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Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 12:50:36 PM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		Can i ask all of the Mistresses and Masters out here, do you seek "total control" out of your slave? What is the reward that you get out of absolute control over another ? If you are a slave yourself , I would love to hear what you get out of not being in control. And , is there really anybody out here trully living this life ?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 1:25:17 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Can i ask all of the Mistresses and Masters out here, do you seek "total control" out of your slave? What is the reward that you get out of absolute control over another ? If you are a slave yourself , I would love to hear what you get out of not being in control.

Self-fulfillment.
quote:

And , is there really anybody out here trully living this life ?

No. Check out bess-md.org and come to the Holiday Inn in Glen Burnie tonight. You'll see we set up websites and pay for meeting spaces and drive over every other week just to pretend like we do this.

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 1:37:08 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Can i ask all of the Mistresses and Masters out here, do you seek "total control" out of your slave? What is the reward that you get out of absolute control over another ? If you are a slave yourself , I would love to hear what you get out of not being in control. And , is there really anybody out here trully living this life ?


What do you mean by total control?

I don't have control over my slave; I have authority from him to exercise as I see fit.

How could I possible control his automatic physical workings? Or what he does at work (which he needs to do or we don't live as well as we like)? Or what he thinks in his head or feels in his heart?

Nor would I want to. That would be less interesting than owning a robot I programmed.

I also do not believe I have any more power in our relationship than he does -- we can both get things done and influence each other, we both make choices and to me this is all power. I also think that when Ds is good for you, it empowers both people.

I do have authority, authority which comes from him recognizing and desiring me to make decisions and get my pleasure from him in the ways that I determine.

Don't know how much sense this is making but in my mind authority, power, and control are different things.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to openmindedslave)
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RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 1:45:14 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Can i ask all of the Mistresses and Masters out here, do you seek "total control" out of your slave?
Yes, I seek it, but depending on the specific relationship, I may do without total control.
quote:

What is the reward that you get out of absolute control over another?
Contentment that I've found someone who trusts me and whom I trust implicitly because we do what we do within our predetermined roles well together.
quote:

is there really anybody out here trully living this life ?
I have only done this for brief periods, and have heard from people I trust that they are living this lifestyle as I wish to live this lifestyle on a long term basis.

A question back to you openmindedslave: what is it you hope to be within the lifestyle? How is it you hope to live? Because calling yourself an openminded slave to me means you have lived or will live without total control at some point??? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to openmindedslave)
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RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 1:53:47 PM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		I got the idea for the question because i read a profile and they clearly used the term "total Control". In fact I see that term used alot on here . I gather people may use it to often and not really understand what it means. But them again , maybe I dont really understand it either .I am just asking is "total control" something most our seeking here and is there really total control being given up to others here?

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 2:31:48 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		If you are a slave yourself , I would love to hear what you get out of not being in control. And , is there really anybody out here truly living this life ? ==========
============================================
yes..........there are those of really living this life!!!!!!
what do they get out of it?
everyone is different.
some like the sex part. some like the love romantic thing.
some like the s/m stuff.
some like all that.
and then
some of us.......
don't do ANY of that........
some of us are merely domestic houseboys that serve 24/7 and do not have sex with Mistress, are not romantically inclined and do not enjoy s/m.
some of us just do housework, yard work, taking care of the Owner's boat, and dock, and all their cars, and ....and....
some of us are merely---------"hired hands".

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 3:03:44 PM   
Tempestspet


Posts: 360
Joined: 1/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

If you are a slave yourself , I would love to hear what you get out of not being in control.

I'm not exactly sure how to answer this. Control isn't the word I would use. Like other before me, I would use authority. I have control, over my submission to my husband/Master. I have control over everything he gives me to do for him for whatever reason. What I get out of this is a sense of fullfillment, happiness, comfort... etc.

quote:

And , is there really anybody out here trully living this life ?

Yes there's lots and lots of people who "really " live this way. This is why one of the first things I do is suggest that people join a group where the members meet in person. And have functions in person. Not chat room parties, meetings...and such.


What is it that you want? What are you looking for? Are you new, and have questions? Not sure where to begin, or how to find local people in your area to meet with in person to talk?



Tempest's pet
jennifer




< Message edited by Tempestspet -- 12/7/2005 3:05:54 PM >

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 7:15:30 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline 		In a slave I expect nothing BUT total surrender to me. That = total control.

