Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme

Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (Full Version)

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PeonForHer -> Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 11:21:04 AM)
I understand that in the gay scene there are - or were - all sorts of accepted signals one can give that will indicate to a potential partner that you yourself are gay. (In fact, I'm told that the time when such signals were needed has quite possible passed - that scene being so much more open now.) Are there similar, accepted "codes" in the Ds scene? If there aren't any such widely recognised codes (as I suspect), what discreet signal could a sub give to a possible Domme? I've tried little things before - like very quietly, so that only she can hear, addressing her as "Ma'am" just once - or even giving her a quick, slight bow. Each time I've carried on as normal thereafter and the signal's not been noticed for what it is (or so I've assumed). What would convey it for a Domme in a vanilla setting? What would make her instantly think to herself, "Ah - I think that man's a sub!"

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 11:33:54 AM)
Why must all interactions be D/s...there are plenty of woman (myself included before I became more active in the actual ‘scene’) who are very dominant without knowing, being interested in, or caring. I have this image of s-type males tapping their shoes at bars a la certain closeted gay republicans. Be yourself, assuming that it is not some cow eyed ‘all woman ate princesses’ (few woman BDSM or vanilla find that appealing I find) and stop thinking to much and too hard about how to signal. Woman who are naturally dominant, I feel, will be far more drawn to the confident male who can also bow to her pleasures over someone who appear to be trying to put a leather corset on any woman he meets with the slightest air of dominance. Also, FYI, if you came up to me in a bar and called me ‘ma’am’ you would close the door with me, that is often associated with being ‘old’ to woman.

chiaThePet -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 11:34:29 AM)
My Manolo Blahnik Come Fuck Me's are a dead give-a-way. chia* bradshaw (the pet)

AAkasha -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 11:36:38 AM)
For me, I send a flirtacious signal to him that I am kinky or a femdom, and see if he picks up on it. I don't look for submissive "signs" in men as I don't find myself attracted to submissive men - I am attracted to men who enjoy submitting in specific situations to specific women. So I won't be paying much attention to a guy who is automatically behaving in a submissive manner. Also, plenty of men are very courteous to women - that doesn't make them submissive, though. There are plenty of easy ways to flirt with a man and drop a hint. If I am wearing patent leather boots or boots that are over the top and a man says to me, "nice boots," or I catch him definitely looking at them, I say, "Thanks. They go great with the whips and chains" - kind of deadpan, or matter-of-fact. Now, it could be an innocent comment by a vanilla woman if she finds people make comments about her boots; or, it could mean I actually do have whips and chains. I can usually tell by the way a man reacts that he is turned on, curious, or thinks it's weird. Add in one or two other innocent comments like that and I can usually tell within a few minutes. Akasha

NumberSix -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 11:37:31 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: chiaThePet My Manolo Blahnik Come Fuck Me's are a dead give-a-way. chia* bradshaw (the pet) That's the sorta shit gonna get you busted, you knife somebody; chia. Unless you accompany them with too small gloves. O. J.

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 11:39:02 AM)
Wrong kinda shoes, Number 6....those were Bruno Mali's (sp?) [8\|]

chiaThePet -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 11:45:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyLupineNYC Wrong kinda shoes, Number 6....those were Bruno Mali's (sp?) [8\|] And I would never wear those ugly ass shoes. chia* (the pet)

PeonForHer -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 11:58:00 AM)
Thanks, LadyLupine. I'm assuming that in all situations, I'm being myself anyway. It's just that I figure that just as there are many men who, like me, don't come across as sub, there'll be women who don't come across as Domme. It'd be a shame if, because of that, they passed each other by without recognising that they could be a good match.

PeonForHer -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:05:13 PM)
There are plenty of easy ways to flirt with a man and drop a hint. If I am wearing patent leather boots or boots that are over the top and a man says to me, "nice boots," or I catch him definitely looking at them, I say, "Thanks. They go great with the whips and chains" - kind of deadpan, or matter-of-fact. Now, it could be an innocent comment by a vanilla woman if she finds people make comments about her boots; or, it could mean I actually do have whips and chains. I can usually tell by the way a man reacts that he is turned on, curious, or thinks it's weird. Add in one or two other innocent comments like that and I can usually tell within a few minutes. Grins Thanks for that, AAkasha. Oh yes, I shall definitely make the odd remark about leather attire or suchlike in future. But supposing a sub wants to be proactive - and supposing that a Domme gives no outward sign? There are plenty of Dommes advertising on CMe who don't dress in any way "dommily" - and I can bet they wouldn't act in such a way either. Actually - erase that question, maybe. I'm beginning to think of a couple of things already. Hmm. I think perhaps I'm creating a problem where none exists . . . . :-)

