RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub???

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

tsatske -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/9/2008 11:48:58 PM)
quote: its not that i need Him to prove that He is dom to me... more like i need Him to show me my place... There has never been a question that Master is Dominant, and that He very definatly turns my key. Now we live together 24/7. I AM a very service oriented sub - but I work full time. (plus). I love to be beaten - and I get more sex and more beatings from Master than anyone ever in my life before. But I need to feel the prescence of his dominance. So, two things: One, we talk about that. What that means. What things DO that for me. Two, I ask for it when I need it. Because the need is about me, he could be domming the hell out of me all week, but I come home from a bad day and I NEED it. And I say, 'I need to feel your hand on my leash.' It really is that simple. For us. BTW- can not view your profile. Not this one or the one you said was your original/primary one.

whycantipost -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/9/2008 11:59:15 PM)
hmm... i like that. i relate with that very well.. but as far as you not being able to see my profile?, i dunno i logged out and searched vmarie086 and it came up... a cm profile isnt different from a forum profile is it? if this is tru, then i would definately find myself to be a sub who"needs to feel his presence of dominance", to use your words... those would actually be the words that describe it well... and now i think i can talk to Him about it. i dont know how he'll take that though... what exactly does it mean to say that one is a service oriented sub? as opposed to what? i like how i feel like i am talking to a psychiatrist or something and finding myself... yall are friendly and very helpful... any other opinions are welcome.

tsatske -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 12:24:35 AM)
quote: what exactly does it mean to say that one is a service oriented sub? as opposed to what? It means doing the dishes. ETA- I viewed you fine from your viewing me. I don't know why I couldn't find you when I searched. I altered my search parameters to strip out everything, and you still didn't come up. I am having a problem lately with that with search - i think this one is me, not your profile, so i wouldn't worry about it.

whycantipost -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 12:31:22 AM)
alright i think imma take this thought into an entirely different post, because it will stray off topic entirely... but i still wanna leave this open to discussion. not saying you all should give a shit abt me or whatever, but just incase you do... lol knowing me imma do what i wanna do anyway. this is human nature. i am going to stick with and earnestly try to be His. see what happens... hey, you only live once.

leadership527 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 7:09:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP Personally I think it is natural to test a dom in the beginning. Wow, noteworthy only because we don't agree Des :) I personally think it is entirely unnatural to test your partner... ever. "Testing" is a replacement for trust and good solid lines of communication. It is a crutch for the fearful who wish to hide behind subterfuge rather than expose themselves to the relationship. One "tests" one's adversaries, not one's partners. In my mind, starting a relationship on the basis of manipulative deception, adversarial behaviors, poor communication, and a lack of trust is really not very natural at all. Forget about it "not being submissive" (which it isn't). It also demonstrated insufficient relationship skills to be in any serious, committed relationship. I'd walk promptly if I was on the receiving end of it.

whycantipost -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 8:37:13 AM)
ok as far as the whole testing aspect goes. i dont know if testing is the right word. its more like imma say or do something and see and gauge the reaction... This isnt a conscious decision. its not like i sat down at the beginning of the day and said "hey, imma do this and see what he does." its more like i just be me and see his reaction to that and process it. But this is human behavior. This is nothing new. if i am the only one who does that please let me know. Although honestly i think everyone does it whether they know it or not. quote: "Testing" is a replacement for trust and good solid lines of communication. i also dont agree with that. I dont see it as a replacement, rather it builds trust for me atleast. and communication is still great. I can be like "hey i noticed that when i said this you did this. and i do/dont like that because xyz" thats not the problem, as i said earlier i think everyone does this... but maybe not

RCdc -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 9:01:20 AM)
Self improvement. Personally, I would end the relationship you are in or at least put it on hold whilst you get your head together. You have to be able to control yourself and your actions before you can expect anyone to accept the authority you give them. You have to ask yourself why you have a desire or need to test anyone, let alone your partner, regardless whether he is dominant or not. Or Are you mixing up being fiesty with testing? Maybe you aren't testing - maybe you are simply firey. Nothing wrong with that but if it's not assisting your relationship that is because the two of you aren't compatable. Work out if you are testing, or whether you are simply fiery. Then look ffrom there. the.dark.

whycantipost -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 9:16:41 AM)
i have deicded to talk to Him about it. i dont remember who said it exactly and dont feel like scrolling to find it but i am one who needs time... and also i need to know that he is in control and that i need to feel "his tug on my leash"so to speak... but hearing others say this helps me see that what i wish for isnt absurd and does exist.. So i am going to ask Him, see if He is willing to or agrees with what i say and if so, then all is well if not then... im looking harder next time.

DesFIP -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 9:32:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize I do agree with this to a point. But, (the truth comes after “but” [:D] ) I would not call a person dominant or agree to submit to them until all those questions were answered. The problem is that unless you see him exerting dominance over you, you don't know if he's capable of doing it. You may like the idea of bungee jumping but it isn't until you get to the front of the line that you realize you can't go through with it. And unless a dom does draw a line and shut some behavior down, you aren't going to believe he is suddenly going to do it once you're wearing the collar. But if he wants someone who doesn't need to be shown forcefully where the line is, then he shouldn't have picked the op because she's straightforward about needing that.

celticlord2112 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 10:05:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: leadership527 I personally think it is entirely unnatural to test your partner... ever. It's exceedingly natural...as evidenced by the fact that it happens in most relationships. Whether you call it "testing", "working on the relationship", or simply having a bad hair day, it happens. People have insecurities, they have bad attitudes, they have bad habits--hell, most even have bad breath at least on occasion. And if we want people in our lives we find ways to deal with all of the above.