And you would perhaps be quite shocked to know there are many human beings in the world who want nothing but to personally subjugate themselves to another and be truly and fully controlled in every sense of the word.

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 7:26:35 PM   
LadiesBladewing


Posts: 944
Joined: 8/31/2005
Status: offline 		Giving up complete control is something that a servant grows into. The Owner displays the qualities that enable a servant to progressively yield all aspects of his or her life to the Owner's control. It doesn't come at the first meeting, however for us, it -is- something that we expect will happen.

What do we get out of it... this kind of control (or yielding) is the foundation for a long-term D/s relationship. It enables us to direct the development of our servant and bring out the best characteristics of that individual, while being able to work effectively on re-training those characteristics that are holding our servant back from being truly whole and complete as who and what xhe is.

We cherish our servants, and cherish watching them flourish in service to us. Complete control, and the ability to manage and delegate on every aspect of a servant's life makes it possible for us to be active, rather than passive, guides for our servants. In addition, for those of us who enjoy the whole process of control and yielding, on both sides of the equation, we find ourselves satisfied by being able to cherish our controlling selves (and our servants get to cherish their ability to yield and serve.)

I hope this made sense,

Lady Zephyr

quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Can i ask all of the Mistresses and Masters out here, do you seek "total control" out of your slave? What is the reward that you get out of absolute control over another ? If you are a slave yourself , I would love to hear what you get out of not being in control. And , is there really anybody out here trully living this life ?

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Total Control??? - 12/7/2005 10:17:01 PM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		In a slave I expect nothing BUT total surrender to me. That = total control.

And you would perhaps be quite shocked to know there are many human beings in the world who want nothing but to personally subjugate themselves to another and be truly and fully controlled in every sense of the word.
============

he he

"waving"

hey
hey yo

yeah...i'm one......k?

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to amayos)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Total Control??? - 12/8/2005 5:33:44 AM   
SISSYofDENMARK


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/10/2005
From: Denmark
Status: offline

a classic topic really..... who IS in the real "control" the mistress or the sub
- as I would never do or perform anything that is against my sub´s nature,wishes,kicks or will
- as my pleasure comes from your displayed lust and trust (u ligth my fire) no match no fire and certainly
the powerexchange is 50/50 ..... u know it takes two to tango..................................................



love Sissy

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Total Control??? - 12/8/2005 4:56:04 PM   
amayos


Posts: 1553
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: New England
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: veronicaofML

In a slave I expect nothing BUT total surrender to me. That = total control.

And you would perhaps be quite shocked to know there are many human beings in the world who want nothing but to personally subjugate themselves to another and be truly and fully controlled in every sense of the word.
============

he he

"waving"

hey
hey yo

yeah...i'm one......k?

take care




Aw yeah, I see you.

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Total Control??? - 12/8/2005 5:12:07 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		This is kinda funny, I gotta tell you. This is not a night or day question...I talk with just a few of the Female Masters here (save you some time I am male and het) and we perhaps, unwittingly, define ourselves as individuals with special needs as you do.


Some of us think alike, some of us are good friends, some of us are in relations with each other and some of us can not stomach the very names of each other.

The biggest part of this is the overall relationship; I gotta tell you there are some Dommes here that I would just love to slap the shit outta, 'cause it could be love, and some that I could slap the shit outta, because I hate their guts.......

Niether here nor there, actually. All of us are people, and ABC....M's(you know who I mean) idea is gonna be somewhat different than mine, even tho at some space-time continnums we may share the same philosophy.

Each of us is a stand-alone person in this world.

Really, you ask an unanswereable question.........my idea of total control and yours and his and hers are contextual; within our sphere of influence..........

Are you totally openminded? Are you totally slave? are you totally? (I bet not!!!!!!) But you are totally alright to be.

So far, and I am sure male and females of any orientation would find some way to agree.....that it depends on the building of the relationship, really.

Enough,
Ron


_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Total Control??? - 12/8/2005 5:34:52 PM   
LadyHibiscus


Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline
quote:

I gotta tell you there are some Dommes here that I would just love to slap the shit outta, 'cause it could be love,


Oh, Ron, tell me it's love! <G>

I rattle that "total control" question around often, since I am approached by men who ask for it as if it was something that could be chosen from a menu. Who do we have total control over, except for ourselves? I can give orders to a submissive, and expect he or she to obey me, but I have no control over that person's thoughts. I only control his/her behavior because of the OTHER person's choice.

