RE: "Why should I consider you?"

RE: "Why should I consider you?" (Full Version)

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KnightofMists -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:06:42 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave When speaking to masters, a question I often get is "Why should I consider you?" Usually meaning why should they consider me as a potential slave. The answer I usually give is some variant of "I don't know. Do you want to?" Which is accurate, but I'm fairly sure not what they're looking for. I would think that it is equally applicable for you to say..."why should I consider you?" it's a two way street.... in my view at least.

Kana -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:08:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop consider it like a job interview. sell yourself. what have you got to offer? That's the thing, really; I don't honestly know... except, maybe, me? [:D] Yeah, but that's the crux of the biscuit so to speak. Say what part of you are you bring. A willingness to serve A good cook An easy listener A good backrubber. An open mind that burns to learn. Shrugs, who knows. Figure out the things that you have to offer, get them down on paper Hell, its a good exercise for self worth if nothing else. I can say this. I think its a good and worthy question, from both sides. I think a submissive should ask themselves the same thing, subject any potential dominant to a serious appraisal. I find myself in agreement with many of Mad Rabbits points. For me it goes far beyond the physical. I want to know where the person stands in a lot of areas, and I am looking for red flags. I want to know who the person is and what they sre seeking as well.

sarisx -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:10:17 PM)
I agree with MadRabbit on this one, this should be as much a question to the Dom as to the submissive. I don't see it as "selling" yourself to anyone, though I'm sure that the vast majority of Dom's that ask that question have that intent behind it. To me I have asked that question once before, but it was more directly related to the submissive who saw no positive qualities in themselves, low self-esteem and things of this nature. So it was a question meant to impose on them a pattern of thought directed towards themselves. I have seen others use this question for that same purpose, what are the positive qualities in yourself. I also didn't ask this question to a submissive that I was concidering but rather to a submissive friend who droned on and on about how she couldn't find a good Dom. I can fully relate to persephonee for not wanting to "sell" anything or for being put off for that question, I most likely would be put off by the same question being asked of me as a Dominate. I know the qualities that I possess as a Dominate and as a person, both the negative and the positive. Deep down everybody does know these things about themselves it is just a question as to how honest they want to be with themselves. But if you aren't willing to take the time to get to know me, to have intelligent conversation and decide for yourself what you can take positive from a relationship of any level with me then you are most likely not the type of person I want to associate myself with in the first place. My actions, my ideas, my words and my beliefs are what bring people close to me and keep them there, that is what I have to offer them and for me keeping those same people close to me is based on the same thing. I try not to associate myself with people who have little in the way of positive qualities to add to my life, as they will inevitably not take from me any positive either. Even if you don't like the question, if you are truelly secure in who you are, you should be able to answer it, even if your only answering it for yourself. I would also like to state that my entire post was based on the first question from the OP "Why should I consider you?" the other question would be to arrogant for me to answer if it were applied to me as a Dom, what makes me better than another Dom? How could anyone submissive or Dom answer that. There are all kinds of people in this world into all kinds of different things and there are areas I am very good in and others I know nothing about.

littlewonder -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:11:42 PM)
When I'm asked this I feel as if I'm on a job interview instead of getting to know someone for a committed intimate relationship. I want to simply talk to someone and learn about them, watch their interactions with others and themselves, pay attention to who they are as a person. They can tell me anything they want about themselves..doesn't make it true though.

Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:19:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee i have had doms tell me that i would be the one asking/begging for a collar from them and my initial thought in response is always...wanna bet? And thats not a dare or some sort of smartassed answer...just the way things stand in my mind. i wont be the one begging a collar...unless it was offered and then i was made to beg. See the difference? Yes... you aren't about to pursue someone you find attractive... you expect to be pursued. You'll only "beg" as a farcical act of contrition to some "dom" after he's suitably pursued you, wooed you, and jumped through enough hoops for you. quote: i cant think of any of this a job interview or an advertisement to sell myself. i announced my presence on the site in my profile...and have left it at that. And clearly you expect that to be sufficient. That all those dominants capable of stopping you in your tracks with their honor, integrity, responsibility, etc. should now beseech you for an audience just because you posted a profile. An that while you expect them to display who they are, what they have to offer, what qualities make them desirable... they're to do what... read your mind, hire a detective to find out what makes you worth more than a single glance? Here's a reality check... if a dominant is really that awesome... he's going to be being pursued by other submissives who do want his attention and are willing to "sell" themselves to get it. It might push you kicking and screaming out of your comfort zone... but if you want such a "prize catch" of a dominant... you better learn to do some fishing yourself. Or you could just ignore me and keep on with what you're doing. Makes absolutely no difference to me at all.

