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RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 7:28:23 PM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

Maybe i am misreading or misunderstanding and I am confused too -- the op is worried about what some online nickname said about her body but blows off a concept that sounds like the chick somehow hacked into her computer to turn on her cam or how the cam got turned on in the first place. I would honestly say your priorities are off here if you are more concerned about some online nicknames opinions of your body on a webcam, i personally would be more pissed and worried etc about someone being able to turn on my cam, not hurt because some online nickname hurt my feelins.

Something is way to flubby about this. But personally, i think your priorities are screwed up, you should be more worried about how this stranger turned on your cam.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 10/10/2008 7:32:00 PM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 41

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 7:31:01 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

About four hours ago I got 'roughed up' on my way home from doing some charity work in Central London. I'm passing by a pub late at night in London with a crowd of what looks like office workers stood outside drinking. One of them blocks my path and demands a pound for beer. I refuse. I then get propositioned. I refuse and one of his friends turns round and asks loudly "'Ere is that a bloke?" Next thing I know I'm being leered at, jeered at, groped and felt up by several of these drinkers. I pull away, I start hearing 'faggot, poofter, man-whore, trannie, cocksucker', I get kicked, I kick back, and I break away and move on.

I'm a transgendered female. This doesn't happen too often, but I get every so often the comments, the stares, the sniggers, and people who feel it their moral public duty to out me. 'That's a man.' I also get ignored, excluded, and usually within the first three questions of anyone wanting to get to know me is trying to find out whether I have had surgery or not, what is in my underwear, who I sleep with, how and when. Can you imagine what it's like when you're waiting for a bus in the afternoon and ignoring a group of teenage schoolkids who are jeering at you, making fun, taking photos of you on their cellphones and passing comments, and the other people at the bus stop are just, like.. er well standing there as if nothing's happening?

I'm not a brick or a stone, but a thinking, feeling human being, but I'm also intelligent. I knew at the start not everyone is going to understand or accept me being transgendered or transitioning, but take a look at the postings before this and you'll quickly realise that I'm not much different to other people who aren't transgendered and certainly am not a special case. I could be a victim or a drama queen if I really wanted to be, but why waste the energy and emotion?

Some people are just 'that way'.. it's got nothing to do with gender, age, or level of maturity, they get off by pissing in the wheaties of others, they will add to your misery or misfortune when you're down, they will kick you when you're down, and it's got nothing to do with you - it's the only way they can feel good about themselves.

It makes me laugh when people talk about the BDSM community being one of 'like-minded people'. Not exactly. All you're doing is going from people in a narrow-minded society to a smaller subgroup or subculture of erqually narrow-minded people where you can only hope you're not going to be ostracized for being yourself.

It doesn't really bother me what other people think of me. I know who I am, so do the people who I am close to, people who I work with, and people who I live among. The kids in the local street know me, they say hello, they know me by name, and there are more people who are positive and supportive. And to me, these are the only people who matter.

_____________________________

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(in reply to KyttynTheMynx)

Post #: 42

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 7:35:23 PM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I avoid rooms like the plague now so correct Me if I am wrong ... but in some chatrooms, if you are on cam with someone it can be accessed by anyone else in the room UNLESS you protect it from view ... and bgr said she forgot to do that on this occasion. It's not the same as an instant messenger where the default is to allow only selected people to see it.

While I agree that the words of a stranger shouldn't have permanent effect ... I also understand that they can have a temporary one which is devastatingly hurtful at the time. Been there Myself in the past. It takes a while to process it and realise that her opinion doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, and it sounds like the OP is getting there, with the help of supportive comments from the board.

I'm a BBW and that description wouldn't be far from my truth

... but it's never been said when i've been playing naked as a sub in a real live Dungeon. i've always been at ease in my skin there ... but then, that's with people who have been invited to be there having been checked out as being genuine bdsmers. i wouldn't play in a space that was open to the general public for all sorts of reasons. In reality, I've never seen a "perfect" body in a Dungeon and no one seems to notice or mind, they're all focused on what's actually happening if they're watching at all. More like "didja see how far He stretched her nipple??" or "i've never seen that many needles in 1 boob!" etc LOL! There's a chance someone was thinking "sheesh, that woman's fat!" but it's never ever been said about anyone in my earshot. Not to say that the OP should run off to a play party but to note that people feel "safer" being mean online than they would ever do face to face.

OP I congratulate you on the work you've done with your body image and self esteem and would urge you not to let the bitchy comments of a mean-spirited and doubtless jealous woman undo the good work you've done. Hang in there!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]

_____________________________

Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 43

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 7:42:31 PM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

quote:

I avoid rooms like the plague now so correct Me if I am wrong ... but in some chatrooms, if you are on cam with someone it can be accessed by anyone else in the room UNLESS you protect it from view ... and bgr said she forgot to do that on this occasion. It's not the same as an instant messenger where the default is to allow only selected people to see it.

