RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (Full Version)

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panthersub -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/10/2008 6:27:42 PM)

i can be the same way, more stubborn than anything else, but hey that's part of our personality. And if a Dom/Domme can't handle it, why don't they look elsewhere? My friend who is helping me knows this and takes it in stride. Again, there is nothing wrong with it.



leadership527 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/11/2008 12:29:44 PM)

To both CelticLord and WhyCantIPost:

Yup, possibly I got thrown on the definition of "testing". When I think of the word, it is, exactly as I said, a deliberate effort to obtain information about your partner without having to expose yourself by asking. Having a bad day is just that, having a bad day. To WhyCantIPost, I wouldn't have called it "testing" if you are simply being you.



beargonewild -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/11/2008 4:57:31 PM)

~FR~

As an asset, being stubborn and feisty are traits which shows one is able to stand up for what they believe and fight for these beliefs.The negative side to these traits is taking it too far and becoming rude, argumentative and too aggressive. The trick is to hone these to the point where you still maintain these qualities yet allow yourself to concede to your Dom's wishes. There is a time and a place to be stubborn and defiant. Yet when we place ourselves in our Dom's hands so to speak, we have to let go of our stubbornness and our defiant attitude. After all, we did consent to being part of a D/s relationship thus allowing the Dom to take charge over us in many areas of our life.



Opalescence -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/11/2008 5:44:30 PM)

Okay, I devoloped a slight eye twitch after reading this thread.

I'm not a big poster but, I do read threads often and think ones like this are quite silly.

Stop. Simple as that. I understand the idea of 'testing' someone. But any true (yes, I said the forbidden word) dominant male is going to tire of that really quickly. If he's told you to knock it off once then why are you still doing it? Obviously he notices the behavior. What do you expect from him over the internet or phone? And why in god's green earth would he want to meet you if all you're giving him is sass?

If you've found someone you're truly interested in...show him that submissive side of you. If it's what you truly desire, just say 'okay' and let all the testing and insecure annoying tendencies drop.

I know from recent experience that it's well worth letting the sassy, sarcastic and pushy behavior drop. Trust me on this one, if you want to find the right one for you don't be a bitch.



DesFIP -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/11/2008 7:02:07 PM)

Opal, the problem is with the newness of the relationship. Unless he shows his dominance, how is she to know he truly is one? If instead of using the word test, we use the word elicit and say she needs to feel his dominance, she needs to elicit it from him in response to her actions - would that make sense? Because anybody can say they are one, but wise people don't take such things on faith, they want to see proof.

Obviously once you're in a relationship you should know whether or not he is dominant and if in a way that corresponds to what you need to respond submissively. But it's in the early stages that both need to prove they are what they claim to be and in a compatible way.



celticlord2112 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/11/2008 8:42:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild
As an asset, being stubborn and feisty are traits which shows one is able to stand up for what they believe and fight for these beliefs.The negative side to these traits is taking it too far and becoming rude, argumentative and too aggressive.

An excellent point, I think. How we express our feelings is every bit as important as the feelings themselves. It is not wrong to be stubborn, nor is it wrong for a slave to defend her opinion. It is wrong for a slave to be disrespectful to her master while defending that opinion.



Opalescence -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/11/2008 11:20:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Opal, the problem is with the newness of the relationship. Unless he shows his dominance, how is she to know he truly is one? If instead of using the word test, we use the word elicit and say she needs to feel his dominance, she needs to elicit it from him in response to her actions - would that make sense? Because anybody can say they are one, but wise people don't take such things on faith, they want to see proof.

Obviously once you're in a relationship you should know whether or not he is dominant and if in a way that corresponds to what you need to respond submissively. But it's in the early stages that both need to prove they are what they claim to be and in a compatible way.


Why should either of them have to 'show' anything to the other person? This isn't a game of hide and seek. If it's a natural part of the person, then it'll come out eventually. Why try to force something? If it's there...it's there. If it's not...it's not. It's not something that should just manifest one fine spring morning. A dominant personality will shine through as well as a submissive personality.




BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/12/2008 8:04:57 AM)

I haven't read all of the responses, but I have friends who just ended a three year relationship because she is a bratty, feisty, mouthy type who just wasn't getting the non-stop, firm hand of uber-dominance that she needed.  There's been a lot of drama and heartache for them, which maybe could have been avoided if they had both been honest about their incompatibility, and not tried to fit square pegs in a round hole.

