RE: Jealous Subs (Full Version)

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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:35:39 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

"Dom" isn't in the dictionary, Tweedydaddy.  Sorry, couldn't resist! [;)]


Actually, it -is- in the dictionary...


dom

American Heritage Dictionary
Dom (dŏm) Pronunciation Key
n.

1. also (dōɴ) Used formerly as a title for male members of Portuguese and Brazilian royalty, aristocracy, and hierarchy, preceding the given name.
2. Roman Catholic Church Used as a title before the names of Benedictine and Carthusian monks in major or minor orders.


Also:

American Heritage Abbreviations Dictionary 3rd Edition
DOM

1. dirty old man
2. dissolved organic matter
3. 2,5-dimethoxy-4-methylamphetamine
4. Dominican Republic (international vehicle ID)

Calla Firestorm



VampiresLair -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 6:41:41 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

On the other side of the slash, it begs to ask, what would you do if your submissive asks you to cut off contact with one or more of your friends, kink or non kink? As a dominant, would you feel that it is not your submissives "place" to ask this of you?



I dont believe it is anyone's place to ask this of me. I have often told others my stand on a topic similiar, not had to mention this to Fox, but it has come up before.
Essentially, if you give me an ultimatum to choose between you and someone else... regardless of who the someone else is and your reason for giving it to me... you are going to lose.
It is one thing to tell me that someone else is making you uncomfortable and if you have a valid reason why I will address it with that person and either clear it up or cut contact if they are unwilling to change the situation. It is quite another to tell me that I can have one or the other but not both.

I had  agirl back when I was in college who had a bit of a jealous streak when it came to men. She was lesbian and was constantly concerned that because I was bi I was going to leave her at any moment for a man.  There was a guy in one of my classes who I was partnered with for a project. I had no interest in him, nor he in me. I actually was under the belief that he may have been gay, but I didnt ask and he never told. We worked together on this project, alot, becasue we both wanted to ace the class and it was a very involved project. After a week of me spending 2-3 hours an evening working with him, she decided that she was uncomfortable with the situation. She told me that once the project was finished, I could either start spending time with her again and never talk to him outside of class, or I could have him and she would leave. As I said, I had no interest in him outside this project. I dismissed her, though, and chose him becasue she told me I had to choose. Principle, you see, outweights all else. I dont care who you are, when you think you are comfortable enough to tell me what to do rather than ask then you have outstayed your welcome.

DV



ShaktiSama -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/11/2008 7:09:39 PM)

Without a context, it is impossible for me to give a single answer to this question.  In general I do not tell my submissive who he can befriend or associate with, so obviously I would not give him a power in the relationship that I do not exercise myself.  I also do not have many people who are intimate enough with me to inspire jealousy; those that are close enough to me to inspire jealousy are people who I love.  Anyone who would ask me to give up one of the few people in the world that I love is in the wrong.

The answer might obviously be very different if I had a lot of casual friends who were too-casual with my personal space or too-casual about flirting.  I would expect that dynamic in our friendship to change if I was no longer single, especially when he was in the room but even when he was not.  If I had a casual "friend" who couldn't clean up his/her act and stop making the boykin uncomfortable, I would probably punch the Eject Button.  I don't need "friends" who jeopardize my intimate relationships with inconsiderate behavior.     



RubberLovers777 -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 2:28:15 PM)

  I would never ask pet to cut off contact with a friend and I know he would never do the same. We both have an understanding that if we don't like someone or are uncomfortable with something we're able to talk about it. As for pet being jealous? he tends to have a alpha male streak especially when it comes to me, he can tend to get a bit ferocious when another male is threatening me, is not listening when I say no, or doing anything that he feels that I cannot handle or is overstepping boundaries. While I'm able to handle myself and he knows this at times his fangs show when he feels that someone is not respecting me or our relationship. I wouldn't call him jealous or overbearing, he's more territorial than anything. Its nice to know I'm appriciated and that he only wants the two of us to be together. ~Lorelei



yourMissTress -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 5:35:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

On the other side of the slash, it begs to ask, what would you do if your submissive asks you to cut off contact with one or more of your friends, kink or non kink? As a dominant, would you feel that it is not your submissives "place" to ask this of you?



