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RE: humiliation - 10/6/2008 11:28:45 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

I'm not exactly sure if I agree with the "less than" definition.
At least, perhaps not in every case.

Because, it takes two to tango; if I'm directing my partner to do "humiliating" things, somewhere inside we both know that I'm just as complicit in the act as she is; though I may feign indifference or even harsh judgementality, somewhere inside she still knows that I'm her partner and that I'm getting off on her serving me.

In fact, if anything I probably bear greater responsibility for the action because I'm the one giving direction....

I was raised in a repressed little New England town where there was a lot of hypocrisy about sex. The irony is that the sex acts ( or acts of obedience or service) aren't bad (well, as long as they're victimless, that is); it's that someone would presume to sit in judgement of someone else that's perverted.

I had one ex who shared this background, and so that was fertile ground for humiliation scenes that played upon that hypocritical attitude that society has about what is "normal" and what is perverted, and so on.

But even in humiliation scenes, we had limits which we'd discussed beforehand. I wouldn't call her "stupid" or "ugly", for example, because those were things that would be genuinely hurtful to her; she was insecure about those things, even though she was actually pretty smart and accomplished, and rather cute.

Those limits will vary from person to person, of course.

(in reply to MrHarsh)

Post #: 21

RE: humiliation - 10/6/2008 6:57:50 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

http://www.collarchat.com/m_557686/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#557707
Embarassment vs humiliation

http://www.collarchat.com/m_354018/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#354196
humiliation???

http://www.collarchat.com/m_412944/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#413037
what is good humiliation to you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_426015/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#426025
humiliation vs degradation

http://www.collarchat.com/m_489256/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#489324
humiliation and vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_310209/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#310223
Humiliation- verbal and physical

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266448/mpage_1/key_humiliation/tm.htm#266532
humiliation ideas

Slaves on display via webcam?

Fat Cow? Verbal humiliation (rehashed)

Humiliation and Degradation

Erotic Humiliation

Female Humiliation- in the scene

Asking for humiliation

Favorite Forms of humiliation

Humiliation

Humliation Play

Favorite forms of humiliation

Erotic Humiliation and Objectification

Why such problems with humiliation?

Fun ideas for humiliation

Humiliation (2)

Verbal Humiliation

Help with humiliation please!

Your thoughts on humiliation please

Questions about humiliation

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Jeptha)

Post #: 22

RE: humiliation - 10/6/2008 8:26:42 PM

SailingBum

Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

May I please have a working definintion of humiliation and some concrete examples?

Dad said it best " look it up"

BadOne

_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)

Post #: 23

RE: humiliation - 10/6/2008 10:17:09 PM

DavanKael

Posts: 3072
Joined: 10/6/2007
Status: offline

Hi, Firebirdseeking----
I am going to go with emotional rather than cognitive definition of humiliation: something that makes me feel degraded, disrespected, or unimportant.
An example:
**Being with a cum fetishist/cum slut who really found male cum to be pivotal and more important than my presence in sexual scenarios repetitiously
Humiliation can be more subtle than that too. I know it when I feel it. I do not feel valued, I feel optional/taken for granted, I perceive that I appear foolish, etc.
Humiliation, imo, sucks!
Davan

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 24

RE: humiliation - 10/7/2008 10:58:51 AM

Jeptha

Posts: 780
Joined: 9/18/2008
From: Portland, Oregon
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum

Dad said it best " look it up"

Let us never speak of it again.

^^^
(just kidding.)

(in reply to SailingBum)

Post #: 25

RE: humiliation - 10/7/2008 5:41:36 PM

pridedenied

Posts: 83
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

To be honest, I don't know if I'd be so great with humiliation just because I dislike even the illusion that my domme doesn't care for me as I care so deeply for her.We probably will try just in case it's fun but I doubt it'll be great for either of us.

Pridedenied

(in reply to winoverme)

Post #: 26

RE: humiliation - 10/7/2008 5:53:27 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

May I please have a working definintion of humiliation and some concrete examples?

Humiliation is many things to many people. In BDSM, I separate it from degradation in that humiliation involves taking the submissives darker sexual impulses/instincts/fears/motivations and uses them in a way that embarasses her but at the same time makes her incredibly hot and uplifts her feelings of worth to her dominant partner. Degradation is taking those things that the submissive feels insecure about...her weight, her height, her job...and adding them on to sexual play/innuendo in a way that makes her feel less than what she is.

