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RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/6/2005 7:22:53 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

One person's faker may be another person's dream fantasy.
Just saying.


Agreed.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/6/2005 7:30:40 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		It seems like a good idea on the surface ... providing your goal is to use this site to find a date.

It may be that not that high a percentage of members are looking to do that. For them, I suppose it would just be a pain in the ass.

(in reply to DeepWaters)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/6/2005 10:32:54 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeepWaters

I've run into several people and read numerous profiles whose constant complaint is the number of "fakers" and their frustration at having to sift through the dross in order to find real people like themselves not only on this site but also on every other internet dating media.

Now I understand that Collarme.com policy is not to defame anyones profile as being fake so creating a blacklist of fake profiles--even unofficially is out of the question.

But
What about a Verification List---where profiles that are not "faking" or people willing to meet in the flesh are made available

any thoughts on this idea...good? bad? too easy to circumvent? ways to maintain its validity

just trying to address a common problem

thanks
DeepWaters



I agree already with much that has been stated already... but will add this...

Why is it we want to continuely want to protect people from themselves.... why not teach them to protect themselves instead.

what is that saying..... "give a person a fish you feed them for a day... teach them to fish you feed them for a lifetime."

I am sure that I the screwed up the phrase ... but I think it is close enough. Anyways, we can learn to protect and minimize contact from apparent fakers... learn to verfiy things on our own... we will be stronger for it.



_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to DeepWaters)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 5:30:42 AM   
FTopinMichigan


Posts: 571
Joined: 7/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DeepWaters
But
What about a Verification List---where profiles that are not "faking" or people willing to meet in the flesh are made available


I know many people that have the greatest of intentions to meet others, but out of fear, or whatever, they are unable to get out and meet others. This doesn't make them fake...it makes them fearful and hesitant. I don't have the patience for that type myself, but I wouldn't call them fake either.

I do like the "idea" of "verification," but don't see how it would really work well enough to be objective.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus
Network. Ask questions. Be cautious.


Networking works for us, most of the time. I only go by what others say, when those "others" are dear friends, and people that I trust myself. I would not enjoy listening to a panel of folks decide what is good or true, or fake for them.

I always make my own judgements on others, based on my own experiences with them. I "listen" to my friends, and even listen to others rant about folks, but reserve repeating unsubstantiated info, or accusing someone of being fake, unless I know of them myself.

K <-accused of being fake, after rejecting men ...would that keep me off the list

(in reply to DeepWaters)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 5:57:09 AM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline 		One of the biggest problems with the verification idea is how do you test it? Who sets up the BDSM police task force? What guides do they use?
And the next is responsibility. If someone you approve gets hurt, or changes their mind are you responsible for it?
We had some people try to do that in Winnipeg. And personalities got in the way. If you didn’t “live up” to the group lead’s ideals (or kiss is ass enough) you were black listed. However if you were his buddy-buddy or had a degree, it didn’t matter how incompetent you were.
There is no substitute for experience.
Tony
PS KoM it’s “give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach them to fish you can feed them for a lifetime. Show then the internet and they will stop bugging you forever.”

(in reply to DeepWaters)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 7:24:55 AM   
RiotGirl


Posts: 3149
Status: offline 		Munches and local events in your area is a good indicater of some one willing to meet offline = ) Could always ask at the get go "are you willing to meet at a munch?"

(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 7:41:46 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Munches and local events in your area is a good indicater of some one willing to meet offline = ) Could always ask at the get go "are you willing to meet at a munch?"


Even that creates a problem. Myself ive never been to one and cannot see myself going to one and the not too distant future.

As you all could imagine im not going to kiss up to someone so they can tell blah blah un a great person.

(in reply to RiotGirl)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 8:46:33 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

quote:

ORIGINAL: RiotGirl

Munches and local events in your area is a good indicater of some one willing to meet offline = ) Could always ask at the get go "are you willing to meet at a munch?"


Even that creates a problem. Myself ive never been to one and cannot see myself going to one and the not too distant future.

