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online relationships - 12/7/2005 12:12:05 PM   
kuriouskiten


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/6/2005
Status: offline 		can they work? has A/anyone ever seen them work.... Are they simply problematic at best? Any hints to keeping the "magic" alive in them?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 12:15:08 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
Online relationships that evolve into a realtime relationship or one that remains purely as online?

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 12:15:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I've never seen a relationship last long term that was ONLY online. They either got offline or the relationship ended.

Cyber relationships are simply a completely different animal than rt relationships. Most people will denigrate them, but for me, they are just another way of connecting to people. The problem is when people try and say that cyber has the SAME quality as rt relationships do. While the feelings are all real, the quality and make-up of a cyber relationship is completely different than a real life one.

So my suggestion is to make sure that you are busy and happy with your life offline, and set goals for your online relationship to be taken offline. As long as you're working towards clear goals, it's far easier to deal with the short term difficulties.

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 12:19:49 PM   
Phoenxx


Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline 		Long-term online relationships are a rare beast indeed. People need touch and all that it brings. Well most people. I find that moving from online to real life can work. It has for fawn and I. And now we are hoping to find someone for a poly. Can lightning strike twice? We hope so ;-)
Plus, being active in our community helps too LOL
Tony

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 1:01:36 PM   
slavejali


Posts: 2918
Status: offline 		ive been using internet chat for about 3 years, its where i met Master. In that time, i havent seen any purely online relationship work for any great length of time.
Master and i chatted for 11 months before meeting and the basis of our chatting was that we would meet up rt, i think this sole fact is why i could even chat with someone for 11 months without any physical interaction, even during that time, it was very difficult for me. I can only imagine what people forming purely internet relationships would go through, as i can appreciate the feelings that can develop and yet the fact remains, you are sitting alone in a room typing on a keyboard...it nearly drove me nuts at times~

quote:

Any hints to keeping the "magic" alive in them?

My hints:
1. Have a set goal to meet up rl. It can give a purpose to your chatting which keeps it alive.( If you cant and i dont want to offend anyone but i really think, if real life isnt possible people can really waste their life sitting online, they should go and find some interest in real life and get off internet chat if at all possible.)
2. I got very frustrated online chatting with Master, i had all my slave urges start to awake again and yet the reality was, like i said previously, that i was sitting alone in a room, i wanted to serve Master, really, actually, absolutely...things i did to make myself not go nuts was to make stuff for Master for when we would be together, we also started using a webcam in which i could serve him visually. This was also a good way to show him i actually was who i said i was and that i was willing to do the things i said i had experienced in, example: i pierced myself for him etc.
3. We talked on the phone a lot..thankgod for phonecards (we were in different countries).
4. I wrote a journal for Master.

Thats all i can think of right now.
Good luck.

(in reply to Phoenxx)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 1:01:54 PM   
UtopianRanger


Posts: 3251
Status: offline
quote:

can they work? has A/anyone ever seen them work.... Are they simply problematic at best? Any hints to keeping the "magic" alive in them?


Absolutely meet the person as quick as possible. As far as the magic? Never rest on your laurels and continually strive with the initiative to be as proactive as possible.

I think Lucky A hit on the most important aspect :

set goals for your online relationship to be taken offline. As long as you're working towards clear goals, it's far easier to deal with the short term difficulties.

I can't emphasize how keenly important I think goal setting is and the whole follow-through.


Good Luck!


- The Ranger

_____________________________

"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton


(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 1:12:08 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		I think online is what you make it. I can't have a RT relationship, since there isn't any Mistresses in New Jersey, not asking for Money for tribute. I have to go Cyber, and even when I did have MADAM, we most of the things through the internet, since we only had 5 sessions over 2 years.

I am looking forward to a cyber relationship, and wil make it as best as i could.

BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 1:21:32 PM   
SirBurd


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		I hosted OnLIne Conference Rooms for AOL, official conference rooms where reports, logs, even rl sponsors such as American Airlines were involved. One of the topic discussions I led was about long distance relationships.

Long distance love is one of the toughest to handle because it is a built in oxymoron--the better you feel towards someone the worse it feels not to have them with you...so more brings less, happiness yields pain.

It is especially true when there is a sexual, physical component such as the lifestyle offers--because the lack of intimacy is what leads one to look online for a relationshipo in the first place, and here they begin a situation where their fantasies allow one to believe in an image, become addicted to the sex, the love, the computer, the lure...

but then an emotional intimacy develops in any relationship--vanilla, D/s, M/s,BDSM and now the lack of that intimacy, the very same thing that drove one to the computer with another, affects the online relationship. Without ouch, it is no longer safe, without eye-to-eye contact, hand-to-hand, it is terrible on the psyche as the old abandonment issues are flaring, the fact youy can come so close and no closer.
I know someone who is bedridden, confined to her laptop, and she is the only one I know who has maintained a decent relationship with someone over any length of time while knowing they will never meet---but that is because havcing someone is far better than having nothing at all.

