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checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 3:08:44 PM   
saint2sinners


Posts: 7
Joined: 10/1/2008
Status: offline 		Hi

Wanted to ask, everyone suggested checking around about a Domm if you don't know him. Is there somewhere to do that with an online domm? Maybe on this forum or someone suggested to ask?


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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 3:11:03 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		Depending on how well liked and how well connected the dom is, you may or may not find anything useful out. You ask any of my former slaves about me, and those who left ME will have horrible things to say. Those who I left will sing my praises hoping to get back in my good graces. Just keep in mind any references you check are personal opinion and even if someone gets tons of bad "press" they may be the best thing to ever happen to you.

DV

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 3:43:14 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		There's references, and then there's references.  A sub and I were IMing and phoning, and she offered to come stay at my place for four days if we split the airfare.  I said yes, and emailed her a copy of my driver's license so she could run a criminal background check.  We first met in person when I picked her up at the airport.  She's now one of my best friends in the world.

I've never been asked for in-person references.  I once offered to provide them, and realized that was a big mistake when she got offended, saying there must be something wrong with me if I was bragging about other women I had been with.  I learned a lesson from that one.  People who trust their own judgment don't need to hear the opinions of total strangers.

Get his last name, and a phone number where you can reach him at 9pm and 6am -- times a married man would be with his wife.  Meet him in person in a safe place -- bring a friend if you want -- and go from there.  Or, you could be a maniac like me and break those rules on a regular basis, because most people really are honest and not psycho.


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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 3:53:53 PM   
MrHarsh


Posts: 56
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline 		It depends on what you're interested in. 

Any relationship built on deception is going to have problems, so I would advise just being open and asking him for whatever "references" you're interested in.  

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 4:00:31 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Actually, I'd rather do the in person reference type.  This could have a great deal to do with Me being a woman.  Personally, I'd be much more offended by the background check.

Since I usually meet people at events or the club, it much easier for Me to allow whoever I'm meeting to have ample opportunity to ask any random person in the crowd that they would pick out to ask about Me.  I don't leave a bad impression with most folks that I've met.
 

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 4:09:28 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		You're a scene celebrity, Lady Pact.  Of course that makes sense.  I thought the OP was talking about an "online dom," i.e., someone without a scene presence.  There are scene players who know me, for example, but only because I've dated them.  So far, I've never been at any dungeon more than once.

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 4:15:50 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		If you check a D-type's references, are they restricted to only verifying the dates of play and whether or not they're eligible for replay?


Cali


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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 4:16:00 PM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		i wouldnt bother with references...but rather i would have safe calls...places to run to if needed.  those are more reliable than any reference.  references can say anything....references can even be a relative and not an actual sub.  in other words they can be anyone.  safe calls is far more important.

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 6:43:08 PM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
Status: offline 		No.

(in reply to saint2sinners)
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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 7:07:35 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Anyone who said they wanted to call me at 6:00 AM to prove I'm real would not get another chance. I am so not a morning person.

One thing is that whatever references you ask for, you need to provide yourself. Are you ready to give your home address and real name to some guy you've never met? Then why wouldn't he be just as worried about you being a nut case?

Meet for coffee first. If there's a connection and you both want to pursue this, that's the time to exchange info. If there isn't a connection and you're never going to see them again, why would you want him to have all your info?

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 7:12:24 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline 		I think the OP was asking about an online dom. 

personally, unless you have plans to physically meet this dom, then I cant imagine why you'd NEED references.

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 7:13:13 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

Meet for coffee first. If there's a connection and you both want to pursue this, that's the time to exchange info. If there isn't a connection and you're never going to see them again, why would you want him to have all your info?


I'm with Des here. Sir and I met through CM and had only exchanged just enough info about ourselves - names and phone numbers - to facilitate meeting for dinner. We've revealed info to each other ever since as it became appropriate to do so.

For instance, when I met Him, the first question we asked of each other was not "Soooo.....you're not a giant bucket of AIDS, are you?". That didn't come up until we had spent enough time together to decide we wanted to become sexually involved.


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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 7:18:39 PM   
BuddnRoze


Posts: 7
Joined: 9/17/2008
Status: offline 		What if the Dom won't give you their phone number?  Only way to contact is through internet?  What would the thoughts be there?

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/4/2008 7:30:36 PM   
VivaciousSub


Posts: 446
Joined: 9/7/2008
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BuddnRoze

What if the Dom won't give you their phone number?  Only way to contact is through internet?  What would the thoughts be there?


I can't say for sure without knowing why - or at least, hearing his reasons why - he won't cough up a phone number.

It would be fallacious to assume it is for evil nefarious reasons, though. I won't give out my phone number lightly, and prefer to keep contact to internet only until such time that I feel I need to give it out - like when meeting up with someone I've agreed to see.


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9.8m/s^2 + VivaciousSub + ground = ouchx10^9th

To yield readily--easily--to the persuasion of a friend is no merit.... To yield without conviction is no compliment to the understanding of either. ~ Pride and Prejudice

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 5:29:12 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		A scene celebrity?  Come on, Red.  I hardly think so.  You give Me far too much credit.  I am neither famous or infamous.  More people know My face than know My name.  Should I obtain that status, I'll be sure to let you know.


quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

You're a scene celebrity, Lady Pact.  Of course that makes sense.  I thought the OP was talking about an "online dom," i.e., someone without a scene presence.  There are scene players who know me, for example, but only because I've dated them.  So far, I've never been at any dungeon more than once.


I really do think this is one of the areas where males differ from females.  Let's face it.  If a fem sub knows your address, it's a lot different than a male sub knowing Mine.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 6:04:04 AM   
colouredin


Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline 		FR I am with greedy here, why would you want referances for online Dom's? I mean personally I dont do referances anyways like faery I just tell someone where im going etc but if its online what harm can they really do?

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 6:34:39 AM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		If the dom is online, and will remain online, why do you want references? If they arent who they say , and you are getting what you want why do you care if they are a 400 pound, bald, toothless man with a 1/2 inch penis?  As long as you are both getting what you want from the whole online thing, then all the better!

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 7:55:16 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12
...a 400 pound, bald, toothless man with a 1/2 inch penis...


Hawt...


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RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 8:11:33 AM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline 		Online references are useless anyway. They're too easily faked.

I've always found the best way to know if someone is a problem is to be active in your local community and pay attention to it. If you're doing long distance, you're going to have to do your own due diligence.

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RE: checking a domms references - 10/5/2008 10:21:40 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If it's internet only, then either he isn't ready to move on to phone, or he doesn't want to meet for real. If you're fine with online only, then you don't need references as he isn't going to reach out through the ethernet and snatch you away.

However if you want something more, then tell him that. If he isn't willing to exchange cell phone numbers and set up a meet, then you aren't compatible.

So what do you want in this relationship right now?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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