comments on how long do you think you should chat online or over the phone before meeting..all comments, advice welcome. The first meeting will be for coffee in a public place, then we both agreed vanilla dating for a while..see how things progress.

hugssssssssssssss

Post #: 1

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 11:32:03 AM

myotherself

Posts: 7157
Joined: 3/9/2006
From: The cold bit of the UK
Status: offline

I think at this point meeting is the next logical step. Sometimes I wait a month or more, sometimes only a week. It depends on what my gut is telling me is right. If it feels right, do it!

I'd say go with the public meet and the 'nilla dating - it's the best way to get to know someone if an ltr is on the cards.

And good luck!

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Post #: 2

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 11:34:51 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

Meet as soon as possible, driving your own car, in a place you don't normally frequent. That way, you can get an in-person read on him quickly, but he won't be (as) able to stalk you if you decide not to proceed forward with him. So on the one hand you are safe, but on the other hand all possibilities are open.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to lilpetuk)

Post #: 3

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 12:09:07 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

how soon you should meet? well that depends entirely on you and how comfortable you feel about meeting him. Daddy and i had an instant connection when we met however on the flipside, i took a chance and met my pet after 2 days of exchanging messages and 1 phone call.

if you do decide to meet him, a public place (coffee shop, pub, diner, whatever) is a safe bet ...just in case things don't pan out.

_____________________________

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(in reply to lilpetuk)

Post #: 4

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 12:25:49 PM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

I think you get a sense of how soon right away, I met my current partner after sending about 10 messages on CM others it took six months to meet, there isnt a time limit it really is just a case of whenever you feel comfy. The only problem I have found with waiting too long is that after a while your fantasy takes over and the reality never matches up, far better going with lower expectations and being pleasently surprised

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Post #: 5

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 1:02:04 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Food court at a mall, bookstore with cafe, anyplace public but not the coffee shop right near where you work or live.
As far as when? Whenever you want.

Since you're local, I'd do it as soon as possible. This way you don't build up false hopes if it turns out you don't have chemistry. Meet for coffee, if you enjoy it then walk around the mall together. If you don't, excuse yourself to make a call and then tell him something's come up and thank him for his time. If he's really weird, tell him immediately it isn't working for you and leave.

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Post #: 6

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 1:52:58 PM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

What this poster said . I met my Sir after 3 emails on cm, and 2 phone calls. His feeling was there was no reason to prolong the meet - so we would know if we were compatible.

It worked well for us.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 2:07:56 PM

hejira92

Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline

Master and I went out for dinner after about 4 emails and two phone conversations. We met at a restaurant I had been to, but did not frequent, someone knew where I was going to be, and we both understood that we would NOT be meeting to keep things vanilla, but to see if the chemistry was right for a D/s relationship.

I don't understand this "keeping things vanilla" for a while. Hmm, must start new thread........

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Post #: 8

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 2:21:48 PM

lilpetuk

Posts: 37
Joined: 9/10/2008
Status: offline

thankyou all for your input, it is greatly appreciated

hugssss

(in reply to hejira92)

Post #: 9

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 2:42:55 PM

mangle

Posts: 19
Status: offline

If a person is local to me, and our talks in email are going good, I always want to meet for coffee/lunch/dinner within a week usually. Two weeks is my limit though; if they are not willing after two weeks to meet up, I write them off.
If they are not local, then a month is my absolute limit.

And by local I mean within a 50 mile radius.

< Message edited by mangle -- 10/4/2008 2:43:24 PM >

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Post #: 10

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 4:54:13 PM

Cyis75

Posts: 164
Joined: 8/31/2004
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Typically my wife and I will use dinner at a place of the submissives choosing when we make a first meeting. It's understood that it's a meet-n-greet deal nothing more is implied. We like the dinner option as it gives more time to sit and talk so as to get a better feel of chemistry. We've also made it a pretty standard rule that it's our treat so the prospective sub isn't risking anything but a little bit of time.

For us, since for us our lifestyle is spent real-life not online, we tend to approach it as someone is not real until we've met face-to-face and verified as who they say they are. Not to say we don't have many that we've only talked with online over mail or IM, just that it will never have any possibility of progressing past correspondence until we've met in person. If someone is serious the sooner the better so that there is no false pretenses. We give whatever information the person we're meeting feels they want/need, to a responsible extent, as well as our cell phone numbers so they can contact us if something comes up unexpectedly when we're due to be meeting. We've had a few flake out and not show up and afterwards we've not expended much energy to find out why if they failed to let us know. In a couple instances an actual emergency had come up and they were unable to reach us but then did get back in touch and explained and another meet was arranged.

When is a tricky answer and you can only decide that for yourself given all the details you have at hand. We've met some within a week, some within a month, some we've spent several months talking before actually getting a chance to meet. So far no one has not been who they said they were and we have had a few no-shows.

