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Am I that unusual? - 12/7/2005 9:51:11 PM

servingwench80

Posts: 206
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline

I'm pretty new to the whole lifestyle as far as real life. I've been observing the internet for a couple years or so and only got more interested as time went on. So I'm finally making the move to observing real life.
And that wasn't meant to be a self-plug (no pun intended), but oh well.
So I was talking to a couple of new friends the other day and they had mentioned that they had some traumatic issues in their past. Not that unusual really. But then I mentioned that I have no baggage, no tragic history, nothing horrible that has ever happend to me. And they were simply shocked that I could be interested in BDSM and not have had something bad happen to me that drove me to it. Is it really so unusual to have someone who grew up in a loving home, had a happy childhood, and never had any serious mental or emotional trauma, be interested in BDSM? I've noticed the trend that a lot of people who are interested in the lifestyle HAVE had something happen to them. But is it really THAT unusual not to?

Post #: 1

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/7/2005 10:02:32 PM

veronicaofML

Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline

"I" would say no.

Mistress came from a good home.

_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 2

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/7/2005 10:07:06 PM

AkaMystery

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is it really so unusual to have someone who grew up in a loving home, had a happy childhood, and never had any serious mental or emotional trauma, be interested in BDSM?

Apparently so, like you I grew up the same exact way without any serious issues. The only thing that "drove me" to SM was the sheer desire for it and the understanding of what made me tic after all those years.

Honestly and not meant to be cruel here to any readers but you're one of the very few I've read (vs the one or two I know personally) that does not have any baggage etc...
Good for you!

"not have had something bad happen to me that drove me to it"
One thing I'll add is that SM isn't therapy and I've had my share of chats with others that tend to think it is. IMO only, past bad experiences are not valid reasons to be doing SM. That may offend others and it's not meant to, it's just my prespective on therapy and SM

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 3

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/7/2005 10:18:31 PM

BalletBob

Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline

I never had anything tragic happen to me either, and still LOVE B&D ! I don't see what connection there would be between the tow things.

Loving to be Tied and Gagged, BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 4

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/7/2005 10:42:53 PM

bladerunner5

Posts: 30
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: servingwench80

I'm pretty new to the whole lifestyle as far as real life. I've been observing the internet for a couple years or so and only got more interested as time went on. So I'm finally making the move to observing real life.
And that wasn't meant to be a self-plug (no pun intended), but oh well.
So I was talking to a couple of new friends the other day and they had mentioned that they had some traumatic issues in their past. Not that unusual really. But then I mentioned that I have no baggage, no tragic history, nothing horrible that has ever happend to me. And they were simply shocked that I could be interested in BDSM and not have had something bad happen to me that drove me to it. Is it really so unusual to have someone who grew up in a loving home, had a happy childhood, and never had any serious mental or emotional trauma, be interested in BDSM? I've noticed the trend that a lot of people who are interested in the lifestyle HAVE had something happen to them. But is it really THAT unusual not to?

There's really nothing I'd point to in my past as being "significant" either. But then I was in the middle of living my life. I don't have much to compare it with, except after the fact.

If you look hard enough, you'll always find something "traumatic" in someone's life. Everyone has different temperaments. What you see as no big deal, I found highly traumatic. What she will remember forever, he let roll off his back like water on a duck. I'm not trivializing the horrible things some folks have experienced - there is a set of experiences many of us agree on as "traumatic" or "abusive". But your folks divorcing, for instance, may or may not have a profound effect on you. It depends on so much that comparing your experience with your folks' divorce to someone else and their folks' divorce is still comparing apples to... well, at least asian pears. That's what makes a conversation like this difficult to have.

And then there's who you consider to be "into" BDSM. Who counts? Who doesn't? Fucks your stats all up. Messes up the conversation even further.

And *then* to make the stats useful, you have to compare them to the percentage of *non*-kinky people with or without "trauma" in their background. For instance - and I'm pulling these numbers out of my ass - say 50% of all kinky people have had clearly traumatic histories. But then you notice that 60% of vanilla people have had traumatic histories. Does the percentage of kinky traumatized folks mean as much now that the vanilla number is actually higher? Can you actually lump all vanilla people together to compare with kinky people? What about the stand-and-model crowd? What about swingers and fetishists? What about martial artists and boxers and football players and soldiers, who beat the crap out of people and get the crap beaten out of them on a regular basis?