An example of ;humiliation...Telling a sweet innocent-faced submissive who is shy about the fact that she likes anal and making that submissive get on her knees and spread her sweet round full ass and point to her asshole and then tell me how much she craves to be fucked there. Make her tell me just exactly what it does to her to be filled with my hard cock, make her admit to wanting to be gang=banged there and NOT in her soft, wet cunt, make her beg for it like the "ass whore" she is...then tell her "no, she hasn't begged just right yet" while all the time teasing the delicate rosebud. To hear her moan then, turn red and yet...plead in an even nastier fashion...then moving up to her and shoving in. As I fuck away, continue telling her how much I know she enjoys it and, if she wants it to continue, she'd better continue telling the truth of how she is craving it...needs it...pleading with me to fuck her like the ass slut she is until she finally begging to cum. Then I tell her that she can cum BUT only while she is the one doing the fucking...then stopping and watching her fuck back like a dog in heat and telling her what a sight she is while chuckling over being right about her assfuck-neediness and what a hot and good assfuck she is.

(in reply to Firebirdseeking)

Post #: 27

RE: humiliation - 10/7/2008 6:09:32 PM

winoverme

Posts: 67
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Montreal
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied

To be honest, I don't know if I'd be so great with humiliation just because I dislike even the illusion that my domme doesn't care for me as I care so deeply for her.We probably will try just in case it's fun but I doubt it'll be great for either of us.

Pridedenied

quote:

To be honest, I don't know if I'd be so great with humiliation just because I dislike even the illusion that my domme doesn't care for me as I care so deeply for her.We probably will try just in case it's fun but I doubt it'll be great for either of us.

Do you mean you don't believe in humiliation? Of course, it always depends on one's own motivations...The example i was referring to was a little extreme i admit..The place of humiliation in my opinion stands between your self and your love interest, and between you and yourself..There's a lot of difference from one person to another. Some small humiliations can only be funny while extreme ones may take the whole picture in one's life and consequences...A gang banged slave is totally attacked on all fronts...This leaves about nothing to his/her life to stay private or his own...He/she belongs mainly to those who are obsessed with her/him. Somehow, i don't dislike the idea of belonging almost exclusively to the pleasure of others...It makes my heart beat like hell to think that might happen sometime...To be their slave.

_____________________________

Being humiliated, belittled and taken advantage of makes me feel worthy, useful and honored. I would like to meet the right kind of Mistress that would see the advantages of having at her feet a proud natural born submissive.

(in reply to pridedenied)

Post #: 28

RE: humiliation - 10/7/2008 8:08:39 PM

pridedenied

Posts: 83
Joined: 9/28/2008
Status: offline

Hey humiliation's out there that's for sure. I'm saying it's probably not for me. I like the tenderness and the feeling that she is hurting me FOR me not for her own sadistic pleasure. Does that make any sense? I mean, it's not like I don't want her to have fun too but I don't want her to enjoy hurting my heart which is what I think humiliation is.

(in reply to winoverme)

Post #: 29

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 4:42:03 AM

winoverme

Posts: 67
Joined: 3/26/2006
From: Montreal
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pridedenied

Hey humiliation's out there that's for sure. I'm saying it's probably not for me. I like the tenderness and the feeling that she is hurting me FOR me not for her own sadistic pleasure. Does that make any sense? I mean, it's not like I don't want her to have fun too but I don't want her to enjoy hurting my heart which is what I think humiliation is.

quote:

I like the tenderness and the feeling that she is hurting me FOR me not for her own sadistic pleasure. Does that make any sense? I mean, it's not like I don't want her to have fun too but I don't want her to enjoy hurting my heart which is what I think humiliation is.

I love the way you speak freely...You really seem at ease to express these things..You seem very near your emotions too...Well, you don't like her to hurt your feelings or your heart...That's the difference between you and me...I tend on the contrary to seek Mistresses who will truly enjoy to take advantage of me indecently..Ex: by cheating on me openly, cuckolding, making fun of me, using me for demeaning things...She would get her kicks by watching me receive my treatments obediently, passively with a smile and with the "i only want to please you" attitude...I really enjoy women who take advantage of my weaknesses in BDSM...

_____________________________

Being humiliated, belittled and taken advantage of makes me feel worthy, useful and honored. I would like to meet the right kind of Mistress that would see the advantages of having at her feet a proud natural born submissive.

(in reply to pridedenied)

Post #: 30

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 7:51:33 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

Telling a sweet innocent-faced submissive who is shy about the fact that she likes anal and making that submissive get on her knees and spread her sweet round full ass and point to her asshole and then tell me how much she craves to be fucked there.

Awwwwwwww you promised you wouldn't tell anyone about last night lol

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 31

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 11:57:54 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation

quote:

Telling a sweet innocent-faced submissive who is shy about the fact that she likes anal and making that submissive get on her knees and spread her sweet round full ass and point to her asshole and then tell me how much she craves to be fucked there.

