Jealous Subs (Full Version)

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MistressOfGa -> Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:36:02 AM)

On the other side of the slash, it begs to ask, what would you do if your submissive asks you to cut off contact with one or more of your friends, kink or non kink? As a dominant, would you feel that it is not your submissives "place" to ask this of you?




Lashra -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:41:03 AM)

I do not allow anyone to tell me what to do. I will listen to his opinion but its my judgement call.

~Lashra



Sylverdawn -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:41:45 AM)

No



chamberqueen -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:51:18 AM)

There have been times when I have seen traits in others that I feel are necessary to bring to my Master's attention so that he can make a wise decision, but I would never, ever presume to tell him who he can have in his life.  Even when pointing out the negatives that I feel he should know I do it in a matter of fact way and never run the person down or make a judgment call - I just report the facts.  



MistressOfGa -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:53:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lashra

I do not allow anyone to tell me what to do. I will listen to his opinion but its my judgement call.

~Lashra


Hi Lashra,
I wasn't suggesting at all that the submissive would be "telling" you what to do, but rather asked if you would stop contact. For example, if knowing that one of your friendships was hurting your sub, and he asks that you not call or contact that friend, could or would you?



LadyHibiscus -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 7:01:53 AM)

This is a tough one.  How close am I to that other person?  If it was an acquaintaince (and let's face it, most of our "friends" are in that category, really) I would weigh the advantages to my sub over loss to me.  If it was someone meaningful to me, a person from my past that needed to touch base, I would maintain the contact, but not share the details with the sub---say, "I am going to talk to this person from time to time, I won't be seeing them in any social context, but they still have value in my life".    I am one of those people who doesn't give up on close relationships easily, even if they are ended or changed.    I want a happy partner, but there are limits to how much I can or will compromise.



hopelesslyInvo -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 7:28:08 AM)

i get jealous easily, but i've never let it lead me to being possessive.  couldn't imagine asking this of someone, hope no one ever asks it of me.



UmbraDomina -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 7:36:19 AM)

I would laugh at a submissive who told me they didn't want me to be friends with someone else, if it kept up I would probably dismiss them. If they don't have trust in me, that I can make my own decisions in friends then they probably should not trust me to dominate them.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 8:11:00 AM)

First, I don't follow orders well even from hubby. But, there is a huge "depends" there. If they are afraid of that person for some reason, or if they have a terrible sense about that person (Yes, I listen to that stuff) or if that person is just always derogatory to them... then yeah, I would. People who know me know that I don't mince words, they accept me and mine or not at all. But I would listen to their reasoning and decide from there. For all I know they've seen things that I haven't.
 
Jewel



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 11:53:16 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa
On the other side of the slash, it begs to ask, what would you do if your submissive asks you to cut off contact with one or more of your friends, kink or non kink? As a dominant, would you feel that it is not your submissives "place" to ask this of you?


If a submissive felt strongly that I should cut off contact wth one or more of my friends, I would want to hear him out to find out why he felt that way.  Maybe he is aware of something I don't see.  After hearing what he had to say and examining the facts, I would make the final decision. 
 
A submissive can ask whatever he'd like.  Whether I do it or not is an entirely different matter.
 
Lady Topaz



thetammyjo -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 11:55:50 AM)

I don't see how this is a dom or a sub thing.

I consider anyone asking or demanding that another cut off communication and contact with others to be working on isolating that person and that is one of the signs of abuse in my very strong opinion.

If anyone has a problem with someone I'm in contact with they need to bring that to my attention then let me make a decision.



softpjOS -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 12:16:53 PM)

I can think of one time i've voiced my concerns about someone and asked to be excused from any future communciation with them.  If She wished to consider them friends, wonderful; however please exclude me.  I trust Her judgement and appreciate that She may find some value in associating with them but for myself i'll pass thank You. 
 
She tends to see the good in people and i am much less trusting.  Neither of us feel the need to be "right" about anyone, we simply listen to the others thoughts and go from there.   



Lashra -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 4:42:40 PM)

That would depend on how the person was "hurting" my sub. If its just jealousy then no why would I give up a friend because my sub is insecure? I've worked very hard to let my boy know his place is in my heart so he doesn't have to worry about anyone else.  If its something beyond that, then we would have to have a discussion about it.

~Lashra



PanthersMom -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 4:46:48 PM)

i don't think this is something the submissive should be asking.  the dominant should be able to decide if a particular person tends to be a bad influence on his or her life and act accordingly.  the submisive should respect that decision and ask to be excused in the other person's presence if it is that much of a problem.
PM



tweedydaddy -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 4:52:58 PM)

It is no one's place to tell me who I can see. I'm a DOM! Look it up in the dictionary.



hopelessfool -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 5:03:23 PM)

Ive asked it a few times in my life simply because of the situation. In many cases it was behavior that happened when my partner wasnt in the room or home at the time. They would be viciously cruel, telling me that my owner was cheating on me, sleeping with them, they would throw things at me, trip me, track dirt or grease on things i just cleaned. Things that would cause me to then be punished by my partner because they were tasks not done. I told him when he asked me why it was not done the truth. And I explained if there was an issue further with this particular woman that I would not keep myself in the situation, and would not accept punishment for these acts. He didnt believe she did it and i asked him to set up the computer to record it. Sure enough the second he was out of hearing distance she started in and he cut of contact with her.. Why? to him it was more important to keep me in a healthy environment, and keep himself as well with friends that respected me, then ones that chose to disrespect both of us.

I wouldnt ask because i felt insecure, but if I had a reason like above and he did nothing about it, i would loose respect in him for his unwillingness to protect and keep the one thing i request of him.  To keep me safe from as much harm as he can...



mztresn0w -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 5:05:51 PM)

I have dealt with the jealous sub. I waited for them to realize how silly they were being. We can all be jealous from time to time. If it passes then it is just a silly human emotion.If it doesn't then there is a big problem. I trust myself so I tend to trust others unless they prove themselves to be unworthy of my trust. Most people that are important to me tend to feel the same way on this issue. If you don't trust yourself then how can you really trust others.



ShiftedJewel -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 5:50:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool

Ive asked it a few times in my life simply because of the situation. In many cases it was behavior that happened when my partner wasnt in the room or home at the time. They would be viciously cruel, telling me that my owner was cheating on me, sleeping with them, they would throw things at me, trip me, track dirt or grease on things i just cleaned. Things that would cause me to then be punished by my partner because they were tasks not done. I told him when he asked me why it was not done the truth. And I explained if there was an issue further with this particular woman that I would not keep myself in the situation, and would not accept punishment for these acts. He didnt believe she did it and i asked him to set up the computer to record it. Sure enough the second he was out of hearing distance she started in and he cut of contact with her.. Why? to him it was more important to keep me in a healthy environment, and keep himself as well with friends that respected me, then ones that chose to disrespect both of us.

I wouldnt ask because i felt insecure, but if I had a reason like above and he did nothing about it, i would loose respect in him for his unwillingness to protect and keep the one thing i request of him.  To keep me safe from as much harm as he can...



I'm sorry... but in this instance I would have done a lot more then stop speaking to that person... and I'm sure they would have preferred that I stopped talking!!!!
 
Jewel



PeonForHer -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:01:01 PM)

"Dom" isn't in the dictionary, Tweedydaddy.  Sorry, couldn't resist! [;)]



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:26:38 PM)

If anyone I was associating with made their continued association with me contingent on me 'staying away from' or 'avoiding contact with' others of my choosing, that person would quickly find hirself disconsidered for a relationship with me and mine.


Calla Firestorm



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