Stubborn and Fiesty Sub???

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Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 4:29:16 PM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

Ok. So i do have an actual profile on here. it's vmarie086, but for some reason i can't post from there.

So.

i am a very independent person. i dont get along with just everyone. i have a mentality such that i want to be able to take care of me.

However. i have a huge desire to be sub. and not just a sub. I dont know where this comes from or why, i just do. This being said i think i have found One that i would love to serve.

but, i dont think i am exactly what He seeks. He has told me that i dont respond the way a natural sub does.

i know this. i am defiant. i want a Dom to prove his dominance. not force me into anything but i have a tendencies to at least test it at first, which leads to Him thinking i am not sub...

but I AM... really.

there is nothing more i want..

suggestions??

Post #: 1

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 4:44:10 PM

Simpleslave101

Posts: 39
Joined: 4/11/2008
Status: offline

Yes...stick with him long enough for the new to ware off. Establish a comfort level to where you can fully submit without all the defiance.

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 2

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 4:53:57 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

I'm going to assume you're new to all of this and/or young.

It's the "growing pains" that many go through. Stick around long enough and after a few years and maturity it will most likely wear off.

Right now if it's what you enjoy then you find a partner who enjoys that side of you as well.

(in reply to Simpleslave101)

Post #: 3

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 5:00:45 PM

atypicalsub

Posts: 284
Joined: 4/11/2008
From: an atypical sub
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whycantipost

i am a very independent person. i dont get along with just everyone. i have a mentality such that i want to be able to take care of me.

However. i have a huge desire to be sub. and not just a sub. I dont know where this comes from or why, i just do. This being said i think i have found One that i would love to serve.

Take heart. This sounds very much like something I might have posted about this time last year. Some Dom/mes want subs who have no personal opinions, some want subs who are do think independently. On a personal level I don't get along with a lot of people either. Now that I have found a patient Mistress willing to train me and not push too fast I am finding being her pet and serving her to be very satisfying.

_____________________________

Polyamorous, solitary eclectic pagan, pansexual slut, and personal pet of MistressYes

"Do not do anything you are ashamed of, and don't be ashamed of anything you do"
(although I'm sure my bio-family wishes I did less and was ashamed of more)

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 4

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 6:04:49 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

but I AM... really.

Really?

quote:

there is nothing more i want..

Really?

quote:

suggestions??

Why not turn that ‘stubborn streak’ into a tenacious desire to learn what submission means? Instead of testing his dominance, consider testing your ability to submit.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 5

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 6:18:04 PM

natasha66

Posts: 321
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: NJ
Status: offline

Find someone who respects that side of you. I too, can be stubborn and somewhat of a brat at times. Master knew this before He collared me, but He also knows I will do His bidding without question. As far as feistiness being "growing pains" for me this is not the case. I've always been this way and will not change for anyone. I've always said, if you don't like me, there's the door....

_____________________________

"If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress".
~Basil Fawlty

Collared June 4th, 2008
Love is giving him the power to destroy you, but trusting him not to.

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 6

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 6:20:51 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

which leads to Him thinking i am not sub...

What isn't "sub" for one can turn out to be a wonderful "sub" for another.
Ask him how he defines "natural sub" and see how you compare.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 7

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 6:51:28 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

You may not be compatible.

Personally I think it is natural to test a dom in the beginning. Anybody can say the right things, but not everyone will back it up. You need to see him in action to know if he is really who he presents himself to be, or if he's just saying stuff in hopes of getting a free maid service and bj's on demand.

If he doesn't understand that, then how much does he understand? Does he expect you to take his word for it?

However if he wants a doormat, who isn't skeptical as to the compatibility between two people in the beginning of a relationship until proven, then he isn't the right one for you. Because you aren't that type.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 8

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 7:04:58 PM

servantheart

Posts: 960
Joined: 10/26/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whycantipost
......which leads to Him thinking i am not sub...
suggestions??

Have you considered that he may not be dominant?

"When troops are strong and officers weak the army is insubordinate"
~Sun Tzu's The Art of War

< Message edited by servantheart -- 10/9/2008 7:19:20 PM >

_____________________________

When you really trust someone, you have to be okay with not understanding some things.
~Real Live Preacher, Real Live Preacher weblog, 07-08-04; Anonymous author of RealLivePreacher.com

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 9

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 7:48:04 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

You may not be compatible.

Personally I think it is natural to test a dom in the beginning. Anybody can say the right things, but not everyone will back it up. You need to see him in action to know if he is really who he presents himself to be, or if he's just saying stuff in hopes of getting a free maid service and bj's on demand.

If he doesn't understand that, then how much does he understand? Does he expect you to take his word for it?

I do agree with this to a point. But, (the truth comes after “but”

) I would not call a person dominant or agree to submit to them until all those questions were answered.

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 10

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 9:32:02 PM

aravain

Posts: 1211
Joined: 8/26/2008
Status: offline

Darlin, I feel your pain :)

The suggestion that it's a phase irks me... but it IS for some people, so I suppose I'll have to live with that annoyance

. For others, it's the lovely dynamic of power STRUGGLE that they're searching for.

*shrug* but I'm too tired to rant and stuff now :) Send me a C-mail if you're interested in chatting about it, but don't feel like you have to prove something to anyone. If you're a submissive, then you're a submissive! Say it loud, proud, and confidently.

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 11

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 9:36:30 PM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

Yalls advice is helping me alot... thanks(can you tell im from texas? lol)

as far as the argument that He isnt dom... irrelevant. He is. its His way of life, He's been living it for a while... it is who He is.

and as far as us being compatable, i think we are.