Awwwwwwww you promised you wouldn't tell anyone about last night lol

Whoooooooops...My bad.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 32

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 12:35:33 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

misst....stick to your side of the pond if you dont mind.....

~perse~
cute as a button,
cant be mad at that.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 33

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 1:52:22 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

oh...oh, my.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 34

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 5:10:32 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: persephonee

misst....stick to your side of the pond if you dont mind.....

~perse~
cute as a button,
cant be mad at that.

Sorry no can do.
I plan on visiting your side of the pond in the next twelve months and will need some kind Dom / Domme's to kick my cute brit ass.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 35

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 6:56:36 PM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

misst...

you have mail...excited and strange mail, but mail non the less...if im not in there...check the bulk file. i dont know why i get relegated to spam/junk/bulk no matter who i send mail to...but i wont allow it to affect my self esteem.

you can have him on M-W_F....and i get T-Th-Sat ....no wait...the best dungeon nites are Saturdays...well need to share on that day...ill take Sunday...i originally was going to give him a day of rest...but hes not God so he wont need one.

perse....

....in a second youll have mail. i got so excited i did this post before the cmail. *tacklegropesfondleslickssmootchies* (Thats an American thing...ill splain it later...along with hot dogs and apple pie....we have so much to discuss!!!

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to missturbation)

Post #: 36

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 7:12:58 PM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline

Poor Creative Dominant, he'll be shattered lol.
Plus he might want a say in this lol.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to persephonee)

Post #: 37

RE: humiliation - 10/8/2008 7:35:29 PM

faithbunny

Posts: 99
Joined: 10/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

Humiliation is many things to many people. In BDSM, I separate it from degradation in that humiliation involves taking the submissives darker sexual impulses/instincts/fears/motivations and uses them in a way that embarasses her but at the same time makes her incredibly hot and uplifts her feelings of worth to her dominant partner. Degradation is taking those things that the submissive feels insecure about...her weight, her height, her job...and adding them on to sexual play/innuendo in a way that makes her feel less than what she is.

I agree. Examples of humiliation that I've experienced with my beloved: being sent to 7-11 wearing my silk robe and our dog's collar, being slapped in the face and called a slut or a bitch (which I used to find emotionally hurtful but which has grown on me as I've begun to play rougher), and being dominated and fucked on webcam while male acquaintances of mine watched. Humiliation fantasies that I have not yet lived out include things like him fucking me while his friends watch (knowing that I will have to see them again); allowing others to use me while I am blindfolded, so I am defenseless and will never know when I meet a new person whether he or she may have fucked me that night; and being forced to kneel beside him while he fucks another woman, servicing both of them with my mouth as directed and being made love to only as a reward after hours of service. Some of these I didn't love, but they definitely gave me a thrill on some level. I'm quite a fan of humiliation, really.

~faith

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 38

RE: humiliation - 10/9/2008 3:23:49 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

An example of ;humiliation...Telling a sweet innocent-faced submissive who is shy about the fact that she likes anal and making that submissive get on her knees and spread her sweet round full ass and point to her asshole and then tell me how much she craves to be fucked there. Make her tell me just exactly what it does to her to be filled with my hard cock, make her admit to wanting to be gang=banged there and NOT in her soft, wet cunt, make her beg for it like the "ass whore" she is...then tell her "no, she hasn't begged just right yet" while all the time teasing the delicate rosebud. To hear her moan then, turn red and yet...plead in an even nastier fashion...then moving up to her and shoving in. As I fuck away, continue telling her how much I know she enjoys it and, if she wants it to continue, she'd better continue telling the truth of how she is craving it...needs it...pleading with me to fuck her like the ass slut she is until she finally begging to cum. Then I tell her that she can cum BUT only while she is the one doing the fucking...then stopping and watching her fuck back like a dog in heat and telling her what a sight she is while chuckling over being right about her assfuck-neediness and what a hot and good assfuck she is.

:::::splat:::::

_____________________________

PICKED UPON
TECHNO-DOLT
MEMBER OF THE SUBBIE MAFIA
GRACEFULLY CHALLENGED :::::splat:::::
BOOT WHORE
VAA/S FAN

GIVES GOOD HEART (Lushy)

CREATOR OF MAYHEM (practice)

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 39

RE: humiliation - 10/9/2008 3:33:26 AM

simpleplan2

Posts: 461
Joined: 7/5/2008
Status: offline

I understand your feelings pride. I'm not a fan of humiliation. It tends to piss me off rather than make me more submissive. Yeah, I know, not in the right headspace...what can I say?

(in reply to pridedenied)

Post #: 40

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