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RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 4:33:38 PM   
LadyJulieAnn


Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
Status: offline 		I need to have a balance in my life. BDSM is something I enjoy, but it by no means defines me. I don't feel the need for my family (parents and brother) to have any knowledge about what I enjoy, and nothing I do outside of my home would be to the extent that I would need to hide anything from them or change my behavior when I am around them. I can happily keep vanilla and BDSM aspects separate in my life as far as friends and family. My relationship with my sub, however, is a blend of both.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 4:37:20 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		This is just a side comment (because I'm about to get my second set of handcuffs, so I'm hanging around, lol....call me immature)

But, this thread reminds me of an old song from the 50's called "Jukebox Saturday Night"....one of the lines in it is "Mixing hot licks of vanilla....."

Kinda takes on a whole new meaning....

chymes

(in reply to LadyJulieAnn)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 5:41:39 PM   
LilWhiteWolf


Posts: 58
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		Truthfully, i have no problem mixing both worlds. Actually they are just one world to me....it is my lifestyle. i don't define interests as nilla. they are just my interests and i happen to be a submissive so it is all one and the same.
as far as others knowing about me..well when i will with my ex Dom, a few people knew about it but i didn't tell my family members. they think i am sort of a dominant person which i can be so for them to hear i serve one man... well they won't understand it.

_____________________________

lil wolf

D/s is my lifestyle, not my life

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 5:54:09 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFerdinand
You needn't say anything to anyone, your family already knows you're submissive in character,

Many submissives and slaves have dominant characters/personalities.


Just one more submissive backing up those sentiments!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 6:01:01 PM   
Sunshine119


Posts: 611
Joined: 8/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

Although I know it would be nice to stand up and yell.. this is me.. accept me as I am..... or leave me the hell alone! We can't always do this. I know I can't be the only one out there, trying to live a double life. One life for my family, (and i don't just mean unmentionables either, i mean siblings, parents, uncles, aunts, all the family) the other life for myself.


Hmm, am I an oddball? My whole family knows about me lol. I have never tried to hide it from them. They may not understand my reasons, and have a hard time dealing with it, but they accept my choices as being mine.

As for work, while there are some that know...I do not go around shouting it. If someone asks me, I tell them the truth. Many times I get the obvious reaction of shock, disbelief, followed by the lewd comments...but, I am a big girl, I can deal with the insecurities of others.


While it might be nice for everyone to know that I engage in BDSM as a submissive, there are concerns that come crashing in. I, as others on this board, work with children. Ummm.....end of my job! A lawsuit might win me a nice settlement, but I wouldn't ever work again, so that is not a reality. Besides, many of those who know me would be very surprised that I, as a strong willed woman who runs an agency, am actually submissive. But, then again, I may not be submissive with a small "s" but rather a switch who is submissive to her one. If I had come into this lifestyle without having been introduced by him, I'm not sure what I would have been.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 6:30:04 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		The reality is that there is a nilla world, where we work, have nilla family members we love and interact with, or where we go to school, enjoy movies, dancing, bowling, etc. If you enjy doing something, or something is important to you, and it is part of the nilla world, there is no reason you should have to give it up. That would be sort of limiting, grinz.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 8:40:07 PM   
mstrofsnfulplsre


Posts: 17
Joined: 11/23/2005
Status: offline 		well to start off with you have to discuss your thoughts with your dom or master i feel this is something that should be talked about between the two of you. i know speaking for myself i work in a very dominant job but that does not mean that i have to announce to everyone who and what i am and what i do in my life. when there are kids and family involved that would not understand what was going on. i have found that it is sometimes better to leave things unsaid, unless asked (only when kids are old enough to understand explanation). if your family or friends do not understand then they must deal with this but be willing to answer questions as they will come up, sometimes there can be a fine line between vanilla and 24/7 life. no i do not believe that you have to share your private life with the world but if you are a slave you must show respect to your master at all times and i am not talking about kneeling or necissarily showing the world this as long as you show your master. and what you do in private is just that PRIVATE i know that some would disagree with me on this but i also know the scorn and ostrasation that can come from those in the vanilla world because they just do not understand and i also know that it is always not appropriate at times to show the master/slave relationship to those who just do not understand. ultimatley the decision is your masters or doms but with luck you find one who shares some of these views with you. and although i do not announce who and what i am to the world i am not afraid or ashamed to tell those that will ask.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 9:41:41 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrofsnfulplsre

well to start off with you have to discuss your thoughts with your dom or master i feel this is something that should be talked about between the two of you. i know speaking for myself i work in a very dominant job but that does not mean that i have to announce to everyone who and what i am and what i do in my life. when there are kids and family involved that would not understand what was going on. i have found that it is sometimes better to leave things unsaid, unless asked (only when kids are old enough to understand explanation). if your family or friends do not understand then they must deal with this but be willing to answer questions as they will come up, sometimes there can be a fine line between vanilla and 24/7 life. no i do not believe that you have to share your private life with the world but if you are a slave you must show respect to your master at all times and i am not talking about kneeling or necissarily showing the world this as long as you show your master. and what you do in private is just that PRIVATE i know that some would disagree with me on this but i also know the scorn and ostrasation that can come from those in the vanilla world because they just do not understand and i also know that it is always not appropriate at times to show the master/slave relationship to those who just do not understand. ultimatley the decision is your masters or doms but with luck you find one who shares some of these views with you. and although i do not announce who and what i am to the world i am not afraid or ashamed to tell those that will ask.



Smiles........I wasn't ashamed to tell you when we first met. And I had no idea you were a Dom at that time. Afraid?.. yes alittle. But then when I found out that you were a Dom as well, I think i just got lucky. It happens sometimes. But I should of guessed something, because you didn't flinch, all you said was... I know.

(in reply to mstrofsnfulplsre)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/7/2005 10:42:42 PM   
AkaMystery


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		Sorry this isn't much help but what I've come to realise is this

vanilla and SM mix well I find. Once vanilla is truly defined within the relationship
on the other hand
vanilla and d/s are a very different things and seldom mix once vanilla is truly defined

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/8/2005 6:12:27 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know, I have to agree that in many ways there are no two worlds.

I feel conflicted ONLY when either being asked personal questions at my work environment, when deciding how to introduce partners to my bio family, and when in vanilla social groups that my partners aren't comfortable being out yet.

And those are all EXTERNAL conflicts. I know exactly how I feel and how I am. And, with my nifty vanilla manners that I learned growing up, I know how to be relatively comfortable in all environments.

Being kinky to me doesn't mean wearing handcuffs 24/7. Being polyamorous to me doesn't mean having a 3 wedding bands.

I think the more we make the world into separate dimension, the more it becomes a problem. If we simply see the world as many levels working simultaneously, without much divide, we can flow between them with much greater ease. We all have to shift when we change environments...this is just another shift. Who we are does not change.

(in reply to AkaMystery)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/8/2005 6:15:17 AM   
GIGGLEBOB


Posts: 20
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		Due to a couple of slip ups my family are already guessing about my bdsm tastes but I really dont thin they could cope with me changeing over to that lifestyle completly and I dont think I'd there just yet.

(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/8/2005 6:23:33 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I don't know, I have to agree that in many ways there are no two worlds.

I feel conflicted ONLY when either being asked personal questions at my work environment, when deciding how to introduce partners to my bio family, and when in vanilla social groups that my partners aren't comfortable being out yet.

And those are all EXTERNAL conflicts. I know exactly how I feel and how I am. And, with my nifty vanilla manners that I learned growing up, I know how to be relatively comfortable in all environments.

Being kinky to me doesn't mean wearing handcuffs 24/7.



Oh I know how I feel, and I how I am. But same as you here. My vanilla "manners" helped me deal with a lot in my life. I can be very comfortable in every day life outside of my own. Like I stated, it's just knowing when to mix the two. And how to deal with things when they begin to clash.

If my mom knew I was a sub, she would kick my ass all over the great State Of NC. Because that's not how she raised me to be. (If I had to look at my mom in this life, She would be the Dominate One in the house, while dad is stern, mom still handles all)... LOL


I've read, and re-read all these post and want to say thank you to all who have posted. Though everyone has their own ideas on how to mix things in their lives, you've all been very helpful. You've given me things to think about. Helped me know where I do stand on some, and helped me figure out ways to deal with others.

Thanks again

Jessica

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Mixing Vanilla & BDSM - 12/8/2005 4:01:24 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunshine119


quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFerdinand
You needn't say anything to anyone, your family already knows you're submissive in character,

Many submissives and slaves have dominant characters/personalities.


Just one more submissive backing up those sentiments!



Sunshine.............. is there something wrong with this? Your comment confuses me slightly.

(in reply to Sunshine119)
Profile   Post #: 33
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