That only creates a problem for people who never plan to leave the on-line realm or are *very* deep in the closet. Why can't you see yourself going to one?

quote:

As you all could imagine im not going to kiss up to someone so they can tell blah blah un a great person.

Who was asking you to?

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 10:10:59 AM   
LATEXBABY64


Posts: 2107
Joined: 4/8/2004
Status: offline 		ah yess the illusion dilusion of whats real and what is not we can choose to be anumber of things in the lifestyle or beleave a number of things. one the most complex things is we can all decide what is right and wrong for ourselves not anyone else. we can sit on the lawn chair of life and make asumptions of what should be or not for everything but here is the kicker we are all judgemental if someone is real all the things will fit together if someone is not then thing will not work. also keep in mind that not all is as it seems
someone can be real just for a the purpose of being decietful or dangerous . its all about the tools of discovery and remeber nothing comes to easy if it does its then chances are there is something getting ready to bite you great loves are always work in progress
namaste

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 1:51:58 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		I dont want too.

So because I dont want too, does that make me a false submissive?

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 1:57:35 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stef
That only creates a problem for people who never plan to leave the on-line realm or are *very* deep in the closet. Why can't you see yourself going to one?


See ... you learn something new every day!

I had always thought that like-minded guys I met in clubs, at parties, through friends, at school, at the mall, at the park, at sporting events ... were actual people.

Imagine my surprise to find that those were actually all online encounters, or at the most, people that were hanging in my closet.

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 2:44:48 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

I dont want too.

Yes, we already established that. I was hoping for an explanation, if one exists, as to why that was.

quote:

So because I dont want too, does that make me a false submissive?

Nope.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 6:28:38 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: onceburned

quote:

ORIGINAL: sultryvoice
Ok, I will take the bait..what site are you talking about?


I am thinking of http://www.verifiedbdsm.com


LOL....I just visited the site and am still laughing. Are they kidding? Take an "on-line" class and test for certification? Hmmm.....I bet I could pass any test tossed out just by surfing the net. And I bet most hard-core, anti-social "snuff" types could too. Does the certification differentiate between either one of us?

How about all of the Dominants and submissives out there that don't "play" in public? Or go to munches? What if they are into intense D/s relationships between themselves and very few close friends know? Now, neither member of this couple would be looking unless their partner died or was seperated from them, but, does that make them know or have experienced any less?

Back to the question of "Who is real"? Good luck


(in reply to onceburned)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 7:35:16 PM   
Sensualips


Posts: 1013
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		I understand all of the concerns voiced here.
I agree with the idea education is more valuable than blacklisting.

Still, I have seen validation as an effective, though limited, tool. (By validation I mean users confirming they have met a person in real life and they are an actual person the gender they claim to be. It is not a character assessment neccesarily.) On a similiar personals/community site I always at least peek at the validations or "follow the validation trail." I think it works well for that site as it tends to be very regionalized with globs of people in certain areas, including my geographic area.

I just don't rely on it. To me it is the same as "checking references" by asking around about someone within a local group. I still make up my own mind about a person. But if I see mutual acquaintances on a validation list, I know who to politely inquire to.

Gossipy? Maybe. But like anything, it can be done tactfully and with class.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/7/2005 10:45:51 PM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline 		Im not interested in meeting in large groups. Im very shy and my true personality would not come out.


(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/8/2005 1:42:17 AM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

I dont want too.

So because I dont want too, does that make me a false submissive?


Nope, but one which a large number of people wouldn't be willing to take the risk of meeting.

It's a choice. You make choices; other people react on those choices. Some of those choices cut down on the available pool of people who will make the significant effort involved in meeting you.

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/8/2005 2:02:50 AM   
imtempting


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren


quote:

ORIGINAL: imtempting

I dont want too.

So because I dont want too, does that make me a false submissive?


Nope, but one which a large number of people wouldn't be willing to take the risk of meeting.

It's a choice. You make choices; other people react on those choices. Some of those choices cut down on the available pool of people who will make the significant effort involved in meeting you.