This subject does come up here pretty often and the general consensus amongst male dominants is that while some like a bit of fire in their subs, they don't want to have to pry your submission out of you, and they certainly don't want a relationship with a woman that is a constant battle to keep her "in line" or in her submissive headspace.  Those types of relationships are tiring and frustrating.

If you aren't really submissive, then expecting someone else to wave a magic domly wand to make you that way - and keep you that way - is making it all about you you you.



natasha66 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/12/2008 7:22:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild
As an asset, being stubborn and feisty are traits which shows one is able to stand up for what they believe and fight for these beliefs.The negative side to these traits is taking it too far and becoming rude, argumentative and too aggressive.

An excellent point, I think. How we express our feelings is every bit as important as the feelings themselves. It is not wrong to be stubborn, nor is it wrong for a slave to defend her opinion. It is wrong for a slave to be disrespectful to her master while defending that opinion.


While i am stubborn, and yes, sometimes even bratty, i would NEVER disrespect Him. Either to His face, or behind His back.  It's just not my nature to do so....



ladyacquiesce -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/22/2008 11:06:45 AM)

Be yourself :) and you will find that special one...if one cannot except you for who you are, maybe its not worth it? we all have things to learn and changing ones whole nature is not a good idea in my opinion, we learn and grow with out Master and he will help you make yourself better at your submission, I have been called cheeky once or twice *whistles* but Master loves me as I am and works with me and I work with him.

~ladyacquiesce~



littleone35 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/22/2008 11:22:51 AM)

I can be stubbron i am not usualy bratty(unless i am PMSing).  Master knows that about me and accepts it .  Of course he has a look that tells me you have gone far enough to not step over the line.  It sounds to me OP that you and he are not a good fit.  You should find somebody out there that wants to give you the control you crave.  With all the Doms on here yiu are bound to find a match.  Best wishes.

Matt's littleone



Fizzgig168 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/22/2008 11:57:09 AM)

You're not alone.  (Clearly, lol).

I'm the same way, and I've struggled with it a lot.  I've been told that I'm not really a sub, that I'm a bad sub, that I'm just a child, a brat, even that I will never be able to be in a happy committed relationship.  And, hey, that stuff can get to you!

What I've found is that I really do just need someone who enjoys the fact that I like to fight.  I like to debate.  I like to play devil's advocate.  My current Dom loves those things about me.  The need to fight may well come from fear.  A lot of it did (hell, still does) for me.  I have trouble accepting my nature because it's not how I was taught a woman is "supposed to be."  I should be strong, and independant, and never need a man for anything, ever!  What I've learned is that submission takes its own kind of strength... but that it is strength.  Now that might have nothing to do with it for you, and in that case... just find someone who wants the things that you are.  D and I enjoy our power struggles immensely.  He would be bored to tears if I just caved on everything.  But when it's serious, when it really matters, when he starts to push... that's where being a sub comes in.  You find it in you to, well, submit.

You seem to have figured out for yourself that you need to talk to him.  You might have already, and I hope it went well.

Just wanted to toss in my own friendly post.  I've found that I really never get sick of hearing "You're not alone, I get it!"  It's just nice to know.

Good luck!



Sandyshores29718 -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/22/2008 3:31:14 PM)

*fast reply*

I'm very independent and hardheaded myself. I have a smart mouth and use it offen. Sir loves it and puts up with my weird smart ass sense of humor too. In the beginning I was worried sick I would not be "sub" material cause of this. *smiles*  It all depends on the Dom.  Some like their submissives a little fiesty and some do not. You just have to find the right fit.  A relationship is kinda like a lock and a key.



novabunny -> RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? (10/23/2008 10:05:07 AM)

hhmm this sounds spookily like me when i first became subbie r/t.  It has taken me a few years... quite a few years and several Doms to find what i didn't want rather than what i actually wanted.  Once you find out what you don't like its easier to see what you do actually like.  Master would say i'm a bratty subbie at times but its purely banter between us, if Master says Behave... that is all it takes for me to stop and respond properly :)
 
You have to give yourself time to grow as a person.... also think about how many years you have kept this side of you hidden from everyone.... then think in relation how long you've been in the open with your Dom... can't expect overnight to become an uber subbie/slave.  The joy is learning and seeing your progress on that journey.
 
x nova x



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