RealSub58 -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:21:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WestBaySlave quote: ORIGINAL: GreedyTop consider it like a job interview. sell yourself. what have you got to offer? That's the thing, really; I don't honestly know... except, maybe, me? [:D] They dont know "me" unless you have told them something. Here is an idea, come up with a list: Top 100 things that you should know about me: I am already owned, but it is a fantastic idea. FirmControl has a nice and intersting list. I am on #86 on my list. Its an interesting study of introspection on what makes me me. You might want to try it.

CalifChick -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:33:36 PM)
Well, I find that general conversation reveals my skills as well as my faults (although hopefully not in the first 3 minutes). I guess hearing the statement as, "so what can YOU do for ME?" just sounds like the person asking doesn't even want to devote the time to getting to know me, and they ARE treating it more like a business transaction than a personal relationship. Does it matter if my physical skills make me perfect for you if you think my personality makes me a bitch (and not that good kind of slutty bitch you like)? So what does it matter what my "skills" are if you haven't gotten to know the person behind them? Cali

persephonee -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:55:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag quote: ORIGINAL: persephonee i have had doms tell me that i would be the one asking/begging for a collar from them and my initial thought in response is always...wanna bet? And thats not a dare or some sort of smartassed answer...just the way things stand in my mind. i wont be the one begging a collar...unless it was offered and then i was made to beg. See the difference? Yes... you aren't about to pursue someone you find attractive... you expect to be pursued. You'll only "beg" as a farcical act of contrition to some "dom" after he's suitably pursued you, wooed you, and jumped through enough hoops for you. quote: i cant think of any of this a job interview or an advertisement to sell myself. i announced my presence on the site in my profile...and have left it at that. And clearly you expect that to be sufficient. That all those dominants capable of stopping you in your tracks with their honor, integrity, responsibility, etc. should now beseech you for an audience just because you posted a profile. An that while you expect them to display who they are, what they have to offer, what qualities make them desirable... they're to do what... read your mind, hire a detective to find out what makes you worth more than a single glance? Here's a reality check... if a dominant is really that awesome... he's going to be being pursued by other submissives who do want his attention and are willing to "sell" themselves to get it. It might push you kicking and screaming out of your comfort zone... but if you want such a "prize catch" of a dominant... you better learn to do some fishing yourself. Or you could just ignore me and keep on with what you're doing. Makes absolutely no difference to me at all. Wow, youre a charmer....hows the search going, love? Heres a reality check for you....i dont really think that you have understood fully my internal workings and thoughts and feelings....my hopes and dreams and wants and desires....my core being... Oh yeah, wait, this...right here...is our first interaction at all. Since you have no concept of who i am and i have no desire to know you after such vitiole and aggression and arrogance, how bouts we agree that we dont need to get to know each other at all??....Actually, i dont think i need you to agree to anything. peace, dammit. ~perse~

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 6:55:45 PM)
i use "why should i consider you" as a way for the potential male submissive to talk more about himself than what he can do for me. i want to hear more about him than the usual "i'm a male slave/submissive who will do anything you ask of me ...i'm no limits (yeah right) ...wish to worship your feet ...etc etc etc" - to me that's so boring and doesn't tell me anything substantial aboutyou. i want to know what makes you tick ...what grinds your screws when having a bad day ...are you a Cubs or Sox fan - something intersesting which gives me a better roundabout view of you without the "i'm only about the kink 24/7" persona.