Which I know and accept. :)

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/8/2005 5:46:59 AM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

How about all of the Dominants and submissives out there that don't "play" in public? Or go to munches? What if they are into intense D/s relationships between themselves and very few close friends know? Now, neither member of this couple would be looking unless their partner died or was seperated from them, but, does that make them know or have experienced any less?


Exactly. I do not go to munches nor do I play in public. I do not nor have I ever defended who I am or had to "verify" whether I am a Mistress or not. Signing up on some website is not going to make Me any more or less "real" or give Me any more or less experience. How rediculous.

_____________________________





(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/8/2005 6:24:39 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How about all of the Dominants and submissives out there that don't "play" in public? Or go to munches? What if they are into intense D/s relationships between themselves and very few close friends know? Now, neither member of this couple would be looking unless their partner died or was seperated from them, but, does that make them know or have experienced any less?


quote:

Exactly. I do not go to munches nor do I play in public.


Same here. I stopped attending the munches more than 2years ago, and I have never been comfortable with casual play partners or public play.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is there a need for Verification - 12/8/2005 7:00:16 AM   
DeepWaters


Posts: 118
Joined: 4/16/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the discussion folks.

Looks like there is a wide variety of view points...basically the consensus that Im seeing is there isn't any easy way to verify...for the sake of simplicity Im gonna define real (as someone who is looking for a face to face meeting and is the same person (ethics and appearence) in the flesh what they present themselves to be online)

I think a lot of this boils down to what somone said at the WMPE munch last night....how do you get the submissives (male or female) to come out of the woodwork. His wife admitted she had the hardest time accepting that she was a submissive partly because its viewed as a negative in our society.

Ive been trying to get several people in my area for instance to come out to a munch and meet in a social setting...and despite the fact that Ive had numerous people enquire about "how do they know who is legit and who to avoid"

...and me telling them that the munches are full of harmless friendly and open people, you should buddy up with another online submissive or bring a friend.

Not a single person I talked to showed up last night...

bad timing, finals week? maybe or maybe they werent interested in anything more than getting some online attention....and no offense but the frequent board posters must realize that this is a statistically biased sample group ;)

I know from first hand experience that YES its quite possible to fall in love with just IM's email and Phone calls...but for the people who are seeking to meld their bodies as well as their hearts and minds... and aren't interested in posting to the boards making scene friends or munch buddies...it would be nice to offer them a hand...in helping them find "their one"...and not run into people just seeking to send them on a wild goose chase.

online verification is too easy to fudge...paid online subscriptions to alt.com b.com or even yahoo personals or the ilk invite unscrupulous business practices with company generated false profiles....if collarme.com goes commercial will it suffer the same fate??? likewise a who's who or the gossip tree...invites to much internal politics...even in the munch/social scene people shouldn't have to kiss up just to get a thumbs up.

This thread started when I ended up playing match-maker to a young couple who started off online...it was on , it was off , it was on, it was off, it was on, it was off....and I was like please have a little friggin faith the worse that could happen is you get stood up....not sure which one of you needs a spanking more at this point....get a grip :-p

not sure where that little story is going...at the moment he thinks he's being played by his ex...and she thinks hes obsessing about his ex that isnt her and is quitting the lifestyle all together..the saturday date is off.....who's telling the truth??? got me.

but maybe there needs to be a impartial regional match maker service where at least both parties shake hands with the match maker...or even just one person who wears the match-maker hat...a hat that gets handed off so power doesnt solidify around one person for more than a year...

Id say Im steady enough to be impartial...but who would believe me? right now I still have people wondering if the address I give them for a munch in a public place is really just a contrived party of two and my attempt to kidnapp them...Is there just way too much paranoia amoung people who supposedly have reflected long and hard about who they are and what they want out of life?...D/s folks were supposed to be more mature I thought :-p

anyways...Id appreciate any all suggestions...maybe something will fall out of the discussion that makes everyone go AHA!!!

Thanks
DeepWaters



< Message edited by DeepWaters -- 12/8/2005 7:06:29 AM >

(in reply to imtempting)
Profile   Post #: 40
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