RE: "Why should I consider you?" (Full Version)

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Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 7:55:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

Well, after reading the rest of this thread, I have come to a few conclusions.

1) Somebody has pissed in Padriag's Captain Crunch (That was very light hearted, my Internet friend. Collarme.com and my message box would be dull without you)

Hehe... its been a long week.  An actually it was several people.  Plus, lately with all the increasing demands on my time and resources I find I have less and less time to waste on "nonsense"... I have to make a lot of decisions every day, often very quickly, that have serious consequences.  It has a way of altering your frame of mind.

Oh... an I eat Apple Jacks, not Captain Crunch (just in case some would be slave is keeping track so she can later impress me or something... LOL)

quote:

2) People clearly don't like to be directly asked to sell themselves to a potential partner. They would rather just indirectly sell themselves through the course of normal conversation via discreet, subtle, and non-offensive questions.

Yup... makes most people uncomfortable.  I've noted that for some its because they don't know how to respond.  For others it makes them feel "cheapened" somehow.  Some just feel awkward.  By an large many people seem to prefer coming at things indirectly, circling around a bit before closing in... as opposed to being more direct.

quote:

3) Quite a few women seme to think their value should never come into question by men. We should just shut up and be happy we are getting the chance to get some pussy.

Its been the status quo for centuries.  The idea of women having to qualify their own worth, as men have been expected to do for centuries is a newer concept than feminism.  Ironically, one of the concepts of feminism was an equality of treatment between the sexes... which means if men are expected to qualify themselves.... so too should women.  Oddly, women don't seem to find that irony all that amusing... can't imagine why. [;)]

Here's what I do find very odd.  If an person advertises themselves as a "slave" who wishes to be "owned" in a relationship where they provide "service" to the dominant... why should it come as a shock to be asked in what way they can serve... how they can be useful... what qualities they would bring to such a relationship?  If it seems a bit like a job interview... is that really any stranger than the concept of a woman being "owned" as someone's property in an age of equal rights and feminism?  Contradictions abound, but hey... at least we aren't bored. [:)]



ApathyRomance -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:05:50 PM)

 My profile is a work in progress as I try to figure out exactly what  I am looking for from women/bdsm/life.  I have still managed to incorporate things I have to offer, along with a few things I expect a partner to offer, and how they relate to a relationship and bdsm. 

It's not very hard.

*Shrugs*

If someone is honestly uncomfortable with selling themselves online, they are going to have a harder time than someone who isn't.

If someone feels more comfortable with the "tell me about yourself" than the "let's make small talk" approach or the other way around, just communicate that. 

At the Original Poster:  Some variant of  "I don't know"  makes you sound as if you lack motivation, intelligence, and/or confidence, no matter what your thinking is behind it.  Do what everyone does and FAKE some confidence and knowledge!

;)



marieToo -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:06:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tsatske


quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

Wonder if I should put all my faults in there too. 


Put your faults in there, but word them the way you would word them for a job interview, when they ask for your faults.
'Well, I can kind of go overboard cleaning. And, I can get very carried away cooking - next thing you know, you're having nine course gormet meals till you are just dying for a big mac!' <grin>


Hahahahaa



Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:09:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

You're making me feel like I wanna try it.
 
LOL... I see my insidious plan is working...

quote:

But I'm thinking my profile might come off like some kind of brag fest.

So?  I know damn well mine does!  Some of us do have a lot of achievements and qualities to offer, and we worked hard to get there... so why not advertise it... have we not earned that right by our labors?  This false humility, this denial of the self... it leaves a bitter taste in my mouth... it tastes too much like lies and deceit. 

quote:

Wonder if I should put all my faults in there too.  [image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s13.gif[/image]

Absolutely... being honest about yourself is just another plus.  We ALL have faults... but not everyone admits to them... when I see someone being as frank about their flaws as they are their better qualities, its refreshing and appealing.