marieToo -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:00:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag So are you put off because I ask it... or because you don't know how to answer it? I'm put off because it places me off balance. It's just not a method of discernment that I'm used to. It doesn't mean for a moment that I'm not self-aware, or that I don't see myself as having worth. quote: Well if you don't know... who does? Again, It's not about me not knowing. I'm fully aware of my capabilities as far as skills etc. A couple of examples: I know how to cook. But do I know if he wants a girl who can cook? If he doesn't, my mentioning that I can cook isn't going to impress him. Yes, I play a musical instrument and how does that serve him if he's not into listening to acoustic guitar accompanied by an alto singing voice? Sure, I have a great sense of humor, but he'll see that from talking to me, and I'll learn about what kind of music he likes through conversation, and if it comes up, I could say, "ya know I play guitar, maybe you'd like me to play for you sometime"... It's just a different method, that for me, feels more fluid. I'm not knocking the list method. I'm just saying for me it feels foreign or awkward.. quote: Do you list everything you are capable of like some laundry list of skills? When I asked you that, I wasn't saying "Do you list everything....., as in a tit-for-tat tone. It was a generic you. quote: Everything, no... but I can give you a pretty good list of what I feel are the more significant facts. I used to have such a list of such on my profile... listed neatly under "What Do I Offer?" Well, ok. fair enough. But I'd be more interested in what the chemistry between us felt like, because if that's not there, all the attributes and skills in the world aren't going to amount to a hill of shit. quote: What I find interesting about those women who can offer some sort of coherent reply is what it tells me about them. First that they are self aware enough to actually know some of their own worth... what's good about them. Second, that they are able to narrow the focus of that to things they believe I might find interesting / worthwhile tells me they've gone one step further and considered how they might be useful to me. Its a refreshing change from the usual paradigm of the woman as prey who waits for the man to size up what she's worth and whether she's worth pursuing, then coyly leads him on as he attempts to "conquer" her, "force" her to reveal herself. Is this to say that there are no other types of women in between these two specific types you've noted? quote: And yes, it does rather shake up her frame of mind. Shakes some up so badly they never quite seem to recover from the realization that to me... they are NOT all that, they are not "special" So if a female for whatever reason feels awkward over the way you look her over like an object to benefit from, it's a deal breaker for you? That's not a derision, by the way. I personally love being an object to be used for whatever skills and benefits, but again, right out of the gate? It's premature, which is probably why it feels awkward for me. I'm sure it works for others though. quote: Its the opposite of what women are accustomed too... of men as peacocks each trying to out dazzle the other with their plummage to attract the attention of the females... and women as the supposed "prey", but in reality the choosers... the deciders. What I do flips that around, forcing them to show their own plummage. This certainly isnt my view of men. But I'm sure it would apply to some females. I guess it comes back down to "to each his own". Thanks for the reply.

DesFIP -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:01:27 PM)
Can you bake really good brownies? Do you know how to tune up a car? What skills from your job could translate to your personal life; ie an accountant could set up a household budget, an architect could offer ways to improve the look of the home, a chef could prepare healthy food plans and meals. But actually I liked your answer of not knowing and that if they are speaking to someone more compatible, you would understand. That's a real response. How can you tell them what skills you have they are in need of when you don't know them? And I would suggest you answer honestly like that. Most guys will just pass you by but the one that doesn't is the one you have the most likelihood of developing a relationship with, assuming a full relationship is what you seek, and not just topping. Being me, if someone gave me that 'why should I consider you", I would probably ask them why I should consider them, but I'm snarky like that.

Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:02:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: CalifChick Does it matter if my physical skills make me perfect for you if you think my personality makes me a bitch (and not that good kind of slutty bitch you like)? So what does it matter what my "skills" are if you haven't gotten to know the person behind them? Very simplistic thinking... are you really that one-dimensional? You said conversation reveals you... based on the above, you'd not be doing very well. You made an error in assuming it was just about "skills". I didn't ask just what "skills" you have... the question was, "what do you have to offer?" On the list I posted in reply to Marie's remarks I included things like "a good sense of humor" or "being a great mom". If you think being good at blow jobs will make up for you being a bitch... well... good luck with that. The question very much IS about getting to know the person. Kana seems to understand it quite well... its about what you as a person have to offer, what you potentially bring to a relationship. Both Kana and KoM also noted that the question is equally fair both ways, and I agree.

dcnovice -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:04:42 PM)
Do you like pina coladas? Getting caught in the rain? Are you not into yoga? Do you have half a brain?

persephonee -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:07:15 PM)
...if you like makin love at midnight... wanders off to take a shower and go to her sucky sucky job.... sigh.