It would depend on why they were asking such a thing.  If it were simply jealousy, not just no but HELL NO.  It's a wasted emotion that they will just have to get over.  Thankfully, my new boy hasn't yet shown any of that.  If it were more than that, I would listen to their thoughts and make a decision based on the facts and not the emotions involved.

Edited to add: I believe in some instances that it is the place of my sub to bring things to my attention that I may have missed or over looked.  For example: If someone is bringing stress and drama to my life on a consistent basis and I don't notice it but he does, I hope that he would bring it to my attention.



MistressOfGa -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 5:59:20 PM)

quote:

 For example: If someone is bringing stress and drama to my life on a consistent basis and I don't notice it but he does, I hope that he would bring it to my attention.

 
Spot on!! <Waves to D> [:D]



yourMissTress -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 6:02:45 PM)

Hey, K!  Love the new pic! 

When are you coming back to Nashvegas?



MistressOfGa -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 6:07:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Hey, K!  Love the new pic! 

When are you coming back to Nashvegas?

I am not sure. Geoff says if he has to hear "Rocky Top" one more time, he will kill himself lol (Not that we heard it all the time, just once at the Opry, but it was one time too much!) <s>



youngsubgeoff -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 6:15:32 PM)

ok, so a bot from ohio and a boy from tenn. went down to mexico. Somehow, they end up killing a local sheriff. The mexican athorities catch them, and say "we have to put you in the firing line, but we'll grant you one last request" The boy from tenn immediately drops to his knees and says "Oh, if I could only hear 'rocky top' one last time!". Then, the boy from ohio said "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE, JUST SHOOT ME FIRST"!



yourMissTress -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 6:17:30 PM)

I haven't heard it once as long as I've lived here.  And I would know because my ears would bleed.

Tell him NIN will be here for Halloween?



undergroundsea -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 6:26:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: hopelessfool
Ive asked it a few times in my life simply because of the situation. In many cases it was behavior that happened when my partner wasnt in the room or home at the time.


The title of the thread skews the responses in favor of the suggested scenario being unacceptable, which seems reasonable.

As I contemplated what types of scenario could lead to such a request, the scenario above is a type that came to mind.

In that event, it becomes less a dom/sub thing but more a situation between two partners. Let's imagine a situation between two vanilla persons and one has strong enough concerns about a person and feels that she or both should avoid contact with that person. In this event, if the partner at the receiving end of the request honors the request, the partner is not necessarily assuming a submissive role but taking a stand in favor of the partner. Even if the person at the receiving end honors the request reluctantly, it is not out of submission but out of a want to preserve the relationship. In my opinion, willingness of one partner to end a association with a person to preserve a relationship can apply to BDSM relationships regardless of preferred role.

Cheers,

Sea



HotMistress22 -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 6:53:26 PM)

It depends on the context of the situation.  Why does the sub want you to dissolve the relationship?  Is it a jealousy issue?  Is this friend bringing harm to you somehow?  I would listen and make a judgment call depending on the situation.  I adore my sub and if it were a jealousy issue, I'd make it worse[:D]  If a safety or other issue, discuss and come up with a solution we are both happy with.

Good luck!

HM



stella41b -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/15/2008 10:37:00 PM)

I've been in such a situation a few times in the past but the Old Guard in me permits me to 'tell' a domme what to do only when she is in immediate danger or is subjected to a significant threat of which she's not aware of.

Beyond that I feel that my counsel and advice as her submissive is sufficient. Then again I'm neither jealous nor posessive.



Chi -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/16/2008 2:41:11 AM)

MistressOfGa:
Not so long ago while attending a funeral I chuckles to myself, you got exactly what you deserved you arrogant moron. Less than three months earlier, a secretary in his office told him about the emotional instability of his partner, about his outbursts and claims he was going to kill him. His comment to me was, what the hell does she know she’s so low in the secretary pool she hasn’t a clue about what’s going on around here. Because he owned the company he thought knew everything, but what he actually knew was how to make a 33 year-old woman a widow with two young children. The arrogant bastard.



amaidiamond -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/16/2008 3:07:45 AM)

Hmm - For me I think it depends on the situation, And that be if I am the sub or the Domme in that particular relationship, having been with a very jealous Dom who turned out to only be ok on the outside and ended up banning all of my friends and totally isiolating me I have a natural wariness about "I am the Dom and you cannot speak to them because I say so" that doesn't mean i disobay it does mean I do watch out for it and luckily to date the Dom's that i have had have told me that if they ever wish me to drop a friend they will tell me why rather than just because i said so which is good for me. (I know this opens a whole new kettle of worms re subs, limits etc but ho hum)

