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Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 5:53:34 AM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

I know there are probably a ton of threads on this topic so I'm sorry for repeating. I just need some advice I guess, or maybe just some support, so I came here. My Master and I were together for 7 months. Not a super long time, but not a one-nighter either. I wore His collar very proudly and bragged about Him and how much fun we had together. On Friday I found out He had another slave. Not only did He had another slave, but she was moving in with Him and they were getting married. He lied to me the entire time. Then He called and released me with no remorse, no emotion, nothing. I was a good slave to Him so I know this wasn't my fault- the only fault that's mine is that I believed Him and fell for Him. I know this happens alot, not just in the BDSM scene but in life in general. I don't want to hear how He's a so-and-so or any of that. I'm just a mess right now and I would love to know suggestions to help me let this go. I haven't been able to sleep or eat in two days and I'm tired of giving Him that power over me when He obviously doesn't deserve it. I know it will take time to let this go, but are there things I can do to help it along? Any suggestions would be great.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

Post #: 1

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 5:56:24 AM

Aileen1968

Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline

Get a voodoo doll and a shitload of pins.
Exercise
Cry
Scream
Curse him out
Eat ice cream and chocolate
Then get your shit together and move on, better and stronger.

_____________________________

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 2

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 5:58:04 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Ok hes how i deal with a break up of a relationship. I was with a certain person and i had feelings for that person, if that person has lied or cheated or not been who he actually is then I never had feelings for the 'real' person just the idealised creation so loosing him is of no substance to me, Im not loosing that which I cared for because it never exsisted. I find that when I start to think like that it seems far less important. You have to see that you are not missing anything at all, because you arent. I am sure within the seven months you have learnt a lot you can take that and use it for growth. Dont beat yourself up about not seeing the signs because trust me we have all been there. All the positive stuff in the relationship isnt totally mitigated, you will have grown as a person and use this as a way to grow even more.

i am sorry it happened to you it does suck but dont waste the experiance, trust me you will be stronger for it.

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 3

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:00:35 AM

NumberSix

Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

First, advise yourself via your sigline.
Then, take up hobbies, and exercise (maybe now is the time to practice a formal tea service)

Teri Clark:
Don't tell me the reason that you're calling
Is to see if I'm alright since you've been gone
Cuz I know you and I know why we're talking
You're wanting me to say I'm barely hanging on
Well maybe that was true
For a night or two
But now I've got better thing to do

I could wash my car in the rain
Change my new guitar strings
Mow the yard just the same
As I did yesterday
I don't need to waste my time
Crying over you
I've got better things to do

Maybe when I don't have so much going
Or quite so many irons in the fire
I'll take the time to miss you like you're hoping
But now I can't put forth the effort it requires
Well I'd love to talk to you but then I'd miss Donahue
That's right I've got better things to do

(REPEAT CHORUS)

Check the air in my tires
Straighten my stereo wires
Count the stars in the sky
Or just get on with my life
I don't need to waste my time
Crying over you
I've got better things to do
I've got better things to do yeah

AND SMILE, GODDAMIT!
THAT IS A CYBER COMMAND, OBEY!

Ron

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 4

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:03:31 AM

CallaFirestormBW

Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline

Hon, what you're experiencing now is a kind of traumatic grief. Though it seems overwhelming, it will help to go through it rather than avoiding it. Let yourself feel whatever you're feeling. Treat yourself like a youngster who has lost someone or something dear to hir, and feed yourself whether you're hungry or not (simple, soft foods, soups, and tea usually go down easier than heavy meals for many grieving people). Let your friends help you, if they're willing, while you deal with the worst of this. Let them bring you ice cream and soup, and let them offer a shoulder. It's ok to cry for everything you've lost. It's natural to grieve not only for the loss of the man himself, but for the loss of the expectation and the dream you had created around this.

After a while, it will hurt less. Time is your best friend, and distance. Eventually, you will feel like yourself again. Scream, slam-dance, cry, beat up on stuffed animals and pillows, go to a firing range and shoot off a few rounds -- let yourself be hurt, and angry, and feel what you feel... and then, when it stops being useful, and the big wounds have closed over a bit, let it go. If you don't let it go, you'll just keep re-opening those wounds. Give yourself a couple of months -- maybe even a year... depending on how you process things... then release this and move forward and let distance, time, and new experiences close over the rest of the wound.