MadRabbit -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:14:13 PM)
Well, after reading the rest of this thread, I have come to a few conclusions. 1) Somebody has pissed in Padriag's Captain Crunch (That was very light hearted, my Internet friend. Collarme.com and my message box would be dull without you) 2) People clearly don't like to be directly asked to sell themselves to a potential partner. They would rather just indirectly sell themselves through the course of normal conversation via discreet, subtle, and non-offensive questions. 3) Quite a few women seme to think their value should never come into question by men. We should just shut up and be happy we are getting the chance to get some pussy.

MissIsis -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:22:34 PM)
I see nothing wrong with asking someone what they can bring to a relationship. Maybe many of us would be better off if we honestly answered these kinds of questions, especially, since most relationships don't have the best chance of working out. Sure, there are things we can learn for each other later on, but the question might bring up deeper issues, & maybe save both parties a whole lot of time, & possibly heartache later on. Or, it could give both parties more of a reason to pursue each other. If someone really hates dealing with numbers, yet the dominant needs someone who is good at them, there are a few choices, they can either open the relationship to include someone else who can meet that need, or they can deal with it themselves, or choose to walk away to find someone that will meet their needs better. It doesn't need to be numbers, it could be cooking, knowing how to make someone laugh, fixing that car, anything. I am thinking it might be better to think of these things in a more logical manner than by trying to go by initial feelings & whether the person is just attractive enough. We give these thoughts to our jobs, why not to a relationship, that should really be even more meaningful than what we do for a living. But that is me & just my thoughts.

CalifChick -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:25:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Very simplistic thinking... are you really that one-dimensional? You said conversation reveals you... based on the above, you'd not be doing very well. You made an error in assuming it was just about "skills". I didn't ask just what "skills" you have... the question was, "what do you have to offer?" Sorry Padraig, but "what do you have to offer" still smacks of "tell me about yourself." My answer is, "this is what the back of me looks like as I walk away." I don't want to sell myself to you, and I don't want you to sell yourself to me. I just want to get to know you, and for you to get to know me. Obviously our methods of accomplishing that vary greatly. Cali

Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:42:09 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag So are you put off because I ask it... or because you don't know how to answer it? I'm put off because it places me off balance. It's just not a method of discernment that I'm used to. It doesn't mean for a moment that I'm not self-aware, or that I don't see myself as having worth. Ah... so you resent me for making you feel awkward and off balance. You dislike it because it makes you feel uncomfortable. Fair enough. quote: quote: Well if you don't know... who does? Again, It's not about me not knowing. I'm fully aware of my capabilities as far as skills etc. A couple of examples: I know how to cook. But do I know if he wants a girl who can cook? If he doesn't, my mentioning that I can cook isn't going to impress him. Yes, I play a musical instrument and how does that serve him if he's not into listening to acoustic guitar accompanied by an alto singing voice? Sure, I have a great sense of humor, but he'll see that from talking to me, and I'll learn about what kind of music he likes through conversation, and if it comes up, I could say, "ya know I play guitar, maybe you'd like me to play for you sometime"... It's just a different method, that for me, feels more fluid. I'm not knocking the list method. I'm just saying for me it feels foreign or awkward.. Ah... but a gal who says she can play guitar (or even better, violin) while singing scores extra points with me right off. Would she ordinarily know that... no, but then neither would I if she didn't tell me. Likewise, would the fact that I presently run a youth center score any points with a potential slave... I really don't know... but if I mention it, it gives her something to consider. If I include it in "top 100 things to know about me" list, it gives her one more point to begin a conversation with me, one more thing to approach me about, one more potential point of interest to build chemistry on. Then again, it might turn her off completely... in which case it probably saved us both a lot of otherwise wasted time. quote: quote: Do you list everything you are capable of like some laundry list of skills? When I asked you that, I wasn't saying "Do you list everything....., as in a tit-for-tat tone. It was a generic you. Dammit Jim... I'm a dom, not a mind reader! LOL Still, it did make a good point, that I practice what I preach. Or as my grandmother is fond of saying... what's good for the goose is good for the gander! quote: quote: Everything, no... but I can give you a pretty good list of what I feel are the more significant facts. I used to have such a list of such on my profile... listed neatly under "What Do I Offer?" Well, ok. fair enough. But I'd be more interested in what the chemistry between us felt like, because if that's not there, all the attributes and skills in the world aren't going to amount to a hill of shit. I'm interested in the chemistry too. But... we're sitting here online, so where does that chemistry begin if not with some sort of knowledge about one another? Did you ever consider that those attributes and skills are part of that chemistry? For me they very much are... as I said... a gal who has some musical ability scores extra points with me. Doesn't mean she's a sure match... but she's got slightly better odds than one who doesn't. Just as brunettes tend to fair better than blonds with me. Or the fact that a lass who would enjoy wading through a creek with me will do better than one who'd prefer to stand on the bank watching. These are some of my quirky preferences. An while one slave offered a trust fund... that didn't matter to me, just as I wasn't impressed with the one who had posed for Playboy (she actually lost points for that, its not something I particularly care for)... but knowing helped me decide whether it would be worthwhile to pursue something with any of them. I actually did get involved with the former playmate (and inspite of that one aspect) because she had a number of other qualities that did very much appeal to me (she was also an artist, outdoorsy, a brunette, great smile, kind hearted)... and I might still be with her if I hadn't been a bonehead (never claimed I was perfect... cause I promise ya I ain't). quote: quote: What I find interesting about those women who can offer some sort of coherent reply is what it tells me about them. First that they are self aware enough to actually know some of their own worth... what's good about them. Second, that they are able to narrow the focus of that to things they believe I might find interesting / worthwhile tells me they've gone one step further and considered how they might be useful to me. Its a refreshing change from the usual paradigm of the woman as prey who waits for the man to size up what she's worth and whether she's worth pursuing, then coyly leads him on as he attempts to "conquer" her, "force" her to reveal herself. Is this to say that there are no other types of women in between these two specific types you've noted? Oh we could probably come up with all kinds of categories and types. However, I've yet to find it in my best interest to bother with any other categories, especially online. Online is a crap shoot at best... there are thousands of profiles to pick through... more than I will ever have time to respond too. Not much motivation for me to invest a lot of time getting to know each individually. That's compounded by that fact that I meet interesting women in the flesh almost every day. Tomorrow a young woman is supposed to be introduced to me by a mutual friend. She's a former model, a brunette, and majoring in psychology in college. And yes, in talking with her I'll be asking questions to discern what else she has to offer... maybe not in such blunt terms, but still the question will be there in some form. quote: quote: And yes, it does rather shake up her frame of mind. Shakes some up so badly they never quite seem to recover from the realization that to me... they are NOT all that, they are not "special" So if a female for whatever reason feels awkward over the way you look her over like an object to benefit from, it's a deal breaker for you? That's not a derision, by the way. I personally love being an object to be used for whatever skills and benefits, but again, right out of the gate? It's premature, which is probably why it feels awkward for me. I'm sure it works for others though. Could be a deal breaker. Also... I didn't say the question came right out of the gate... nor did I say it was the whole of a "conversation". I did say it was a question asked early on as part of the process. To be clear, its a question asked, among others, and as part of an ongoing conversation. I've found it interesting to let the misconception play out, in part because I find it intriguing the button it seems to "push" with so many. quote: quote: Its the opposite of what women are accustomed too... of men as peacocks each trying to out dazzle the other with their plummage to attract the attention of the females... and women as the supposed "prey", but in reality the choosers... the deciders. What I do flips that around, forcing them to show their own plummage. This certainly isnt my view of men. But I'm sure it would apply to some females. I guess it comes back down to "to each his own". Not you perhaps, but still the majority of women out there. quote: Thanks for the reply. Welcome [image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s1.gif[/image]

marieToo -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:49:20 PM)
You're making me feel like I wanna try it. But I'm thinking my profile might come off like some kind of brag fest. Wonder if I should put all my faults in there too. [8\|]

tsatske -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:53:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marieToo Wonder if I should put all my faults in there too. Put your faults in there, but word them the way you would word them for a job interview, when they ask for your faults. 'Well, I can kind of go overboard cleaning. And, I can get very carried away cooking - next thing you know, you're having nine course gormet meals till you are just dying for a big mac!' <grin>

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