Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive?


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submi... - 10/10/2008 10:05:21 AM   
Blaakmaan


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline 		I have a theoretical question--perhaps a slightly strange question--that's of some immediate practical importance.

The question is:  Can two Dominants who are not a couple co-own a submissive (if "own" is the proper term for a Dominant's relationship to a submissive)?

I can just imagine that many, especially the old-school purists, will find such an idea to be heretical.  However, it is not at all unusual in life for two people who are not a couple to co-own something:  a car, a business, real estate, etc.

Assuming the two Dominants could come to some sort of understanding about where they want to go with the sub and their mutual "rights" (for want of a better term), so as to avoid giving her conflicting goals, commands and instructions, why can't two Dominants co-own a submissive?

I would appreciate some opinions and thoughts beyond the chorus of "Oh, no!" that is sure to follow.

And, trust me, you can be sure that if there was a better option available, I wouldn't be asking the question.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:07:51 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

I have a theoretical question--perhaps a slightly strange question--that's of some immediate practical importance.

The question is:  Can two Dominants who are not a couple co-own a submissive (if "own" is the proper term for a Dominant's relationship to a submissive)?


Yes they can.  And it isn't such a theoretical question.
 
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 10/10/2008 10:08:27 AM >

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:17:44 AM   
Alexander48


Posts: 18
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I have known of this happening before...although it certainly would not work with me!  But that is just my opinion based on my monogamous nature.  In a polyamorous situation I can see it happening easily.

Alexander

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:21:02 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		Yes, i hope.
I plan on building myself a 'harem' of dominants lol.

_____________________________

What you don't witness with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. Proverb.

If it fit's in a toaster, i can cook it.

Buying 10 item's or less is not shopping !!

(in reply to Alexander48)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:21:06 AM   
faerytattoodgirl


Posts: 5824
Status: offline 		its more common than you think...and half the time the other dom doesnt know the sub has someone else!

_____________________________

I did not reply to your cmail.
I am flawed.
Imperfect.
MUST SPANK!!!
SPAAAAAAAANK!!!

(in reply to Alexander48)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:25:37 AM   
MissSCD


Posts: 1185
Joined: 3/10/2007
Status: offline 		I have tried to do this a couple of times.  Even with a close friend, it usually doesn't  work.  Dominants are Dominants.  They want to rule the world.   It is not a good situation for either of them, and I gaurantee that you will lose your friendship with the other Dom/me.
 
Regards, MissSCD

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:27:38 AM   
rosanegra


Posts: 277
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: faerytattoodgirl

its more common than you think...and half the time the other dom doesnt know the sub has someone else!


I  am fairly sure the OP was implying a situation in which both Dominants were aware of each others existence. :P


I have heard of this situation more often in the circumstance that the Dominant parties were male and female, as opposed to two males or two females.

In my opinion all it requires is an ability to get past a certain element of jealousy and possessiveness. If you really want this situation, you can't let your ego get in the way.

A part of me has to wonder why the need for this situation might arise.


_____________________________

"If it weren't for the gutter, my mind would be homeless."

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:29:29 AM   
JavamanTN


Posts: 24
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		The first rule is, there aren't any rules...

In short yeah, it can work. People are people however. So the co-dominants need to have an established understanding of how it's supposed to work. In my opinion this is easiest if one of the dominants is subordinate to the other. They don't have to be a couple for that to work. Don't kid yourself however, co-dominants are in a relationship with each other, even if there is no sexual attraction between them, even if they are the same sex and heterosexual.

Good luck :-)


(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:32:59 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sure. But the lines have to be clear. I think it would be easier if one is only interested in nonsexual service though. Because forbidding the sub to have any orgasms until she sees dom A in a month doesn't work if she's got a date with dom B next week.

My gut feeling, which I freely admit is not based on any knowledge, is that it's most likely to occur if the first relationship is long distance.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to JavamanTN)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:47:54 AM   
Blaakmaan


Posts: 374
Joined: 5/21/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

ORIGINAL: Blaakmaan

I have a theoretical question--perhaps a slightly strange question--that's of some immediate practical importance.