Calla Firestorm

_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 5

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:06:52 AM

michaelOfGeorgia

Posts: 4253
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lizcgirl

I know there are probably a ton of threads on this topic so I'm sorry for repeating. I just need some advice I guess, or maybe just some support, so I came here. My Master and I were together for 7 months. Not a super long time, but not a one-nighter either. I wore His collar very proudly and bragged about Him and how much fun we had together. On Friday I found out He had another slave. Not only did He had another slave, but she was moving in with Him and they were getting married. He lied to me the entire time. Then He called and released me with no remorse, no emotion, nothing. I was a good slave to Him so I know this wasn't my fault- the only fault that's mine is that I believed Him and fell for Him. I know this happens alot, not just in the BDSM scene but in life in general. I don't want to hear how He's a so-and-so or any of that. I'm just a mess right now and I would love to know suggestions to help me let this go. I haven't been able to sleep or eat in two days and I'm tired of giving Him that power over me when He obviously doesn't deserve it. I know it will take time to let this go, but are there things I can do to help it along? Any suggestions would be great.

i'm sorry that this happened to you and, unfortunately, it occurs alot. can't trust men (most of them anyway). all i can suggest is, and i know this is easier said than done, to move on. you're better than that and it would show others that you can learn and grow. i know this is painful and will be with you for a long time. it amazes me how many times i've heard this. not just Doms but Dommes as well. it's part of life and unfortunatelty happens alot.

if you ever need to talk, email me anytime.

_____________________________

Are we having fun, yet?

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 6

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:16:24 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

liz, you're facing the double whammy of a relationship ending AND the realization that you were played/lied to. It's gonna take some time.

That said, I cannot be the only man who's enjoyed your posts and your pictures. you will not have any trouble getting another Master when you are ready for it. In other words, once you get over the hurt, you'll be well taken care of.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 7

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:16:49 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

*hugs Liz*

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to michaelOfGeorgia)

Post #: 8

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:23:00 AM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

This too shall pass....feel what you're feeling for now but realize that you DO have worth. There are better days ahead. In the meantime, take care of YOU in whatever ways make YOU happy. I'm sorry this happened.

< Message edited by natasha66 -- 10/5/2008 6:26:01 AM >

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to GreedyTop)

Post #: 9

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:28:23 AM

kiwisub12

Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

xoxoxoxoxox

(in reply to natasha66)

Post #: 10

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:44:23 AM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

This is what has helped me. When I’m ready I sit down and think about what I missed or ignored that were red flags. I do my best thinking when I write so that’s what I do. I take a good hard look at things that seemed “off” but I let them slide. I ask myself what questions should I have asked, what did I do or not do that contributed to the demise of the relationship. Then I write out my anger, full blown name calling and nastiness.. I delete what I’ve written. Then I metaphorically dump him and vow to learn from the experience.
***hugs ya***

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 11

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:56:30 AM

SilentTigresss

Posts: 261
Joined: 1/18/2004
Status: offline

i liked your response.....thank you for it.

(in reply to colouredin)

Post #: 12

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 6:57:10 AM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

This is why I love these boards- you guys are all the best. My local friends have been doing the whole 'man hatting' thing on my behalf, but they're all vanilla so it's hard for them to understand that it wasn't just the lies or the end of a relationship, it was a perversion of what I believe in. He taught me about this life, and for that I'll be grateful. I know I made Him happy because I saw that. I'm proud of my conduct through the entire relationship so I have none of the guilt of I should've done this or that. I'm just raw right now and trying to process, once I process I'll be good to go. Thank you guys so much, I just wanna internet hug you all. This helps so much.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 13

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 7:00:14 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

When someone falsifies who he is to you it's hardly your fault. Unless you rushed in to the relationship too quickly.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 14

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 7:01:37 AM

NumberSix

Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

'man hatting'

What, a gaggle of you girls get together and clap hats upon the pates of random men?

It is strange indeed; that which a woman might find cathartic.

Gotta love 'em.

Ron

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 15

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 7:02:29 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Living well and happily is always the best revenge!

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to NumberSix)

Post #: 16

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 7:07:26 AM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

Man hatting- they brought over an insane amount of alcohol, played a lot of girl power music, tore apart everything they didn't like about Him and kept telling me I could do better. Good intentions but didn't really help except to let me pass out for a few hours. Love them for the attempt and the support, but wasn't what I needed. I may have fell for an illusion, but to me that was real and tearing it down didn't help.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 17

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 7:08:45 AM

colouredin

Posts: 4279
Joined: 2/2/2007
Status: offline

Thanks :) You're welcome xx

_____________________________

Resident Lime(y) Tart
There would be no gossip without secrets
I don't want to be anything other than what I've been trying to be lately

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvfMJoKDAk

(in reply to SilentTigresss)

Post #: 18

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 7:11:30 AM

NumberSix

Posts: 1378
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

man hating. I see.

See how easy it is to have your thoughts led astray into something different? If you have concentration skills, concentrate on something lovely and useful. The mind is a terrible thing to waste. Especially upon maudlin affairs.

Like, how you are going to pop by the house, here.
Think about that!!!!

Ron

_____________________________

"Who are you?"
"The new Number Two."
"Who is Number One?"
"You are Number Six.".
"I am not a number — I am a free man!"

Be seeing you...

(in reply to lizcgirl)

Post #: 19

RE: Suggestions? Or maybe just support - 10/5/2008 7:13:05 AM

lizcgirl

Posts: 287
Joined: 4/13/2008
Status: offline

Hatting.... Hating... damn typos.

_____________________________

Never make some one a priority when all you are to them is an option.

(in reply to NumberSix)

Post #: 20

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