You can make statistics say anything you want them to.

Bladerunner

"Say it with flowers: hit her over the head with a bouquet."

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 5

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/7/2005 10:49:00 PM

journeyslave

Posts: 7
Joined: 11/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is it really so unusual to have someone who grew up in a loving home, had a happy childhood, and never had any serious mental or emotional trauma, be interested in BDSM?

I don't find it unusual. I too grew up in a very happy home, no mental or emotional trauma here....as did a large number of people that i know who are interested in BDSM.

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 6

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/7/2005 11:56:01 PM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

I grew up in a ridiculously happy, white bread suburban home, had lovely friends, two married loving parents, and several wonderful siblings. I was in the vast "middle" during school, of people who were neither popular nor singled out for ridicule, I was an academic high performer while also being the class clown. I was never abused in any way, never abused anyone else, and got silly awards like "youth of the year" from local civic organizations.

I suspect all appearance of correlation between abuse/trauma and BDSM have to do with the reluctance of most "normal" people to publicly state they are involved in BDSM.

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 7

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 12:21:45 AM

AbstractSavant

Posts: 149
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline

It frustrates me, because this reminds me of listening to Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla. Anytime a girl calls in saying she is a submissive into BDSM, they automatically assume she was abused/molested/raped as a child.

I always listen to them say this in utter disbelief.

(in reply to obis)

Post #: 8

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 12:32:10 AM

Phoenxx

Posts: 253
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Swift Current
Status: offline

LOL OK I'm one of the seemingly few that had a rotten childhood. Does it have anything to do with BDSM? Not in my opinion.
Stats (yes that evil word

) say one in four people have some mental problem. So sure you’re going to find people with trauma in their lives.
Also define normal and trauma. What is trauma to one person is hardly a bump to another. A bad break up or a divorce can be very traumatic to some people as can losing a close relative. Do they count?
Life happens. You deal with it or it runs you down.
Tony

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 9

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 1:02:29 AM

obis

Posts: 412
Joined: 9/9/2005
From: Austin, TX, USA
Status: offline

quote:

It frustrates me, because this reminds me of listening to Loveline with Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla. Anytime a girl calls in saying she is a submissive into BDSM, they automatically assume she was abused/molested/raped as a child.

Well, in defense of them I will say that when you get to the point of calling a radio psychiatrist for help, you're already out of the statistical norm, so I'm sure all the ones they hear from do have trauma. Much like strippers/prostitutes/doctors, those that have problems probably shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place.

(in reply to AbstractSavant)

Post #: 10

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 1:39:49 AM

luvdragonx

Posts: 388
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Consider yourself fortunate

Sometimes I figure people use past events as an 'excuse' to like or be drawn to BDSM. Other people, probably like yourself, are honest about why they get into this lifestyle. A difference without a distinction? Likely.

_____________________________

Never Without Love

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 11

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 2:02:34 AM

darkslife

Posts: 43
Joined: 3/21/2004
Status: offline

I grew up having to fight for everything. Nothing was ever free.

Who knows exactly how I got addicted to this?

(in reply to luvdragonx)

Post #: 12

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 3:36:57 AM

fyreredsub

Posts: 3403
Joined: 10/7/2005
Status: offline

some have, some haven't...i think what you'll find is people who just want to be themselves,most are highly intelligent and think out side the box....welcome to wiitwd

edited 4 pre-java typos,,,,

< Message edited by fyreredsub -- 12/8/2005 3:39:06 AM >

_____________________________

"Accordingly, men must then either fulfill their nature, or deny it, and in denying their nature, deny us ours, for ours is the complement to theirs. " Renegades

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 13

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 4:49:39 AM

SweetSarijane

Posts: 3788
Joined: 10/7/2005
From: KC area Missouri
Status: offline

Speaking as one who has gone through abuse as a child and as an adult, I don't believe that pushed or drove me to get into this. I do think that events throughout a person's life shape them to be who and what they are, and I think at least to a degree that people are born to be who and what they are, but I don't think events necessarily push or drive someone to be into bdsm. It's a choice and part of who/what they are IMO.