The question is:  Can two Dominants who are not a couple co-own a submissive (if "own" is the proper term for a Dominant's relationship to a submissive)?


Yes they can.  And it isn't such a theoretical question.
 
the.dark.


Hey, the.dark.

Have you ever co-owned a sub or know of someone who has?

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 10:58:39 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I haven't co-owned no but yes I have known people that have been owned by more than one dominant who are not related by household/marriage/partnership etc.
 
I have also known s-types owned by one specific dominant, who are allowed to play and submit to another.
 
If I remember corectly, there is definately a couple of people who post here that have or have been in joint ownership contracts, but cannot for the life of me remember who. Maybe they will post.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 11:00:14 AM   
Madame4a


Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline 		I've done it.. it sucked.. it was horrible.. I'd never do it again or recommend anyone do it...

in the end, it was bad for both of us, but the one owned took on (self inflicted) all of the blame and guilt...

it was horrible... I hate even thinking about it

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 11:08:26 AM   
CallaFirestormBW


Posts: 3651
Joined: 6/29/2008
Status: offline 		As long as everyone is up-front about expectations, prioritization, and as long as the D-types talk amongst themselves about resolving issues so the s-type doesn't have to guess at what xhe's supposed to be doing and how xhe's supposed to prioritize, yeah, it will work out fine. We've had several successful ventures of this type.

Calla Firestorm


_____________________________

***
Said to me recently: "Look, I know you're the "voice of reason"... but dammit, I LIKE being unreasonable!!!!"

"Your mind is more interested in the challenge of becoming than the challenge of doing." Jon Benson, Bodybuilder/Trainer

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 11:16:29 AM   
joyride


Posts: 5
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline 		i'm sure it could work, given the right people and circumstances. That being said, i think the most important factor is that everyone involved really want this type of relationship. Now perhaps i'm reading too much into this, and forgive me if i am, but the fact that you say this...

quote:

And, trust me, you can be sure that if there was a better option available, I wouldn't be asking the question.


...makes me think that you don't really want to have this type of relationship, you're only doing it because you see no other choice. If that's the way you feel, i'm afraid that the chances you'll feel resentment about the whole situation are pretty high.

(in reply to Blaakmaan)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 11:42:45 AM   
MsAuthoritarian


Posts: 51
Joined: 9/14/2008
Status: offline 		I wanted to learn firsthand what it was like to be in a poly M/s relationship to decide if that type of relationship is indeed something I am open to. Rather than seeking out multiple slaves to experiment with, I talked to a friend of mine that had a poly M/s household, about the “in’s and out’s” of dealing with multiple slaves in the same household. Later he came to me and asked me if I would like to become co-dominant within his household. After a lot of discussion and negotiation I decided to give it a try as I thought, “hands on experience always trumps education through reading and/or discussion”.  Luckily at the time I was able to actually stay in his house as my job allowed that freedom so I told him yes and set out for my new adventure. I learned a lot during my time in that household. Dealing with multiple slaves in one household was as challenging as it was rewarding though I must admit dealing with my friend/co-dominant was a much more difficult task and one that I will not be repeating any time soon <laughing>. The biggest problem that he and I had was that we had very different styles. As a result, we had to separate the roles and responsibilities within the household very carefully and we had to communicate daily to keep everything running smoothly. We had our share of disagreements but in the end we both always went with what was logically best for the household rather than our stubbornness so even though it took us debating to get there, we did eventually do the right thing <laughing>.
 
I have no regrets from my time as co-dominant; however, I would not suggest it as a relationship dynamic that would be permanent. Even the most well-balanced dominants can have times of being stubborn, territorial and greedy; so why one would want to be in a position to have to debate constantly or give in constantly for an indefinite amount of time is beyond me. Though I think any type of relationship is workable if all parties involved are determined, communicate effectively and have the time and energy to invest in a dynamic that is much more complicated than the simple one dominant relationship.
 