Ahh, okay, i don't do chatrooms either either typing or video so i was thinking along the lines of the only way someone could get to her webcam knowing it was on was to somehow hack into her computer. Thanks for the explanation.

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 44

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 7:45:36 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

ah, the jealousy of chat... and the ability to say anything, no matter how wrong, vulgar, demeaning, belittling ot spiteful it may be.

her behavior may have been caused by a number of reasons

1) jealousy over your ability to do what you did or over the Man who owns you... either way, hold your head up and br proud.. you got what she lacks

2) "reformed BBW"... like reformed smokers... enough said

3) meanness.. some people dont care what they say... "what can you do about it?" is their thought, they have no class, no social upbringing.. most are petty and vindictive and weak, hiding behind a monitor, so very glad no one can judge them while they judge others to make themselves feel better

girlie, hold your head up high and smile

your beautiful... your big.. and your owned.. im sure your Master loves every square inch of you!

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 45

This is BDSM, not a support group - 10/10/2008 7:46:36 PM

roughleather

Posts: 232
Joined: 11/11/2004
Status: offline

This is a place for kinky fun, not a support group. "Warning to new submissives" - bah.Quit whining.

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 46

RE: This is BDSM, not a support group - 10/10/2008 7:54:50 PM

tazzygirl

Posts: 37833
Joined: 10/12/2007
Status: offline

nice to know BDSM isnt supportive

thanks for the update

_____________________________

Telling me to take Midol wont help your butthurt.
RIP, my demon-child 5-16-11
Duchess of Dissent 1
Dont judge me because I sin differently than you.
If you want it sugar coated, dont ask me what i think! It would violate TOS.

(in reply to roughleather)

Post #: 47

RE: This is BDSM, not a support group - 10/10/2008 7:54:53 PM

shatteredplaster

Posts: 47
Joined: 10/22/2007
From: NY
Status: offline

I do believe that there is a time and place for the "quit your bitching" lines. I do not believe that this is that time or place...if you don't like the thread, don't read it. :) Just my humble opinion.

(in reply to roughleather)

Post #: 48

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 8:00:40 PM

beargonewild

Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: barelynangel

Maybe i am misreading or misunderstanding and I am confused too -- the op is worried about what some online nickname said about her body but blows off a concept that sounds like the chick somehow hacked into her computer to turn on her cam or how the cam got turned on in the first place. I would honestly say your priorities are off here if you are more concerned about some online nicknames opinions of your body on a webcam, i personally would be more pissed and worried etc about someone being able to turn on my cam, not hurt because some online nickname hurt my feelins.

Something is way to flubby about this. But personally, i think your priorities are screwed up, you should be more worried about how this stranger turned on your cam.

angel

If you have a cam plugged in and are on an open chat room, anyone can click on the cam icon beside your user name and view you.

_____________________________

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Promiscuous boy you already know
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(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 49

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 8:02:59 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

People can be and often are mean assholic fucks, and it won't be any diffrent just because they're submissive too. It seems rather nieve to think other submissives won't be mean or catty cause they're a submissive.

Say to yourself well now I know who my friends are and are not, block her, and then Grow thicker emotional skin and move on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: babygurlrides

I am flabbergasted that a woman, a fellow submissive, a lady over the age of 50, would resort to such mean behaviour.

(in reply to babygurlrides)

Post #: 50

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 8:22:23 PM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

I am so confused. I assumed they were at a club or something. But.. people can do group scenes online and show off to other members in that room?
And I doubt that she turned on the cam if that is the case. Someone who has access to the computer with the cam would have to do that. So it would be the OP, or anyone who had the password belonging to the OP so that they could remote in.
I once had to remove a cam link that was installed on a clients computer, because her ex boyfriend would turn it on in the middle of the night and view or show her.
Someone has to have access.
Ok.. from what I have seen some of you post, access is possible for any member of that chat room. I shall amend my thoughts then. Now I don't get why people would scene in a chat room AND why they would want all and sundry to view.
At least in a club people tend to be civil because they are not under the umbrella of anonimity.
Kyst
Kyst

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 10/10/2008 8:26:08 PM >

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 51

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 8:23:08 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

I don't spend a lot of time in the chatrooms anymore for the very reason that people who would never say something to your face won't hesitate to say it behind the keyboard. There used to be one main chatroom and it was closely monitored. I grew to recognize the names of people there and spent quite a bit of time in there when I had it. Since they've gotten rid of it, I don't care for the "pot luck" sort of chatting I'm forced into. I got a few nasty comments myself and just decided to quit going in there. Of course as a domme, I have that option. There's no one telling me to go into the chatrooms. In the same vein, I wouldn't tell my sub to go into the chatrooms if that's the way he was being treated. Perhaps your dom might reconsider after this episode.

I had no knowledge about the ability to view someone's webcam without their express permission. That's spooky because now I'm thinking back on all the times I went into the rooms and wondering if anyone ever had the opportunity to view me without my knowing about it.

Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 52

RE: This is BDSM, not a support group - 10/10/2008 8:24:32 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: roughleather

This is a place for kinky fun, not a support group. "Warning to new submissives" - bah.Quit whining.

My my big fella... I didn't know you made the rules around here. Many people use this place as a support group... amoung many other things. You go ahead and have your kinky fun... but if you want to critisize those who use the site differently than you do, cool... but you might consider that if it isn't against TOS... and you don't like it... tough shit for you eh?

(in reply to roughleather)

Post #: 53

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 8:26:11 PM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

It doesn't mean you're not quite right in the head to voice ugly nasty thoughts about people. IT just means you're not very likely to be popular and you have notact, or you could just be a rude fuck. Being rude doesn't mean someone's mentally unbalanced or not screwed in properly, nor do you need to be any of those things to be rude.

quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

I think I'd put it more strongly, babygurlrides. The woman who said these things has got something not quite right in her head. I think if I heard that, and knew the relationship you two'd had to date, I'd have frowned and thought "Woah. You're not properly screwed in, are you?" Then I'd have moved away.

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 54

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 8:28:08 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I am so confused. I assumed they were at a club or something. But.. people can do group scenes online and show off to other members in that room?
And I doubt that she turned on the cam if that is the case. Someone who has access to the computer with the cam would have to do that. So it would be the OP, or anyone who had the password belonging to the OP so that they could remote in.
I once had to remove a cam link that was installed on a clients computer, because her ex boyfriend would turn it on in the middle of the night and view or show her.
Someone has to have access.
Ok.. from what I have seen some of you post, access is possible for any member of that chat room. I shall amend my thoughts then. Now I don't get why people would scene in a chat room AND why they would want all and sundry to view.
At least in a club people tend to be civil because they are not under the umbrella of anonimity.
Kyst
Kyst

Ok, I give. Disconnecting the webcam now. LOL This really is becoming very confusing.
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 55

RE: This is BDSM, not a support group - 10/10/2008 8:28:19 PM

Lockit

Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline

(((((((((((Stella))))))))))))

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 56

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 8:30:54 PM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

And I doubt that she turned on the cam if that is the case. Someone who has access to the computer with the cam would have to do that. So it would be the OP, or anyone who had the password belonging to the OP so that they could remote in.

This is what I was thinking

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Supreme Goddess of Snark
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(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 57

RE: This is BDSM, not a support group - 10/10/2008 8:33:52 PM

bamabbwsub

Posts: 566
Joined: 5/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: roughleather

This is a place for kinky fun, not a support group. "Warning to new submissives" - bah.Quit whining.

I'll bet you make a poor little dog drive your sleigh while you steal toys from the the little kids from Whoville, too.

_____________________________

"Everyone is normal until you get to know them." - Dave Sim

I rescue animals. My pockets and gas tank are always empty. My home is always hairy and my inbox full of sadness, but my heart is full when seeing those that are saved.

(in reply to roughleather)

Post #: 58

RE: This is BDSM, not a support group - 10/10/2008 8:48:07 PM

MstrssScarlet

Posts: 633
Joined: 6/3/2005
From: Indianapolis, Indiana
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: roughleather

This is a place for kinky fun, not a support group. "Warning to new submissives" - bah.Quit whining.

My my big fella... I didn't know you made the rules around here. Many people use this place as a support group... amoung many other things. You go ahead and have your kinky fun... but if you want to critisize those who use the site differently than you do, cool... but you might consider that if it isn't against TOS... and you don't like it... tough shit for you eh?

I had very similar thoughts when I read this, but you expressed it better than I could have. Bravo!
Mistress Scarlet

_____________________________

"Say, that hurts a little bit" "And you don't like to be hurt do ya?" "I don't know...kinda fun sometimes if it's done in the right spirit."
Jean Harlow in The Beast of the City

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 59

RE: Warning to new submissives! - 10/10/2008 9:28:56 PM

babygurlrides

Posts: 90
Joined: 8/13/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: babygurlrides

quote:

ORIGINAL: GreedyTop
how does one remotely turn on someone elses cam?

Hmmm.. perhaps I have the opportunity to speak to her one day, I will ask her!!!

It cannot be done with a standard webcam. It can be done with a mega-expensive webcam or some tricky software which you would have to install on your computer.

Cali

Ok... I think I grossly misunderstood the original question

How it works in these rooms is that anyone who has a cam on, can be viewed by anyone else in that room, if they also have a cam. All they have to do is click on the webcam icon beside the name of the person they would like to see. You can watch up to 4 people at a time. Please dont misunderstand... its not a room full of sexual exhibitionists;) A great deal of time (more often than not), there are people having stimulation conversation or a bit of harmless flirting. For me, its great to be able to put a face to a name. There are occasions where people perform on cam, whether alone, in couples, or under the direction of their Master. As I mentioned before, next time we will get a private room which requires a pass code to enter.
Hope this helps clarify the confusion.

_____________________________

I'd call you a cunt, but you lack both the depth and the warmth!
(my favorite t-shirt slogan)

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 60

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