Otherwise, I have not ever known it to work for any permanent level. I did have an online relationship for 22 months, but it was not an exclusive one--I was dating in r.l. even if this one with a married woman while I was a separated man was the most emotionally intense.

Sir Burd

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 2:15:16 PM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriouskiten

can they work? has A/anyone ever seen them work.... Are they simply problematic at best? Any hints to keeping the "magic" alive in them?




Since my back surgery, i have had a 4 year online relationship with 1 Master, from the Dallas area. We have moved to phone. To keep thinks alive and the magic flowing. And have even moved to cam. Our desire to meet has grown so strong, it's about become frustrating to us both. I am not collared by this Dom, for he wishes to wait till face to face. So that if there's an off chance that we never do meet, or whatever happens in the mean time. I'm not bound to him and him only. And able to go about as i so please.

We speak daily at least once. To let the other know we're on line, and if the other has time for chat, or what ever. He talks to me from work, or home. Online or off line on the phone. When time and other things allow.

So I do think, with the right person, on lines can last, and be very much alive. All comunication has to be open with said person for this to work though. I inform him in off lines and or e-mails, if I can't be on line, and for what reasons. He has also informed me of such. Like now, knowing he's been gone for a week due to having surgery. I know that when he can, he'll be back. Now if he's not having surgery, and off doing what ever, that is not my business... LOL. But after 4 years almost 5 years come Feb 06, he knows he need not lie to me, and I don't think he is. Would he?.. who knows.

I do tell him, when and if a more local figure talks to me, or wants to meet. We talk about it openly. If he feels something amist, he says so and tells me I may not meet this person. Other times, he's agreed to allow me to meet and see how things go. Because he knows the distance between us, is something neither of us can change right now.

So go with the flow, and decide for yourself, if this is something you want. Or want more of. And do what you and they want, to keep the fire alive and warming to you both. Untill you can meet.. or decide not to meet.

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 3:38:54 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		I believe this is a safe first step to a r/t meeting/relationship--- but I too often find this is a venue for the wankers, predators and pedophiles to lurk--I have never heard of any online that :

1. didnt disappear quickly
2. lead to a rt meeting
3. expose the wankers

any person is better than a longterm online--note I said long term-- as in this new world of internet, it is a very safe way to screen out the don't wants--- I use it as a safety net--

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 4:04:38 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I am only going to address the question "Any hints to keeping the magic in them?", since I had an online relationship with someone from another country that eventually ended after two years. But while it was "magical" here are some of the things that we did.

"Shopped" together online. When you're IM'ing, you can send links to any site for them to view along with you. For example, I needed a new bedspread, we browsed sites together and picked one we both liked. Or, when I bought something new, even something as simple as new checks, I was able to show him which ones I had ordered.

When I moved to a new apartment, I was able to show him a picture of the apartment complex grounds and even the floor plan of the apartment, and we "arranged" the furniture together. ("Should the couch go here and the TV there? Or on the opposite walls?") When I was job-hunting, I showed him the hospital I was applying to. He was able to read all about it. I showed him highlights of places and towns in the area where I lived, and he did the same for his.

We played a lot of online games via Yahoo & MSN. We both happened to be Scrabble afficionado's....and I'll admit to him kicking my butt more than a few times, which is embarrassing since English isn't his primary language! And I'm GOOD in Scrabble! lol We also played Pool in Yahoo.

This sounds kind of dumb now, but when you're in love.....he was very sick with the flu and wanted to just sleep on the couch, which he did. But he left the webcam on so I could "keep an eye on him". Not that I could actually DO anything from the other side of the ocean. But it was comforting to both of us.

He and his family spent the better part of a year planning his parents' 50th anniversary party. So, I saw many many family photos, helped him design the invitations he made on the computer, and I really felt like a part of the planning of the event. I flew over there and actually attended the event and met his family, so it was nice to have been so prepared ahead of time. I felt as though I already knew people!

There is a game called Onyx that you download from a website. http://www.symtoys.com/home.html
There is a free version that is still tons of fun, but the pay version takes it to new levels..... I highly, highly recommend it!
It's kind of like monopoly, where you travel around a board and buy up properties, and when someone else lands on yours, they either pay you money, or take the "activity". Of course, the activity is MUCH more fun. You can play it with 2-6 people, and the intensity levels run from "Heavy petting and harmless fun", to "Basic plain vanilla sex" to "Oral sex, light bondage, mildly risque" all the way to "Anything goes! B&D, S&M, multiple penetration!" It's really designed to be played with everyone in the same room, but we adapted it to play online by using the "Remote Assistance" function through MSN messenger, where you can both be viewing the same monitor screen, and the chat function, though only one of you actually controls the action. And rather than perform the activities physically WITH each other, you just describe them, like you do when cybersexing (which you'll end up doing anyway!) We had a GREAT time with this game, and I highly recommend it! The "free" version only lets you play with the first two levels, and we had some hot times just with those! I have never personally seen the "higher" levels....but I'd love to! (maybe someday....)