Good Luck!
MsAuthoritarian

(in reply to CallaFirestormBW)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 11:55:58 AM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

Yes, i hope.
I plan on building myself a 'harem' of dominants lol.
quote:

ORIGINAL: joyride

i'm sure it could work, given the right people and circumstances. That being said, i think the most important factor is that everyone involved really want this type of relationship. Now perhaps i'm reading too much into this, and forgive me if i am, but the fact that you say this...

quote:

And, trust me, you can be sure that if there was a better option available, I wouldn't be asking the question.


...makes me think that you don't really want to have this type of relationship, you're only doing it because you see no other choice. If that's the way you feel, i'm afraid that the chances you'll feel resentment about the whole situation are pretty high.



The above pretty much states what I think about the situation also.  I could indeed see it happening if one D/s dynamic is non-sexual AND discipline styles are the same AND views of D/s are the same AND the dominants coordinate very well with each other.  But frankly, it seems a situation more rife with the possibility of failures through misunderstanding, miscommunication, manipulation...let's face it;  if the submissive knew she was to be punished by one, how helpful would it be to play up to the other one?...and power struggles than it seems to be a situation rife with the possibility of success.  I can see a submissive being owned by one and being allowed to play/service another for a defined length of time with certain rules in place but there again, that is not co-ownership.  I've never been in a co-ownership situation and frankly do not think, given what I know about myself...that there can definitely be a stubborn, possessive, contrary to another's authority overriding mine person beneath all this usual angelic nature...I'm not sure I could be.  In fact, I am pretty sure I couldn't be.


< Message edited by CreativeDominant -- 10/10/2008 11:59:12 AM >

(in reply to joyride)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 12:25:20 PM   
pixidustpet


Posts: 857
Joined: 6/4/2008
Status: offline 		i'm currently owned/collared by two dominants.  Daddy was the first to collar me.  he and i have been involved for over a year and a half, and collared just over a year.  since i moved several states away, its a long-distance-only relationship now.  he doesnt like that i'm gone (physically) from him but it was the best for me, so he approves.

i've known TheEngineer for going on 9 years now.  we've been friends, occasional lovers, and last winter stuff just clicked more.  he came and moved me to live with him in june.  we're engaged to be married.  he and Daddy know about one another.

kitten

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 1:09:31 PM   
daddysliloneds


Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissSCD

I have tried to do this a couple of times.  Even with a close friend, it usually doesn't  work.  Dominants are Dominants.  They want to rule the world.   It is not a good situation for either of them, and I gaurantee that you will lose your friendship with the other Dom/me.
 
Regards, MissSCD


so because you tried it and it didn't work, you can guarantee it won't work for anyone else?!   well for fucks sakes then, i better call my friends that have been doing this successfully for over four years now and let them know that they're doomed

(in reply to MissSCD)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 2:46:17 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		There is always a choice.  Whether it is the right one or not, who knows.  What is your gut instinct in this?  Do you feel pressured?  Are any negative feelings you have something you can see getting over through experience or will they lay inside festering?  Are you rushing something?  Losing sight of something? 

You are clearly trying to see what other's have experienced and that is a good thing.  But your real research needs to be into yourself and the other people involved.  I wish you all well in this and hope all will find the place that makes it all beautiful one way or another.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a S... - 10/10/2008 4:32:14 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

 If I remember corectly, there is definately a couple of people who post here that have or have been in joint ownership contracts, but cannot for the life of me remember who. Maybe they will post.



Although I am not owned in the traditional sense of the word, there are two dominant men in my life and I would, define the bond I have with both as much more than casual. 
These two men have helped me reach within myself to find joy in submitting to them.  I have discovered deep wells of giving that I did not know I possessed.  Whenever I am in the presence of one of them, they then have power over all that I am; they own that fountain of service.   
They know about each other but have never met.  I have known S. for over 4 years, and R. for 3 years.  They are, I tell them, the closest I’ve ever come to having a long term relationship.
We are not poly, nor are we monogamous.  It works because the three of us share an identical philosophy about wiitwd and our goals are the same. 


_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Can Two Dominants (Who Are Not A Couple) Co-own a Submissive? Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094