We enjoy being in each other's presence very much

i just question my submissiveness even though i feel this is who i am and who i am meant to be with

normal?? no?

and yes i am both young and new to this

< Message edited by whycantipost -- 10/9/2008 9:37:15 PM >

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 12

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 9:47:22 PM

bamabbwsub

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

~FR~

I am the same type of sub that you seem to be, I think.

It's possible that the two of you aren't compatible, but before you give up, I'd clarify from him what he is looking for in a submissive.

For example, I wouldn't make a good service-oriented sub. I work full-time (and won't give that up for anyone), and domestic activities like, um, cooking and cleaning

, just aren't my forte. So if a Dom is wanting me to be Little Miss Happy Homemaker, that just isn't me.

Find out specifically what he's looking for, and see if it interests you enough to stick around. Just because you enjoy being with each other isn't enough, IMO. I enjoy being around a lot of people -- Doms included -- but that doesn't mean that I would *submit* to them. Maybe you're just destined to be friends instead of Dom and sub.

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 13

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 10:16:24 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

If this is true….

quote:

as far as the argument that He isnt dom... irrelevant. He is. its His way of life, He's been living it for a while... it is who He is.

why do you feel the need to do this???

quote:

. i want a Dom to prove his dominance. not force me into anything but i have a tendencies to at least test it at first,

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 14

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 10:27:41 PM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

i think it is more because i dont fall into that natural sub category.

its not that i need Him to prove that He is dom to me...

more like i need Him to show me my place...

if that makes sense?

its not that me testing Him is so i can see if He is truly dominant, but that i can see that i am truly sub...

am i going about this wrong??

but then again its not like my actions and testing are premeditated... its built into who i am.

edit- and i see that i have contradicted myself... but i dont always put things into the words that i really mean at first.

my bad

< Message edited by whycantipost -- 10/9/2008 10:29:12 PM >

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 15

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 10:34:59 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

am i going about this wrong??

Is it working for you?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 16

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 10:39:38 PM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

well i would say no...

it isnt getting the desired results.

He takes it as me not being a sub, i feel like i disappoint Him alot...

but this does get more complicated because even in the pre-consideration stages i fucked up, considerably.

but i do let my voice be heard, and let him know that all i do is just me being me, it doesnt have to lead to some grand conclusion...

i guess i was trying to ask if there were others like me??

if i sound like a true sub? i believe i am... dearly and truly, and i know everyone is different...

i just seek input.. obviously. but still... what do yall think

(in reply to catize)

Post #: 17

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 10:46:42 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: whycantipost

but then again its not like my actions and testing are premeditated... its built into who i am.

Could it be that there's a part of you that is resisting the ds dynamic?

I mean, sometimes when you're new (or even not so new) it can take some effort to "let go". I mean to feel comfortable in your submission, to just let it surface fully, without shame, embarassement, guilt, or hang-ups. That can be hard sometimes.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to whycantipost)

Post #: 18

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 11:19:09 PM

honeypanties

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline

Okay -- I am not gunna beat around the bush -- He is not right for you.

Really.

Really really.

It doesn't feel right to you. You are not happy. Other's suggestions do not feel right, you have no ideas of your own, etc. And you know why? -- It's not the right fit. And that's okay! He can still be a great guy, a great Dom, a "REAL" Dom, the Best dom in the World in fact! ---- For someone else.

No one did anything wrong or could have done anything better, it is okay. Subs and doms come in all different varieties, there is no one way to be. There are fiesty and meek subs, there are fiesty and quiet doms. This feels kinda like in high school when the 1st boy asks you out and you say yes because you are excited but it's not really a good match, it's just a decent match, and neither (particularly the girl) wants to break up. He or you may be nervous that you won't find someone else, but you both will. If he has said he doens't think you are submissive -- that's pretty much it as far as ya'll are concerned -- either he really doesn't think you are in general and was trying to help you grow in whatever way he thought you could -- or, You are just not submissive to Him. Or, he does not see you as submissive because the things he wants/needs/expects in a submissive he either does not see in you or you do not posess ---- So that means: It's over. And it's okay. :)

You are not the right match for each other. Sorry!!!!!! but it's the truth. People may say "you're submissive so you should make it work and just do whatever"-- but that's just dumb. There is always a courting period, you are not committed or collared or have years of a relationship with this person. ***Please note: This is no different than any other dating relationship --- You meet, go out on a few "dates" and see how things work and decide to either continue or see other people. ******** There are NO SHORT CUTS. lol, despite the rumors your may have hoped. (it's okay, we all hope & wish

)

Ironically, because you ARE Submissive, you may have a hard time breaking it off -- You know, because you want to make him happy and do what pleases people -- Yeah, that thing. pesky, huh? ;)

Break it off, set him free to find someone and Be happy and you as well. You have a great, supportive friend for your many exploits, but you are just wasting both ya'll time at this point. You are not the right match for each other. No harm, no fowl, you both did your best -- Move on.

And in answer to your question: yes, there are fiesty subs, lol, some even prefer that. Go find someone that loves your style and your gifts and Both be Happy! If you are doing your best, you shouldn't feel bad or like you are disapointing someone or letting them down, I could go on, but suffice to say: It is not the right match all around for many reasons. In the most loving way possible, I am giving you permission to give yourself permission in the future to Move on when this is the case.

(in reply to marieToo)

Post #: 19

RE: Stubborn and Fiesty Sub??? - 10/9/2008 11:29:41 PM

whycantipost

Posts: 18
Joined: 10/9/2008
Status: offline

wow.

that answer was definately not what i wanted to hear

but perhaps what i needed to???

i dunno... any more advice?

< Message edited by whycantipost -- 10/9/2008 11:30:10 PM >

(in reply to honeypanties)

Post #: 20

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