From a Domme point of view, I would never just dismiss someones oppinion out of hand be they sub, Dom or friend because there is usually a reason for that kind of behaviour and maybe I don't know the whole picture. I would listen to what they had to say, reasons etc then make my decision based on that and my own feelings. It would also depend on that subs tendencies shown previously in all honesty - If it was sheer jealousy and it tended to happen with a lot of my friends over and over again then i would struggle to take it as seriously as suchs as if with a sub that didn't display that kind of behaviour, kind of in line with the boy that cried wolf. Overall however on both sides of the coin i would listen, take on board and then act.



dia



MaamJay -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/16/2008 8:22:03 AM)

I wouldn't dismiss the sub or the notion without exploring it first. While I think I generally have good people judgement, I do know I am not infallible (the second ex hubby proves that LOL!). So I would hear the sub out and see if there is any substance to their request. Ultimately however, it would be My decision.

When Master and i were fairly new together, He began a loose association with a young new fem sub, mostly trying to educate her a bit about bdsm so she could handle herself safely, knew how to negotiate with Doms etc. i wasn't jealous of her or the time He spent talking to her (which wasn't particularly extensive) ... but she gave off some bad vibes and red flags that did worry me. Amongst other things, she refused to talk to me online or in person, would only see Him alone etc and when He told me what they had discussed, i began to worry that it would be His word against hers should she decide to allege something. i did take those concerns to Him, and while He was initially a bit cross as He thought it was just jealousy, He heard me out and began to take more notice of some of the warning signs. It didn't take long before He decided for Himself that she was pretty flaky, unstable psychologically (and doing some very foolish things despite His good advice) and not a good risk and He distanced Himself. So glad He did, she ended up accusing some other Dominants of abuse and while some may have been true, some undoubtedly wasn't! Created a whole lot of shit in the scene and shit tends to stick. So that was a case in point where the Dominant was very glad He listened to His sub, though i would never have gone to the "it's her or me" ultimatum as that's just forcing a loss!

Maam Jay aka violet[A]



CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/16/2008 11:55:22 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

Hey, K!  Love the new pic! 

When are you coming back to Nashvegas?

I am not sure. Geoff says if he has to hear "Rocky Top" one more time, he will kill himself lol (Not that we heard it all the time, just once at the Opry, but it was one time too much!) <s>


Oooo. I -love- Rocky Top... It brings back these awesome memories of the Firemen's Field Days where I grew up in rural upstate NY.





CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/16/2008 11:56:44 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I haven't heard it once as long as I've lived here.  And I would know because my ears would bleed.

Tell him NIN will be here for Halloween?



Woo hooo... now THAT's a way to spend Halloween (if -only- security would let me tie Trent up and pierce him... it would be frosting on the cake, so to speak)




allthatjaz -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/16/2008 1:57:58 PM)

I think there is a huge difference between jealousy and someone who is causing you annoyance or grief.

An example of this is when an ex good friend was staying with me whilst I was pregnant. I came into labour early, which seemed to initially annoy her but then once I was safely tucked away in hospital she saw this as an opportunity to come on to my husband (of the time). The end result was him telling me and asking me to make a decision on weather I thought that friendship could continue.

If I was with my dominant in a club and a sub came onto him. Actually this happened only last Saturday. I use my jealousy in the best way I possibly can (sexually) I suggest he takes her to the toilets and gives her a good f-c-i-g ( taking precautions of course) and I smile to myself because I know who he's taking home at the end of the night.

If I was enraged with jealousy then I would have to have a serious word with myself because I believe that unreasonable jealousy means only a few things;

One is too much in love

One can no longer trust (and perhaps with good reason)

and the relationship is possibly very near to being over.



youngsubgeoff -> RE: Jealous Subs (10/16/2008 3:06:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CallaFirestormBW

quote:

ORIGINAL: yourMissTress

I haven't heard it once as long as I've lived here.  And I would know because my ears would bleed.

Tell him NIN will be here for Halloween?



Woo hooo... now THAT's a way to spend Halloween (if -only- security would let me tie Trent up and pierce him... it would be frosting on the cake, so to speak)



Calla, Ive met trent. He's sub. Your good to go!



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