The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time

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The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time - 10/11/2008 6:43:28 AM

lovingpet

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Those who have followed my posts over the past couple of months are likely aware of the new person in my life that has had me in a dopey grinned, wistful sigh kind of mood. I chronicled the start of this new journey a few months ago. I have talked of small and not so small ways that I have been drawn closer because of simple, but meaningful things that have happened even as we have been apart.

Now it is time for the second time.  We will go to be with each other tomorrow afternoon. It will be much more private and intimate than last time. I have dropped some of my original precautions and cast aside a great deal of fear. In so many ways, this time will be nothing like the first time.

Yet, even as I know this I get a sense and wash of emotional stirring that feels all too oddly familiar. It is not necessarily a bad feeling, just a nervousness that makes being still intolerable. It makes all the possibilities ahead seem overwhelming. I want to go and I am anxious to be face to face again. The wait is interminal.

It is as though hopes, fears, and vulnerability are born afresh.  The subject matters may be different, but the exuberant terror is all the same. I don't worry over things like will one of us show up, will we connect in person, am I actually able to do this for real. The stakes are so much higher. Now we see a bit deeper and begin to reveal the more secret and hidden places, places that shake a person to the core if they are rejected or reviled.

I don't know if there is a point to this post or what my questions are. I doubt it even makes sense since I still choose to keep the lion's share of our relationship dynamics private. This is more a musing than seeking advice or looking for some sort of validation. Feel free to respond as it seems appropriate, but please do be kind.

lovingpet

edited because proofreading is a skill I possess, but often forget to employ

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 10/11/2008 6:47:14 AM >

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RE: The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time - 10/11/2008 6:53:19 AM

knockonmyduir

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i'm giddy for you lovingpet......hope you enjoy yourself to the fullest.....

i'll be watching for your next post

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knockonmyduir

Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
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RE: The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time - 10/11/2008 7:01:02 AM

DarkSteven

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Good luck! And if you need a Dom's permission to have fun, I grant it.

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"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

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RE: The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time - 10/11/2008 8:15:45 AM

DesFIP

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The waiting until the next meet is always the worst, isn't it? Have fun.

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RE: The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time - 10/11/2008 3:38:32 PM

lovingpet

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Oh, I will enjoy if the wait doesn't kill me! And it is always good to have the go ahead from the great domly ones!

lovingpet

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RE: The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time - 10/11/2008 5:57:00 PM

Sandyshores29718

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:-) Hope you have as much fun..maybe MORE than you did last time.

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RE: The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time - 10/11/2008 6:06:46 PM

KatyLied

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The second time. It's the point where you feel as though you are fully stepping into the dynamic, if there is going to be one. Sometimes you have to take that step and trust that it will good and that both of you will find the way.

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RE: The Second Time: Feels Like the Very First Time - 10/11/2008 6:39:01 PM

lovingpet

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

The second time. It's the point where you feel as though you are fully stepping into the dynamic, if there is going to be one. Sometimes you have to take that step and trust that it will good and that both of you will find the way.

I think that is more or less exactly it. I know that, in mutually wanting to continue, we have now entered something more. The expectations are higher for both of us and there will be added demensions, some of which may (or more accurately will) be difficult. I always find that when I am about to get what I want is the exact moment I am ready run frantically in the other direction.

What is more is that even this soon on, part of our time together will be more about what I need than what I claim I want. Accepting my own need is a task I struggle with every single day. I like to think everything in life is such a choice and that I make them based solely on my intellectual ascent. This flies in the face of my very measured and self-determined views of life. The truth is a startling thing sometimes.

Sandyshores, I know I will have a most wonderful time! I am excited above all the rest of the internal noise.

lovingpet

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