RealSub58 -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:25:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

You're making me feel like I wanna try it.  But I'm thinking my profile might come off like some kind of brag fest.  Wonder if I should put all my faults in there too.  [8|]


I had to look at your profile Marie....
"Taken
from behind"
 
Lots to poke fun of there with play on words or are you bragging you like it in your ass?  [:D]



littlewonder -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:34:27 PM)

"If an person advertises themselves as a "slave" who wishes to be "owned" in a relationship where they provide "service" to the dominant... why should it come as a shock to be asked in what way they can serve... how they can be useful..."

If they're a slave shouldn't they be useful/serve in whatever way their Master wants them to?...not in whatever way the slave thinks they can be?

If the slave doesn't know how to do something he/she learns it.




marieToo -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:34:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

You're making me feel like I wanna try it.  But I'm thinking my profile might come off like some kind of brag fest.  Wonder if I should put all my faults in there too.  [8|]


I had to look at your profile Marie....
"Taken
from behind"
 
Lots to poke fun of there with play on words or are you bragging you like it in your ass?  [:D]


Hey it's one of my skills.  What can I say?  [8D]



NumberSix -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:40:15 PM)

I guess that makes me 'taken in hand', as of late.

6 



WestBaySlave -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:46:29 PM)

  Thank you for all your responses... this has been an interesting thread.

I must say the responses I've seen here surprise me on a number of levels, perhaps the biggest being that some dominants here feel that they can be questioned and analyzed so directly. I usually take an indirect route when learning about a master has to offer me, probing their desires to see if it results in a mutually compatible situation - and yet have been accused of an interrogatory approach; even been told that as someone seeking to be a slave shouldn't be asking questions at all ( the latter category of master I tend to avoid - I do have some sense of self-preservation ). To come out and ask what a master has to offer me - while being on my mind, of course - isn't something that had occured to me that one could actually say to a dominant. Well, say without being blocked the next sentence, at least.

I wonder whether it's just this forum, but I'm starting to get a feeling the heterosexual bdsm community has a very different approach to things. I certainly notice there's a divide between guys who identify as "Old Guard" and those who don't in my scene; perhaps there's just as big a divide between the gay and heterosexual set.



marieToo -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 8:55:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: NumberSix

I guess that makes me 'taken in hand', as of late.

6 


lmao...There are worse things in life, no?




marieToo -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 9:04:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Oh... an I eat Apple Jacks, not Captain Crunch (just in case some would be slave is keeping track so she can later impress me or something... LOL)


You need a nice caring slave with nutritionist skills who will immediately replace that junk-food, sugar-laden cereal with something healthy, like Raisin Bran. : )



Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 9:08:17 PM)

Hehe... I'd say things are divided up so many different ways its starting to look like a checker board!

Personally, I think any "dominant" who gets up tight about a direct but sincere question should raise a caution flag.  That's my perspective.  I'm quite secure about who I am, what I'm about, what I have to offer and even what my faults and flaws are.  Enough I can be very honest and direct about them when asked.

It occurs to me, having just written that, that my own perspective has also been colored by it... causing me to be a bit suspicious of someone who isn't comfortable being as direct.  Food for my own thoughts.



Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 9:15:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

Oh... an I eat Apple Jacks, not Captain Crunch (just in case some would be slave is keeping track so she can later impress me or something... LOL)


You need a nice caring slave with nutritionist skills who will immediately replace that junk-food, sugar-laden cereal with something healthy, like Raisin Bran. : )


LOL... actually I'd rather buttermilk biscuits with jelly or applebutter, scrambled eggs, and crispy bacon with a tall glass of orange juice and a mug of hot tea (with lemon)... [:D]



greyjay -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 9:30:55 PM)

Must be different for gay doms than straight doms.  I don't have any problems with too many subs to consider. LOL



Missokyst -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 9:34:15 PM)