(in reply to mangle)

Post #: 11

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 5:24:17 PM

GRnfiz

Posts: 6
Joined: 8/30/2008
Status: offline

i met Master after exchanging a few emails. He invited me to dinner at a restaurant where everyone knew him, and that made me feel very safe. I figured he wouldn't bring me around his friends if he wasn't on the up and up. We clicked right away, i'm glad to say.

i do think the only way to see if the chemistry is there is to meet, and the sooner you can arrange it, the better.

(in reply to Cyis75)

Post #: 12

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 5:50:33 PM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

Greetings,

SJ and I first communicated on CM. I knew of him through other people since he was very well respected as a community leader. Many of my friends encouraged me to meet him. It took about 2 months between the time we first exchanged emails and our first meeting.

The first meeting was at his home during a huge party where a lot of my friends were in attendance. I saw him across the room and the rest of my vision went a little blurry. We crossed to each other and I said "Hi - I'm fairer." and he said "Yes, I know. You're the only person this short I invited." My next words were "Do you want to tie me up?" (btw, I had never asked someone to play with me in this short a period of time, never ever blever)

It took another 30 minutes of negotiating and talking before I was naked and bound in his rope, and it was magnificent. We've been together about 18 months. Take a chance and see what wondrous events can happen in your life!

well wishes ~ fairer than she

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(in reply to lilpetuk)

Post #: 13

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 6:40:17 PM

VivaciousSub

Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

Sir and I exchanged cmails on here twice, then agreed to meet for dinner. We exchanged just enough info to be able to call one another if something came up the night we were to meet, but then my cell phone broke and He forgot His. I find this fact to be charming cause it reminded me that we're only human!

I was nervous when I met Him, but there was just something about the way He spoke to me and put me immediately at ease that made my eyes light up. We had a great time at dinner, so that following weekend we went to the beach and ended up hanging out together for 12 hours and had a fantastic time. I wouldn't call it vanilla dating - we knew who's place was where - but it served to enforce our sense of "non-kink" interest compatability.

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To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 14

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 6:40:58 PM

antipode

Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline

You're looking for D/s, so you're going to date vanilla. Torturous. As to the number of times you need to chat or phone before coffee - espresso or cappucino?

(in reply to lilpetuk)

Post #: 15

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 6:46:51 PM

Igot99Problems

Posts: 32
Joined: 11/27/2005
From: Tampa
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: VivaciousSub

Sir and I exchanged cmails on here twice, then agreed to meet for dinner. We exchanged just enough info to be able to call one another if something came up the night we were to meet, but then my cell phone broke and He forgot His. I find this fact to be charming cause it reminded me that we're only human!

I was nervous when I met Him, but there was just something about the way He spoke to me and put me immediately at ease that made my eyes light up. We had a great time at dinner, so that following weekend we went to the beach and ended up hanging out together for 12 hours and had a fantastic time. I wouldn't call it vanilla dating - we knew who's place was where - but it served to enforce our sense of "non-kink" interest compatability.

Call it young and stupid, but years ago I met someone off a similar site like CM and ended up hog tied in a closet, hyperventilating with crop marks all over me aftering meeting a women who looked nothing like the photos she exchanged. While that might sound pleasing to some, it was the single worst experience's of my life. And looking back i'm lucky i'm not dead, killed by some crazy person. So would I meet someone else i've met online... I don't know... I haven't in seven years.

I would definitely suggest taking every precaution.

(in reply to VivaciousSub)

Post #: 16

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 8:30:07 PM

ApathyRomance

Posts: 106
Joined: 4/2/2008
Status: offline

I met a girl at the end of a dark road at nine o clock at night once, after talking online for like two days. Don't do that. I'm not creepy, but other people might be!

(in reply to Igot99Problems)

Post #: 17

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 9:30:37 PM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Igot99Problems
Call it young and stupid, but years ago I met someone off a similar site like CM and ended up hog tied in a closet, hyperventilating with crop marks all over me aftering meeting a women who looked nothing like the photos she exchanged.

This has nothing to do with meeting online, and everything to do with making poor decisions once you have met in real life. If she doesn't look anything like her pic, walk. She's untrustworthy. There's millions of kinky people in the world. The person who just demonstrated they are not safe to be around is not the last kinkster ever. Don't be so desperate that you stick around even though you're getting bigtime redflagged.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Igot99Problems)

Post #: 18

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 10:03:25 PM

girlygurl

Posts: 6973
Joined: 8/5/2007
From: in the palms of His hands
Status: offline

Meeting in a public place is the best suggestion. When you both are ready to make that step go for it!

I wish you the best of luck.

girly

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Post #: 19

RE: meeting someone from cm - 10/4/2008 10:18:48 PM

bentonmaster

Posts: 9
Joined: 7/12/2008
Status: offline

if you feel ok then meet him and see where it leads, just do not meet with any expectations in your heart or head but keep both open and good luck

(in reply to lilpetuk)

Post #: 20

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