_____________________________

Sarah2
Deviant Mind
Wild Side Readers KCSass

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 14

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 4:58:09 AM

IrishMist

Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

Is it really so unusual to have someone who grew up in a loving home, had a happy childhood, and never had any serious mental or emotional trauma, be interested in BDSM? I've noticed the trend that a lot of people who are interested in the lifestyle HAVE had something happen to them. But is it really THAT unusual not to?

Absolutly not. I came from a very loving family; I can remember only one incident in which my father ever raised his hand to my back side :) In addition to that, I have not suffered any trauma, emotional, metal, or physical in the past. So, no, it's not unusal at all.

You are not alone in your thinking though. I went through alot of my life trying to discover 'what could possibly be wrong with me' that I would enjoy such things as this. I wasted alot of years trying to figure that out. Someone finally made me realize that I was just 'wired' this way, and that I should embrace it, instead of trying to fight it. Now, I embrace who, what, and all that I am.

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 15

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 5:07:15 AM

AlderTheKitty

Posts: 174
Joined: 10/3/2005
From: Oshawa
Status: offline

i'm drawn to it cause i love the feeling when a domme loves me and holds me safe in her arms did i have an asuive chi;d hood not i just like to beable to forget about the sterio type that men have to be tough

_____________________________

i am a strong person and will not be pushed around which makes my submission a special gift that few are going to receave

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Post #: 16

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 5:21:41 AM

candystripper

Posts: 3486
Joined: 11/1/2005
Status: offline

i had an unusual childhood; but i think al the events in my life conspired to keep me from discovering and being at peace with my submissive nature. i did not even know D/s existed until i was 50. So out of ignorance and necessity, i could not relax and ne myself until i was older.

i think it's great some people had happy childhoods and it sucks that some did not; but it has little bearing on our orientation. That, i think, is innate.

candystripper

< Message edited by candystripper -- 12/8/2005 5:23:47 AM >

(in reply to AlderTheKitty)

Post #: 17

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 5:50:54 AM

KCMOLucky

Posts: 121
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Kansas City, Missouri
Status: offline

When did having a rough childhood become baggage? Some of us, or maybe it's just me, and I'M the unusual one, let go of the past pretty easily, and move on really well. I gew up in a severely abusive home, but I left when I was 15, put myself thru high school with help from some very good friends and peers, got married at 18 to the love of my life, have a very happy marriage, went thru college, decided that I'd rather do what I want and love to do than take a job I hated, so I began my own business. I'm 'only' 21.

Frankly, I find it more than a little insulting when someone who, by their own account, has no clue what it's like to have a 'hard time'. I mean, kudos to you, but don't look down on me, or make me any less. I worked harder to get to 'happy and healthy' than you did, if you'd like to be candid.

People react to abuse different. Some can't face their demons and commit suicide. Some do turn to S&M and feel they need that grasp, or lack, of control. But please keep in mind that not all of us are scarred by abuse. Not every single one of us throw it up in conversation and use it as a bargaining chip, excuse, or pity party. Some of us come thru it stronger, more tolerant, and more compassionate.

Just food for thought.

(in reply to candystripper)

Post #: 18

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 5:55:44 AM

GIGGLEBOB

Posts: 20
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline

Believe me I have never had anything seriously bad happen to me in my childhood. I concidered my childhood to have been on the whole really good and sweet like Little House On The priery sweet. lol. But I have been interested in BDSM since I was a kid. Before I even knew what it was. People say I'm weird or desturbs for liking it. But my true friends have all admitted a little curiousness of it. I love it. I'm just starting to get to experiment on a partner. I'm just trying to make new friends I can try it on

That wasnt a plug

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 19

RE: Am I that unusual? - 12/8/2005 5:55:56 AM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

i can only speak for myself, but i had a very happy upbringing, 2 loving parents and no major problems that i can remember. So i would say your not unusual at all :O)

(in reply to servingwench80)

Post #: 20

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