dangerousangel -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 11:09:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tsatske But I need to feel the prescence of his dominance. So, two things: One, we talk about that. What that means. What things DO that for me. Two, I ask for it when I need it. Because the need is about me, he could be domming the hell out of me all week, but I come home from a bad day and I NEED it. And I say, 'I need to feel your hand on my leash.' It really is that simple. For us. This. I'm his, I know I'm his. Sometimes, though, I deeply, deeply need to feel his control in something more than the every day "bring me dinner" way. I don't see it as "prooving" his dominance, simply as one of my basic needs, up there with being cuddled, hit, and loved. Every once in a while I need to be taken in hand. How does this relate to the OP? Communication!! Talk to him! -Tell- him that you feel right now as though you're having trouble. Tell him what you told us. That said, though, before you talk to him, do some soul searching. Do you -want- to submit to him? Do you want to be his? Do you truly, soul-deep want to give up control? It's hard. It's a hard thing to decide to do, and a hard thing to follow through on. I think it's vital that you know, not think, that it's what you want. Because once you know, all that remains is to 'act as if.' You may not feel submissive to him at all times, but you act as if you do, and eventually it's habit and it's who you are, without having to fight for what you know you want.

dawntreader -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 11:24:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize quote: but I AM... really. Really? quote: there is nothing more i want.. Really? quote: suggestions?? Why not turn that ‘stubborn streak’ into a tenacious desire to learn what submission means? Instead of testing his dominance, consider testing your ability to submit. Excellent advice!

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 11:40:28 AM)
i've just finished reading a couple of your journal entries from last week. you've found a Master to love though he didn't put you under "immediate" consideration ...then by Sunday - you screwed up and apologized for whatever you did. i wouldn't say you're stubborn and/or fiesty - judging by your journals, you're simply too eager to please and submit. nothing wrong with that but you need to slow down a bit and let things naturally happen between you and him. get to know him better and vice versa ...then go from there.

whycantipost -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 11:47:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl you're simply too eager to please and submit. i see none of this... please explain..

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 11:49:03 AM)
read your own journals from last week - the answers lays within your own words post on the other profile

whycantipost -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 11:51:48 AM)
i see exactly where you would get that... keep in mind that Oour relationship started considerably before that first post... but yes it would seem that way and i see what you mean... thanks

leadership527 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 12:07:05 PM)
quote: whycantipost if i sound like a true sub? i believe i am... dearly and truly, and i know everyone is different... No, you are not a true sub anymore than you are a unicorn. There is no such thing. You are you. You needn't be anything else. There is no justification required for being you. It doesn't matter if everyone or nobody here can identify with your position. You may or may not be the right sub for this dominant.

CaraCaeth -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 5:14:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: catize If this is true…. quote: as far as the argument that He isnt dom... irrelevant. He is. its His way of life, He's been living it for a while... it is who He is. why do you feel the need to do this??? quote: . i want a Dom to prove his dominance. not force me into anything but i have a tendencies to at least test it at first, Because just as a potential sub often has to prove worthiness, so too should a Dom. Words are very easy to say, but much harder to convert into actions. And just as there are differences in submission, there are differences in styles of Domination.

CaraCaeth -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 5:36:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whycantipost Ok. So i do have an actual profile on here. it's vmarie086, but for some reason i can't post from there. So. i am a very independent person. i dont get along with just everyone. i have a mentality such that i want to be able to take care of me. However. i have a huge desire to be sub. and not just a sub. I dont know where this comes from or why, i just do. This being said i think i have found One that i would love to serve. but, i dont think i am exactly what He seeks. He has told me that i dont respond the way a natural sub does. i know this. i am defiant. i want a Dom to prove his dominance. not force me into anything but i have a tendencies to at least test it at first, which leads to Him thinking i am not sub... but I AM... really. there is nothing more i want.. suggestions?? Well, first of all, what is a "natural sub"? i assume you're talking about someone who is always submissive, in every aspect of their life. But not everyone is alike, not all subs are completely submissive. And i can understand exactly what you're talking about. i'm very independant, and i don't like taking orders from most people. But for my Master, i have all the desire in my heart to serve him. But yet . . . there are always those times when i'm very un-sub-like. It's more a personality trait i believe than testing His Dominance or making Him prove Himself; sometimes i want to be Dominated, i don't simply want to *submit*. Does that make any sense?

tsatske -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 6:12:10 PM)
quote: Whether you call it "testing", "working on the relationship", or simply having a bad hair day, it happens. People have insecurities, they have bad attitudes, they have bad habits--hell, most even have bad breath at least on occasion. And if we want people in our lives we find ways to deal with all of the above. I remeber reading as a yong adult about some particular society where marriages were traditionally arranged affairs, (and I don't remeber which one) where they happened to use a euphimism we use in America, but with an entirely differant meaning. 'making love'. When a couple could be heard from the street breaking up the housekeeping and shouting at one another, the neihbors would smile and nod and say, 'oh, yes, they are making love.' The idea being that, these two total strangers who had become man and wife, were going to have to throw a few dishes around to find their fit together with one another so that they could eventually find themselves in love. I rather like the idea. I don't do much fighting, argueing, or dish throwing, but I do like the idea that rough communication and getting through difficult issues leads to deepening love, and is therefore worth doing.

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875