From my point of view I find it to be.. well.. tacky. 
I once went out with this guy from Russia, he had money, a great job, was very intelligent.. but dang it, his constant blathering on what he could do, what he has done, how talented he was just grated on my nerves.
It was like he was trying to sell himself to me, or to prove his worth to us both.
When people as me what I can do for them, I remember that guy and it stops me short!  Heck, who wants to be blowing their own horn like that?
Let's face it, most adults can cook.  Most of us have given BJ's.  That leaves our personal skills to display.  I prefer to those to be revealed over time as I get to know someone.  Just as he is revealing his personality and background to me, over time.
I know what I do.  I know what I am capable of doing.  I even have my net worth tallied (not that they should be priivy to that).  I just don't feel like I should offer that up like some sort of bait.  One, because I find it tacky.  And two, because when someone asks that of you without also offering up some of his own data, would seem too opportunistic for me.   And that is an automatic pass in my book.

I would perfer to remain alone with cats.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Padriag

quote:

2) People clearly don't like to be directly asked to sell themselves to a potential partner. They would rather just indirectly sell themselves through the course of normal conversation via discreet, subtle, and non-offensive questions.

Yup... makes most people uncomfortable.  I've noted that for some its because they don't know how to respond.  For others it makes them feel "cheapened" somehow.  Some just feel awkward.  By an large many people seem to prefer coming at things indirectly, circling around a bit before closing in... as opposed to being more direct.



Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 10:09:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

Let's face it, most adults can cook. 

Actually... over the last 10 years or so, I don't think more than four or five of the women I've dated have really known how to cook.  The rest either refused to cook or I had to teach them the basics.  Most of the men I know can cook, many are quite good at it... two are licensed chefs.  Out of the 16-19 yr olds at the youth center, the majority of either gender probably couldn't boil water.  Times change, and people with them. 

I've learned not to assume very much at all about people.

At any rate, a potential slave who can cook, and both enjoys it as well as being good at it... tends to score a few bonus points with me.  One who can't tends to lose points.



Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 10:20:05 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

If they're a slave shouldn't they be useful/serve in whatever way their Master wants them to?...not in whatever way the slave thinks they can be?

If the slave doesn't know how to do something he/she learns it.

You still miss the point.  I want to know what she already knows how to do... what qualities she already possesses.  I also want to know both what she thinks is important about herself (because that tells me something else about her) as well as what she believes I might find important (and this too, tells me more about her).

As for learning how to do "it".  Do you have any idea how demanding on my time and resources that can be.  Or how comical when she's asked to do something she never imagined.  For example...
slave "Oh Sir, I want to serve and please you, I'll do anything you ask..."
Me "Great, I'll measure and mark these tiles, you cut them on the wet saw."
slave "Whaaaaa?"
Ah, the ill considered consequences of choosing a contractor for master...
An then there was the whole table saw incident. [8|]

Not to mention all those things for which it is questionable whether one could learn... like having a good sense of humor.  How would you learn to be a great mom... how would I teach that?  An if you don't get Nietzsche now, its unlikely you would no matter how often I explained him.

But then, since you seem keen on learning and obeying whatever master wishes... then how about answering this lil question I've got on my mind... [;)]



CalifChick -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 10:28:15 PM)

*perk*  wet saw?  did someone mention "wet saw"???? 

Psstttt!  I'm darn handy with a wet saw.  Also in designing tile inlays to mimic area rugs, and/or to reflect a design that appears in a leaded glass door in the home.



Cali
(has never thought to put that on her personal 'resume')



Padriag -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 10:36:15 PM)

See.... ya just never know until you toss things out there. [image]http://www.collarchat.com/image/s4.gif[/image]

Course on the other hand I'm an admittedly very odd duck...



BitaTruble -> RE: "Why should I consider you?" (10/4/2008 10:56:29 PM)

~FR~

I would have zero issues with telling someone who was interested in me (and if the feeling were mutual) what I have to offer as a potential partner. When I was done extolling my virtues (or vices as the case may be [8D]) I would also let them know if there was something specific they required that I couldn't already do, I would take classes (or whatever) to learn how to do it. I don't think it's too much to ask they return with like information as well sans the learning to do stuff part.






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