IMX, "total control" equals micromanagement. Oh, Mistress, take over my finances, my food choices, what I wear or don't wear, what I do and when! Hmmmm......who do we normally make those kinds of decisions for? Our CHILDREN, that's who! And if I am helping a child or someone under my care, spiffy! Where is the pleasure in telling another ADULT when he can use the toilet, or whether he can wear jeans when we go out shopping? Who is doing the domination, if the dominant gets to write out two sets of bills, and keep two budgets? For me, there isn't any. For some, there indeed might be.

Francine

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]



(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Total Control??? - 12/9/2005 5:14:33 PM   
luluorange1


Posts: 11
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline 		The only person we have total control of is ourselves.
The idea of having total control of another person is setting youself up to fail.
Sure, I can give me sub orders and he will follow them, he will be punished when he doesn't obey my orders.
There are also general guidelines on how he should behave around me.
It's up to me what the parameter of "control" is, but outside of that, there has to be room to wiggle in a functional relationship.
I have no interst to micromanage another person, that is limiting myself to very small things.

Mistress S

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Total Control??? - 12/10/2005 1:32:59 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

The biggest part of this is the overall relationship; I gotta tell you there are some Dommes here that I would just love to slap the shit outta, 'cause it could be love, and some that I could slap the shit outta, because I hate their guts.......

Niether here nor there, actually. All of us are people, and ABC....M's(you know who I mean) idea is gonna be somewhat different than mine, even tho at some space-time continnums we may share the same philosophy.
Are we talking slapping of ass or face? Because some of us might be able to tolerate one but not the other? M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Total Control??? - 12/10/2005 4:48:32 AM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		You bring up a constant issue I see concerning " who is in control" As a submissive, i am given some say in what i am willing to do , express and ultimately in some form or another , the way the relationship is to grow. As a slave,that aspect of 'say" is removed from my control. i am to accept my Superiors view of my future life. So does a Submissive have the control. And ultimately decides what to give up to a Superior or not?

(in reply to SISSYofDENMARK)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Total Control??? - 12/10/2005 7:03:50 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Can i ask all of the Mistresses and Masters out here, do you seek "total control" out of your slave? What is the reward that you get out of absolute control over another ? If you are a slave yourself , I would love to hear what you get out of not being in control. And , is there really anybody out here trully living this life ?



Total control sounds too much like work to me. I prefer the term ultimate control i.e., ultimately, mine is the final word.

Define "truly" and I'll answer your last question.

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Total Control??? - 12/10/2005 9:35:00 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline 		this ranks up there with;

can you be a domme w/o a boy?
can you be a slave w/o a mistress?

ok
so i'm an ass!
but it seems to me it is BOTH in control...
She can't control w/o me giving it to Her
i can't BE controlled w/o letting go...

and?

does it REALLY matter?????????

take care


_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to MizSuz)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Total Control??? - 12/10/2005 10:08:23 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
In my world being in a relationship with someone who submits to me does not define me as a dominant woman.

It's not what I 'do,' it's what I 'am.' What I do evolves from what I am.

I make my own choices and am personally responsible for my own destiny. I live with the consequences of my actions, joyfully whenever I can manage it. I create my own independence and revel in it, despite how fatiguing and scary it can often be. I know what my boundaries and limits are and have no problem policing them. I am responsible to deal with whatever slips through when I don't do a good enough job of policing them. I create the loving relationships in my life and pick and choose how much to invest in them - it goes to quality of life. I am responsible to those I have made commitments to and give little or no thought to those who would like to foist responsibility on me. I am unapologetic for not being "nice enough" to people who do not respect my right to choose for myself. Whenever possible I pick and choose what is acceptable to compromise on and don't involve myself with people who don't respect that (or I try not to - sometimes it's a challenge to find a way to disengage a dysfunctional ravenous bulldog who has latched on). Either way, it's my life and generally I'm in charge of it. This is how I interact with the world, not just those I have a bdsm connection with.

I also happen to enjoy BDSM activities and relationships - but what makes me dominant is not those activities and relationships. I am a dominant woman by nature or perhaps by conditioning; but dominant is an adjective that describes what I am and not what I do.




_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to veronicaofML)
Profile   Post #: 20
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