*****MODS.....not sure if I should be posting the link to that website, since it is a commercial site....if you want to edit it out, fine...but please don't remove this whole post, it took a long time to type it! Thanks!--

Basically, just carry on with your "regular" life, but it is possible to share a lot of it with the special person over the internet. Good luck!

chymes


(in reply to truesub4u)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 4:13:30 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline 		I've met lots of great people online---and met them RL as quickly as was feasible. Many are my friends years later.

It's so easy to develop deep feelings online, or on the phone. It's a sort of artificial intimacy, in that it doesn't come along with the tiresome baggage of real life. There's no way of knowing if the person you are with is telling the truth about themselves, or their situation. (okay, no guarantees in RL either, but MUCH simpler to check!)

I am not a fan of online relationships---by which I mean romantic relationships, not friendships--- that are not going to go realtime within a reasonable period of time---it is just unsatisfactory and unfair to both parties. The misery it can engenger is very real.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to windchymes)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 4:34:39 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I do want to mention that the relationship I was talking about a couple posts back was very much in the process of going to real life. I visited him twice in a six-month period, and his teenage daughter spent the better part of that summer with me here. It was when the time hit to start making things happen that he chickened out and ended it.

Baggage sucks, lol. (And I'm not talking about airports!)

chymes

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 5:06:03 PM   
LilWhiteWolf


Posts: 58
Joined: 11/10/2005
Status: offline 		i will chat with people online that i don't have any intention of meeting because of distance but i keep it on a friendly basis only. i do chat online to local people where there is a potential to meeting r/t and i think it is a good way to get to know someone but it usually moves to the phone then to real time if the chemistry seems good.
as far as just an online relationship never going real time, i don't see how it will work. it might be nice for awhile but then you start to crave the warmth and touch and it just leaves you wanting.

_____________________________

lil wolf

D/s is my lifestyle, not my life

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 10:46:29 PM   
AkaMystery


Posts: 10
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline 		can they work?
not to the best of my belief

has A/anyone ever seen them work....
none that have remained entirely online

Are they simply problematic at best?
yes

Any hints to keeping the "magic" alive in them?
Find the magic with someone you can be with in person

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: online relationships - 12/7/2005 10:49:07 PM   
Overlord218


Posts: 53
Joined: 1/26/2005
Status: offline 		I believe that LDRs are measured in something similar to dog years, i.e. 7 to one, mainly because the emotions tend to develop much more quickly, and also way more openly. They can and do work though. In my case, I owned a girl for 6 years on and off (More on than off), and would do it again in a New York minute.



_____________________________

Overlord 218

A little pain is good for the soul. Ask any masochist.

(in reply to LilWhiteWolf)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: online relationships - 12/8/2005 2:40:05 AM   
ExistentialSteel


Posts: 676
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		A keyboard can work as well as a musical instrument in reaching emotions. I can play my instrument well and have in the past, more than once. However, something strictly online becomes tiring. I love extended conversation on the internet as a way of getting to know someone on subterranean levels. This works because in the beginning it is safe, anonymous and relaxing. As trust builds, you can let more of your emotions surface until this person eventually knows more about you than anyone has ever known before. But, again, I’ve been there and would never talk for extended times with someone who only wanted online. I think most subs who have been RT at sometime only chat as a preliminary to physical contact, also.

_____________________________

For those who are like Roman Candles leaving bright trails in the night sky while the crowd watches until the dark blue center light bursts into magnificent colors and the crowd goes, ahhhhhhhhhh.

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: online relationships - 12/8/2005 4:20:44 AM   
MsSonnetMarwood


Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

I think online is what you make it. I can't have a RT relationship, since there isn't any Mistresses in New Jersey, not asking for Money for tribute. I



That's a rather offensive statement, don't you think?

I am from Jersey myself originally, got my start in the lifestyle (and never the business) there, and know quite a few lifestyle-only never-professional dommes in New Jersey who are looking to meet single submissives who are free and actually able to be in personal relationships. As you're not single, then perhaps that's more the issue.

Regarding online relationships in general - as a dominant, I avoid subs that have heavily engaged in "online relationships" before seeking real time. I think it gives one a false sense of understanding this as a lifestyle - online is a fantasy game. As long as you understand that's the case, have at it. But it's a different beast altogether than engaging in a real time relationship.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to BalletBob)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: online relationships - 12/9/2005 7:33:18 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think it is, since I LIVE in Southern Jersey, and read a lot of the profiles for Jersey. There aren't that many in SOUTH JERSEY, and a few that are, want 24/7 relationships, tributes, or go on that they want someone to do their laundry, wash the dishes, the car, mow the lawns and everything else you can think of.

BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: online relationships - 12/9/2005 7:40:29 PM   
MsIncognito


Posts: 742
Joined: 5/24/2005
Status: offline 		If you're only using the internet as a tool to meet people then yes, I think they can work. If you're trying to conduct relationships that are strictly online all I can say is that all the mind's work is easy until it is subjected to reality.

Hmmm, I feel a sig line change coming on...if only I could remember where to do that

(in reply to kuriouskiten)
Profile   Post #: 20
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