NumberSix -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:08:03 PM)
simply look at her with heavy lidded eyes and say sotto voce, 'Do you spank?' if she blows her coffee or drink or steak tartar out her nose in a fit of helpless laughter and vulnerability, you can be pretty sure she is. 6

MistresseLotus -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:08:44 PM)
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... maybe they could wear a pin or something.. [;)]

LadyLupineNYC -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:10:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Thanks, LadyLupine. I'm assuming that in all situations, I'm being myself anyway. It's just that I figure that just as there are many men who, like me, don't come across as sub, there'll be women who don't come across as Domme. It'd be a shame if, because of that, they passed each other by without recognising that they could be a good match. Maybe it means you weren't a good match period.

PeonForHer -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:18:29 PM)
simply look at her with heavy lidded eyes and say sotto voce, 'Do you spank?' if she blows her coffee or drink or steak tartar out her nose in a fit of helpless laughter and vulnerability, you can be pretty sure she is. Sorry, No 6, where I come from she'd think I'm asking her if she snorts cocaine - in which case I'd probably get that reaction anyway.

PeonForHer -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:25:29 PM)
Maybe it means you weren't a good match period. True. But I've developed a strong suspicion recently that "closet Dommes" are more numerous than I'd once thought. And I've always been pretty damned sure that closet subs are everywhere. In my "youth" I even went out with girls I'd later discovered had Domme inclinations, but those girlsI had never actually communicated the fact with each other.

PeonForHer -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:27:39 PM)
Or a small badge on their lapels showing a silhouette of a man kneeling, or something? [;)]

AAkasha -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:29:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer Maybe it means you weren't a good match period. True. But I've developed a strong suspicion recently that "closet Dommes" are more numerous than I'd once thought. And I've always been pretty damned sure that closet subs are everywhere. In my "youth" I even went out with girls I'd later discovered had Domme inclinations, but those girlsI had never actually communicated the fact with each other. You can't fall into the trap of trying to force chemistry with a woman because you think she might be a femdom. Instead, establish mutual chemistry first, then figure out of she's a femdom or not, or interested in giving it a try. If you are putting the cart before the horse, you ultimately are looking for the DOMINA not the lady, and that will always get you in trouble. Subs need to realize that the process of courting, dating and flirting are organic and rely on skills that are valuable anyway. You are not being expected to date for 5 months and then say "Oh, by the way, I'm kinky, surprise" -- but in the course of what -- three dates? -- you can establish chemistry, attraction, and figure out the kink thing. I usually had it sorted out by the first date, or at least first kiss. Men knew I was aggressive, kinky, adventurous. Many times it was on the table within 5 minutes. Akasha

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:37:19 PM)
quote: what discreet signal could a sub give to a possible Domme? wave a $20 bill toward her.

PeonForHer -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:40:01 PM)
You can't fall into the trap of trying to force chemistry with a woman because you think she might be a femdom. No, I don't think I've ever done that, nor ever will, AAkasha. The opposite's been my enduring problem - not seeing it when it's actually there. As for everything else you say, well - that's the standard way of acting (or should be) whenever two people meet as potential partners. I don't assume those rules would be any different for Dommes and subs.

PeonForHer -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:48:11 PM)
I should point out, faerytattoodgirl, that I live in the UK. I only want to meet one Domme at a time. I don't want instantly to be jumped by fifty of them and brutally de-trousered.

faerytattoodgirl -> RE: Signalling you're a sub to a possible Domme (10/5/2008 12:52:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: PeonForHer I should point out, faerytattoodgirl, that I live in the UK. I only want to meet one Domme at a time. I don't want instantly to be jumped by fifty of them and brutally de-trousered. 50 of them??? ya sure...sorry but most of the ones in the place you will go to wont be single...so maybe 3 will raise their hands..... buying them drinks works too.... edit:collar...with a custom leash attatched that says on the leash: sub available for mistress...yank for attention.

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